hello all. :)

i got a review yesterday (or maybe it was today?), and i've been meaning to update ever since i got home from school! honest. i just get so distracted . . . i'm sorry.

here is the next chapter, though. with another review, i'm gonna post 2 more chapters, because one of the chapters is short. really short. on Word, it's not even a page long, and i don't think it reached a thousand words.

being as my chapters as of late have neared two thousand, sometimes more, that's not normal. i don't mind short chapters when reading other people's stuff, but it bothers me when i do it, and idk why . . . .

...and this is why i get distracted. i could ramble on all day to myself, and you-if you're reading anyways-but i'll stop now with two last requests. one, please keep reviewing. :) it really makes me happy and just . . . ah. words can't keep explaining this to you. they really can't.

and two? listen to this chapter song too. it really is amazing. i love listening to it while reading this chapter. maybe it's just me. idk. but, if you want, it's listed below.

here ya go! :)

01. Natural Life: Breaking Benjamin

There were ups and downs with me and Edward. Our whole relationship was the best roller coaster ride I've ever been on. One minute we're screaming at each other at the top of our lungs. I end up crying, and he gets pissed. Every time, though, when I cry, I just fall farther and farther in love with him. There have been times I'm up about two o'clock, and I'm putting every curse word I know with his name.

There have been many times where we're fighting outside, where it's raining, and it ends with us making out in the rain. Well, not making out, but as close as you can get without making out. Ever since we lost control that first time, he's been more restrained.

As far as I could tell, we were so in love it was making us act completely insane. It didn't matter to me, though. Every fight just made me fall more and more in love with him, and whenever he said we'd be together, forever, it always made me rest a little easier. Maybe he really was considering it . . . .

Or not. Who knows with him anymore?

"Well, you wanna know what I think?" I asked icily, giving him a very dark glare to match my tone—and current mood. The leaves and twigs were snapping under my feet, and each time, Auggie freaked out and barked at me. She was just a bundle of energy, who was getting bigger—but that's so not the point.

"Not really," he snapped, surprising me a little and catching me off guard. Every other time I said that, he would reply with, "Of course," no matter what the situation was and no matter what he was feeling.

Not really? He's never said that.

I got over the shock quickly and rolled my eyes. "I think either you simply don't wanna have to deal with me forever, or you're scared."

He snorted. "Mayze, you should know by now that I love you. That shouldn't even be questioned, in any way. The fact that you don't is actually kinda irritating."

"So you're scared!" I exclaimed, voice echoing through the woods a little too much for my comfort. "That's just all there is to it!"

"I'm not scared!" he defended firmly, just as loudly as I was. If anyone happened to be walking in the woods, they might get nervous, because this was getting harsh and ugly.

Our fights usually did.

"What in the hell is there to be scared of?"

"I don't know," I murmured, voice now quiet as I thought. It was still dark and bitter, but it was more sinister since it was quiet. "Maybe you're scared I'll be too different? I have no idea, Edward."

"So, how could you possibly know I'm scared?"

"Because," I said softly, more calm than earlier. "I know you better than you know yourself. I know you like the back of my hand—better even. You, Edward Anthony Masen-Cullen, are scared. Of what? I don't know yet. I just know you are."

At that moment, he grew silent, and an eerie, awkward silence followed. He was just glaring at me, and I was glaring right back. It was a hard fought battle, and in the end, I wasn't sure who would win. Sure, I was way more stubborn than Edward, but he had the ability to stop me from being changed. Me? I couldn't make myself be changed, unless I went to another vampire. That scared me, just the idea of it. What would give anyone else the incentive to not kill me?

This, though, was an even battle right now. Alice, Jasper, Esme, Emmett, Carlisle, and I all agree I should be changed. Edward, Rosalie, Bella, and the pack all demand that I shouldn't be—can't be.

Even? Sure, the no side has way more than the yes side, but the yes side has Carlisle, the person that matters the most. The pack? We would deal with that later, but if Carlisle agreed with me, it meant I would end up changed somehow or another.

"You wanna know what I'm scared of?" he whispered quietly, after at least a minute of the silence. "I'm scared of losing you."

"And you will if you don't—"

"Just hang on," he interrupted, voice gentle and full of a pain that, honestly, broke my heart. "I'm scared of losing you after the change begins. The success rate isn't one hundred percent, Mayze. People die during the change itself. I'm scared to be responsible for the kind of pain you'll have to suffer through." His head turned away from me, turned so far that he wasn't looking at me in any way anymore. "But, other than losing you, one thing in particular scares me the most."

"What?" I breathed, once he quit talking for a couple of seconds.

His eyes moved back to me, and I saw that agonizing pain in them again. This was different somehow. It was more real, more intense. It was honest, and for once, he was holding absolutely nothing back. There was no hiding, and there was no pretending.

It was raw. It was real. It was the truth.

"I'm scared to lose you . . . to someone else."

A quick gush of air wheezed out of my chest, leaving me motionless and frozen in shock. I couldn't move—had no idea what I could say at first. It took me by complete surprise. Out of everything he could've said, that would've been the last thing I would've expected.

"How could you even think such a thing is possible?"

"You live in Forks," he said bluntly, shrugging. "The only other place you've known is Phoenix. Yeah, that's big, but you travel the world as a vampire. You see things, meet new people . . . ." his eyes stared deeply into mine. "You find out that there are new people beyond what you ever imagined in the world, and you find new things, new emotions."

I shook my head as my eyes started tearing up. This pain—and genuine fear—he felt was just too real, too heartbreaking.

"I will never leave you," I vowed, finding the words coming out strangled—choked with pain.

"You say that now," he murmured, looking away from me and off into the distance. "But one day, you'll see what I mean, actually understand. One day, you'll realize that the guy you've always dreamed of being with, since you were a little girl, is out there somewhere. I found it out, but only after decades of searching." He must've heard the way my heart stopped in my chest, because he looked back to me again. "Because I found you."

I was aware, as tears slid down my face, that he was completely and one hundred percent serious. In his mind, I was just settling with him, just choosing him because there was no one currently better.

"The funny thing about that dream person is that sometimes, you think you want something when, in reality, what you really want is someone different. You want someone unique, like no one else you've ever met before," I started, using all I had in me to lock his eyes in mine. "You tell me that one day, I'll find everything I've ever wanted in a guy, and that I'll find him. But what you don't realize is that I already have. You, Edward, are the boy I've always wanted, whether I always knew it or not."

He let out a humorless laugh. "You mean to tell me that you've always been dumb enough to want a vampire? A monster?"

I rolled my eyes. "Stop that. You're not a monster, Edward. Stop saying that. To answer your question, no, but you wanna know something? To me, the fact that you're a vampire doesn't matter. That boy I've always dreamed of—you—is amazing, more incredible than I ever dared to hope for."

"Are you just saying that?" he whispered, eyes no longer on me.

"I'm not gonna lie to you just so you'll feel better," I assured him, giving him a small smile. "If I didn't mean it, I wouldn't say it. You know me, Edward. Sweet? Honest? Hell yeah. Corny? Fuck no."

He laughed a little now before pulling me into a tight, desperate embrace. I didn't understand, but in that instant, I knew something was off. Something was going completely wrong, but I couldn't pinpoint what it was. He had his mind set for something, something that was gonna change everything.

I just didn't know what it was.