Inspired by Abbott and Costello
2
Logar and Natalie climbed over a rock and found themselved at the top of a snowy mountain. Natalie kept the egg in her arms as they were amazed by what they saw: a large fifty foot tall arch pulsating with multicolored energy. Electricity surged and exploded from the arch. Natalie stepped back and leaned closer to her mate for protection. "Logar, what is that thing?"
"I'm not sure," stated the ice dragon. "Stay here. I'm going to investigate." He began walking, but Natalie grabbed his tail.
"No, Logar! It could be dangerous!"
"It's okay. Despite its appearence, this object doesn't seem threatening. It looks like... a haven. I'll be alright." Natalie reluctantly let go of his tail.
"Be careful."
"I will." Logar slowly walked closer to the arch. "This is strange. It seems to be a large gate way..." He put his paw on the side of the arch, the metal was hot to the touch. "This is truly amazing." He put his paw in the strange light, a big mistake. He felt his arm being sucked into the archway. "What is this?! I'm stuck!" Logar desperately tried to pull away but couldn't. "Help!" He was magically pulled in.
"Logar! I'm coming!" Natalie ran and jumped into the portal to places unknown...
Logar and Natalie came out of a similar arch to the one they went in. They fell on their stomachs and Natalie held onto the egg. "Are you okay?" Natalie asked weakly.
"I think so." They stood to their feet and looked around. "Where are we?"
"This place is strange." The world had bizzare colors. The sky was red, four suns were burning in the distance. "I think we're in another world."
"How right you are!" They turned and saw the rainbow colored dragoness. She flew over to them with a pik dragon and a grey dragon by her side. "This is my Chaotic Realm of Madness! I am Celia, the Chaotic Queen of Madness! Welcome!"
"Queen?" Logar uttered. "Umm... How did we get here?"
"The portal to my realm from your world has been opened. However, the portal is one way only and you can't return."
"What?!" said Natalie.
"Silence! I know a way back, but the portal is not an option!"
"Please, we just want to go back, we don't mean to cause trouble!" said Logar.
"Hmmm. I see. Very well. I will show you the way back, but first, you must perform a task for me!"
"We'll do anything!" said Logar.
Celia snapped her fingers. Logar and Natalie found themselves on a stage in a dimly lit auditorium. Celia sat on the balcony while hundreds of citizens were on the bottom. "Make me laugh!"
The two lovers looked at eachother and grinned. They had a career as comedians and knew what to do. Natalie went behind a curtain to put the egg down safely while they performed. She returned to the stage and started the show. "Logar, I got a deal to play baseball with the Warfang Free Shots! Can you believe I get to be part of the team?"
"Well Natalie, I'm going to Warfang with you. You know Bucky Harris, the Free Shots' manager, gave me a job as coach for as long as you're on the team."
"Look Logar, if you're the coach, you must know all the players."
"I certainly do."
"Well you know I've never met the guys. So you'll have to tell me their names, and then I'll know who's playing on the team."
"Oh, I'll tell you their names, but you know it seems to me they give these ball players now-a-days very peculiar names."
"You mean funny names?"
"Strange names, pet names...like Dizzy Dean..."
"His brother Daffy."
"Daffy Dean..."
"And their French cousin."
"French?"
"Goofè."
"Goofè Dean. Well, let's see, we have on the bags, Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know is on third..."
"That's what I want to find out."
"I say Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know's on third."
Natalie got annoyed. "Are you the manager?"
"Yes."
"You gonna be the coach too?"
"Yes."
"And you don't know the fellows' names?"
"Well I should."
"Well then who's on first?"
"Yes."
"I mean the fellow's name."
"Who."
"The guy on first."
"Who."
"The first baseman."
"Who."
"The guy playing...'
'Who is on first!" Lorgar said angrilly.
"I'm asking YOU who's on first!" Natalie said, equally as angry.
"That's the man's name."
"That's who's name?"
"Yes."
"Well go ahead and tell me."
"That's it."
"That's who?"
"Yes."
The audiance laughed and Celia chuckled.
Natalie took a deep breath. "Look, you gotta first baseman?"
"Certainly."
"Who's playing first?"
"That's right."
Natalie rolled her eyes. "When you pay off the first baseman every month, who gets the money?"
"Every dollar of it."
"All I'm trying to find out is the fellow's name on first base."
"Who."
"The guy that gets...'
"That's it.'
"Who gets the money..."
"He does, every dollar. Sometimes his wife comes down and collects it."
"Whose wife?"
"Yes."
There was more laughter. Natalie muttered in frustration.
"What's wrong with that?" asked Logar
"Look, all I wanna know is when you sign up the first baseman, how does he sign his name?"
"Who."
"The guy."
"Who."
"How does he sign..."
"That's how he signs it."
"Who?"
"Yes."
"When he signs his name, what's his name on the paper?"
"No, What signs his own!"
"Then who signs his his?!"
"Of course!"
Natalie sighed. "All I'm trying to find out is what's the guy's name on first base."
"No. What is on second base."
"I'm not asking you who's on second."
"Who's on first.'
"One base at a time!'
"Well, don't change the players around."
"I'm not changing nobody!'
"Take it easy, dear."
"I'm only asking you, who's the guy on first base?"
"That's right."
"Ok."
"All right."
"Damn it!"
The audiance was roaring with laughter.
"What's the guy's name on first base?" asked Natalie trying to calm down.
"No. What is on second."
"I'm not asking you who's on second.'
"Who's on first."
"I don't know.'
"He's on third, we're not talking about him!"
"What?! How did... Now how did I get on third base?"
"Why you mentioned his name."
"If I mentioned the third baseman's name, who did I say is playing third?"
"No. Who's playing first."
"What's on first?"
"What's on second."
"I don't know."
"He's on third."
"There I go, back on third again! Would you just stay on third base and don't go off it?"
"All right, what do you want to know?"
"Now who's playing third base?"
"Why do you insist on putting Who on third base?"
"What am I putting on third?"
"No. What is on second!"
"You don't want who on second?!"
"Who is on first."
"I don't know."
"Third base!" they said together.
More laughter came.
"Look, you gotta outfield?" Natalie asked.
"Sure."
"The left fielder's name?"
"Why."
"I just thought I'd ask you."
"Well, I just thought I'd tell ya!"
"Then tell me who's playing left field."
"Who's playing first."
"I'm not... stay out of the infield! I want to know what's the guy's name in left field?"
"No, What is on second."
"I'm not asking you who's on second!"
"Who's on first!"
"I don't know."
"Third base!" they both said again.
Natalie began venting to stay calm. "The left fielder's name?"
"Why."
"Because!" she exploded.
"Oh, he's centerfield."
Glomp fell to his stomach from laughing and Celia was enjoying the performance.
"Look, You gotta pitcher on this team?" Natalie asked.
"Sure."
"The pitcher's name?"
"Tomorrow."
"You don't want to tell me today?"
"I'm telling you now."
"Then go ahead."
"Tomorrow!"
"What time?"
"What time what?"
'What time tomorrow are you gonna tell me who's pitching?'
"Now listen. Who is not pitching. Who is-"
"I'll break your arm, you say who's on first! I want to know what's the pitcher's name?"
"What's on second."
"I don't know!"
"Third base!" they said together.
Natalie tried a different approach. "Gotta a catcher?"
"Certainly."
"The catcher's name?"
"Today."
"Today... and tomorrow's pitching."
"Now you've got it," Logar said happilly.
"All we got is a couple of days on the team."
"Well I can't change their names?"
"Change whose name?"
"Who's on first!"
People were collapsing from laughter.
"You know I'm a catcher too," said Natalie who had settled down.
"So they tell me."
"I get behind the plate to do some fancy catching, Tomorrow's pitching on my team and a heavy hitter gets up. Now the heavy hitter bunts the ball. When he bunts the ball, me, being a good catcher, I'm gonna throw the guy out at first base. So I pick up the ball and throw it to who?"
"Now that's the first thing you've said right."
"I don't even know what I'm talking about!"
"That's all you have to do."
"Is to throw the ball to first base?"
"Yes!"
"Now who's got it?"
"Naturally."
Natalie began getting annoyed again. "Look, if I throw the ball to first base, somebody's gotta get it. Now who has it?"
"Naturally."
"Who?"
"Naturally."
"Naturally?"
"Naturally."
"So I pick up the ball and I throw it to Naturally?"
"No you don't, you throw the ball to Who."
"Naturally."
"That's different."
"That's what I said."
"You're not saying it..."
'I throw the ball to Naturally."
"You throw it to Who."
"Naturally."
"That's it."
"That's what I said!'
"You ask me," said Logar.
"I throw the ball to who?"
"Naturally."
"Now you ask me," said Natalie.
"You throw the ball to Who."
"Naturally!"
"That's it!"
"Same as you! Same as YOU! I throw the ball to first. Whoever it is drops the ball and the guy runs to second. Whoever's on first base picks up the ball and throws it to What. What throws it to I Don't Know. I Don't Know throws it back to Tomorrow, Triple play."
"I guess."
"Another guy gets up and hits a long fly ball to Because. Why? I don't know! He's on third and I don't give a damn!"
"What?'
"I said I don't give a damn!"
"Oh, that's our shortstop."
They bowed and the audience cheered. Celia was laughing uncontrollably. "Hahaha! Bravo!" She flew down to the stage laughing. "That was great!"
"And I believe you promised to take us home," said Natalie as she grabbed her egg.
"Yeah... About that... I lied!"
"What?!" Logar and Natalie both said.
"You did't know? Today is the day of lies! Every one lies for the whole day! There's no way home!"
Both of them stood there with jaws down in disbelief. "But... But..."
Celia managed to stop laughing. She smiled as she said, "Don't worry. You do get a reward for making me laugh. You get the finest house in the city of Delirium! And that's not a lie, I promise." She reached inot her cloak and pulled out a key. She handed it to Logar. "Here you go. The house is on the corner of Butterfly Effect, and Random."
Logar and Natalie looked at eachother. "Well... it's better than nothing," said Logar.
"Let's go. I'm tired and I ned to think," Natalie said. Neither of them noticed that their egg was slightly glowing green...
2
For those of you confused about the players,
First base: Who
Second base: What
Third base: I don't know
Pitcher: Tomorrow
Catcher: Today
Shortstop: I don't give a damn
Left field: Why
Center Field: Because
For the original performance, there is a link on my profile.