Drabble – Jealous – And so it continued. II

The night had been endless. Alexander's mind was plagued with the conversation he had had with Hephaestion and the words he had heard.

He doesn't think I need him anymore. Alexander could not wrap his head around those words. Doesn't he know this army can't go on without him? By the gods, it would take several people to do the jobs he does by himself alone now. How can he seriously think that I don't need him?

Alexander sat in bed rubbing his forehead when a thought crossed his mind. Hephaestion hadn't said that I didn't need him anymore; he had said that I didn't want him anymore. Only now did those words begin to sink into his tired and weary brain.

Alexander's mind went back over the conversation they had had the previous night.

Phrases like 'replaced me with others', 'began to let others in your heart', sought others for your needs' banged around in his head.

And then the words Hephaestion had spoken finally came to a crushing halt in Alexander mind and in his heart.

"He doesn't think I want him anymore." Alexander said aloud. "He knows I love him and need him but I have pushed him away from me."

Suddenly all the pain he had seen in Hephaestion's face over the past few years, silent pain, came flooding over him. How many times had he smiled at Hephaestion as he left the room with someone else? When did he quit seeing the pain behind the beautiful blues eyes he loved so much when he touched another body? When did he quit feeling guilty when he thought of Hephaestion alone in his own bed while Alexander had another body in bed with him?

Alexander sank to the bed as all the things that had happened, things he had let happen, came flooding into his mind. His heart was beating loudly in his chest and his throat was tight. Wave after wave of guilt and remorse filled him and he involuntarily sobbed.

Bagaos heard the sob and came to his King. Alexander pushed him away without even looking at him.

Several emotions confronted him at the same time; guilt, pain, remorse but mostly fear. All the things that Hephaestion had been dealing with over the years came crashing in on Alexander in a few short minutes. He knew now how it felt to see the one you pledged your love to for eternity turn to someone else for the things you wanted and needed. He felt the pain of jealousy and betrayal. He finally knew the hell Hephaestion was living.

And the fear of losing Hephaestion because of his selfish blindness threatened to consume him. He sat up quickly and tried to calm himself. He had to get control of this or he was never going to be able to set things right again.

He jumped out of the bed and threw on a robe intending to go to Hephaestion straight away but something stopped him dead in his tracks.

If he went to him now in the middle of the night and begged his forgiveness, would Hephaestion believe him? Or would he just accept what Alexander said and wait for it to happen again.

Alexander sat on the couch at the end of his bed and sighed. As much as he wanted to wrap Hephaestion in his arms and beg his forgiveness, smother his with kisses and make love to him, Alexander finally realized that it wouldn't solve the problem.

And so he spent the rest of the night working out a solution, not just a temporary one, one that would last a lifetime and into eternity.

Hephaestion finally got out of bed after a not so successful night's sleep. He had tossed and turned for hours but stayed in bed hopping he would finally get a little sleep. It hadn't worked and he rose, threw on a robe and sat behind his desk. He looked out the window and watched the sun begin to rise. Looking back to his desk, he saw the stacks of scrolls and maps that needed work. Thinking he could bury himself in his work, he picked up his quill and ink and began.

He had been working for about an hour when he heard a soft knock at his door. He told them to enter without looking up from the supply report he was working on. The sound of footsteps and a tray being placed on a top near his desk made him look up.

Alexander stood behind the table holding the tray. It was filled with fresh fruits, sweet breads and juices. The aromas filled the room and smelled delicious.

"Joy to you, Hephaestion."

Hephaestion couldn't help but smile a weak smile at Alexander whose face was grinning from ear to ear.

"Did you sleep well?"

"Not really." Answered Hephaestion honestly.

"Me neither."

"I'm sorry, are you ill?"

"No, Hephaestion, I'm not, the problem for my sleeplessness was my fault alone but I am working on changing that."

Hephaestion's handsome face looked confused but he said no more.

"What are your plans for today?"

Hephaestion looked from Alexander to the piles in front of him and back again.

"I was wondering if you would like to spend some time with me today instead? I know for sure that you won't get into trouble if all of that is not taken care of today."

"Do you?"

"Aye, the King is a royal pain in the arse but I can explain things to him so you won't get into trouble."

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why are you doing this Alexander?"

Alexander came around the table and sat in the chair in front of Hephaestion's' desk.

"I have just spent the worst night of my life and I never want to have another like that again. I finally see what you have been going through, Hephaestion. What a fool I have been. I also know that this can't be fixed in an hour, a day or even a week. I…we need to work this out a step at a time, little by little. I know I can't give you back all that wasted precious time I wasn't there for you like I should have, but I can promise you that I will not let it continue to be so.

I keep telling you that the army, my army, cannot survive without you. I tell you that I love you with words but my actions clearly convey something entirely different. That is going to change. Don't get me wrong, the army does still need you very much, and my love for you has never wavered. But you need to realize, I need to show you that I still want you more than you will ever know and I intend to show you that everyday for the rest of our lives."

Hephaestion had sat motionless listening to Alexander's words. He had watched his hands when he spoke softly, heard the sound of his voice, but especially looked into his eyes. They had held a truth in them that Hephaestion hadn't seen for a long time, one he hadn't seen since their carefree days of youth so many years ago.

Alexander rose from his chair, extended his arm across the table and smiled, "Hephaestion, my name is Alexander and I would like to know if you would like to be my friend. I'm a pain in the arse sometimes, I have a temper and I need someone to keep me in line and be completely honest with me. I can offer you my mind, heart, body and soul and know that I would die for you. Would you be my friend?"

Tears pooled in the corners of Hephaestion's eyes as he stood and took the hand extended in front to him. "I would be honored to call you my friend, my Alexander."

And so it started, they stood for a long time just looking at each other, tears rolling down both their cheeks. And then they smiled, innocent smiles of so long ago exchanged once again.

They took it slow, moved closer with time until they came to a new place they both wanted to be.

And eventually they sealed it all with the promises of love, the exchanging of gifts and the giving of their souls to one another yet again.

There were others in their lives, each of them, but neither of them ever found a friendship that came close to what they worked so hard to give each other.

Till the end…

There you have it, what do you think? All reviews are welcome even the bad ones.