A/N:I present to you, Ch. 3. A bit shorter than the last chapter, but I'm on a busy schedule and I hope you'll cope with things as they are right now. Many apologies for the delay. Ahaha.

Chapter 3

So the easiest method was to chop off Filai's hair instead. And Squalo, despite his beautiful locks (then again, since his blood vow with Xanxus involved not cutting his hair, maybe things were more understandable) is horrible at cutting hair, so now the end of hers was jagged and loose and just occasionally, a few strands would fall out when she turned too sharply and do you know how hard it is to vacuum hair out of the mattress and carpet? They kind of twist in with the fabric despite having no logical possibility of doing so, and one can only stare at the result as say "what the fuck".

And that was that.

Except there was now the matter of getting the remains of Filai's hair OUT of Squalo's, and let's just say nobody was too enthusiastic for the job.

-Well no shit. He's loud enough as it is without somebody sadistic and evil (as they all were) pulling hair out of his hair with possible motives of deliberate pain and torture and amusement because EVERYONE loved pulling at his hair. It was so long and silky and shiny and utterly yankable. It gives the puller a nice, fuzzy feeling on the inside. Kind of.

Next day (AKA The day where they are one step closer to going back to Italy with as little hassle as possible because how in the world could Lussuria, a member of the infamous and totally badass Varia Assassination Squad, capable of performing missions beyond that of human capability, lose to a middle school student?)

Morning: Operation Teach Little Brats Science

"So the prokaryotic cell differs from the eukaryote most notably because the former lacks a nucleus in which to store many things such as DNA, which is located in the nucleus for the eukaryotic cell. Prokaryotic cells usually are confined to protists and bacteria and whatnot, while eukaryotic usually makes up plants and animals and fungi. And why are you staring at me like I have no head, Tsunayoshi?"

Tsuna squeaked and stammered and did all sorts of actions indicating his humiliation, and his face turned the beetiest of beet red before he managed to output an answer. "Uh, nothing!" He stuttered. "I'm listening! Uh, so the eucarrot has, um...eh...something that procarrot doesn't, and...it's why procarrot's more complex. Right?"

He was subsequently treated with the flattest look he had ever seen her give by far. And considering it was Filai, who (believe it or not) had an even better poker face than Keanu Reeves (Oh, Matrix. Such a classic series. The guy had one freaking expression throughout two whole movies. The only reason it really changed in the third was because his eyes were electro-pawned with power cords) that was saying something. "Is your mind filled with carrots?"

"Uh, well." Tsuna said intelligently.

"Or is it that your mind IS made up of carrots? Because that will explain a lot of things, you know."

"I'm sorry!" He cried, nearly wailed, actually. "I was just wondering why you had such a bad haircut...I mean, it's not bad! It's unique! It's really unique!" He shrieked. "I-is it a new style from Europe? I mean, I don't see people in Namimori wear their hair with one side three inches longer than the other! That's all!"

So it seemed that Tsunayoshi was much more skitterish than usual today, and Filai could only think of two reasons for such behavior.

1. He has some strange activity on his agenda today that involves very murderous people who want to kill him and his friends just because he existed and the said murderous people were utter bitches because they obviously don't care that Tsunayoshi and co. were children and thus undeserving in such cruel, evil treatment and this is kinda reminding her of a certain someone.

2. It's been almost a week since they first met. He must be feeling the evil aura from her to some extent by now.

Yeah. He was a middle school student. Just what could he involve himself in? Hence, it must be the latter. (ohoho, how smart is she now?)

"...it was cut under unforeseen circumstances." Filai deadpanned, and she succinctly took another small sip from her teacup. "Either way, I don't know for sure what's wrong with you today, but then again, I honestly don't care either. Please just concentrate on the matter at hand so I won't be wasting my time."

(Tsuna's inner thoughts: I'm gonna die. You're already wasting your time)

"Uh...yeah..." The poor boy stared downwards sadly, troubled...maybe. "But can I ask you something first, Filai san?"

"You just did. But whatever. Continue."

He shot her a grateful smile and she flinched ever so slightly. "I'm just wondering, how do you deal with really bad stuff in your life? Like, beforehand, if you know it's coming. How do you cope with it?"

Pause. "An interesting query." She mused. "If I must be perfectly honest..." Another pause. "I just let it happen. If I die, well shit. If I don't, who's giving a shit? I guess I should try and prevent it, but that takes too much time and energy and I don't like to expend either of those, so it's much more convenient to wait for the outcome without doing anything and just suffer or reap the results."

Silence.

"Did that help?"

(Tsuna's inner thoughts: What kind of person is she?) The brown haired boy nodded furiously, smiling in a rather awkward sort of manner. "Y...yeah! I get it, really! Um, that...that's great...yeah."

Filai rolled her eyes disinterestedly and scoffed. "If you don't like it, you can just say so. I'm not gonna care much, you know? I mean, you ARE just an insignificant and remarkably idiotic middle school student who is probably destined to be a leech on the Japanese society...also who I probably will never see or contact again after I return to Europe after all this bullshit business of mine is over. So it's not like your opinion actually MATTERS to me."

Yeah, she's a bitch.

She clapped him on the shoulder. "So don't let it get to you. Just remember that nobody cares enough about you to warrant wasting what little brain cells you have by watching out for your words. So please do yourself a favor and don't bother."

Tsuna hung his head.

Really, it's just bad mood speaking here. But he didn't need to know that.

Evening, Varia's Hotel Residence

"You're not going to the match." Xanxus told her upon her return.

His green haired, distinctly female subordinate looked only slightly disappointed. Which, translated into the average person's expression that is unmitigated by a psychological disability to work facial muscles more than half a millimeter, could possibly be Filai's version of complete devastation. "...why?" Is this abuse I see?

Bel happily jumped in front of her, with his silly grin and sparkly tiara that was not nearly as sight wrecking as those happy smiles that Tsunayoshi always tortures her with whenever he gets a problem right on his homework. "Ushishishishi. It's because you're an eyesore." He proclaimed delightedly, roughly ruffling her hair and causing more strands to fall out. Why did everyone do that? She was older than the blasted prince, for goodness sakes (not to mention taller)! "We don't want to be seen with you!"

"Huh?" You're saying I'm. Pause. I'm not pretty?

"It's not that." Squalo muttered.

"Ooh! Are you saying that Filai is NOT an eyesore? Ushishishi! I sense an implication!" Prince crowed. "You've got shitter tastes than I thought, shark face."

Oh, so Bel thought she was ugly? Hm, was she that bad? Maybe it was the hair. "VOI! THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT!" He snapped back immediately. "I'm just saying that she looks so pathetic that we don't want those stupid brats to get the idea that our squad is filled with retarded little weaklings like her! It ruins our damn image!"

So basically she was so unsightly that her colleagues were too embarrassed to be seen in public with her? Wasn't that just a tad bit mean?

Well, it doesn't matter, of course! Their opinions are a tad bit more important than that of Tsunayoshi's, but not by much. She was used to this kind of treatment and she's fine with it! She will deal with it with dignity and pride and...

So Filai was now crouching in a corner and looking rather down. "I'm an eyesore...I see." Pause. Eyesore...

"We're leaving, Fifi!" Lussuria called shrilly, and blew some gay kiss at her and Xanxus, who apparently wasn't going as well because he was too awesome for the undeserving brats to lay their eyes on a second time and Filai was the exact opposite in that regard-

"...eyesore, huh? I never realized..."

Filai really should remember. Words never do damage if appropriately ignored.

So that's why my mirror had a big crack on the surface the first time I looked in it. I didn't know it was my fault. If I did, I wouldn't have sued the company and sent it into bankruptcy.

Okay, yeah, it'll hurt her. Never mind.

And now she was alone with Xanxus. Oh, the joys of the world terribly mistaken for life shortening horrors.

And predictably, he treated her like she was one and the same with the filth and dirt that so insolently caked the bottom of his shoe, and the Varia's utterly evil boss continued to practically inhale bottles of beer, one after another, at alarming rates and just how the hell did this guy still avoid liver cancer and alcohol poisoning? Seriously.

Filai despondently looked up at him. "Xanxus, am I ugly?"

"If you were, I would've kicked you out of the room by now." He said curtly. Then, probably because she kind of brightened up at that. "But that doesn't mean you're decent looking. You still look like shit."

She hung her head. The depressing mood immediately worsened.

More awkward silence.

"I love you Xanxus."

And he promptly spat out his beer.

"Just kidding."

And he promptly threw the bottle into her head. Ow, FUCK. Was that really called for, damn it? "Anyways, you do have to get married at some point, you know?" Filai offered. "Unless you're planning on ending the Vongola family with your possibly evil and unfair and completely tyrannical rule?" Nice way of wrapping up noble, generations old Mafia families, isn't it? I'm loving the idea.

He snorted. "You don't have to fucking get married to have a kid." Not that he wanted one, the snotty nosed brats. But she had a point, annoying as it was.

Filai bemusedly pondered the alternatives. "You mean artificial insemination?"

"DON'T BRING BIOLOGY INTO ALL YOUR DAMN CONVERSATIONS!"

"It was just a suggestion." She said defensively, backing away at the sight of Xanxus' slowly glowing hand. "Well in any case, if you ever do have a child, and you don't like the gender, don't get mad at the girl." Since the female definitely gives the child an X chromosome, it's up to the male to give an X or Y chromosome to determine the ultimate gender, so it's all your fault in the end.

"..."

For your dubious information, this'll probably be the closest thing to a talk concerning his love life (or lack of; since it didn't exist in the first place) that Xanxus will ever have.

"I still think you should get married. It'd be a waste if you didn't, since you're not that bad looking" If you ignore the evil murderous glare that you tend to put on. "You can be like King Henry the VIII if you want to."

"How the fuck is that even relevant?"

He killed a bunch of his wives.

Xanxus' eyes narrowed into a most dangerous, life shortening glare. "Oh, that's it." He hissed venomously, guns flashing in his hands. "You've done it now."

Filai paled considerably. Um, I love you, Xanxus. Now, put that gun away please. Oh SHIT.

Yes. Closest thing to a talk concerning his life INDEED. And the sad thing was, it wasn't close at all.

Sometime around midnight

So Lussuria lost.

As in, he LOST. TO A MIDDLE SCHOOL STUDENT. A JUNIOR HIGH SCHOOL STUDENT WHO IS ONLY FIFTEEN YEARS OLD AND PROBABLY ONLY WENT THROUGH THREE LIFE THREATENING EXPERIENCES AT MOST AND DID NOT GET PAID TO PAWN PEOPLE INTO THE ROYAL PITS OF OBLIVION. WHAT. THE. FUCK.

Filai was, to a certain extent, a pacifist. Mainly due to her own physical lacking, but that's not the point. So, let's just say, she didn't particularly find amusement and enjoyment and anything remotely positive in the sight of Gola Moska carrying a 90% dead body like a sack of flour while filling the whole room with some bloody stench and that was just-

Well, okay, maybe she did (sadism was a prerequisite when part of an elite assassination squad). But not Lussuria, of all people, because for one thing she did not want to be the sole person in charge of cooking for a batch of homicidal lunatics. For another, well, there was nothing wrong with being less of an utter bitch than the rest of her colleagues, alright? Shut up.

"Um, is he alright?" Is he DEAD?

Bel peered curiously at Lussuria's highly jacked up body, wrinkling his nose a bit. "Ushishishi, I think so." He reported happily, flouncing away from the spectacle. "I mean, the pervert did get shot a gazillion times in the back by Gola Mosca. He's supposed to die."

She took a step backwards. "I think I'm going to call the hospital." She muttered. "Uh, I just have to dial 911 or something, right? Oh wait, that's America's emergency number. Strange, why would I know that? I've never been to America." Frown. "Anyways, I'm gonna go look for a phone directory."

"If we wanted to save him, we would have." Marmon suddenly supplied, floating precariously near her shoulder. "Don't waste your time, Filai. He's good as dead by now."

Filai didn't answer.

By then, the rest of the Varia had left for their rooms by now and all was empty and silent except for Gola Moska's heavy inhaling (was this thing on drugs or something?)

Filai clicked her tongue in irritation, crossing her arms. They've been coworkers almost a decade now. Can't they at least be a little sad?

No, obviously not.

So her choice at the moment was call the freaking hospital and receive probable repercussions and jeering from her living and totally killer able colleagues, or leave Lussuria alone and move on with life.

Pause.

Why was it her cell phone had zilch reception at the moment?

All the while, Filai was wondering just what the hell she was going to say to the doctors should she succeed in her noble quest to save the explicitly behaved gaylord of all gaylords from the clutches of hell because there was no way under any circumstances that heaven was gonna let this guy in .

You see, she's never had to call the hospital before. Xanxus and all them? They don't NEED to be sent the hospital. They never HAVE been sent to the hospital, and chances are, they never WILL be sent to the hospital. They're the freaking Varia and they're good at the shit they do. Without suffering noteworthy injuries.

Herself being already a bit of a sociopath, Filai just could not think of a good explanation for Lussuria's condition without arousing considerable suspicion because, I mean, here's an example of a possible excuse that she came up with.

"Hello? Yes, I'm calling from XXXXX street and XXXXX road and whatever at address XXXX. There is currently one injured male in my presence and he's kinda got a bunch of bullets in his back and there's tons of blood that's stinking up the place, so you might want to get here quickly. Oh you want to know why he's in this state? Well, he was fighting a middle school student in a death match for a crudy little ring half and, well, he was beaten. So it seems a gigantic lump of metal shot him near dead. I think he's breathing. And if he gets a little horny on the doctor (if said doctor is male, of course), don't mind that because that just means he's getting better. Alright, thanks."

Yeah no. Not an option. Even though that was more the truth than an excuse, but you get my point.

(another example: He was participating in a sumo wrestling/boxing hybrid match. It's a real secret sport, you know. All hush hush. So of course you've never heard of it.)

You know, there wasn't actually any sentiment involved here. Again stated, Filai wasn't bad. She's just been under the influence of assassins for half her life; it does wonders to one's morals.

Still no connection. Oh wait, that wasn't the problem. Her phone was just dead.

She just charged the batteries too.

Okay, so life hated her.

Footsteps sounded. They stopped behind her, and Filai turned around only to find a cell phone benevolently shoved in her face.

She stared at the cell phone blankly. She looked up and found Squalo standing crossly in front of her. "What's this for?"

He glared sullenly, flicking hair behind his shoulder as he crossed his arms. "Voi, don't give me that stupid look. Now just get your business done with and go to sleep." He demanded imperiously, though not without some degree of embarrassment in his voice. Must not be used to behaving like he had a conscience. He paused, and then yelled. "WELL?"

Filai was startled out of her disbelieving staring. "Right! Right...uh..." Squalo threw a phone book at her too. "Oh, thanks. I think you dislocated my shoulder though...Ouch. Eh, never mind. It's alright now." You could have just handed it to me, you know? You're standing two feet away from me.

"Well you and your fucking brain waves can go suck it." He fumed nastily.

Five seconds later, a receptionist's voice flitted through the phone. "This is Namimori Hospital. How may I help you?"

Silence. Filai blinked. "Uh..." More silence. How do you formulate words again?

The receptionist was insistent. "Hello, Ma'am? Are you still there?"

Squalo mouthed something to her. 'Talk, you fucking idiot'.

"Ri...right. Um..." She gulped. Again, sociopath. "There's...an injured guy here...at XXXX address. And...he's kinda losing a lot of blood. So..."

"Understood." The receptionist said immediately. "We will dispatch an ambulance to your location immediately. Please stop the bleeding as best as you could. It'll take approximately five minutes at the least."

Filai blinked again. "Eh? That's it?"

"Pardon me, Ma'am?"

"No questioning? No freakish interrogation as to while we have someone bleeding to death in our presence? You aren't gonna go all detective on me and try to land me in the town jail, are you?"

A laugh, crinkly through the receiver. "We are a hospital." The receptionist said kindly. "We save lives regardless of circumstances. Good night." And the line was cut off.

The silence really was getting old. "I like her." Filai said in awe. "I'm ALWAYS going to call the hospital next time." She's been hanging out with bloodthirsty Mafioso for so long that she had almost forgotten what normal people were like.

"Voi! Like fuck you will." Squalo screeched angrily. "That's MY phone bill you're using!"

She stared at it, and shrugged sheepishly before handing it back to him. He swiped it and jammed it back in his pocket, mumbling a variety of profane language. "Right, sorry about that." Ehehe. "But I didn't know you could be so considerate, Squalo. I'm touched."

"Well you learn something new every fucking day, do you?" He snapped and do you know how obvious it was that he was in denial? It was OBVIOUS. All caps.

Filai either did not notice or ignored it. "I think it's good that you show such compassion to Lussuria despite him acting quite obscene half his waking time." Okay, yeah. She didn't notice it.

Here, Squalo choked on thin air. He had a habit of doing that, and she must say, that really wasn't healthy. "VOII! ARE YOU A FUCKING IDIOT?"

"I think you've established that already, plenty of times. Thanks."

He sputtered something unintelligible. Then let out a tortured groan. "Look. I didn't do it for that stupid perver-" He glared. "OH TO HELL WITH THIS! JUST DON'T CRY LIKE A STUPID BRAT!"

Filai blinked, startled. "I'm not crying."

"YOU'RE FUCKING CRYING!" He screeched, sword flashing in the dim light as he waved it around in redundant emphasis. "YOUR EYES ARE RED!"

There was a mirror right next to her. She looked in it. "No they're not."

"YES YOU ARE, YOU GOD DAMN BITCH! YOU'RE CRYING! SO SHUT THE HELL UP AND ACCEPT THE FACT THAT YOU'RE CRYING!"

She really wasn't crying. Filai raised an eyebrow, and sighed. Might've smiled if she remembered how."Well, I don't know what's wrong with you, but thanks anyways. I guess you're not that bad of a guy after all."

Here, Squalo's face turned an uncomfortably deep shade of red. And he proceeded to breaking many things and furiously storming out of the room. "GO TO HELL!"

"Wha...?" Jeez, and I said thanks too. Rude bastard.

She dropped down on a couch, and, with little other things to do, decided to wait for the ambulance. "Well, if all goes well and Lussuria survives, I won't have to be the one who take over the household duties." I hate doing the laundry.

I swear to god. She WAS doing this out of the kindness of her heart.

The bit with Xanxus' love life just came to me randomly. I'm sorry if it disturbed any of you. T_T I appreciate you people reading this! I really do! And if I never respond to you or your reviews, it's because I didn't know we were supposed to...are we supposed to? Cause if we are, then shit...that's...not good. ARGS! WHATEVER! IF YOU HAVE QUESTIONS, PM ME! I HOPE YOU ENJOYED!

(goes off to get shot)