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A/N Thanks to my friend and beta SparklingWand for putting up with me on this chapter! Thanks to Jackie (TwiMoments) for always making my writing legible lol Love you girls!

Thanks to all my readers for being patient with this chapter, unfortunately I had a lot of other projects to get through before I could tackle this chapter. Plus RL doesn't help much either! Anyways I hope it was worth the wait for you guys, and all reviewers will get a teaser for chapter 14 so leave some love or hate lol just leave something pretty please :)

~x~

"The Reason"

I've found a reason for me,

to change who I used to be.

A reason to start over new,

and the reason is you.

I'm sorry that I hurt you,

it's something I must live with everyday.

And all the pain I put you through,

I wish that I could take it all away.

And be the one who catches all your tears,

that's why I need you to hear.

I've found a reason for me,

to change who I used to be.

A reason to start over new,

and the reason is Youand the reason is You.

~Hoobastank~

~x~

Chapter 13 (The Reason)

~Edward~

The resolve I had been feeling earlier at the party started to fade the instant we pulled into the driveway of that old cabin. Not even the smile that was now spread across Bella's face at the realization of where I'd brought her could suppress the pussy in me that was now threatening to escape again.

I looked away from her and out the window, silently cursing myself for allowing this fear to take over me once again, when I felt her tiny hand brush the side of my cheek. "Edward, please tell me what you're thinking. Don't shut me out, not now."

I turned back towards her and looked her in the eye. It was time for complete honesty, "I was thinking how lucky I am to have this second chance with you and what a fucking pussy I am…. because all I want to do is run away before you have a chance to do the same to me."

She slowly removed her hand from my face. Her expression instantly changed from one of happiness to what looked like anger. "Why is it so difficult for you to understand how much you mean to me? When will you realize that I love everything about you, E? The good and the bad, and if I didn't, do you really think I'd be here with you now?"

I sighed and reached over to open the car door, "Bella, don't you think I want to believe that you fucking love me enough to get past what I've done? You just don't understand. You're living under the delusion that cheating on you with Jessica is the worst of what I've done. When sadly, it's just a small part of the pain I've caused in the lives of the people I fucking love the most," I said, stepping out of the car.

By the time I got around to her side of the car, she was already out and coming towards me. She grabbed my hand and brought it up, placing it on her chest right over her heart. "Do you feel that, E? That's my heart, and it's time you realized that it beats only for you. Since the very first moment I laid eyes on you, I've loved you. I knew then that you carried the weight of the world on your shoulders; that something terrible had happened to you. I hoped against hope that eventually you would love and trust me enough to share your pain with me, so you didn't have to endure it alone. That night I found you with Jessica broke my heart for many reasons. Because I realized no matter how hard I tried, I'd never win against the ghosts that seemed to haunt you every day of your damn life. Sure, I saw glints of hope here and there, but the minute I would think you were finally ready to let me in, up would come these walls. Walls of defense that you'd so carefully built for yourself, shutting me out completely. That's why I ran, Edward. It's why I stayed away for so long. Then I realized in doing what I did, I gave you exactly what you wanted, exactly what you expected."

I reached up and wiped the tears from her cheek and tried to control my own tears that were now threatening to fall, "What's that, angel?" I whispered.

"By running from you that night, I proved to you that you weren't worth the effort, just like you believed all along. Because whatever has happened to you has damaged your heart so much, that you believe you're not worthy of anyone's love. It's why you married Alice, right? It was safe. You knew you could never be hurt if you married someone you could never really love, right?"

"How do you know all this, Bella?" I asked curiously.

"Because, Edward, I married Jacob for the same exact reason. I knew deep down I could never really love him. Therefore in marrying him, I would never have to risk being hurt by anyone again."

She reached up and pushed the hair from my eyes. "Edward, I'm here now, and my love is and always will be yours. I need you to see that you're more than worth the effort, and there is no one else I'd rather risk my heart with than you."

"Bella ...I," I started to say when she reached her finger up and placed it on my lips to silence me.

Without another word she reached up and wrapped her arms around my neck and pulled my lips to hers. This kiss was different than the one at the party. It was full of all the want and need that had built up between us all these years. I wrapped my arms around her, desperately trying to pull her as close to me as possible. Every fucking ounce of fear I'd felt up until now completely disappeared when I felt the heat of her body so close to mine. I picked her up, wrapping her legs around my waist, turned around, and pushed her up against the car. Pressing my hardness into her hot center, thoughts of being inside of her, of finally making her mine in every way possible consumed me. It took everything I had in me to regain control over my longing. I couldn't let this happen, not until she knew everything about my past. Not until I was sure that she wouldn't regret giving herself to me in that way.

I pulled away, sitting her down and breaking the kiss; leaving us both gasping for breath and longing for more. "Edward, please don't stop, I need you." she begged as she lowered her head and looked towards the ground.

Reaching my hand up, I placed a finger on her chin and lifted her face up until she was looking at me again. "Bella, I'm sorry. Trust me when I say I need you too."

"But ..." she whispered.

"But... before you give yourself to me like that, I need you to know me, the real fucking me. I need to know that we're free of all these demons from the past, and that you won't regret having given that part of yourself to me."

A small smile played at the corner of her lips, as she reached down and took my hand in hers and pulled me towards the cabin. "Okay, E, then I think it's time for you to introduce me to the real you," she said as she opened the door to the cabin and pulled me in.

Shutting the door behind us, I realized the last time we'd walked through this door together we were just two young, naive kids who didn't have a clue what the future held in store for them. We were sure of only one thing, that whatever it did hold, we wanted to share it together. Even after all the mistakes that had been made, the pain and time spent apart, here we were together again. I was more resolved than ever to show her how thankful I was for this second chance we'd been given. I wanted to show her in every way possible- before this night was over.

I walked over and started a fire for us in the fireplace while she sat down on the couch. "Wow, it's amazing after all this time, and it looks exactly the same," she said, looking around the cabin.

"Trust me, over the years, Esme has tried numerous times to redecorate this place, but I begged her not to each and every time. It meant too much to me exactly the way it is."

"I'm glad. I always loved it here, it just wouldn't have felt the same if she had changed it."

I walked over and took my place right next to her on the couch. "I know exactly what you mean, angel," I said, taking her hand in mine and turning towards her. "It should warm up soon now that the fire is going."

"Good, I'm freezing." she said scooting closer to me. I reached up putting my arm around her, pulling her into me until her head was resting against my chest.

We just sat there for some time in silence until she finally spoke, "Edward." She whispered, "Tell me about your mother...your real mother."

I sucked in a deep breath at the thought of her and started to speak, "I remember her being very beautiful when I was really young, long flowing red hair, emerald green eyes that just seemed to sparkle. She was full of life, love, and hope. But as time went on, and Jasper and I grew older, we both watched my father kill that glint of hope and happiness that had once shined in her eyes. She became cold and hard, no longer the loving mother we remembered as young children."

I tried to explain to her that it seemed almost from the moment Jasper and I were born, my father had been abusive; sometimes with us, but mostly it was directed towards our mother. Growing up we had never really lived the lives of normal children because we were living in constant fear. I was terrified every day that I went off to school that I would come home to find her beaten or worse...dead. I needed Bella to see that my mother wasn't at fault for what he turned her into, that no one could suffer the abuse that she suffered without losing one's self.

She reached up to wipe away the tears that were now falling down my cheeks. I didn't have many happy memories of my mother, but I had never blamed her for the pain she had caused. I knew that there was a time when she loved us and wanted us, but over time I think she came to believe that we were the cause of the abuse rather than blaming my father. Although Jasper and I never really talked much about her after Carlisle and Esme adopted us, it was clear he not only held my father responsible for what had happened to us, but he hated my mother for it as well.

"Edward, what happened...I mean, why were you given up for adoption?" she asked hesitantly.

This was it, the question I had dreaded since I'd met Bella. I felt the panic start to well up in the pit of my stomach and took deep breaths to try and calm myself down. She must have sensed my reaction to the question because she lifted herself up and straddled my lap, wrapping her arms around my neck.

"Are you okay, baby?" she asked, concern lacing her face.

"Yes...I'm fine, just let me get this out," I answered.

"Bella, when I was thirteen years old, I-.I...killed my own father," I cried, lowering my head so I didn't have to look her in the eye.

Not waiting for her to react, I continued, "He'd come home from work angry at my mother as usual. I watched him beat her; Bella...beat her until she was bruised and bloody. I thought he was going to kill her... so I did the only thing I could do to keep him from doing that."

Once I finally said those words, I couldn't stop. I confessed every single detail to her, from the gun, to shooting my father. How I felt about pulling the trigger, right down to my mother's reaction to what I had done.

When I finally stopped talking, I looked up at Bella to gauge her reaction to what I had just told her. What I expected to see in her eyes was fear. After all, I had just confessed to her that I had murdered my own father, but there was no fear in those beautiful, tear filled brown eyes, only love and understanding.

"Edward,...what happened after that night? Did they press charges? Was there a trial? Please tell me they didn't put you through all of that!"

"Well, yes, the night it happened I was arrested. They had no choice really, thirteen or not, I'd just shot and killed my father. So that first night I was treated like an adult, and that was probably the scariest fucking night of my life. When they took me in, I was put in a holding cell with about ten other grown men, and that's where I spent the night. The next morning I was questioned for what felt like hours. Later that day I was transported to juvenile detention where I remained for the next few days, while the DA determined whether or not to take my case to trial. Because of my age and the history of my father's abuse in the house, they eventually determined that going to trial was not in their best interest. They were positive they would never get a conviction out of a jury. So they released me."

"Back into your mother's care?" she questioned.

"No, Bella,... two days after I killed my father, my mother signed both Jasper and me over to the state. She gave up all rights to us, therefore, we were both placed in foster care, which is where we were when Carlisle and Esme found us and adopted us.

"You never had contact with your mother again?'

"No, not after that night. In fact, I never heard another word about my mother. I had always hoped that one day she would forgive me for what I had done. I hoped that she would come back for us, but after that day, I knew that was never going to happen."

"After what day?"

"The day that you found me with Jessica. That morning Carlisle had come into my room to tell me that my mother had committed suicide. I lost it when he told me. Like I said, there was always the hope there that she would forgive me one day. Then to find out she went to her grave hating me...well, as you know, I didn't handle it very well.

"Oh, my God, Edward!" she cried bringing her hand up to cup her mouth.

I reached up and pulled her hand away, "What is it, angel?'

"That's why you ended up with Jess that day? I had no idea, and I just ran from you… when I should have been there for you," she said as the tears streamed down her face.

I couldn't let her do this to herself. She needed to understand that what happened that day was my fault, not hers. I'd broken so many promises to her that day, and not just that day, but every damn day since I'd met her. The first was the moment I got in my car and decided to find my comfort in drugs, rather than with her. I've been over that day a million times in my head, and that one decision right there is what destroyed us. Had I gone to her, confided in her; then I never would have never been in the position to end up with Jessica in the first place.

"Bella, you have to listen to me. What happened was in no way your fault, you had every right to walk away and never speak to me again if that was your choice. I've betrayed you in every way possible. There were so many bad decisions made on my part, so many things I wish I could go back and change. I can't though...I can never go back, that's why this, right here and now, is so fucking important. I've been given a second chance to make things right, to show you how much I love you, how much I've always loved you, and I won't fuck that up again."

She looked at me in that moment and the longing in her eyes caused my breath to hitch. "Edward...show me how much you love me," was all she said, and it was all she had to say.

I wanted her and I wouldn't let another second slip by without showing her just how much. I wrapped my arms around her waist, pulled her to me, and repeated her words from earlier outside, "I need you, angel." With that our lips collided. I slid my tongue across her lips, silently begging permission to deepen the kiss, and without hesitation she opened them to me. I moved my hands down the contours of her beautiful body until I reached the bottom of her dress, and pulled it off of her.

"So beautiful," I whispered in her ear, as my mouth trailed kisses down her neck and shoulders until I reached the most perfect pair of tits I had ever seen. Sucking one into my mouth, and rolling the other through my fingers tips, I watched as they hardened at my warm touch. Breaking contact with her for a brief second, I felt an immediate sense of loss, as I laid her down in front of me on the couch.

Not a day had gone by that I didn't dream of this exact moment with her. The sights, the sounds, the smell, the very existence of her in my arms, freely giving me everything she had and me doing the same in return. Now, having all my dreams finally come true right before my eyes, I feared that I would fail her. What if I wasn't good enough? What if I couldn't satisfy her needs? She had waited so many years, just as I had, and I didn't want to fail her.

Almost as if she sensed my hesitation, she reached up with her small hands and pulled me down to her. My dick strained against my pants, as she growled against my lips, and trailed her fingers down my body. "Mine."

With that tiny little word slipping from her lips, it suddenly dawned on me that she was no longer the seventeen year old virgin I remembered from my past. She was a strong, beautiful woman, and the fear I'd felt only moments ago melted away as something more animalistic took over.

I wanted her, no...I fucking needed her, I thought as I reached down and ripped her panties from her. My dick twitched as my eyes traced over her naked form below me. Fuck...I couldn't wait to be inside of her.

Never removing her eyes from mine, she reached down and quickly unbuttoned my pants, pushing both them and my boxers off of me. I groaned as she wrapped her hand around my now aching cock and pulled it toward her hot, wet entrance. "I fucking love you, Bella," I growled, as I thrust deep inside of her.

You would have thought this was my first time having sex considering the moment my dick entered her tight little pussy, I nearly came right there.

"Fuck...so wet, baby," I groaned, pausing for a brief second to regain control over myself.

Her hips bucked up to meet mine, urging me to give her what she needed, "Please Edward...," she begged.

Slowly I started to thrust in and out of her, picking up the pace only when I was sure it was safe to do so. I wasn't ready for this to be over yet, I'd waited too fucking long.

"So good, baby," she moaned as she reached behind me, grabbing my ass, and pulling me even deeper inside of her.

Jesus Christ...nothing, and I mean nothing, could ever compare to this moment. I was no virgin by any means, but being with Bella like this honestly made me feel as though this were my first time. Looking into her eyes, I could see that she was feeling exactly as I was... this is what it felt like to make love to someone.

Her body began to writhe beneath me, and I knew she was close to her release, "Come with me, angel," I whispered.

"Edward...oh God...," she screamed, panting and gasping for breath as her orgasm took hold of her.

As I heard those sweet sounds escape her lips, and watched as her body shook with pleasure, my own release exploded inside of her. "Fuck...angel," I choked out as her tight pussy milked my cock of every last drop.

Both of us were gasping for breath as we came down from the high of our orgasm. I looked down at her, and a lone tear escaped down her cheek. "You okay, baby?" I asked reaching up and wiping the tear away.

She smiled at me, reached up, wrapped her arms around my neck and pulled my lips to hers, softly kissing me. "Yes...I love you, E," she whispered.

"I love you too, angel, so fucking much."

I collapsed beside her as she turned and snuggled into my side. As we laid there in silence, my thoughts traced back over the entire night and how perfectly things had turned out. She knew everything now, and she still wanted me. I felt like the luckiest fucking guy on the planet.

That was until my cell phone rang. I turned and grabbed my pants from the back of the couch, pulling my cell out of my pocket and flipped it open. "Hello, Jazz," I answered.

I heard him breathing but he wasn't saying anything, "Jazz what is it, what's wrong?"

"Edward,...it's Alice!" he cried.