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17. I'm Not a Vampire: Falling in Reverse

They assured me Edward loves me, but how could I believe that to be true? I mean, think about it. He's not back, and every time they mention my name when on the phone, he hangs up.

What does that mean?

I was with Seth and Embry a lot more over the next two weeks, along with the Cullens. I was with the Cullens whenever I couldn't be with Embry and Seth, because we had forever. Embry, Seth, and I didn't.

Once Embry and Seth found out this new revealed secret thing brought me out of my depression, they were perfectly fine with it—other than the fact it took away some of our time.

And, now that I was out of the depression, I came to realize that I am a human lie detector who just couldn't read him. Just because I can't read him doesn't mean everyone else has been lying to me. So, I've gained trust in myself again.

I've also realized that it's not my fault what Blade did to me, and just because a vampire raped me, it doesn't mean I'm useless and undeserving of love. I deserve my chance at happiness, and I was gonna get it. If it meant finding Edward once I'm a vampire, fine; but, I would have a happy life.

Since I've gotten out of the depression, I made a few friends at school. Angela and Ben, who were stronger together than ever, were now my friends—friends, not acquaintances.

"Oh my tigers," I said softly as I sat down beside Angela at lunch that Thursday, with Alice on my other side—of course. For some reason, they bothered making up a cover story saying that he was in some kind of internship thing in Alaska, and he would be back soon. They never specified, unless asked, in which case they would say a month.

I don't know why they bothered. He wasn't coming back for me.

"It's weird, you know?"

She laughed as Ben sat down on the other side of her. "What?"

"I didn't realize before but I don't have many friends," I observed, my lips pursing in thought. I gestured to Alice. "They were about the only people I ever hung out with here."

Everyone thought he was coming back for me. Mike, though, still had his hopes that I would change my mind. I wished that I could, but it wasn't possible. He reclaimed me, since him and Jessica weren't a thing anymore. Now, she's with another guy named Connor on and off, which is about how their relationship has been.

And I'm getting into gossip. I really need my Sethikins and my Embry-bear—or a slap from Alice or Emmett. Any of the Cullens, really.

I need more than just them, but I'm trying to go on without him, since he's clearly not coming back for me.

Bella sat angrily across from me, giving Alice a soft, gentle look, before instantly glaring at me again. "I have to talk to you."

I looked over at her, frowning. "Alright then. Talk."

"Alone," she said icily before standing up and walking out of the room, leaving me behind to wonder. She was mad about something—obviously—but I didn't know what.

My eyebrows furrowed as I stood up. As if I could read Alice's mind, I murmured, "I have no clue what's up with her." But, I followed after her anyways. I didn't really want to, but the curiosity was getting the better of me.

She went into the girl's bathroom in the hallway, so, of course, I followed her.

"What?" I asked curiously. She was checking every stall to make sure we were alone, and I watched her dubiously—uncertain what was bothering her and why she was being so discreet.

Then, once it was clear, she locked the bathroom door. "What the hell, Mayze?"

My eyebrows furrowed. "Uh, what are you talking about?"

"You're a vampire now?" she hissed. "Are you really that obsessed? I mean, honestly, Mayze! Where is my normal, awesome, sane sister?"

"What?" I asked loudly, almost screaming. "Okay, so, let me get this straight. You just automatically assume I'm insane over something that wasn't even my fault?"

"How could it possibly not be your fault?"

My teeth ground together as I folded my arm across my chest. "It was from six months or so ago, maybe seven. And, besides, when did my life become any of your business?"

"You're becoming a monster!" she exclaimed. "That's when! And, Mayze, this is your fault, completely. It was you who chose to go with Edward, who doesn't even care about you!"

That hit home. Even though I was out of the depression, it still hurt to be reminded of that fact. Of course I knew this, but I didn't need to be reminded.

Tears started sliding down my cheeks, but she didn't care. So, I looked down, away from her. "Yeah, well, Bella, you're just mad because now you have to live with me forever."

She completely froze where she was, shocked beyond belief at my statement.

I looked up at her, eyes cold as ice. "Yeah. I said it. It's something I've been thinking these past few months, Bella. I'm suddenly not important. When I needed you the most, you weren't there. I needed you, Bella! I needed a female to comfort me." I burst into tears, my teeth grinding together to try and stop it from turning into uncontrollable sobs. "But you weren't there! You haven't been there for me for the past seven months, Bella, and I don't know why! I'm your sister, for God's sake! I've always put aside the fact that you're dating a werewolf without hesitation, but you could never do the same for me. You could never care enough to look past him! Bella, I . . . ." I closed my eyes, but the tears continued to pour. I was now calmer, but the tears didn't stop. I had something to say, and I wasn't sure I if could say it and look her in the eye without breaking down. "I hate you. I hate the new Bella, the one where Jacob is in the equation. Where's my sister, the one who said we'll always be sisters—best friends, no matter what? The old Bella was my best friend in the whole world, but the new Bella is a bitch!"

She just kept her face even and hard as she crossed her arms over her chest, teeth clenched tight. "This has nothing to do with you living forever."

More tears started pouring down my cheeks, but I slowly shook my head to stop myself from going on with much worse. Instead, I said, "You don't even care! I don't know where the old Bella is, but I want her back."

"She left when her baby sister threw her life away to be with some heartbreaking, bloodsucking monster!" Bella screamed harshly in my face. "She left way before he did, and until her sister starts listening to her, she won't be back."

In that moment, I wanted to forget everything. I wanted to forget Bella's changes. I wanted to forget vampires. Most importantly, I wanted to forget Edward because hearing her say that wouldn't have bothered me if I didn't remember what she was talking about. Things would be back to the way they were, and there wouldn't be any more misery.

But the problem is you can't force yourself to forget something so huge and life-altering, something that's changed your heart and mind and every piece of you in such an everlasting way. In order to forget, something happier and better has to take its place, and I'm not gonna find anyone or anything that does that.

Even though I had tears in my eyes, I was able to look her in the eye and say, "Then she's not coming back 'cause her sister's not listening when she has no idea what she's talking about." With that, I stormed out and towards the office. I didn't care that I was walking through the halls, crying like a little baby. That didn't matter to me. I was too much of a wreck to go on through school.

I walked into the office, and the great thing about Miss Cope was she absolutely adored me, ever since she found out Edward and I were together. When he left, she loved me even more. It was weird.

She gasped once she saw me, and concern was obvious in her eyes and on her face. "Aw! Mayze, are you alright, dear?"

I swallowed and nodded. "Yeah. Uh, my leg. I re-broke it Monday, and, uh, it's really hurting. Do you think it would be alright if I went home? The pain is just . . . ." I shook my head slowly.

"Go on, dear," she said gently. "Would you like for me to get you a pass for the rest of your periods?"

"Yeah," I said softly before forcing a smile. "Thanks."

Alice walked in the office right about then, which shouldn't have surprised me. She was looking at Miss Cope with a smile, but I could see something else in her eyes. "Hi, Miss Cope. I really don't think Mayze needs to be driving with her leg and such. Would it be alright if I took her?"

"Of course, dear," Miss Cope murmured, smiling right back at her. "I'll get you a pass for your classes too."

Alice's smile brightened. "Excellent. Thank you so much." She frowned and held her hand out. "Mayze? The keys?"

I knew what she meant, so I just let out a scoff—smiling slightly, of course—and pulled the keys to the Jeep out of my pocket, since I had them.

She handed them to Miss Cope. "Can you make sure Bella gets these? I'm not sure where she is exactly, and Mayze really needs to get home and rest her leg."

"I'll be sure she gets them."

"Thank you," Alice said brightly before her cold hands came up to rest on my shoulder to lead me out of the office. Once the door shut behind us, she sighed. "Don't worry about Bella, Mayze. You two will be fine again soon. I promise."

I sniffled. "Alice, how can you know that? You can't see her future."

She nodded. "That's my point exactly. Our future disappears sometimes. Why else would it disappear if she wasn't in our lives at some points?"

"Embry and Seth," I reminded her.

She frowned. "Either way, I just know, okay? Don't worry. I know she's a bitch now, but just like you and Rosalie, you and Bella will be close someday; sisters."

I snorted. "Alice, I seriously doubt Rosalie and I will ever be even slightly considered friends, much less sisters."

She grinned at me. "When you and Edward get married, you'll be sisters by law. But, I mean it'll feel like you two are sisters, more so than you and I are now. It'll be a friendship bond like no other—except for the bond you and Emmett share." She giggled. "It's tied with that one."

I felt my phone vibrate in my back pocket, right as I started to reply, so instead of replying, I pulled it out, only to find a text from Jacob.

You really don't have any room to talk, you know.

I rolled my eyes and replied with, Shut up, Jacob. I really don't need a lecture from you, okay? Just leave me alone.

You're just mad because we were right about that stupid bloodsucker. He doesn't even care about you. If he cared, why is his family back but not him?

My breathing then became struggled, something that got Alice's attention instantly. I was gasping for air as the pain intensified, but I closed my eyes. The rivulet of tears just got faster as I started crying again. See, when it's just tears, it's not considered crying . . . is it?

Shut up, Jacob! You can save the "I told you so," for later, okay? You were right; fine. Get the fuck over yourself and leave me the hell alone!

Alice took my phone from my hands, reading over the previous texts very quickly, before gritting her teeth. "Damn that mutt."

"He's just protecting Bella."

"And you!" she exclaimed. "What is it gonna take with you? He loves you! Why can't you just comprehend that?"

"Because it doesn't make sense," I said simply. "I'm a simple human, Alice. And, besides. If he did, why does he always hang up whenever my name is mentioned?"

"You don't get it," she insisted. "He's heartbroken. This is killing him to do what's best for you, Mayze. He hangs up because he doesn't want us to hear what he does. I don't know what he does, but I can tell you that it's not pretty. It's probably really terrible, because even when he's extremely pissed off at us, he never hangs up on us—ever. Up until this whole situation happened, he never had. Then, whenever we mentioned your name, he had to, because he knows we'll force him to come back if we hear his pain."

"I'll believe you when he's back," I said softly, looking at the Volvo which I had become so familiar with dismally. "Until then, I just can't."