yay! this chapter isn't quite what you might think when i say it's awesome, and you (if you're like me XD) will be happy at the end of it.

idk if that actually made sense, but it made sense in my head, so i hope it did out-loud.

point is, R&R for more. :) you'll (hopefully) want more after this.

...random thought. idk if you've noticed, but this part has a lot of Three Days Grace. :D i love them. :) And Breaking Benjamin. And Skillet. And Paramore. And i'll stop there, 'cause i could go on a while...

14. One-X: Three Days Grace

Saying his name brought the pain I had been hoping for, plus the added pain of the meadow. But now that I got it, I wanted to take it back. It was worse than I had thought it would be; much, much worse.

Hearing his voice for the first time in so long . . . I'd almost forgotten what it sounded like. I would spend my days remembering what his perfect, cherubic face looked like, but I didn't think to remember his voice. I couldn't forget, though. My dreams had dimmed everything, and I was sure even my wild imagination had some negative effects on it too.

There was a problem though. It's been so long, my memory of him is fading. The dreams are getting harder to see clearly, and they're coming less often. They're not as long either, and my human memory fades away.

I try not to remember the last face he had, which probably would've been the easiest, and I try not to remember the faces I thought were his sincere, happy, loving faces. I tried to remember his happy faces, but not the ones where he was happy because of me. I was going for the ones where Emmett would tell a funny joke, or he would just be happy to have his family.

Those faces were the ones I wanted to see, because those were always the honest faces.

I stood up and walked over to a really tall tree. We had been on this tree before, just a few days before he started becoming distant. He had pulled me on his back and climbed all the way to the top, which impressed me, 'cause I couldn't even see the top.

Why did he have to go? Why did he have to make me think he cared? Why couldn't he just pretend a little longer until I died and then find his real love? Why did he have to be so perfect? Why was I so madly in love with him? Why couldn't I just move on, like I wanted to do so badly? Why was my life so horrible right now?

Only the last one could be answered. My life was horrible because he wasn't here. He didn't love me or want me, so he wasn't here. None of my other family was. Even though he had forever, he didn't want to waste his precious time on me.

My eyes wandered up as far as they would go. If I was gonna commit suicide, this would be a great place to do it. I couldn't even see the top, even still.

I started to climb up the tree, but something suddenly stopped me dead in my tracks.

Careful, Mayze, I heard his voice warn. It was twice now, once because I was in pain, and another because . . . because I was possibly doing something that could hurt me? Don't do anything that'll get you hurt.

I thought long and hard about that. It was because I was doing something that could get me hurt. So, whenever I'm crying or doing something that could hurt me, I hear his voice.

I couldn't stop the mischievous grin that spread across my lips then when I realized this. This was going to be so much fun.

When you've got a reason to do it, why not have fun and be dangerous? Why keep the same boring, safe precautions up?

And, if you have a reason to put yourself in pain, why would you not do it?

I squealed blissfully and ran through the woods, finding anything and everything I could that could possibly be dangerous. I didn't stray past the trees with marks, not far anyways.

There was a fallen tree on top of a lift. It was kinda like stepping up on a really high stair, the way it was flat and even. I started climbing on it for fun. With the tall step up and everything, it was about twelve feet high—something that could seriously injure or possibly kill me, especially if I fell off.

For a second, I stepped cautiously so I wouldn't get stuck in the tree, because that would suck. Hurt? Not too badly. Suck? Hell yeah.

I started towards the edge, ready to jump off. This wasn't gonna kill me, most likely. It might hurt me, but kill me? Nah. I'll remain positive and say no.

Mayze, his voice said sternly, shocking me a little. He sounded really angry too. Don't you even dare.

I laughed for the first time in as long as I can remember. It wasn't faked either, also a first in a long time for me. "Stop me."

Truth is . . . I wanted him to.

Mayze! he exclaimed, now more fierce and angry. Don't do this!

"I'm doing it," I taunted as another smile spread across my lips, a wicked, mischievous grin. "Don't even think I'm not. You're not here to stop me. So, hey? Why not?"

Elizabeth Malia Swan, don't do anything stupid. You're not what you would call graceful or lucky. This could severely hurt you.

"Right now, I really don't care," I said honestly back, shrugging. I had officially lost it. I was talking to the voice in my head, yet it didn't bother me.

I'm crazy. That's the only fitting answer I can come up with to fit my problem. I'm literally going insane without him. It was all the more reason to have him back here with me, all the more reason I could give him when I hunt him down and force him to come back with me.

Mayze, please. His voice was softer now, gentle. It sounded like it had at prom when he was pleading for me to want something else. It was an irresistible sound you couldn't help but do what it asked—at least while it was being used. For me, can you please get down?

I looked down and sighed deeply. So much for that. "Fine." My voice was stubborn, like a little three-year-old being told to come inside and wash up for dinner when she was having fun swinging—the time of her life, it seemed.

Slowly, I started to climb down. I made sure to do it very carefully, because I knew he didn't want me to hurt myself. Or, the voice at least. He probably doesn't care either way. The only reason he might care if I killed myself would be because it would be his fault and he might feel guilty.

There we go, he said encouragingly, once I was safe on the ground.

Reluctantly, I walked back towards the meadow. The pain had faded some now, and maybe, if I was hurt again, his voice would comfort me.

I just stared at the spot where he'd laid. I could imagine him laying there, all happy, and then I imagined the strawberry blonde girl from my dream laying beside him, in my place. He was stroking her cheeks softly, like he had done with me, and he had the same smile he had for me.

Tears started streaming down my cheeks again. All I wanted was for him to be happy, so maybe there really was this vampire that he knew. Maybe he really did love her, and maybe he was happy with her. She could be with him forever, like he wouldn't let me be. She could be with him in every way possible.

I couldn't.

If he was happy, then I was fine with it and would learn to accept it.

Be happy, I heard his voice say in the same tone he had said it when he was . . . when he told me . . . when he said he didn't love me. Move on.

But I couldn't. That was the problem. I couldn't be happy without him. I couldn't move on, and I really had tried. I couldn't ever forget him. I would grow up old and alone if it meant never having to move on. I would never move on, ever, and he could just get over it.

"Hello," I heard a familiar voice say. "If I'm remembering right, which I usually do, it's Bella, right?"

I turned sharply to see Laurent standing behind me. He had been the one to warn me about Dusk, and he had been more helpful than he even knew. He had a soft, gentle smile on his lips, and his eyes were a greenish color, much gentler than the burgundy he had had the last time I saw him.

"No," I said honestly before smiling at him the biggest smile I could offer—not much at all. "It's not Bella. That's my sister."

"Mayze!" he exclaimed. "This is great. I went to Forks to look for you, but I couldn't find you. You just inspired me in ways you don't even know."

I looked down with the same tiny smile on my face, unsure of what he meant. "You were so much help. I mean, I don't even think you realize either, but you saved my life."

He just smiled in return, but I could see a pain in his eyes—regret even. "I came to spare you, Mayze, to help you again as thank you for everything sort of gesture. A beautiful girl like you doesn't deserve what's coming for you."

This hit home as I looked up. Shock was apparent on my face as I stared at him. "What do you mean?"

"You remember Dusk, I'm sure," he started before looking deep into my eyes. It was like he was holding me here while he talked.

I just nodded, unable to actually talk.

"You know how, let's say, Rosalie, has her mate, Emmett , right?" he went on.

Suddenly, there was a lump in my throat that caught me off guard. Of course I did. I remembered them all. I couldn't talk around the lump, so I just nodded again.

"Well, Rosalie would do anything for Emmett, as he would for her. They would protect each other with their lives," he concluded. His voice was nervous, maybe even scared as he released my eyes. "Dusk had a mate too."

A thought occurred to me, after he said this. It was a brief thought, but a thought, nonetheless. If the word vampire hurt, shouldn't it hurt worse to see one? I mean, it really didn't hurt me at all. It didn't add or take away pain.

Then, thought number two . . . Dusk's mate . . . Blade . . . .

I felt tears brimming over the edges of my eyes. "Blade . . . ."

"Yes," he murmured, voice now full of that pain that was in his eyes. He seemed confused, maybe as to why I was crying? "Since Edward killed her, her mate is coming to kill his. You."

I grit my teeth as I looked to my left, away from him anyways; I wasn't crying anymore, but the tears still remained on my cheeks. He had it all wrong, so wrong, and so did Blade. Before, I hadn't known just why he was doing what he did, but now, I knew. He didn't get it, though, because he thought that Edward cared. What he didn't know was that Edward doesn't care, not about me.

"I'm not his mate. He never loved me."

He smiled warmly as he put a hand encouragingly on my shoulder, almost as if to reassure me and comfort me; something I needed desperately, even if I didn't realize it. "Mayze, I can assure you, that's not true. He's always loved you, and that can never change. It's a vampire thing. We can only love once. And, the way he looked at you . . . I've never seen a couple so in love. He cares about you, more than you could ever know."

I froze completely. This wasn't what I wanted to hear, at all. I was tired of the lie, and I wanted away from it; far away. "He . . . doesn't love me. It was just a lie. I haven't quite figured out the reason behind it, but he doesn't love me."

"He does," Laurent insisted gently. "So, it's a shame. He'll probably come and kill me for this, but I have no choice. If it means dying, fine. You don't deserve it."

"He doesn't care about me," I said firmly as I looked back at him. My eyes were firm, along with my expression. I couldn't let any part of me believe this, even though my heart already had. My head knew better, and the billions of pieces of my heart were already set up to break some more. "He never did. Don't worry about anyone coming after you, except maybe a pack of wolves . . . ."

Laurent sighed and shook his head, as if to make a gesture that was saying I was wrong. "Well, I hate doing this to you, Mayze, either way, but you really don't deserve what Blade is going to give you, so I have no choice. I'm sorry, but, there's no other way for me to thank you." Then, he was immediately beside me. "Will you ever forgive me, Mayze?"

I realized now what he meant as he gently grabbed my left wrist. He was setting me free and sparing me my life, without me having to do it myself and hurt the ones I love even more. He was giving me a chance to get away from all the pain and sorrow, that escape I desperately needed.

I smiled encouragingly at him as I let out a short, soft laugh. "I already do. Thank you, Laurent, for actually caring."

But now, his eyes weren't on me. They were on my numb wrist, which he still had in his hands gently. They looked confused as his head tilted to the side only slightly. "What . . . what happened here? I mean, I see the bite mark, but . . . if it didn't change you . . . why can I not smell blood there?"

I sighed before shrugging. "E . . . we think she hit a nerve or something, which is why I can't feel it. It's spread, though, so I don't know anymore."

"It smells like . . . venom," he whispered, mostly to himself and so softly that I scarcely heard him. "Did she . . . ?" He now looked up at me with wide, excited eyes. "Did they eject it from your wrist?"

I slowly shook my head as my eyebrows furrowed again. "No. They said it wasn't there, that the bite hadn't injected anything."

He let out a short laugh before looking away from me and back to my wrist, eyes now full of a strange joy. "Oh, but how wrong they were. The venom is there. Has your . . . ?" He looked back up at me. "You . . . I saw you and I thought, 'Wow. She looks different, more beautiful. More pale.' I had thought it was just the time and you weren't feeling well. This is . . . ." He pursed his lips. "You're as close to a vampire as humans can get, and the process isn't over. Has it spread up your arm?"

My eyes widened as I stared at him. "It's . . . it's in the process of it. It's down to my fingers, and it's up to my mid-biceps that I can't feel. It used to just be the wrist."

"You are partially right," he said before smiling up at me. "She did hit the nerves. I can figure that out by the smell. Don't be surprised, though, by the changes. You'll never fully be immortal or a vampire until this process is over and someone else changes you. You'll have all your human qualities, and you'll be able to tolerate blood. You'll be able to die, though, and you can't move as fast. You'll be stronger, faster, and you'll have better senses than before this own unique change."

"Has this happened before?" I asked slowly, confused.

He let out a short laugh again and nodded. "Yes, to me. I was the only one, until now. When it's over, though, you'll know. Your entire body is numb, and until a vampire injects venom into you, you'll never be able to feel again."

I couldn't help but brightly smile—beam even. "So, will you do it, once it's done?"

It was everything I had ever wanted without having to try!

He smiled warmly and nodded. "Yes. I will. There will be differences in you and regular vampires. You won't be able to smell blood, and you won't ever have a burn in your throat. You can hear blood, unlike most vampires. They can, to an extent, but nothing like you'll be able to do."

"So, will I have human qualities?"

"It depends," he said honestly as he looked at me. "Being clumsy is possible, because I've tripped a couple times, unable to catch myself. That never happened, though, while I was human. If you're clumsy now . . . ." He chuckled to himself. "It'll be bad."

I whimpered before tightly hugging him. "Guess I'm screwed. But, thank you, Laurent, so, so much!"

He smiled again and nodded, making sure to be gentle as he hugged me back. "Any time. I look forward to spending eternity with you. Maybe after this is all said and done, you can meet my Irina."

I brightly smiled. "That'd be great!" My alarm on my cell phone started ringing, and I looked down. "I gotta go. Uh, thank you, Laurent. I'll make sure to tell my friends who aren't werewolves, but they can shape into wolves, to back off of you."

"That might help," he agreed, laughing a little. "Can I have your number? It might be safer for me to leave and just check up every month. Is that alright?"

"Perfect," I said before swallowing the eagerness. "It's 749-714-9078."

He nodded. "I'll remember that. It was nice seeing you, Mayze. If there are any signs of Blade, you let me know, and I will do everything in my power to protect you. I will get all the help necessary, including those Cullens of yours."

I nodded again, but the mention of my family's name—the family who doesn't care about me anymore—hurt, badly. "Do you think you could do me just one teensy little favor?"

"Anything," he promised quickly, voice soothing.

"Can you run me out to my Jeep?" I asked curiously before laughing nervously. "I'm still slow, and I'm kinda in a hurry. I completely lost track of time."

"Hop on my back," he said brightly, squatting down to get low enough for me to be able to do that. Like just about every other guy I knew and actually cared about, he was tall.

For the first time in four months, I was happy. I could honestly say that. And, maybe, with forever, Edward could love me. He wouldn't need the strawberry blonde. I would be at least better beside him, and he would be able to tolerate looking at me.

I just squealed as Laurent took off through the woods.