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Chapter Eight

Thirst

JPOV

It had been less than a week since I had went hunting with Alice, but the burn in my throat was beginning to become more than I could sustain as we went from class to class. While sitting in the cafeteria with all of my siblings, I had smelled one particular human that had a scent that would have quenched my thirst with barely a drop. It paled into comparison the thirst Edward had felt when being around Bella, but it definitely felt similar. Alice had knew that I was smelling it as my wife had saw a vision and she assured me that I would hurt no human, but she obviously had had a vision that saw me wanting to the blood. It had been sitting in the cafeteria that I had decided I would have to go hunting this evening. The risk to my family was stronger than the burn for human blood, but I was probably the least controlled of my family. I knew that. I would have to hunt this evening.

Hunting so close to the last time would not be something I would want to admit to my siblings. I had been living this lifestyle longer than my little sister, Bella, and she had done so well. Of course she had probably been the only one of us besides Edward and myself that had actually consumed a large portion of human blood, but her's had been donor blood, from a blood bank, and I didn't quite count that as I had mine and Edward's. He and I had both killed our prey for their blood.

Along the drive home I had reconciled that I would speak with our father and tell him that I needed to feed more. Carlisle never passed judgment on any of us for our struggles with our lifestyle that he had taught us, but he would be firm in that we could not slip up. He would guard his mind from Edward so that nobody would know the difficulties I was having. As Edward rounded the bend and began the passage up the drive to our home, I looked to Bella. Bella had looked at me quizzically but then asked if I wanted to join her for a hunt. I was so thankful that my little sister and I had grown close in her early days as an immortal. She and I had been able to confide in one another our fears about our bloodlust and were able to understand each other more. She was probably the most understanding of our entire family when it came to my difficulties in feeding. Bella was the most controlled of us all, she proved that by not killing Jacob when she learned of him imprinting on Renesmee, but it was Bella who could see the predicament I was in.

When Bella mentioned going hunting, I felt all of the emotions around me. Rosalie was being her usual vain self and had not even given a second thought to Bella's suggestion. Alice became worried, Emmett confused. Poor Emmett knew that I had hunted recently so he wasn't understanding why Bella wanted to ask me. Then he became panicked. If I could read minds like Edward I'm sure Emmett was wondering why Bella wanted to hunt again when it hadn't been but a few days since she hunted. I sent out a wave of cheerful through the car to try to detour the thoughts. Edward looked at me and gave me a wink. He would know what problems I was having, but he, like his wife, would never tell the others. It would be our secret…unless I slipped then they would have to tell Carlisle, as any of the others would, even Alice.

Bella bounded toward the forest just as fast as she could get out of the car. I was sure she wanted to make this a quick trip seeing as I knew by her feelings that she wasn't thirsty but rather she was doing this to help me, to do me a favor. Bella was second fastest in running only to Edward in our family. She was jumping across the river before I had made it to the river's edge. I heard her giggles as she landed on a tree and bounce lightly from one limb to the next as she made her way to the ground. I caught her just beyond the river. "What are you in the mood for?" she asked me. Knowing Bella, she would want to continue wherever she might be able to find a mountain lion. She and I were both agile hunters but not quite as agile as Emmett in wanting to fight and play with his food. When I hunted humans, I had always done it in a manner so that they wouldn't expect it and I would pounce…that practice had carried over to my vegetarian hunting. "Your trip, you pick," I said. I grew up in the South so ladies should always have the first choice.

Bella glared at me with a 'I know you didn't say that' kind of look. "Now, Jazz," she started reprimanding me.

I laughed. "Bella, I'm not one of your children. No need to lecture me."

I heard Bella chuckle. "Oh but Jazz, if you were one of my children, you would be so much better looking."

I laughed at Bella's joke and led the way. I knew she would never say it, but she knew that I knew this trip was all for me and did not have anything to do with her. That was what I liked about Bella. She knew but she wouldn't tell. That was a part of her character that had made it easier for our family to accept her while she was still human. She would keep our secret regardless. I began to bound toward the North, deep within the forest. Bella had gained the lead and she came to a halting stop in front of me. She closed her eyes. She had found us prey.

To the west, I could smell the warmth of the blood in the air. I could feel the pulsating of the blood flowing in the veins. Bella began to float in the direction of our dinner. I allowed my instincts to take over and my body began to follow behind her. There was at least two, maybe three. Two mountain lions were stalking a doe. I knew that Bella would immediately pounce for one of the lions. I would take the other and bring down the doe with it. One mountain lion would probably not be enough to satiate my thirst for blood. Bella had came up quickly onto the closest mountain lion, the smaller. Good I thought, I get the bigger one. I could hear as Bella's teeth cut into the neck of the cat and it relaxed in her grip. Before her teeth had broken the skin, I had already gathered the other cat and the doe for myself.

We sat in silence as we fed. I remembered back to the first time Edward took Bella hunting so many years ago. She had come back to the house with her new dress that Alice had gotten for her tattered and torn, blood stained as if she had come home from war. Edward had tried to make the scene a bit more honorable by giving her his shirt but it had been so funny to the rest of us to see her. Alice of course was livid that Bella had ruined the dress. I began to laugh as I finished drinking the last of what the doe had to offer me. "Whets so funny?" my cohort in hunting asked me.

I sat up and tossed the doe off of my lap. I was feeling much better, the fluid was sloshing around in my stomach as I stood. "I was thinking of how despicable you looked on your return from your first hunt in these very woods."

Bella thought to herself for a moment then looked down at her clothing. Her clothing did not have a torn spot and she had not lost a drop of blood from her dinner. She smiled and begin to chuckle herself. "I did look a wreck then, didn't I?" Her laughter became louder and louder. It was Bella's spirit that made me want to stay close by her not long after her transformation. Edward had once told me that she had gotten frustrated with me thinking I was there behind her all the time because I was worried of the threat she posed. I had laughed incredibly and told him that I was always so close to Bella because her mood was always happy and it was nice to be around that for me. Having a mood control gift that works both ways can be hard when you are in a situation where everyone else is worried about the one person whose mood was astounding to be around. Bella is always overly happy.

We began our journey back to the house, quietly running together. All of the tiny animals along the Earth's floor ran as we came close. It had always amazed me from the beginning of my immortality how just our presence caused the moods to shift and all the little things run from us. "Thank you, Bella."

Bella looked to me and nodded. "You know, Jazz, you can't hide it from me when you need to drink or are having difficulties with it…" Bella reached out and lightly punched my shoulder. "Your little sister knows when her brother is thirsty. Anytime, really. Edward knows between your thoughts and my actions what is going on. Nobody will fault you, Jasper, for being more thirsty than normal. We haven't been interacting as much with humans the last few months."

I knew Bella was trying to reassure me, to make me feel less terrible about what I was dealing with. She knew that I had trouble controlling my thirst, and she truly knew it better than anyone. When she was a newborn, I had stormed out of the house to get away because I had begun to question all of the beliefs I had about newborns. I had trained dozens of armies of newborns and none of them had behaved the way Bella had. Carlisle and Edward were both sure it was because of her preparation, or perhaps she had a self-control gift, and I had believed that in some way they were right. Still, watching her adjust so easily had made me question how I had existed. I hadn't dare think too much about it around Edward and I never spoke of it to the rest of my family, not even Alice. My thoughts had been that perhaps I was an evil person, an evil immortal, that I would kill hundreds of people, create armies to do so, and not be remorseful. I eventually did become remorseful and I left with the help of Peter and Charlotte. But with that said, seeing how my adopted family had lived most of their existence, and then watching my new sister adapt so readily, it made me put all of my previous actions into inner, personal questions of my humanity.

I smiled at my sister's concern for me. "Thank you, Bella. Seriously, thank you. I had made my mind up that once we arrived home, I would talk to Carlisle about needing to hunt more…" I didn't know if I should share my experience earlier but if I was going to share it with anyone, I would rather it be Bella. "There was a scent today in the cafeteria, that had me reacting somewhat as to how Edward reacted to your blood. I wanted to drink it so badly. My throat was afire before I could breath in my first full breath. Alice saw me wanting it and perhaps thinking about doing something about it, but she said that I wouldn't hurt her…but I know Alice can be partial to me in her visions without meaning to."

I dropped my head as Bella stopped in her tracks. She gave me a hug and reassured me once again. "Jasper, you are my brother and you have helped me through so much. You will do fine. If you need to hunt more often, we will. We wont even have to tell the others if you don't want to. You can say you are coming to visit Edward and I at the cottage and we will go with you or if you would rather, you and I can continue to hunt alone. But do not be embarrassed. Do you not remember how it was for me when I craved human blood and nothing else would satiate? I pretended for the family's sake that the animal blood helped during my pregnancy with Masen, but truly it did little to help."

"But you see Bella, my fear, is what if something should go wrong at school…what if that particular human has an accident…I know you remember what I almost did to you," I dropped my head with shame. Not a day had went by with the guilt I felt for almost having attacked Bella on her birthday. Edward had thrown me across the room and I had truly not tried to do anything about it. When Emmett wrestled me outside, if I had wanted to break free, I could have, but I didn't and I still felt guilt. I could never be like Carlisle and actually smell and work with human blood. The want, the need is too strong for me. It had been this terrible mistake that I had made that caused Edward to leave Bella for six long months. Edward felt all the guilt for that time, or so he thought. Ultimately it was my fault he left.

Bella began to shake her head at me in disagreement. "That was so many years ago and everything worked out just fine. Believe me, I think you could do it. You gave up the fight then, didn't you?"

I knew Bella had a good argument, but my fears were better than her argument. "But you see, the difference is, this blood scent that I'm smelling, its different for me. You remember how your blood sang to Edward?" Bella nodded. "This blood doesn't exactly sing the same key, its a lot mellower for me. But it's the same kind of principle. I was able to resist your blood because it didn't smell as sweet to me…but this smell at school, I don't know if I can."

Bella's eyes and face allowed me to see that she was taking it all in. I was not as strong as Edward, Carlisle, or even Rosalie. I would not be able to resist if I was exposed and that is always a possible. If that human barely scraped their knee, I would be running from whatever part of the school and would have them totally drained within twenty seconds. I glanced down at the ground and the quiet set in. Bella and I were about halfway to our home when something flew in front of us quicker than imaginable. I looked to Bella as her eyes grew large. "I smell another immortal," she said.

I nodded in agreement and in less than one-sixty-fourth of a second, Bella and I were, backs facing, in our fighting crouch. I could hear the snarl in Bella's throat and I heard one leave mine. It was not a familiar scent, not one that I had ever smelled, not even when the Volturi and when we had gathered our armies to fight for Renesmee. "I don't recognize the smell," I said. I could feel Bella nod her head in agreement. Neither of us knew. I watched as the being swept above us in the trees and disappeared toward the North. Bella began to chase and I followed her, but we weren't able to catch up. The smell drifted away. "I don't know who it is, and they ran. We scared it."

Bella looked to me. "How do you know?"

I smiled at Bella, "I've known and trained more immortals than you will probably ever meet, Bella. I could smell the fear."

Bella's face seemed a bit distraught. "Well, it has been quite some time since we had any excitement. Leave it to Forks to find it. Do you think that it's a nomad?"

I wish I could have answered that question, but that I didn't know. "I hope so." I looked toward the North, the direction the immortal had evaded us. "I really hope so. Last time, Forks proved to be only big enough for the Cullens."