A/N: Thank you so much for the reviews, alerts and favourites. I don't know why this story is so popular. I love all of you!
Swing and Miss Part 2
"I bet Kensi sent me because she knows I don't do shopping," Deeks grumbled, leaning against a shelf as Nell picked out the various loafs of bread they needed for a week.
"I'm sure that's the reason," Nell said dryly, glancing up at him.
"Hey, don't roll your eyes at me Missy," He told her, following her like a puppy as she moved slowly down the aisle. "You have no idea how vindictive she can be. Though you're a girl, so you probably have some idea."
"Thanks, I think."
"I mean, Kensi has all these feminie wiles she keeps using and when that doesn't work, she kicks more ass than Sam so basically, I'm screwed."
"Yeah, probably should have thought about that before you pulled over to stage an intervention."
"I'm so totally screwed – ooh poptarts," The rows of blue boxes caught his eye, distracting the detective.
"You do realise how much sugar is in those, don't you?" The analyst raised an eyebrow at him.
"Yeah, but they're delicious and nutritious," Deeks retorted, dropping a half a dozen boxes into the trolley.
"Don't you think you're kinda tempting Kensi?" Nell asked leadingly. "Since you want to save her from her addiction."
"I'll keep them in my room," He shrugged. "She'll never know. And just because she can't control herself, doesn't mean I have to suffer."
"If you keep them in your room, Eric will eat them," She told him.
"Baby Bear will just have to keep his paws off my poptarts," Deeks said in a matter of fact tone, squaring his shoulders as if preparing for a fight.
Nell turned to face him, poking him with her index finger, "You cannot tell anyone about that."
"Hey, chill. It will be our little secret," He grinned at her. "Relax."
"Okay," She let out a breath and took her hand away. "We need to get pasta." She backed away, nearly running into a shop assistant, "Sorry."
"It's ok," The blonde smiled at her and proceeded to continue stacking shelves.
Deeks turned his head, taking a good long look at the attractive shop assistant. "I think shopping has just become my favourite past time." He grinned broadly as the young blonde in her twenties looked up to reveal pearly white teeth. Deeks leant down and whispered to Nell, "Ok, you're my baby sister and I'm the best big brother in the world."
"Are you playing her?" Nell looked up at him, aghast.
"It's just flirting, perfectly harmless," He told her cavalierly. "Besides, I'm a dead man. Help a dying man die happy?" He gave her the smouldering puppy dog eyes.
She sighed, "Fine. But I'm not lying to her."
"That's fine," He told her quickly, using his peripheral vision to watch the blonde woman bend down to restack the bottom shelf. "Just remember that your husband died six months ago and your lovely brother James is helping you look after your four rugrats." He walked away before she could reply, leaving her standing in the empty aisle, watching him walk away.
"Hi, how can I help you?" She smiled, brown eyes giving them the elevator glance. Her smile broadened; she obviously liked what she saw.
"Hi," Deeks ambled over and leant on the counter, "I'm in need of a lot of help."
"Then you've come to the right person," She stood up, smoothing out her jeans, "What can I do for you?"
"Okay so," He rubbed his hands together. "My sister, that's her over there," He pointed to Nell who'd moved further down the aisle but was still within hearing range, "and I have this bet. She thinks that I can't buy her kids the best Christmas presents under 10 bucks each. Can you help me be right for once?"
The blonde looked up at him from under her fringe, "Aren't men the ones that are always right?"
"Normally I'd say yes but my baby sister got the brains in the family. I just got the good looks," He tossed her a charming, self deprecating smile.
She tucked a loose strand behind her ear and glanced sideways, "I wouldn't say that."
"Aww, aren't you sweet," He drawled, still smiling. "Well, I'm actually doing this to cheer her up; she's had a bad year."
"Alright then, we'll start in the toy aisle," The woman started walking and Deeks followed, appreciating the view. "So how many kids are we talking about?"
"Four," Deeks answered, thinking on his feet. "Kensi, Sam, Callen and Eric." As he passed Nell, he noticed her shoulder's shaking with barely controlled mirth. "You okay Nelsie?"
She stopped laughing and narrowed her eyes at him, "Don't call me that."
"You've got a good brother here," The shop assistant told her.
"Yeah," Nell smiled at her. "The best I've got."
"I'm going to go get the kids' presents, no peaking okay Nelsie?"
"Be quick, we have to get back to the kids," She emphasised the word, looking pointedly at him. If the other founds out, it wouldn't just be Kensi that would be angry with him. "Wouldn't want them to get worried about their favourite uncle."
"No, no we wouldn't want that."
"If you just follow me," The blonde interrupted them in a polite tone. "I'll get you sorted out right away."
"I bet you will," Deeks said, his tone slightly suggestive. He waggled his fingers at Nell and almost skipped after the shop assistant. "So," He drawled, falling into step beside her, "What were you thinking of?"
"Well, what kid doesn't like a water pistol?"
Deeks blinked at the thought of the Navy SEAL and his partner armed with water pistols. He'd never be safe. "Great idea," He lied, gulping a little at the thought.
"I know right," She didn't catch his tone and kept on cheerfully talking, "and water just dries so there's no mess for your sister to clean up."
"She'll love that," He said dryly, still focusing on how many ways Kensi would surprise him and kill with the toy guns. "Is there anything you know, less violent maybe?"
"Oh," Her face fell a little. "Is your sister one of those no violent games moms?"
"A little yeah," Deeks nodded. "Her ex was an army guy and he screwed her over so she's really any guns at the moment."
"That's ok. I totally understand. What about these?" She pulled out a set of children's tennis rackets and colour coordinates balls.
"They look like they could hurt," He looked at them, imagining how much pain they could cause when being thrown by a two hundred pound angry agent.
"True," She conceded his point. "What about the t-ball set? Those balls are soft."
"The bat isn't," His eyes narrowed at the hard, wood bat. "The kids are pretty full on sometimes."
"And Marty is their favourite target," Nell walked up to them, pushing a trolley full of groceries. "You ready to go?"
"I'll take the water pistols, thanks," Deeks said to the shop assistant. "And random question, what time do you get off?"
"I'm sorry, I don't do that," The blonde stepped back. "I'll be at the counter when you're ready to buy."
"That almost never happens," Deeks said immediately, watching the blonde retreat. He always got the girl.
"Of course," Nell nodded, agreeing with him in a mocking tone. "Now can we go home?"
"Yeah," He said and grabbed 6 water pistols of various sizes and put them on top of the groceries. "What?" He asked at her quizzical expression. "I have to keep up appearances. It's all part of good undercover work. We keep our cover till the very end." He pulled the trolley out of her hands and started wheeling it to the front of the store. "I'm the charming brother until we get home."
"Then you're the dead man," Nell supplied happily, walking beside him.
"Then I'm the dead man," He repeated, nodding, accepting his fate. "Pretty much goes with the day I've had."
"Was it really that bad?"
"She knocked me back! It's kinda insulting." Deeks fell silent as they approached the checkout, not wanting to be overheard.
"Hi," The blonde smiled at them.
"Hi again," Deeks replied tightly as he and Nell put the groceries and water pistols on the check out's conveyer belt.
"So," She looked at Nell, "I get a lunchbreak in half an hour, we could, you know, get coffee and talk about how men are such losers." She smiled seductively.
"Wait, what?" Deeks looked between the two women. "Oh my God."
"I love kids," she continued, "so that part's not a problem and I think your brother was wrong – you got the brains and the beauty."
"Oh. Um," Nell didn't know what to say. She wasn't used to being hit on like that. "That's really um… sweet of you to say."
"But we really have to get back to the kids," Deeks cut in and handed the shop assistant a couple of rolled up twenties, grabbed the shopping bags and walked quickly out of the store. Nell hurried after him. "Ok, that really never ever happens," He said as soon as they were out of the store. "Normally my gaydar works perfectly fine. Oh my god, I can't believe that happened."
"Deeks, breathe," Nell told him, trying to calm him down.
"Please don't tell Kensi about this. She'll never let me forget it. Please Nell, I'll do anything."
"Anything?"
A/N: This didn't turn out exactly how I wanted but I hope it's ok.