Gundam Seed: Killer's Realm
Omake: K'GoN's Interview Show
Warning: Rated R, Under 17 requires accompanying parent or adult guardian 21 or older. The parent/guardian is required to stay with the child under 17 through the entire showing, even if the parent gives the child/teenager permission to see the show alone. This show may contain strong profanity, graphic sexuality, nudity, strong violence, horror, blood and gore.
000000000000000000000000000000000000000 -- Quis est a Iuguolo nisi a Iuguolo? – 00000000000000000000000000000000000000
The audience sits in a darkened room, only the glow of camera monitors casting any light. Then, suddenly, several spotlights turn on, casting a brilliant glare onto on spot on the stage: a two-meter pole topped with a rather tiny chair, made for something about three inches tall. And indeed, a certain three-inch tall horrid combination of Knightmare Frame and Gundam mobile suit lounged in the puny chair, holding a microphone of equally small size.
Beaming, and causing much of the audience to pale, retch, faint, or clutch at their hearts and keel over, the disgusting little beast announced:
"Hello, and welcome to K'GoN's Interview Show, starring: Me! K'GoN!" K'GoN grinned wider, causing an elderly couple close to the front to instantaneously wither into dust.
"Today, we have with us the stars of the somewhat idiotic-" At this, several panels on the floor and ceiling folded inwards, revealing fourteencarefully aimed and calibrated turrets of both railgun and beam gun varieties. "-and yet undeniably successful fanfiction Gundam Seed: Killer's Realm!" The turrets retracted into the floor and ceiling, panels folding back over them until you couldn't tell they were ever there.
"First off, Kira Yamato-Athha!"
One of the spotlights swerved to illuminate said guest, who was waving a little unenthusiastically, scanning the crowd for someone wearing a Blue Cosmos symbol.
"Athrun Zala the Bachelor!"
Another spotlight cast its radiance upon Athrun, some of its light being reflected by his large and shiny forehead into the crowd and permanently blinding two fangirls, forever affixing his image into their retinas, much to their everlasting ecstasy.
"Future Orb Ruler, Cagalli Yula Athha!"
Again, a spotlight maneuvered to show Cagalli, sitting straight in her chair with her arms folded and legs crossed, dressed in her guerrilla outfit and frowning.
"Ace and all-around cool guy, Mu La Flaga!"
The former OMNI ace reclined back in his chair, grinning at the audience and cameras, even as the gamma rays of his personal spotlight burned a circle around him, yet failing to hurt him in any way.
"Designer of Mobile Suits of Mass Destruction and close friend or acquaintance of Kira and Jack, Lien Van Dalygon!"
The engineer/technician/programmer sat calmly in his chair, coolly studying his surroundings.
"Resident walking insanity ward and expert swordsman/gunslinger/pilot, Jack Kagizaki/Chimamare/Hajikidasu!"
Instead of a chair, Jack was restrained to a titanium platform with bands of unbreakable metals tying down his arms, legs, neck, chin, fingers, toes, and ears. Still, he managed to twitch a finger and bat an eye.
"And helping us with the questions for those who we were unable to kidnap -er, invite, to our show, Neb, and his Four Walls!"
A distorted area appeared on the wall behind K'GoN, showing Neb at his computer desk, bowing to the audience and cameras, unfortunately showing the numerous mobile suit/Knightmare designs surrounding a poster of the Ptolemaios female crew members in bikinis.
"Alright, before we get started, anything you......let's see, one, two, three....six wanna say?"
Kira: "If I find out any of the audience is a Blue Cosmos member, I'm strafing this building with my new Gundam.
Athrun: "Oh, ye mighty Author in the sky: Why don't I show up more?"
Cagalli: "What Athrun said, only more threatening and less pleading."
Mu: "Why are we on this show when we should be fighting a war?"
Liene: "Can we get this over with?"
Jack: "I need to pee."
Neb: "You saw nothing" Does Jedi mind trick, unsuccessfully.
"Alright, first questions are from the first of the only two people who sent questions: Mordalfus! First off, for Jack."
"'Dear Jack, What do you think would happen if some guy from the Earth Alliance, who has no idea who Kira was, decided to teach Kira to fire a gun while among a class trainees and in a enclosed room?'" For a second, Jack lays on his platform, pondering, for all of two milliseconds, before answering in a slightly hysterical tone.
"You kidding? Kira would've stabbed the guy and eviscerated his trainees before he got to asking. Although, I suppose if Kira went along with it, he'd spend the entire time trying to shoot them, and instead hitting the bulls-eyes before chucking the gun at the instructor and dismembering the lot of them."
"Next: Dear Chimamare, Haji and Jack
What are your thought on Kira? Considering he is MIA or even KIA, you're in a soundproof box, and yet both Cagalli and Athrun are watching you?" As K'GoN read the question, a solid steel box lowered around the schizophrenic, shielding him from the gazes of the two mentioned.
"Wait, hold up," Jack's voice, in the tone that said Chimamare was controlling, said. "They can't hear me? The audience is surrounded by sound-proof glass where the speakers are set up so that no one on the stage except K'GoN with his mechanics and Neb with his computer can hear?" Everyone leaned closer at that, Kira, Cagalli and Athrun listening intently.
"Awesome! In that case, I think Kira's a stuck-up little prick who needs to loosen up a bit more and kill everyone!" Then Jack's voice shifted to the somewhat cold yet more humane voice of Haji.
"I think Kira-san is a master at anything he puts his mind to, and a terror in close-combat or mobile suit battle situations." Then Jack took completely over, sounding normally insane, instead of bat-shit crazy, 'help-the-pink-elephants-are-attacking-me' hyped-up-on-crystal-meth voice of Chimamare, or the way too cool, calm and collected voice of Haji.
"Kira's a great friend, and is the first one to not try to stab me, shoot me, or actually kill me in any way shape or form."
With that, the steel box lifted up, showing Jack.
"Next up is one for Cagalli: If Jack ever bad mouthed your brother, how would you go about torturing him? Would you invite Liene and Yzak?" Cagalli sat for a moment, contemplating.
"Well, first of all, I can't go about torturing people just for bad-mouthing Kira. It's just not right." She grinned. "I'd have to send him to Kira." Jack's horrified look was pure gold. "As for Liene and Yzak, I'm sure they'd happily volunteer their services." At Liene's ghostly smirk, Jack promptly soiled himself, drawing disgusted gazes.
Cackling, K'GoN continued.
"For Kira, if Jack (or Chimamare) ever insulted Cagalli, how would you torture him/them?" The response was immediate.
"It wouldn't do to reveal any of my methods, although in that case, I do have something in mind...." As he spoke, Kira's eyes drifted to a door marked 'Dressing Room', where the spotlight followed his gaze to alight on what looked like an iron maiden hooked up to a generator and filled with needles that glowed an eerie green.
"And the last one from Mordalfus, for Chim, if Cagalli painted the Kiba Pink, how would you react without killing her?" Jack's expression shifted to the insane look of Chimamare, complete with bloody foam.
"Well, first of all, that wouldn't happen, as Cagalli hates the color pink. Secondly, she's too professional to do that, and last.....well, I don't have the guts to do anything past publicly embarrassing her in some way. Such as with those photos I caught of her and Athrun last week." At their expressions of horror, he grinned. "And don't think I wouldn't do it, Princess."
K'GoN had to grin at that, causing some more of the audience to faint.
"Well, the last of the two to actually submit questions, shame on the rest of you, the ever-popular Velshard, real-world designer of ZAFT's entire arsenal of mobile suits, and real-world designer of Orbs future MSMDs. First off, we have a question for the trio of OMNI Constantine pilots from the Watchers unit, Ensigns Hiro Hetare, Pyotr Ivanovich Lebedsky, and Kalani Johnson. As we don't have them physically here, we'll have to use one of Neb's look-but-don't touch Four Walls." As he finished, Neb instantly typed in several hundred codes at a rate of 500 gross words per minute, opening a Fourth Wall to the PLANTS Martius Five colony.
The image showed a horde of ZAFT Green Uniforms, sitting in what looked like a bar, applauding what was.....the three OMNI pilots, up on a stage. Even as everyone watched, Pyotr took a long chug from the tankard of alcohol in his hand, threw the empty glass behind him, and started speaking.
"Hey guysh, what do you call a Blue Coshmosh member who likes Coordinators? A Blue Coshmo-NOT!" As the entirety of the bar's drunken occupants laughed, Neb commented.
"I thought Russians could hold their liquor."
Even before the part-time author finished speaking, Hiro swayed, spilling half of his drink.
"Hey! I can time travel!" freezing, the former Watcher member waited a whole thirty seconds before grinning and saying "Shee!?! I'm in the Fewture!" Laughing, the audience in both the studio and the bar watched as Kalani dropped his glass on the floor, and reached into a top hat, pulling out.... a surfboard.
"Shurf'sh up guysh!" he chortled, as a literal wave of what looked like red wine poured out of the hat, bowling the Californian-born Hawaiian over.
"Well, that answers Velshards first question." K'GoN guffawed, waving for Neb to close The Wall. "Next, Haji has to answer: Do you ever feel ashamed of being a part of Jack?"
"Constantly." Haji answered, before retreating back into Jack's mind.
"Oooookaayy....Athrun: If a Tsundere blond girl wearing a dress falls down in a hangar full of Tetsujins, do the Mobile Suits laugh?"
"Erm.....what's Tsundere mean?" Athrun asked, confused.
"Tsundere is a Japanese concept of a character archetype which describes a person with a conceited, irritable, and/or violent personality that suddenly becomes modest and loving when triggered by some sort of cause (such as being alone with someone)." Liene provided, tonelessly.
"Oh. Well, I don't know anyone like that who wears a dress. But, I think that's more of a question for Kira, considering that' he helped program the Tetsujins, or so I've heard." Athrun said, turning to his friend.
"Well," Kira said. "That kinda depends on the pilot's sense of humor."
K'GoN snorted. "Well, that's been cleared up....not. Anyway, our next question is for Kira: If there was anyone in history you could kill, who would it be?"
Kira looked perplexed for a moment, before drawing out a scroll and unraveling it. It dropped to the floor, and rolled on, and on, and on, and on, and......well, you get the idea. It reached Uranus.
"Does it have to be one person?"
"Well, I'm not sure if Velshard means it that way, but let's assume only one."
"Damn.......well.....I guess it'd be..........Mistuo Fukuda."
"Wait, what? Why him? He's the whole reason you even exist!"
"Yeah, but he so completely screwed us over. I mean, in canon, my character's a total p*ssy. Look at Heero and Setsuna: They ooze bad-assedness."
"I dispute the latter half of your statement, but otherwise, yeah. Next, is someone who hasn't even shown up yet: Muruta Azrael." The distortion of A Fourth Wall showed up again, this time showing a blond guy in a fancy-shmansy room.
"What the-"
"Muruta Azrael: Did your mommy and daddy play with you inappropriately as a child?"
"Wha- NO!"
"Well," Neb butted in, "It says here that his mother slapped him as a kid, so I suppose it's a yes."
"How did- that's not."
"Whatever, shut up and go to hell already." K'GoN snarled irritatedly at the executive, before staring at the ceiling. "Man, I hope you make a good death for him.....anyway, next is Patrick Zala." The Fourth Wall appeared again, showing a disgruntled and surprised oldish guy in a ZAFT military uniform.
"Father." Athrun said, nodding towards his rather distant parental unit.
"What the-"
"Patrick Zala: Is one reason your so pissy like Adolf Hitler because you might be a failed coordinator?" The future ZAFT Council Chairman got very red in the face, before exploding in a series of expletives seen only on R-rated television. "I'll take that as a yes."
"Next: For Mu: Can you sum up your opinion on Orb's recruitment choices without saying something potentially fatal?" Mu looked a bit nervous.
"Well....I suppose that while many of Orbs personnel, at least the ones I've seen so far.......well, they're not really normal....but they are very skilled at what they do......hehe," Mu chuckled nervously, as Kira, Liene and Jack looked at him a bit threateningly.
"I'm surprised you managed to say something that wasn't mildly insulting. Next, Kuzzey." Yet again, the Wall opened, this time right in K'GoN's face, showing a startled Kuzzey getting a drink from the Barachiel's cafeteria.
"BOO!"
"AAGHGG" the Orb native screamed, falling back on his butt and spilling his drink down the front of his pants. As the Wall closed, K'GoN cackled again.
"Professionally speaking, I should reprimand you for that Velshard, as it wasn't a question, but it was so amusing...I'll let it slide. Next up is.....me?"
Kira snatched the questions out of K'GoN's puny manipulator, and read the question aloud. "K'GoN, If you were to kill your master wouldn't that be a form of suicide? just something to keep in mind."
"Hmmm." The monster looked pensive, and opened his mouth to reply. Except that Neb interrupted.
"In a sense, yes. Because if the Author, who created and is responsible for K'GoN's continued existence as well as mine were to be killed, we would cease to be written, and only the records of ourselves in these stories would remain, like a tombstone."
"Feh. Well, I can still hurt the bastard." K'GoN grumbled, ripping the questions out of Kira's hand. "Last: Lacus."
"Yes?" The pop princess called, from the front row of the audience.
"What the-"
"I wanted to watch and see if anyone asked Kira a question about me." Lacus replied shyly.
"Well then......Lacus, Kira wants to know if you really are as sweet and innocent as you seem or if you are in reality a closet pervert?" This caused the singer to blush a red similar in shade to that of Flay's hair, as she stammered out a reply.
"I'm no pervert!" K'GoN waited. "Really, I'm not."
"Sure, whatever." K'GoN winked at her. "Anyway, that was the last questi-Gah!" A ten-ton weight of solid concrete smashed from the ceiling on top of K'GoN's chair, with words written on its back. Leaning over, the cast read out the question at the same time.
"Why do people keep calling canon Kira Jesus Yamato?" Opening the last Fourth Wall, Neb showed the Kira that everyone knew: Pure, Innocent, and supremely Optimistic. Our Kira barely managed to keep a snarl off his face, although he couldn't stop his hand from reaching for his balisong knife.
"Oh, hello!" the Real Kira said cheerfully.
"Well?" K'GoN groaned out from under the slab.
"Well, I'm not sure, but everyone tells me its because that it's because, 1: I'm pure and good, 2: I'm extremely forgiving, and 3: I was 'borne of a womb that had never known the touch of a man.' Oh, and then there was the fact about me....erm...what was the term? Oh, WTFBBQPWNing everyone in battle with my Beam-Spamming freak of a Gundam." Neb closed the Fourth Wall, just as Our Kira whipped out the balisong, throwing it into the space where Real Kira's head used to be.
K'GoN crawled out from under the slab, panting as his broken metal limbs repaired themselves, before saying:
"Well, that's all folks! But wait, we have a special surprise from the Author! A sneak peek at the next chapter of Gundam Seed: Killer's Realm!"
000000000000000000000000000000000000000 -- Quis est a Iuguolo nisi a Iuguolo? – 00000000000000000000000000000000000000
Kira crept through the undergrowth, following the sound of voices. Creeping up behind a bush, he snuck a look over it, getting a glimpse of-
A gun pressed into the side of his head, forcing him down to the ground as someone kicked his legs out from under him, forcing him down to the ground.
"Oh, look at what we have here! She'll reward me greatly for this!" Kira heard, and the voice was dreadfully familiar.
000000000000000000000000000000000000000 -- Quis est a Iuguolo nisi a Iuguolo? – 00000000000000000000000000000000000000
A/N: And that's that, if I do another one of these "interview" Omakes, I hope more of you send questions.
Er....I've just discovered a rather large blunder in my dates. So far, I've been labeling this as still in the month of January. And while the journey from Heliopolis to the Indian Ocean probably was slightly faster than canon because of the lack of ZAFT attacks, and that they spent about a whole day in North Africa, it still should be around February. So, I'm gonna have to go back and fix this.