Darsant Avat
Equilibrium
That night, Obi-Wan had a nightmare. The boy did not scream, nor did he cry particularly loudly, but Qui-Gon was roused by the sheer distress transmitting through the bond. Obi-Wan had not yet learned how to shield, and Qui-Gon had not taught him to do so because it was a relatively mature technique, and it proved to be fortunate because otherwise, the master would have been completely unaware of his little one's condition.
He found the child sobbing quietly, whimpering and sometimes groaning, as if in pain. The boy started when shaken, and grabbed onto Qui-Gon's shirt in the darkness. The city lights reflected off the tears on his cheeks, and his eyes were wide and round in terror.
"M-Master?"
A vision, something whispered to him, and Qui-Gon realized solemnly that tonight, Obi-Wan had finally taken the vision that was meant for him.
"I'm here," He said, "You're safe, Padawan."
He asked what the dream was about, but Obi-Wan had a hard time articulating it. Something about red, shadows, shadows that frightened him, and he was sorry because he knew Jedi were not supposed to be afraid, but it felt scary, and though Obi-Wan tried to be brave, it was painful to be near, so he ran, and it kept chasing him and cackling along the way. He tried to find Qui-Gon, but he could not find his master, and he was all alone, all alone.
"You're not alone, Obi-Wan," Qui-Gon pulled him into a hug, "I'm right here, and there are no evil shadows." He opened his own mind to the boy and allowed Obi-Wan to bask in the light, though this did not do as much as he would like to dispel the tremors from the little body.
He stayed with the distraught boy for the rest of the night to shelter him from bad dreams.
The next morning, a red-eyed, sleepy Obi-Wan was fully recovered from his ordeal; Qui-Gon had to admire the resilience of the young. After a cheerful goodbye, he was off to classes, and Qui-Gon went to seek Yoda. The Grand Master had been skeptical of their partnership, but unlike Mace he had not actively questioned Qui-Gon's senses after seeing them together that first time.
"I need help with him," Qui-Gon told him, "He's starting to have dreams too, after seeing Servathi." The twi'lek had succumbed back into her coma as if nothing had happened, but there were enough witnesses to attest to the encounter. "The Force makes it feel like danger is everywhere. I don't know how to make sense of this."
"Hm," Said Yoda, "Care too much about him, you do."
Qui-Gon glared in irritation. "Are you seriously telling me not to care about my student?"
He was so aggravated that he did not even flinch when Yoda hit him with his stick. He barely even felt it.
"The Force led me to him. It compelled me to bond with him, and now it's compelling me to protect him from an imminent threat, but I have no idea what it is. I'm told to keep him close, but how close? I'm told the Dark Side is after him, but what in the galaxy does that mean? How in the galaxy did Servathi know him? And when it was just me, I could handle it, I could wait. Now it's leeched to Obi-Wan, and I need to get to the bottom of this."
Despite his short tones, Yoda did not hit him again. "Meditated on this, have you?"
Qui-Gon shook his head, but not in negative. "It hasn't worked. I don't see things any more clearly. I just know someone…something, is after my padawan. I've no clue who or what. That twi'lek knew his name, despite never meeting him before—how many other Dark Siders know him?"
"Hm…" Yoda's face pinched in thought. "Warned you, I did, that poor match you make. See now, do you? Problems now, your padawan has, unable to solve them, you are."
Qui-Gon scowled. "I wasn't aware that masters have to train their padawans on their own. It's always been a communal effort in the past."
Yoda did not bother hitting him for his insolence. His face softened. "Help you, we will. Calm down, you need to. Danger, there is, to Obi-Wan, but not immediate, and careful, we must be."
Qui-Gon released a breath. "Who's we?" He demanded, the question borne of that paranoia he was frankly getting sick of.
"For now, only I," Said Yoda, "But, interested, Master Sifo-Dyas is, as is Master Billaba. Want, do you, to call Dooku here?"
"No." It was almost alarming how much conviction was in the answer. "I don't want too many people." There were already too many people, when Qui-Gon had been less discrete with the issues at hand.
"More attention, you should have paid, on lectures of the Unifying Force," Said the Grand Master, "But time we have. Sense that, I do. For now, center yourself, you should. Crazy master helps padawan little, hm?"
Qui-Gon scowled, but wisely bit back any comment on that remark.
OoO
He was in the middle of meditating when he felt a pointed tug on the mental bond.
The novelty of the training bond had worn off long ago, and Obi-Wan had always made sure to fiddle with it in his presence. Right now, the boy was supposed to be in class.
He sent a wave of inquiry along the bond, but only felt another tug. The child did not know how to broadcast yet, but now that his focus had been summoned, Qui-Gon realized what was going on.
Bruck Chun.
At least the boy had called to him. Qui-Gon instantly left his place in the gardens and headed toward the boy's presence. He was in one of the halls when he felt a wave of anger spike. He thrust a soothing wave through the bond, which calmed the child down a little, but there was a simmering annoyance that was quickly working its way up to anger again.
"Master Jinn," Kit Fisto whirled around to walk in the same direction as Qui-Gon, "You look like you're on a mission."
Qui-Gon actually had no idea what he intended to do once he found Obi-Wan, since the boy was in class. Usually by the time the children were selected as padawans, their anger issues were more or less resolved. Feemor and Authsola had both been wonderful padawans in that regard. Obi-Wan was a little young.
"There's something I needed to see," He said instead. "Do you want to come with me?"
"We're going to the crécheling salles."
"That we are."
"This is about your little one again, isn't it, Qui-Gon?"
"My little one and another," He replied.
The Nautolan did not say any more as they made their way to the doors. There were bright blades flashing in the room, which was to be expected in the salles. Obi-Wan was almost right in front of Qui-Gon, whirling his weapon with the ease of at least a thirteen-year-old, while Initiate Chun fought opposite him with a series of blows that became more and more haphazard.
Easy, Qui-Gon thought into their bond, Do not give in to anger.
The little one released the wry thought that this was not exactly how he envisioned his master to witness his lightsaber skills.
Focus, Qui-Gon thought with amusement. You're doing well. He was. He was moving with the fluidity and grace of someone much older. It was a little baffling to see such a small body encompass the moves of a more experienced duelist.
He felt a burst of pride from Obi-Wan, before the youngster quickly let go of it in order to focus on the duel. Bruck Chun's signature was becoming more and more ugly by the second. He had finally caught the attention of the trainer, who was calling across the room for them to stop. Obi-Wan heard, but Bruck did not.
"That one has no future," Kit said immediately. "Not unless Master Yoda works miracles. Which, admittedly, he does, but I'm not holding my breath at this age."
Qui-Gon looked at the Nautolan, wondering if the knight had ever held his breath in his life considering his amphibious nature, but his attention was then turned when his little one tugged on the bond again—a question.
Keep defending, He instructed, Focus on not getting hurt. Be patient.
He felt the child acknowledge, though outwardly there was little difference. After a few seconds, however, the boy wanted this to end.
Patience, little one. I am here. You are doing well.
The trainer finally used the Force to heave the other boy away. Obi-Wan let out a sigh of relief, before turning to look at Qui-Gon. The Jedi Master nodded at him.
Good work.
The boy turned to see the trainer scolding Bruck, who was trying to defend himself by laying at least some of the blame on Obi-Wan. Qui-Gon was suddenly struck with a brief, mild vision. Bruck had been resentful, had picked a fight with Obi-Wan to get him in trouble, expecting the other to give in to his anger. Qui-Gon had buffered him, and Obi-Wan had remained in defensive mode all throughout. The trainer was not fooled.
"You will remain after class," He said to the white-haired boy, who scowled in indignation at his thwarted plans.
Obi-Wan watched this, his friends surrounding him, and Qui-Gon sensed the moment the boy understood what just happened.
"Look at that," Kit marveled, "Your little one's not too shabby with the lightsaber either, eh? He's a natural—on the defensive and hardly breaking a sweat. Didn't he have his legs broken before?"
OoO
Obi-Wan was reasonably delighted with how things turned out, exclaiming that next time he would definitely know to do that on his own. Kit Fisto and Tahl watched with amusement as the little one joined them for lunch, bringing his friends along.
"It got hard," The child chirped, "Because I thought he'd never stop, and Trainer Vas didn't notice and I thought no one would notice, and I could just stop him. I know I'm good enough, and I just wanted him to stop and I wanted to do anything to make him stop hitting me."
The Mon Calamari, Bant, giggled at this.
"Stop," Muln echoed mischievously.
"Stop," The Dressellian boy joined in.
"Stop," Obi-Wan grinned.
"Stop."
"Stop."
"Stop."
Qui-Gon and Tahl exchanged a look. He had forgotten how children made games out of the strangest things.
"Stop."
"Stop."
"Stop."
"Stop."
Obi-Wan ended it with a giggle. "But Bruck got really sloppy. I could have stabbed him several times but I didn't. Is that what happens when someone gets angry?"
"Oh yes," Said the Nautolan, "Sloppiness is the side-effect of anger."
Qui-Gon mused that with the way they taught younglings in the temple, the initiates hardly ever understood just what the consequences were for anything they were told to avoid, because usually they get scolded before anything substantial happens. This could send a bad message. He wondered if this was the reason there were so many rogues these days.
"It's hard," Obi-Wan said, referring to keeping patient, "But worth it. Thanks, Master!" He said to Qui-Gon, who smiled at him.
"Why did Chun attack you?" Tahl asked. "Were you two partners?"
"We could choose our own partners. I wouldn't choose Bruck if my life depended on it," Obi-Wan said seriously, "But he came up to me even though I wanted to spar with Garen."
"He kept calling him 'Oafy-Wan'," Garen Muln complained, "He wouldn't shut up." He was less shy about the event than Obi-Wan was. "He was saying, 'Let's see how you do after you were crippled', and 'I don't see why the great Master Qui-Gon Jinn would choose a loser like you for a padawan, maybe he just felt sorry for you because you were crying too much.' Obi ignored him—"
"Well I told him to go away," Obi-Wan corrected,
"And then he shoved Obi, and then Obi said, 'What do you want', and then I told him to go away, and then he turned on his saber and said 'What's wrong, nerfherder? Too scared?' And then Obi turned on his own lightsaber and told Bruck to turn his off or else, and then Bruck attacked and then they started fighting."
"Bruck struck first," Obi-Wan reiterated.
"Good on you," Said Kit, "For keeping calm."
"Well I wasn't calm all throughout," Obi-Wan said shyly, "I got really nervous when he turned his saber on—they burn bad."
"That they do," The Nautolan agreed.
"And when he attacked I got really mad because I wanted to spar with Garen and I don't know what his problem is."
"You controlled your anger," Qui-Gon ruffled the boy's head, "That is to be commended. It's alright to feel angry, as long as you control it and don't let it guide your actions."
Obi-Wan smiled happily.
"And now Chun has cleaning duty," Garen went on, "Serves him right! Hey! That's my muja tart, Reeft!"
"I thought you didn't want it," The Dressellian exclaimed.
"I was telling a story!" Garen's face pinched in distress. Qui-Gon decided that Muln was rather cute too. "I was saving it for last!" He pouted.
"You can have mine, Garen," Said Bant, "I don't really want it."
Obi-Wan opted to eat his muja tart first.
Kit and Tahl grinned at the dynamic, looking at each other in shared mirth.
"Your little one seems completely unaffected by last night," Tahl whispered to Qui-Gon.
"He…" Qui-Gon paused, "He focuses on the good."
"He'll make a great Jedi," She said.
"I hope Bruck gets chosen soon, like me," Obi-Wan announced, "Then maybe he'd stop picking fights."
"I hope he never gets chosen," Bant shuddered, "That way he can just leave. I don't like him."
"It'll take another three years before he can leave. I want him chosen now, so that his master can stop him from hitting me all the time. And I want to go to that master and ask him to get him to stop calling me 'Oafy-Wan'. It's not funny no matter what Aalto says!"
Qui-Gon could not resist chuckling. Sometimes children amaze him with their insights, especially when they were least expected to have any.
"I think I'll pick one of his friends," Tahl said quietly to him.
"Oh? Which one?"
"Not sure yet. They're all delightful. Maybe the girl. It's about time I trained a girl."
"I want her!" Kit scowled at Tahl. "You have a human there. It's not fair that humans keep picking others and leaving us to pick humans. You don't swim nearly as well!"
"Master's prerogative," Tahl said pitilessly, "You're only a knight."
"Bah!" Kit pretended to fume.
"She's a year younger than the others," Qui-Gon said to Tahl, "Eight years old is a bit much. You should probably wait at least a year."
"Hm." Tahl looked at Bant contemplatively.
OoO
Obi-Wan, Qui-Gon decided, has become the most fussed over padawan in the history of Jedi, at least in terms of the number of people who were getting involved in his welfare. Yoda had adhered to his wish of discretion, but there were many others who were indirectly involved even if they did not know the whole story, usually in regards to research. The youngster was completely ignorant of all this, fully engrossed in whatever children his age were doing and learning. Meanwhile, Servathi remained in her comatose state, and there was a great debate about whether it was worth sustaining her. Qui-Gon was glad to leave that up to other Jedi; certain issues he would not willingly touch even if he touched the Dark Side first.
When he was not listening to other people talk about their research, their experiences, how he was being ridiculous and appeared attached to his new padawan, he listened to Obi-Wan chatter about his day and started taking the boy to the salles for private lessons. The impromptu duel with Bruck had done much to alleviate the boy's anxiety at the prospect of demonstrations, and he showed consistency in his talents. Qui-Gon held back less with him than he initially did with either Feemor or Authsola, and it was actually difficult not to overdo things and accidentally harm the little one, because Obi-Wan was so short and agile. His endurance needed work, there were plenty of maneuvers he had not learned, and though he had an instinctual grasp of how to combine bladework with Force skills, he sometimes had problems coordinating. He also had a low tolerance of hunger, and would get distracted by his stomach. Still, he was a bright student, obedient and naturally compassionate, and always did his best. Qui-Gon could not be more proud of him.
As for the boy's nightmares, they came and went, sometimes two nights in a row, sometimes nothing for about a week. They were always the same theme: darkness chasing the light, chasing him, isolating him from everyone else. One night, Obi-Wan told him that he saw a Sith. When Qui-Gon asked how the boy knew, the child replied that the Sith told him so. The next morning, as with all mornings after the dreams, the boy was none the worse for wear, leaving Qui-Gon absolutely envious of how children could just brush things off like that.
"Safe, he feels," Yoda explained with some humor, "In the here and now, children always are. Think not of the past, nor the future, but in the present. Loved, he feels, so happy, he is. Unconcerned, he therefore is, by his dreams."
Denying that he loved Obi-Wan would sound too defensive, and it was not what Yoda had said, anyway. The Grand Master merely claimed that the boy felt loved, and frankly, Qui-Gon figured it was best, especially if it meant it would negate the trauma those frequent nightmares would have induced.
"They're haunting him," Qui-Gon shook his head, "I don't like it. And it's wearing me down." He had to wake Obi-Wan from them each time, and stay with the boy until morning. "I prefer having the premonitions myself, even if those also drive me insane."
Yoda tapped his shin lightly with his stick, face sympathetic. The mind healers unraveled nothing—Qui-Gon was not experienced enough with the Unifying Force to know what to look for or what to pay attention to, even with their guidance, and Obi-Wan was a nine-year-old firmly ensconced in the present and did not understand all the instructions given to him. Even if he did, the dreams seemed more like feelings than images, and feelings were always difficult to determine.
"Stronger, he is," The Grand Master digressed, "More controlled, he is. Good influence for him, you are."
"He trusts me," Said Qui-Gon, "From the start. And he is a good child. He just needed someone to be patient, to figure out his side of the story."
"A loss to the Jedi, he would have been, if not chosen, he were," Said Yoda, "Fond of him, I am. Gladden me, it does, to see that doing well, he is." He paused for a moment. "If beloved by the dark, he is, attachments, he may need."
Qui-Gon had no idea if this was a verbal trap and how to avoid it. "As far as I know," He said uncomfortably, "The darkness does not love."
"Hate, it does, but love of hating, it is," Said Yoda with a cocked eyebrow, "In many ways, love the light, all Dark Siders do, and hate it all the more, they do, because far away, the light is, for them. Lose appreciation for beauty, ugly things do not. In many ways, love beauty more, shadows do, than those in the light, for how impossible, for them, it is. Better than most, Initiate Kenobi is. Even though strong in the Unifying Force, drew you to him, his light did."
Qui-Gon nodded at this.
"Is that what's drawing the nightmares too?" He asked. "And attracting Dark Siders? Could the Dark Side be as drawn to him as I was?"
"Possible," Was all Yoda said to this, "However, draw the dark, fear does as well. A strong bond, you two have, to enable sharing of gifts. Possible, it is, that attracted to your padawan, danger is, through your own fear. Vigilant, we all need to be, but be crazy, we do not! For the Unifying Force, cloud our vision, fear does. Light and Dark, work to send visions, both do. Draws the dark, fear does. Draws the light, serenity. Required, inner peace is, to see the truth."
Inner peace might be required to see the truth, but it certainly was not sufficient; Qui-Gon was enough of a master that he could meditate easily and bring himself to the right state of mind, but the nightmares continued, sporadically, and his heart continued seizing with urgency. On occasion he would be hit with a vision that would give him some insight into his padawan, though most were for rather trivial things: confrontations with Bruck Chun and his friend Aalto, bouts of mischief with mechanics, little hurts and aches the child chose to endure silently, moments when the boy was not so unaffected by his dreams after all. The issues were quickly becoming more routine than problematic, but he was no closer to the reasons behind them than he was in the beginning.
"It could be you need these talents in the future," Said Tahl to a very sleep-deprived Qui-Gon. Obi-Wan was actually wearing down from this as well.
"Why can't it be something pleasant for once?" He lamented. "Neither Obi-Wan nor I would object too much if his dreams were filled with bubbles."
"Bubbles?" Tahl asked, having missed the first time he visited the boy at the hospital, "Why bubbles?"
"He likes bubbles," Said Qui-Gon.
OoO
Jedi initiates, before they were chosen, had a lot more time to play than padawans normally did. Since both Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan were stressed out by the issues plaguing their bond, Yoda convinced the council to allow the master to take his student off Coruscant to explore without the hassle of missions while everyone else looked up training bonds and what could cause someone like Servathi to know of a Jedi youngling she had never seen before. Qui-Gon picked Alderaan because of its rich culture and safe neighborhoods. He would have picked Obi-Wan's home planet, but felt it ought to wait until Obi-Wan was older, and their master-apprentice training bond stopped doing whatever it was doing. Princess Breha Antilles will be hosting a birthday banquet soon, and had invited the Jedi Order as a gesture of appreciation for their part in settling a royal ascendancy dispute. Jorus C'baoth was the one who resolved the contention, but the Jedi Watchman had been dispatched to another sector and was unable to join the reception. The council figured Qui-Gon might as well represent the Order while he was there, and it was a lax enough "mission" for Obi-Wan to participate in.
"We are staying with the Organa family?" His little one asked when Qui-Gon briefed him on their plans in the Room of a Thousand Fountains. The child was anxious about this in all senses of the word; he had never left Coruscant upon coming here to train, and his memories of his home world was faint and sporadic. He claimed he remembered playing with a little brother and being fairly content, but could not remember much of a world different from Coruscant. "Do they have children like me?"
"They have four, all older than you. The son is…ten years older than you, so he's nineteen, the youngest sister I think is thirteen…" Which was still significantly older than nine, at least from their point of view. Bail Organa was already taking up work in the senate.
Obi-Wan wrinkled his nose. Through the bond, Qui-Gon caught flickers of doubt—he was skeptical about how interesting it would be to spend time with teenagers, which was a fair concern. The master tugged gently on the boy's braid.
"You'll be fine," He promised. "We will stay with the Organas, but you will meet others." It was not often that such a young padawan visited a planet for non-business reasons. Alderaan's many officials were all curious to meet Obi-Wan. "Besides, we're there to have some fun."
Obi-Wan grinned at him. "You're not like most Jedi are you, Master?"
"Would you prefer if I were?"
"No," Obi-Wan shook his head resolutely, still grinning.
He tapped the boy on the nose, inspiring a giggle.
As they rose to make their way out of the gardens, Qui-Gon's stomach suddenly plummeted for seemingly no reason. He looked around to find what had disturbed him.
"Hi Xanatos!" Obi-Wan called. The master followed his padawan's line of sight to a familiar face. It was the man Qui-Gon had seen in his very first dream when Obi-Wan became his padawan—the man from the banquet. There was a faint sinister air about him, though not more so than the more corrupt business officials. He resisted the impulse to pull his little one close.
"Hello, Obi-Wan. Is this your master?" Xanatos turned his eyes to Qui-Gon to consider him.
"Yes, this is my master, Qui-Gon Jinn," Obi-Wan beamed. "Master, this is Governor Xanatos Du Crion. He's from Telos!"
"Pleasure to meet you, Master Jinn," The governor bowed a little.
"Likewise," Qui-Gon managed not to sound too stiff. He could not help tensing, however, when Obi-Wan left his side of his own volition to approach the Telosian, who then had the audacity to rub the back of the boy's head in an outwardly affectionate gesture. The rings on each finger glimmered in the light.
He was handsome, that young man, with his fair skin and dark black hair, his features noble and aristocratic, no doubt a fusion of a strong father and a beautiful mother. There was a sadistic set to his expression, however, as if he were use to sneering, and the light in his eyes was sharp and cold, even when he tried to smile. The soft look in his eyes as he regarded the child in front of him did not negate the lines of his face, and Qui-Gon sensed a faint blackness to him. He was…Force-sensitive, trained enough to shield himself. Though the Jedi Master wanted to delve deeper, he was far too anxious about Obi-Wan's proximity to focus on anything except how to get the boy away from him.
Behind the Telosian, Knight Adi Gallia stood looking completely ignorant of the dynamics of the situation. Eeth Koth was more observant, and had noticed Qui-Gon's displeasure. Near them were other individuals, not Jedi, many of whom wore similar outfits to the governor, though none so ostentatious.
"Telos?" Qui-Gon looked back at the Telosian, "That is a long way from Coruscant."
"Ah, yes, we have some business dealings with the Senate— I am here to represent the companies on my planet. The Jedi Council was kind enough to allow us to visit your fine temple a few weeks ago."
Where you met Obi-Wan, no doubt. That was right around the second time when Qui-Gon had been hunting Servathi with Mace.
"I had the privilege of meeting this little one," The governor went on in what passed for a fond tone, "The youngest padawan in generations, correct? This one will do great things."
Obi-Wan laughed shyly, or perhaps it was not just bashfulness in his voice, because the young one slipped away from the governor to duck next to Qui-Gon as he tugged on his master through the training bond. Qui-Gon wanted to reach out to pull him close, but he did not want to reveal the depths of his affection for the child to this stranger.
"Thank you, Governor," He said a little brusquely, "I am glad you enjoyed your visit here. May the Force favor your business dealings with the Senate."
"Thank you, Master Jedi," The young man bowed again, reeking of charm. "May the Force be with you, and…your little one."
Qui-Gon did not bow back, and Obi-Wan stopped himself as he started when he realized his master was not doing it. The two walked past the puzzled folk gathered near the entrance to the gardens and stepped out into the hall.
"Master?" Obi-Wan inquired nervously, once they were out of earshot.
"Yes, my padawan?"
"You didn't like Xanatos."
Qui-Gon stopped, wondering if he was being paranoid again, but figured that he would much rather be paranoid and keep Obi-Wan safe than let this feeling go only to face the consequences later. He knelt down and grasped the child's face between his hands.
"Padawan," He said softly, "If I tell you to avoid him from now on, will you do it?"
Obi-Wan's eyes widened, but he nodded.
"I want you to stay away from him," He said, "Even if the other Jedi don't understand. Even if other masters tell you to go to him. Just tell them your master forbids you to be near him."
The boy blinked. "What if it's Master Yoda?"
"Yoda is not your master, I am," Qui-Gon looked into his eyes, "Someday you will understand, when you have a padawan of your own. But even if it's Master Yoda requesting you to go to him, if you see that you will be with Xanatos, leave, and summon me through the bond like I told you with Bruck Chun. Promise me that, padawan."
The child's trust in him was absolute. "I promise, Master."
He was frightened, so Qui-Gon indulged in a brief kiss on the forehead. "Alright, enough of that. We're going to Alderaan! You better think about anything you haven't packed yet, because we will be there for a while…"