"Naruto, the friend of Kyuubi, Shinigami, and other demons. Chapter 11.
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, or any other character except my OC.
"Blah"-Human talk.
"Blah"-Human think.
"Blah"-Demon talk.
"Blah"-Demon think.
"Blah"-Shinigami talk.
"Blah"-Shinigami think.
"Blah" -Kami Speech.
"Blah" - Kami Thought.
Sorry, people. I hit a writers block, but since school is out (THANK KAMI!!) I can write alot more often! I will be doing a Time Rewind later in the story cough cough this chapter cough cough.
"Three... Two... One... Dead." Naruto said. His team, consisting of Sasuke, Sakura, and Him again were on a SSS-ranked mission.
"Dobe. Nice way to kill him, though. Thanks for protecting Sakura while I was taking care of that bastard." Sasuke commented on Naruto's killing style. Naruto just happened to be using his chakra katana. He shoved his katana into a mans groin, and lifted straight up. Slowly. Sasuke had winced in half sympathy for the man. Half sympathy because he just got neutered, slowly, then killed. BUT, he had attacked his newfound love in Sakura.
"Thanks, teme. I got both her and your back. Sakura, just concentrate on healing the sick and wounded." Naruto told them. He was the unofficial leader of this mission.
"I will do that, Naruto. Just kill Tsuchi-teme (Earth Bastard (The Yondaime Tsuchikage (The Fourth Earth Shadow)))" Sakura replied.
"Pssh, no problem. But, is the Sasuke going to be able to get more kills than me? I am at 467952" Naruto said.
Sasuke's jaw dropped. "Holy shit. I only have half of yours, at 233976."
"Hehe, teme, you will not beat me today!" Naruto exclaimed. Sakura just sweatdropped at their antics.
"Naruto-baka, just kill Tsuchi-teme!" Sakura yelled, obviously angry.
"Ok, Ok. I was just having some fun." He whined back. He then threw a 16 pointed shuriken towards the Tsuchikage. The Iwa nin just saw the shuriken, and said 6 words in unison, "Oh shit, its Konoha's Elemental Flash." Just as the shuriken was about to pass the Tsuchikage's head, everyone felt a massive chakra being released, and teleported right where the shuriken was. Naruto activated his katana, and deftly beheaded the Tsuchikage. All of the Iwa nin glared daggers, no, Shinobiken(1) at him. The hate in the air was palpable. "What?" Naruto asked innocently. All of a sudden, they all fired their strongest jutsu at him simultaneously. "Oh shit." Was all Naruto got to say before his body on this plane of existance was obliterated.
Scene Change, Kami's Domain
"Three... Two... One... Here it comes."
"YOU TOTAL DUMBASS!! YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO LIVE FOR A DAMN TIME LONGER!!" Kami screamed, obviously pissed beyond reason.
"Hey, Kami, here is a thought. Put my chakra levels, mind, jutsu, combonations, and strength in my 12 year old body. Do the same for Sakura, Sasuke, Hinata, Tsunade, and Jiraya. We can fix all this shit later. And can you stock all of the bank accounts of afformentioned people with about 999999999999999 to the 999th power of ryo? psst... Stock my fridge with sake. A shitload of sake." Naruto asked, or more like demanded, Kami do do.
"I am getting too old for this shit..." "Yeah, you little shit." Kami thought, then said in that order.
"Aww, is Kami a little grumpy?" Naruto asked teasingly, knowing full well that she was going through her peroid.
"You little fuck. Shut up asswipe. Why did I even make you in the first place??" Kami said, then asked herself a very good question.
"Also, can you please stock my closet with the clothes I had made in Hell. I REALLY hate that orange jumpsuit. I need my weapons too. And all of the things I have made, or have had made. Put the shit in a bigass sealing scroll."
"Consider it done. Now get out of my sight. You will be back in your shitty little 12 year old body. You owe me big time, though." Kami told him.
"Allright. I am getting going. Also, nice thong." Naruto said before fading away. "YOU LITTLE SHIT!!" Kami screamed into the air with no result, except frying a certain Shinigami, her husband. (Sorry, had to put that in there. My inner pervert was being a jerk. Gotta discipline him. BAD INNER PERVERT!!)
Scene Change/Time Change, Naruto's old apartment, when he is 12 years old. (A/N: Please forgive me for a mistake earlier. I said Naruto was based on a time in fuedal Japan. I lied on accident. It has to be modern, because Sasuke had a TV in his room in the manga, and they have wireless communicaters... DON'T KILL ME!!)
"Oh, that was one long, hell of a dream." Naruto thought, waking up in his 12 year old body, on his 12th birthday. He opens his fridge to get some milk to go with his ramen, and sees sake. A lot of sake. "HOLY SHIT!! IT WASN'T A DREAM!!" is heard all over Konoha. This wakes up certain other indivudials in Konoha that were blessed with a shitload of money, sake, and other things...
Scene Change, Sasuke's house
"That dobe woke me up. I gotta kill him, once I get over this dream..." Sasuke thought to himself.He too opens his fridge, for a bottle of cool water. He sees a shitload of sake and a note:
Dear Sasuke,
The shit you 'dreamed' wasn't a dream. Naruto really did die, but I owed him a favor. You will be getting your memories, jutsu, etc. etc. right about... now. Sasuke did get the memories, jutsu, etc. etc. right then. "Holy shit." He mutters. Now that that is out of the way, you will not brood over your brother anymore. He did the right thing. Even if he was being controlled by Pein, and Madara, the Uchiha were becoming weak. I blessed them with the Sharingan, through select breeding of the Namikaze clan, but they used it incorrectly. You know all of the details. Just don't brood after Itachi anymore. He did the right thing. Also, you got a lot of money, and a lot of sake. Get shitfaced(2) for me, kid.
With love and a lot of hell, Kami.
"Wow. That was awkward. So that was what Naruto was screaming about..." Sasuke muttered again.
Scene change, Sakura's house
"Naruto-baka woke me u-" Sakura started thinking up until she got her memories back at the exact same time Sasuke got his back. "Oh my God." Sakura said. "No more insulting Naruto... He is too damn strong." A note like Sasuke's, except without the shit about his brother, and with her name instead of 'Sasuke' appeared in her face. She read it, and took Kami's advice. She got shitfaced.
Scene Change, Hinata's House
"Wow. The first thing I hear when I wake up is Naruto-kun's voice..." Hinata thought, and then got slammed by the sumo-like wave of memories from her first life. "We were about to get married?!" Hinata thinks. "YES!!" A note like Sakura's note appeared in her face, except with her name in place of Sakura's name. She too took Kami's advice.
Scene Change, Hotel with Tsunade and Jiraya
"HARDER JIRAYA-KUN!!" Tsunade yelled.
"I AM ABOUT TO BLOW!!" Jiraya yelled back. Suddenly memories popped into their heads, and they both climaxed. (You can guess at what they were doing.) The same damn notes appeared to their rightful owners, and had their owners names on them. Go figure. On both of theirs, there was a p.s.: By the way, old people, I don't like walking in on people doing what you two were doing... "Did Kami just call us old??" Tsunade asked, flipping off the sky. (A/N: here is a random fack. Did you know that it takes less muscles to flip someone off than it does to frown at them. 46 to frown, 4 to flip 'em the bird...)
"Yep. I got a deity to kill." Jiraya responded. There was a fire on the carpet, and when it died down, there was a message burnt into it: Don't even try it old man...
"Wow, never mind..." Jiraya said.
"So, are you going back to Konoha?" The Slug Princess asked The Toad Sage.
"Hell yeah!" He responded.
"I see you cheating on me by peeking on other girls, and you are dead, though, you hear me??" Tsunade warned him, more than asked him. (Ever wonder why Tsunade kicked his ass for peeking? Now you know. I also heard that she originally got her nickname, the Legendary Sucker, from something other than being bad at gambling...)
Well, I am done with yet another chapter. R&R. If you don't, you and your favorite animal will die. Unless your favorite animal is a fox. Then just you will die. --Minato Namikaze--
(1) Shinobiken--Ninja Blade, a very strong weapon.
(2) Shitfaced--Extremely Drunk