bum, bum, DUN!

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18. Not Over You: Gavin Degraw

*Edward*

You know, Edward, one day, you're going to wake up and realize how special she is—and when that day comes, she'll be waking up next to the guy who already knew.

I sighed as I flipped my phone shut. Thank you, Emmett, for telling me this information that I already knew.

Thanks. That makes me feel great to be reminded that my Mayzie was gonna be with another man someday.

In case he didn't know, some of us are just trying to get through the day without falling apart. So far, that hasn't worked; not once. But, I could keep trying, right?

They all asked me why I wouldn't stay with them, but I didn't want them to see me. I didn't want anyone in the world to see me, because I don't think that they would understand. As a matter of fact, I knew they wouldn't.

I logged onto my playlist swiftly before intertwining my fingers and pressing my hands against my chin as sort of a prop. As my profile came up, the picture, everything . . . it was just too much.

I never had the heart, though, to change that. I was hoping she was too broken to look, and she would never know. I was hoping she wouldn't look at my new playlist and see the first song, which is Runnin' by Jesse McCartney.

I hadn't even had the heart to change the About Me, which said I was madly in love with my Mayzie.

We had both taken a picture in our Aviators as mine, and in hers, we were both just smiling. There had been no way for me to take that off, though. I've been looking at the changes to her playlist. Let me tell you; some of the songs really hurt. There's Pain by Three Days Grace; Forever & Always by Taylor Swift, the piano version, which hurt the most; Sink or Swim by Falling in Reverse; Come Back to Me by David Cook; and even more. Come Back to Memade me ache even more afterwards, though, because after all of this, she still wanted me? How?

She had changed her picture now, which was good, and she had changed her About Me. Her picture was her, Seth, and Embry all in sunglasses. She was still in her Aviators, which looked just as sexy on her as they always had, and they were in sunglasses too. She looked happy, which was good. Great, actually. I was glad she could be happy without me.

Her About Me said:

Hi! My name is Mayze. Well, technically it's Elizabeth, but everyone calls me Mayze. (Long story.) I'm still sixteen. Bleh. :/ I'll be seventeen in December, though. Isn't sixteen supposed to be that age that makes you feel free? You feel different when the clock strikes 12:01. Well, lately, sixteen has felt like the worst age I could possibly be. Yeah, I can drive; new problem. Where am I gonna go? Most people, by the time they're sixteen, have a basic idea of where their life is headed. They know where they're going to college, what they're gonna be, and everything. Well, I don't. I don't even know where I'm gonna be tomorrow, or if I'll ever get my heart back. I don't know if I'll ever see him again, or if I'll ever even move out of Forks, like everyone tells me I should. My mom begs me to move to Jacksonville, and up until Monday, my dad was asking me to too. He hated seeing me in pain, but he didn't realize that my pain was going wherever I went, because while losing him was heartbreaking—world shattering even—it's not the only thing killing me inside. I'm just glad, though, I have those six people who pulled me out of the depression and into safety.

Bella, Embry, Jacob, Quil, and Seth? That's good to know, but who is the sixth person? Jared? Someone at school?

Doubt it.

Embry, Seth, Emmett, Esme, Alice, and my new friend, Laurent.

Oh my freaking lions. Are you kidding me? Laurent? What the hell is he doing back there?

Why is my family there? I mean, what the hell? They were supposed to stay away! What are they doing?

I flipped my cell phone open again, but I continued reading before I dialed the number. He was supposed to call.

Me and my older sister grow farther and farther apart. Today, she made me cry, and she didn't even care. We've grown so far apart, I don't even know who she is anymore, and I have her stupid boyfriend to thank for that. She'll tell you it was my old boyfriend's fault, but it wasn't. Well, who I had thought was more than my boyfriend. But, there isn't a word to describe what we had, or one to describe what I thought we had. Anyways, I'm not getting into that. I've had enough reminders for the day. If I could summarize my about me in one sentence it would be: I'm just a simple girl trying to figure out where the chips of my life are gonna fall.

I had thought it would cheer me up, to see she was happy again. I was wrong, though. It brought me even farther into depression, and I was mad still.

If only Jasper were here . . . .

See, right now, I was alone. I had to figure everything out, like I had told her. I had to figure out who I was. Over these past almost five months now, I've figured that out. Without her, I'm nothing. I'm nobody. I can't survive.

It's sad to say that, but it was the truth. Without Mayze, my life was meaningless; pointless.

I had quite a few calls to make. The first one was most likely gonna hurt the most, and it would be the one that would bring me the most temptation to come running back. But, I couldn't.

"Edward!" Emmett exclaimed eagerly. "Great hearing from you. Usually we have to call you."

"What in the hell are you guys doing?" I hissed. "Emmett, seriously?"

He sighed. "Edward, you're not the only one who loves her. Just because you're being stupid and staying away from her doesn't mean we have to do the same."

"Emmett, I'm doing what's best for her!"

"You only think you are!" he snapped, taking me by surprise. "Edward, you have no idea what's gone on ever since we left! I don't know most of it either, which scares me more than anything else. Mayze is scarred, completely broken hearted."

"I know the feeling."

"And it's not just because you left her," he disagreed. "Edward, something happened to her. Charlie told me that he found her in the woods that night, and she was bleeding. She had been beaten, severely, and tortured." He started choking up now. "His guess is she was . . . she was r . . . raped, but he's not sure. She refuses to talk about it."

This was a bad idea. When I prepared myself for a painful phone call, there was no preparing myself for this one.

I had no idea what I could say, what there was to say. It . . . me . . . she wouldn't have been there. I would've been there . . . .

"Emmett, this is my fault."

He sighed. "Stop it, Edward. You don't know that."

"Yes I do."

"How?" he demanded.

"We would've been there to protect her if it wasn't for me," I pointed out, voice almost inaudible and raspy. "She's . . . ."

"You need to come home."

"I can't, Em."

He grunted. "I'll see you soon when you stop being so retarded and come back." Then, it was the dial tone.

Wow. He hung up on me this time. Lately, it's been the other way around.

The time said it was three forty-seven, so I knew it was safe to call now. He was out of school.

I pressed speed dial number nine, after I was over the shock and heartbreak of that conversation, and put the phone to my ear. As it rang, I pressed the play button on her playlist, just to torture myself and cause myself the same pain I inflicted on my Mayzie.

It was so wrong to call her that, but she always would be mine.

Set Fire to the Rain by Adele started playing, which hurt the moment she began singing.