Darsant Avat

Turns of Fate

It was a quick trip from Coruscant to Metellos as it was in the same sector. They did not linger in orbit for very long, and Obi-Wan only received a brief glimpse of the rather shabby planet before they launched into the hyperspace jump that would take them to Ilum. The youngster was quiet for the entire trip, and Qui-Gon could sense his anxiety and unease. He tried to determine if it was related to any genuine threat, but it seemed more due to nerves than anything else.

It was good for Obi-Wan to be quiet. The child needed to meditate on his lightsaber crystal, after all, and being in-tune with the Force now would make that easier.

When they did arrive on Ilum, his little one seemed almost dismayed. The Force was strong here, but unlike on Alderaan or Naboo, there was little life here and it felt seemed lonely and depressing.

"That's Ilum?"

"That's Ilum."

They pulled into the atmosphere of the bleak planet and landed at the bottom of the slopes, since landing on the top was impossible. Obi-Wan headed to where the heavy cloaks and boots were kept and put everything on. When they were ready, Qui-Gon opened the hatch, and the blast of cold air hit them like a physical blow.

Much of the surface was covered in ice, with bits of snow from the wind that scraped off crystals that scraped the face of the ground. Obi-Wan took a step and fell on his behind. The Jedi Master was more experienced and kept his balance while helping the little one up.

"Stay close," He told the youngster, "The slopes are very slippery."

Compared to Qui-Gon's visit here when he was a padawan, or when Feemor and Authsola were making their first lightsabers, their scaling up to the caves was a smooth one. When Qui-Gon was here, there had been a nest of Gorgodons close by, and he and his master had to influence a bunch of them while slaying several others. Obi-Wan's Force sensitivity might have had something to do with the lack of trouble this time around; the child sometimes loitered for seemingly no reason, or suddenly doubled back, forcing Qui-Gon to catch up to him. For the first time he could remember, Qui-Gon followed the boy without questioning him. They camped out once, the child huddled close to him and sharing his cloak, and then they were in the cave.

It had been years since Qui-Gon was here, and every time he was dazzled by the sheer beauty and serenity of the cave. The caverns were large and high and deep, the evidence of millions of years of carving and morphing and sculpting etched into their walls and floors and ceilings, and in the air the Force was ambient with the memories of many Jedi who had come here for the crystals, a tradition that was kept alive for tens of thousands of years. The crystals were not actually as obvious as one would expect, but when he lit the plasma torch he could see their glimmer in the dim light. Obi-Wan uttered a quiet gasp as he took in the sight.

"We should make the temple here," He said.

"There aren't any nerfs here."

"We'll bring some nerfs here."

"What will they eat?"

"I don't know. Maybe we'll leave the nerfs where they are. It's too cold, anyway." The boy then went further in.

Qui-Gon smiled to himself and wondered if Obi-Wan would ever grow out of liking nerfs.

The caves were cold, but there was no wind. Obi-Wan did not go too far ahead of him, and Qui-Gon kept close at hand. The boy went deeper, ignoring the crystals around them, though he did not seem entirely sure where he was going. At one point, the child stopped and turned to his master in alarm.

"I don't know if I can make it back out," The youngling exclaimed.

"Follow the Force," Qui-Gon reminded him.

Obi-Wan worried his lip, looking back the way they came, and it was almost as if he were looking back at his past, his memories, reluctant to leave them.

Or maybe Qui-Gon was just being sentimental.

The child then proceeded onwards again, and the master followed. Silence descended after that.

OoO

"That one."

Qui-Gon looked at where the boy was pointing. A little bit of blue sparkled from the ceiling about twenty feet above them.

"You're trying to give me a workout, aren't you?" He looked down at the little brat.

Obi-Wan blinked, looking worried, so Qui-Gon ruffled his hair to show that he was not serious. "If you are certain, Obi."

The boy nodded.

Qui-Gon turned on his weapon, noting that his own blade was blue. It gave him some pleasure to know that the boy's blade color would be like his own. He gathered the Force and leaped up, slicing the ceiling in quick, efficient cuts. The block of earth fell with him and dissolved easily on impact. The crystal itself rolled across the ice, pretty much already polished.

Obi-Wan wrapped himself more warmly in the cloak before sitting down in front of the crystal and hovering it into the air with telekinesis. Qui-Gon sat near him to keep him warm as the little one sank into meditation as easily as if he were born to do it. The Force jingled around them and seemed to be roused by the child's meditative trance, reminding Qui-Gon of how his first meditation with the boy had been an experience full of joy and laughter and delight. All of the sudden, the cave around them seemed to sparkle a bit more, as if all the crystals were somehow wakened and were glimmering in anticipation.

He was going to have to tell Obi-Wan this at some point. Perhaps not today, perhaps not even this year, but someday. He was fairly certain that Obi-Wan had no idea this was how the Force reacted to him. After looking around, noting how the dark cave had somehow lightened a bit, Qui-Gon closed his eyes and sank into his own trance to wait for the little one to finish.

OoO

He was in the archives, but not the ones in the Jedi Temple. The designs were similar, the feeling of the place was similar, but there was an ancient feeling of abandonment, like the place was built for the Jedi, but they had not been there for thousands of years. It reminded Qui-Gon of…the Dantooine Enclave, actually. He wondered if this was the library there.

A tall male Jedi with dark blonde hair was looking through the shelves, running his fingers over the ancient tomes and cursing under his breath in the most unseemly fashion. Clearly, whoever this young man was had not been trained properly, because his mannerisms were filled with so much frustration, and he made no effort to release his emotions into the Force.

"Cursing at the books won't make the answer jump out at you," Said a voice from behind Qui-Gon. The accent was awfully familiar, even if the voice was not. It belonged to a man, and as he turned around, he saw a figure swathed in two cloaks, so bundled that Qui-Gon could not see him.

"Well if I were to choose between cursing and making myself feel better while not finding the info, or not cursing and keep feeling like trash while not finding the info, I'd pick the former," The youth turned around, "Unless you want quiet."

"It doesn't really matter. I can feel your frustration."

The youth looked sullen. "I'm sorry, Master."

"We should go home," His master ignored him to say, "The Council is waiting. They're probably wondering why we took this detour in the first place."

"I told them I was coming here," Said the youth, turning back to the shelves, "For crying out loud, why are there books in this place? How old is this Force-damned library?"

"Anakin," The master said quietly, "I want to go home."

Anakin hurried over to him, and Qui-Gon frowned as he sensed the wave of love and affection and despair rush past. The youth bent over the bundled figure and smoothed the cloaks down. Qui-Gon caught sight of familiar blue-grey eyes set on a face that was pale and emaciated, before Anakin's shoulder blocked his view.

"Hang in there, please, Master," Anakin clutched Obi-Wan's face in his, "Just a little longer. Artoo is downloading what files are electronic, and I just want a chance. Please."

"Anakin," Obi-Wan sighed, and Qui-Gon was alarmed by how absolutely weak and tired he was, his Force signature like dying embers, so far from the laughing sparkle of joy as a child, "Some things are the will of the Force. Sometimes there are no answers to problems. You have to accept that."

Anakin burst into tears, emitting a low sob, and Qui-Gon raised his own hands to cover his mouth. The youth looked so lost, so much like a child, and so desperate.

What was wrong with Obi-Wan? Why did he look so sick?

"We have to try," Anakin insisted through his tears, "I have to try. I'm sorry, I know you are suffering, but I can't just—I—I'm supposed to be the Chosen One, I have all these stupid midichlorians I can't do anything," He uttered another sob, "And I can't stand the thought that later on I might learn that I could have done something if only I tried harder, Obi-Wan…"

"It is 'Darsant Avat', Anakin," Obi-Wan raised a thin, frail hand to touch the boy's cheek, "Plague of Forces. Trying won't accomplish anything. You are just one man. Masters should always leave before their padawans. This is right. You can't face the other side with a lightsaber, Anakin, no matter how hard you try."

Anakin pressed his master's hand against his cheek as Obi-Wan's eyes fell closed.

"I don't think I can go on missions anymore," Obi-Wan murmured. "Please, padawan, take me home."

"I will. I promise. After this, I'll take you home. Just…give me some more time, please, I promise I'll take you home. At least until Artoo finishes downloading everything."

The master exhaled and the vision faded.

OoO

Qui-Gon opened his eyes. Obi-Wan was still meditating, the young one's aura soothingly strong and bright. He moved closer, shaken by the vision. Was that Obi-Wan's destiny? To die sick and frail, before his time? He had looked old in the vision, but there was something about him that also seemed young. He could not have been past forty years old.

In the real world, the child was healthy and strong, his presence serene and calming and solid. Around them the cold caves were quiet, like the many crystals were silently watching the two of them.

Darsant Avat. This was the first time Qui-Gon received a vision that mentioned the term directly.

"Something like that," A woman's voice broke through the silence like a sword shattering stone, " Happens only once in a while."

Qui-Gon whipped his head around. Servathi stood, blue skin almost grey and a sneer curling her mouth. She looked real, except she could not be. She was very much dead.

This had to be a vision of some sort, but how?

"You think only the Light Side influences this place?" The twi'lek went on as if reading his mind, "Foolish Jedi." Her eyes slid across to stop on Obi-Wans oblivious form.

Visions had their own kind of power. Qui-Gon's hand reached for his lightsaber, even though he had no real intention of using it. He doubted it would do much good here.

"What do you want?" He asked. What am I meant to see? It was curious that he was the one facing these visions rather than Obi-Wan, but then he wondered if the boy had his own visions to contend with.

Servathi tilted her head, mad eyes gleaming in the dim light of the plasma torch. "He really is beautiful," She murmured, "Rare, when both sides find the same thing beautiful. It's what starts it all, you know. Two sides wanting the same thing."

"Why Obi-Wan?" He demanded. "Why does the Dark Side want Obi-Wan?"

She was suddenly in his face, except she was suddenly as tall as he was, and she was no longer Servathi but…Anakin, the frustrated, uninhibited Jedi Qui-Gon had seen in his vision. One eye was blue, one eye was gleaming yellow, and his entire face was actually split in half, with one side young and benign while the other side snarled viciously and seemed decayed.

"It's because of me!" The specter exclaimed, and two identical voices echoed from the same throat, except one was benevolent and the other sinister. "Who else can handle me?"

Qui-Gon blinked, and Anakin was gone. It was just the two of them, Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan, the little one still peacefully meditating.

OoO

Even though Obi-Wan took longer to rouse from his meditation, and even more time to build his lightsaber, by the time it was all finished, Qui-Gon could barely muster the enthusiasm to praise his young padawan, or to truly appreciate the fact that Obi-Wan had modeled it after his own.

The child was no longer the oblivious youngster he was when he was nine.

"Did you see something?" The boy asked. "You have that look, Master."

Qui-Gon rubbed his head. "Yes."

"Want to talk about it?"

"Not here. Let's head out. I don't want to discuss these matters here."

The trip back to the ship was as smooth as the trip from it. They camped out once in the cold, and by the time they arrived at the ship, Obi-Wan was all too eager to rush inside. Unfortunately, the ship was as cold as the cave, since Qui-Gon had turned the engines off, and the heaters took time to warm up.

"Want to talk about it now?" Obi-Wan asked.

Qui-Gon considered. "Obi-Wan, have you ever had visions of the future? I mean very distant future, as in years."

The boy hesitated and worried his lip, the way he always did when something troubled him.

"Stop that," Qui-Gon remonstrated, reaching out to pull it out. "Padawan?"

"I've…had visions, when I meditate."

"When you made the crystal?"

"Well, that too. The crystal was different though. In the past," Obi-Wan rubbed the back of his head, "I don't think you'll be happy, Master."

"Tell me," Qui-Gon ordered.

"I saw Master Dooku," Obi-Wan looked worried, "He kept telling me to join him. He was old, and…well, kind of like that Sith Lord on Naboo. I kept saying no, and…he…tortured me. I didn't feel the pain, actually, though I was screaming a lot in the vision." The boy looked down. "I'm sorry, Master. I don't know why I keep seeing it."

"Don't be sorry," Qui-Gon felt numb and decided not to demand why the child never told him this before, "He was my master, true, but people change. How often did you see this vision?"

"Well, it was the first," Said Obi-Wan, "It shows up every now and then. Usually when I dream it's about class, about doing problem sets that don't actually exist, but I think those were regular dreams."

"Anything else? Any visions?"

"Not really. Mostly Dooku. Also Bail. Those are nicer," The boy beamed, eager to share some optimism, "He and Breha will really love each other. They won't have kids though, which is kind of sad, but they eventually adopt. They're all awkward now, but they will love each other. They're both really nice people."

"What about yourself?" It was nice to know that young Organa and the Princess were destined to have a happy marriage, but Qui-Gon was not interested in that right now. "Have you ever dreamed about…being sick?"

Obi-Wan tilted his head. "Not really, no."

"Does the name 'Anakin' sound familiar to you?"

"Anakin?" Something in Obi-Wan's eyes seemed to spark and register the name. "Something about it sounds kind of…Ani. Anakin. I feel like you've said it once before."

"I never did," Qui-Gon said with certainty.

"I don't know." Obi-Wan shook his head.

"Don't worry about it," The Jedi Master told him.

OoO

Something was troubling his master.

It actually took a while for Obi-Wan to piece everything together. He had been distracted by other things, mainly studying, lightsaber training, the occasional mission, whether official or unofficial. After almost two years, though, the boy could no longer ignore the fact that his master was always worried about him, which was definitely not the case for other master-padawan pairs. He also knew what Master Qui-Gon did not say; he did not say that other masters did not care about their padawans nearly as much as he did, but then it was not prudent to say out loud. Besides, Jedi Masters were not supposed to care about their padawans as much as Master Qui-Gon did about Obi-Wan. The Jedi Code forbid attachments.

It was a little frustrating to realize that he was the cause of problems without knowing how.

"Is there something wrong with Master Qui-Gon?" He asked Master Yoda, who was ambling down the hallway toward the meditation gardens.

"Hm?" The Grand Master's ears perked up at this. "Why ask this, do you?"

"Well," Obi-Wan folded in on himself, "I feel like something's going on with him."

"Hm. And going on, what has?"

Master Qui-Gon had grown distant ever since Obi-Wan made his lightsaber. It was not that his teacher was neglectful, just very distracted whenever he was assured there was nothing amiss with Obi-Wan. And he was always asking if there was anything amiss with Obi-Wan, even though nothing was—the healers had checked.

"Ever since we returned from Ilum, Master Qui-Gon has been…worried. I had told him…things," Obi-Wan was not sure if he should tell Master Yoda about Master Dooku, "I guess those could be it too, but I don't think so. I know he saw something in the caves, and he's been dwelling on it ever since. He's always asking me how I'm feeling, if I feel sick, if I've had any visions—I don't get visions that often, and most of them are really stupid too, like if I forgot to brush my teeth before going to bed I'd dream about my teeth falling out but it's really just all in my head, that sort of thing. The healers already told him I was healthy, I don't know what's going on."

"Hm," Said the Grand Master, "Speak to him, I will."

Obi-Wan thanked him before taking his leave. Garen was actually in the training salles, and since he had not made his lightsaber yet, Obi-Wan picked a training lightsaber up to prepare to practice with him.

The other boy was very excited.

"Flying was fantastic!" The boy exclaimed, and Obi-Wan managed to squelch a brief flare of envy. "Master Rhara is the best!" He then went on to describe everything, from the ship's controls to how to maneuver the vessel so that Obi-Wan felt almost certain he could fly one himself if someone put him in one right now. "Flying is so easy! It stinks that Master Jinn won't let you fly until you're fifteen. That's so long!"

"I know!" Obi-Wan agreed, meeting Garen's lightsaber with his own, "I couldn't talk him into it." He scowled. "I don't know what's so hard about it. I see him do it all the time, plus a droid could do it. I'm a Jedi. It's got to be easier for me."

"It so is!" Garen turned his blade off, "Obi, you and I should head to the hangar later. I saw Master Rhara enter the combination to unlock the gates. We can take one of the ships and head out!"

"What?" Obi-Wan turned his own off, "No. Besides, are you even allowed to do that?"

"Well she never said I couldn't."

"Well Master Qui-Gon said I couldn't," Obi-Wan shook his head, an uneasy feeling gathering in his gut at the mere thought of disobeying, "So no."

"Oh come on. You're not scared, are you?"

"Of course not! This is just a bad idea."

"I thought you wanted to fly!"

"I do," He thought about Master Qui-Gon's earnest face and patience even in the throes of Obi-Wan's whining, "But Master Qui-Gon is serious, and he'll definitely find out."

"Why?"

It took almost two years, but this was long enough for Obi-Wan to discover that not everyone had the same kind of bond he and his own master had. "He just will. And I don't want to disappoint him."

"Well, I'm calling Reeft and Bant then," Garen said unhappily, "I guess we'll go without you."

Feeling a bit crushed, Obi-Wan did not say anything.

OoO

After the afternoon classes, Obi-Wan came back to the quarters feeling depressed about the whole affair. Master Qui-Gon sensed this, as he always did whenever Obi-Wan was upset.

"What's wrong, Padawan?" He called from the kitchen counter where a portable computer sat displaying various files in blue holos, "Bad day today? Are you feeling alright?"

"I'm fine," Obi-Wan scowled, wondering if one reason his master refused to let him fly was because he thought Obi-Wan was too sick to do it. "I've been fine. Are you worried I'm sick? Is that why you think I can't fly a ship?"

"I thought we were over this," Master Qui-Gon rubbed his face in mild annoyance.

"Sorry, Master," Obi-Wan dipped his head. His master was always worried about Obi-Wan, and while that was irritating sometimes, he knew better than to give his master more grief.

Master Qui-Gon sighed, "No, Obi, I'm the one who's sorry. I know you really want to fly. You think you're old enough, and it doesn't help that Master Rhara is letting your friend fly a ship when he didn't even make his own lightsaber yet.

Obi-Wan groaned. "It really stinks. She's letting him fly on his own too. He's taken Reeft and Bant and I wanted to go too," He paused, wondering why he did not go; just because he went with his friends did not mean he was flying the ship, which meant he was not disobeying his master.

Darn it! I'm an idiot! I could have gone!

"What did you just say?" His master asked softly, and something in his voice made Obi-Wan hesitate. Well, maybe he did the right thing in not going.

"But I'm here," He said quickly, "I said no, so obviously I didn't go with them."

"I know. I'm talking about what you said earlier. You said Padawan Muln is flying on his own? With Reeft and Eerin?"

Obi-Wan felt like he was treading in dangerous waters. "…Um…they are…right now…am I in trouble?"

"You're not," His master said flatly.

OoO

"Tattle-tale," Bruck Chun mocked, "You're a tattler."

"I didn't know I was tattling!" Obi-Wan scowled, not that it really mattered either way. For one thing, he was not sure if he would not have told his Master about Garen's stunt even if he knew Garen was not supposed to fly ships, since Obi-Wan made a habit of telling Master Qui-Gon everything—his master tended to know a lot of stuff anyway, so hiding was pointless and lying was just not acceptable. Garen also was not talking to him regardless, though, which served to make the young padawan feel even more miserable.

"Sure you didn't," Bruck sneered, "You went to your master like the baby that you are and got your own friends in trouble. Some friend you are."

Technically, Obi-Wan did not get his friends in trouble. It was Master Rhara's fault, Master Qui-Gon had said; she did not take the precaution of warning her padawan not to fly the ships by himself, so technically Garen had not disobeyed her. He was just warned not to do it again, after a whole team of Jedi Knights were dispatched to retrieve the padawans. Garen was more upset about the spectacle than anything else, and truthfully, so was Obi-Wan.

Despite the fact that Bruck was lying, everyone in the temple did think that he was a tattle-tale.

"Tattle-tale! Tattle-tale! Oafy-Wan is a Tattle-tale!"

"Leave him alone!" A girl exclaimed, "He didn't do anything wrong, so quit it!"

Obi-Wan looked up. Siri Tachi had her arms folded in a pose resembling one of their teachers.

"Who do you think you are?" Bruck demanded.

"Thanks, Siri," Obi-Wan sighed, "He's sort of a lost cause though."

"Come again?" Bruck whirled on to him.

Obi-Wan scowled. Under Master Qui-Gon's tutelage, he had far surpassed Bruck Chun in almost everything. He did not want to start a fight over something so stupid. "Hey Siri, want to head over to Dexter's later with me?" Feemor's padawan, who had seen this whole thing and felt sorry for Obi-Wan, had offered to escort him to Dexter's that day for a bit of comfort food. Obi-Wan was certain he would not mind Siri joining them though.

"I don't know," Siri wavered, "Am I allowed to?"

Unlike Obi-Wan, she was still an initiate, which meant she was more restricted. Technically Obi-Wan should have had more freedoms as a padawan, but his master was kind of overprotective, otherwise Obi-Wan would have gone to Dexter's on his own. Having an eleven-year-old traverse Coruscant was a little much though, and Obi-Wan was well aware of that, even if he thought not even touching a ship's controls was a little over the top.

He loved Master Qui-Gon though, and would never do anything to hurt him.

"We can ask," He told Siri. "It's just Dexter's, and we have an older padawan with us. Feemor might join us too."

Siri hesitated. "Alright. What's Dexter's?"

"He's the best cook in the galaxy! You'll see," Obi-Wan beamed, and ducked away with Siri before Bruck could come up with a way to harass him again. The white-haired boy was truly getting kind of pointless. Obi-Wan had no idea what his problem was. It was hard to avoid fights when the other boy seemed so determined to start them, though thankfully by now he just seemed so desperate it was obvious from the start that he was the one responsible. Obi-Wan had been getting better at ignoring him too.

"Dexter's is a cook?"

"Dexter is a be-be-besalisk, ugh," Obi-Wan scowled, "Why do I keep doing that? I know how to say the word."

Siri giggled. "I do that sometimes too! Though I usually just forget how to spell things. Who else is coming?"

"Just us." Obi-Wan lowered his voice, "Don't tell Reeft. I'd invite him too, but Feemor doesn't let me spend my allowance when I'm with him and his padawan, and Reeft would eat everything there. I don't want Feemor to go broke." He made a face. "I guess if Feemor isn't coming, I can sneak in my allowance too, as long as he doesn't know."

"What about Bant and Garen?"

"Well they have their own masters," Said Obi-Wan, feeling a little sullen. Bant was still talking to him, at least, but he knew Garen would take issue with him right now. "This stinks. I don't even know what I did, exactly. Not like I could have avoided any of this, I guess. At least they didn't crash into anyone, like everyone thinks they would."

"They could have died," Siri said a little snootily, "I'd take this over that any day. Don't worry, Obi. People are stupid. Besides, people are just jealous."

"What's there to be jealous about?"

Siri shoved him lightly. "Oh come on. Master Qui-Gon Jinn. Top of the class—"

"I'm not top of the class—"

"All the politician's favorite Jedi youngling—"

"I'm n—huh?" Honestly the only politician he really talked to was Bail, who was not even really a politician yet. "Is it because of that wedding? It was so long! I think this is why we cut off our families, because families are so annoying!"

Siri giggled. "Well at least you've been to a wedding. I've never been."

"Well you will," Obi-Wan said with confidence, "Once you're chosen, you'll get an allowance and you can go to Dexter's and see weddings. The food's really good, even if the dancing was kind of boring. I also didn't get to ride any nerfs on Alderaan this time around." He made a face. "Ah well."

"Nerfs? I heard they smell!"

"So?"

Siri grimaced. "You're such a boy."

"You're such a girl," Obi-Wan returned good-naturedly, and the two laughed.