A/N: I UPDATED FASTER THIS TIME! BE PROUD OF ME! MUAHAHAHAHA! (shot again). Plus I made a long chapter. Well, it's long for my standard anyways. I was in a good mood, since the Varia (minus Xanxus; damn you Xanxus why do you keep avoiding your rabid fans so much?) showed up. And Squalo was actually being less of a bitch than usual to Tsuna! Who knew he had it in him? The plotline's finally getting somewhere too, though...I'm kind of pissed that Yamamoto was owned. THE GUY WENT THROUGH FUTURISTIC TRAINING THAT DIDN'T EVEN EXIST AT HIS TIME! WHY IS HE STILL GETTING OWNED SO EASILY? BY SOMEONE HIS AGE TOO! ARGS!

Chapter 8

Day of the Last Ring Match

"So basically," I'm dead.

Dino was thoughtful as Filai wrapped up her uncharacteristically long, very characteristically colorful rant about how she was in all of essentialities, screwed to shit. Because she really was. "Well, I don't think I'd go as far as dead. I mean, the other side's pretty reasonable if you ask me. They're just kids."

"Interesting point of view, considering how beautifully everyone else turned out." You truly are blind. Their storm guardian handed Bel his ass on a silver platter. Pause. No, he fucking blew it up. THEN he handed it over. And the rain guardian fed Squalo to a shark. Middle school or not, they are fucking cyborg psychopaths!

"Well, technically all that wasn't intentional."

"Dino, you can't just accidentally turn Bel into-" something resembling the last vestiges of last year's garbage waste. "bomb bait. You just can't."

"Actually, that was sort of his own fault." Dino laughed sheepishly. "Having too much of an ego kind of does that to people, y'know."

Filai blinked. Contemplated things, and then shook her head, muttering "I don't even want to know the details. Plus, why the hell are we talking about my half dead colleagues when it's my turn to become one with the dirt in approximately six hours?" Well, now five hours and fifty nine minutes, if you want to be stingy. "Besides, it's not so much the creepy Cloud Guardian kid that I'm worried about."

"Then what?"

As if she should even have to grace that stupid question with an answer. Well since it was Dino, and Dino was in noticeable lack and need of a brain- "Xanxus."

On cue, Dino's mouth formed a small "o". "Yeah, I sort of get what you mean now."

Good to know, except you should've gotten it without me having to tell you, idiot.

"Well, you've dealt with the guy for eight years without being killed."

And really, Filai wanted to tell him that no, she did not deal with Xanxus for eight years, that seriously, he was fucking stuck in a block of one thing or another (courtesy of a Mr. 9th generation Vongola boss who is totally irrelevant at the moment) for said eight years, and that she had barely KNOWN the guy before-only that the exceedingly prideful Varia, Squalo included, had prostrated at his feet like he was the second coming of Christ and yes, that was something creepy to watch for a nine year old because nine year olds' brains tend to lean towards registering Xanxus' really scary aura instead of his equally scary hands of epic doom that could wipe a country off the face of a map. And the Earth.

She really wanted to tell Dino that.

Yeah, she couldn't really do that. Since it was supposabley the biggest cover-up in all of Vongola history, and if it got leaked out...well...if Xanxus ever caught her, then perhaps she would be better off locked in a room and fed alive to man eating creatures of infinite sorts.

So instead. "Sure." Let's leave it at that.

Completely unaware as per usual, Dino continued. "Besides, I don't think Kyouya would go as far as killing you. He doesn't like people dying on the school campus."

Kyouya? The name made Filai raise her head. "I met a kid called Kyouya a while ago."

"What was he like?"

"He was sort of nice."

"Violent?"

About as that as Luss is straight. "No, not really. Just a little gloomy."

Dino snerked. "Yeah, I don't think we're talking about the same guy here. Sorry, but the Kyouya your facing is sort of ax happy." Frown. "Well, in his case, tonfa happy. But you get my point, right?"

Last time I checked, axes and tonfas were two different things. One looks slightly more fitting in a horror movie. The other is a metal rod with a handle. "Tonfas don't seem too bad."

"It's modified, with-" And here, Dino had to shake his head, in utter exasperation. "metal spikes. And a grappling hook. And a chain accessory at the end."

"What...?" ...the fuck...

"And he has two of them. He likes to...how does he put it...? Oh yes, 'bite' people to death with them."

Metal spikes. Hooks, and chains. That and bite people to death...that's...oh wait, she recalled Kyouya using that term too. But he was hungry then, so maybe he didn't count. But...wait, bite to death was a little...

Filai had to turn a little pale. "So this guy's a pervert."

As expected, because remember, he's an absolute idiot, Dino was caught completely off guard by the undeniably genius (and yet, oh so wrong, but she doesn't know that) conclusion. "Who? Kyouya? No, no way in heck...he's not a-"

And of course, 'bite to death' was so not some phrase chock full of fucking innuendo. That and chains? Oh god, Filai knew that that kind of sick stuff was popular these days, but she never thought she'd actually meet anyone like that! This visit to Dino was supposed to be some half hearted attempt to consol herself (because no, she was not going to get any comfort from a royally pissed asshole of a boss, nor a robot, nor a worshipper of said pissed asshole of a boss, nor a prince who according to Dino played a hefty part in blowing himself up). So far? She was feeling even worse than when she came in.

Even Squalo was better at consolation than Dino, and that was seriously the wrongest sentence ever to grace the planet. Wrongest wasn't even a WORD, according to Microsoft 2007, but you get the point. It was that bad.

Speaking of Squalo...maybe he'd have a better idea what to do.

"Who, Squalo?" Dino frowned at her little request. "Well, he did regain consciousness earlier in the morning. I don't know about right now though. We can see." He got up from the couch and walked over to a nearby phone. After a few hushed words, he motioned to Filai. "Come on."

Awake didn't even begin describing things. If it weren't for the hospital clothing, hospital bed, hospital metal restraints making sure he stayed in the hospital bed, hospital bandages, hospital blankets, hospital bandages practically mummifying him, then nobody could even tell that Superbia Squalo had just two days ago been nearly turned into fish food. He was just so very lively.

In fact, the strange thing was he seemed a little more lively than when he actually WAS in normal conditions.

Well, the Varia never was one for logic.

And it was a shame the shark didn't get a clamp on Squalo's throat, because the bastard was just as loud strapped to a bed as he was chopping people up like Yamamoto's dad on a mad sushi spree. Dear god, and Dino thought he was bad enough already, but once he and his men had left the room to give them some privacy, there was just no holding back.

First things' first. Break the news of Marmon's failure.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN MARMON LOST, YOU SHITTY BRAT?"

Yeah. Then break the news of her impending doom at the hands of a sadistically perverted middle schooler. In greater (mostly exaggerated, and the tonfas was replaced with chainsaws and axes) words though.

Squalo's reaction was even worse than that. It went on for very long, so I'll just give the condensed version: "WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU'RE FIGHTING SOME PERVERTED BRAT ARMED WITH FUCKING CHAINS AND AXES?"

(FYI: Understandably, Squalo was a little confused. Because he had actually seen Hibari Kyouya before, and yes, the little fucker looked just as pissed as Xanxus on a good day, but he seemed nowhere near the freak of nature that Filai had so elegantly made him out to be)

She scowled, warily withdrawing the hands clamped against her ears as Squalo took a deep breath after the lecture long enough to be worthy of a college course held in a football stadium. Even his already abused fit to rot lungs didn't have the capacity to hold out his ten minute rant at top volume. That was really, really, REALLY saying something. Oh, plus he was still recovering from a shark attack.

So...

Plans. Squalo needed some plans. Maybe he should've started thinking about said plans the second he realized that maybe those stupid brats weren't as weak as he had initially taken them to be and that just maybe Marmon would be subsequently mauled and therefore lead the fate of Xanxus' inheritance in the hands of some dumb high schooler.

But he didn't, so now he had to think of something that probably won't quite help Filai win, but more like get her ass out of the arena alive and at most in two pieces (if they were lucky). Since, well, her winning against a guy that pawned Levi with an ankle was more than anything a cause that could not be lost because it neverfuckingexisted in the first place.

Not like formulating said plans was hard. He was Superbia Squalo, after all. The most epic swordsman alive, Varia boss candidate at age fourteen, and shit, that loss against Yamamoto Takeshi had been a total...well, maybe not fluke since even he had to admit, the kid did have talent, but in any case Squalo could've won easily but just didn't, and the point was he was fucking awesome and thinking up of a little something to save his...his...something...(object of misplaced tolerance masquerading as urge to spear her with a butter knife, but let's not go there)...SOMETHING'S! life was no big deal.

For the record, he wasn't doing it because he LIKED her, platonically OR romantically, alright? Well, Filai was pretty much useless in an assassination squad, but saving lives for seemingly no reason at all had benefits! Like...karma, or something. All those higher upper powers like good actions, so of course him saving her was a purely self driven and selfish ploy to put himself in the good graces of...Oh wait, he was an assassin. It was a little too late to be thinking about karma, was it...

Shit.

Speaking of which, what was he thinking again?

"You alright, Squalo?" Filai peered at him curiously, eyebrows raised. "You look a little red."

He really would've kicked her. Except both his legs were broken, and stuck to the bed. Not very helpful. So for replacement. "GO ROT IN HELL!"

She rolled her eyes, before backing off. Touchy asshole. "I think I'll be going." You don't seem to have any good plans anyways. Then again, what was I thinking, expecting something useful from you?

Oh right, that was what he was thinking about. Wait. Crap.

"VOI! WAIT UP FOR A SEC, DAMN IT!"

Filai stopped, already one foot out the door. "What is it?"

This was technically when Squalo was supposed to offer some sagacious advice that would change Filai's outlook on life forever, therefore turning her into a better human who would do good to the world (and maybe get rid of that coffee addiction of hers. It's really worrisome sometimes). Oh, and maybe actually help her kick Hibari Kyouya's ass.

And he would've. Except he really didn't have the sagacious advice needed to perform aforementioned miracles, since the epic part of him fell more in the physical category than anything else. That just didn't help at all.

He settled with a deflated "If you die, I'll kill you."

But by then I'm dead.

Squalo hated life. "THAT'S BESIDE THE POINT!"

Filai seemed to want to argue more, but thought better of it. "I'll take that into account when I have a tonfa shoved down my guts." She said mildly. Killing corpses. Don't you have the best pastimes ever? "Anything else?"

Yeah. Wait, no. Wait, yes. Wait...damn it all.

"You know Squalo,"

Said person jerked his mind out of his internal battle. Just what the hell was he battling over anyways? He glared, and was predictably ignored. "What?"

Pause. Filai blinked, and cocked her head to the side bemusedly. "You didn't die."

"Oh really? I didn't fucking notice." Squalo said sarcastically, really feeling like impaling her with a sword at the moment. But what else was new? "Complaining?"

Not really. But you still suck at making people feel better.

"Voi, I'm an assassin, not a fucking school counselor."

Namimori Junior High School, Evening

"Lose." Filai repeated blankly, staring at Xanxus as if he had lost his mind, because he indeed, had just lost his mind. Or maybe gained one, along with some actually humanity, but what were the chances of that? "You want me to lose. You WANT me to lose." Who are you and just what in the name of God have you done to Xanxus?

"Oi, scum..." Xanxus began, with much foreboding in his voice. Filai paused. "Shut up."

"Y-yes sir." Son of a bitch. I can't believe you'd give up just because of some freaky android kids. Well, she would, if it was her, but Xanxus was different, if anyone hadn't noticed by now. He was actually GOOD at fighting and killing and utterly demolishing everything in his way. Filai...yeah.

Bel gleefully wacked her on the back of the head. "Idiot, the Boss has obvious got some plan." He said, with his trademark laugh. "And what's with the androids?"

Filai was sad. N...never mind.

Xanxus gave her his usual bored, evil glare that almost made him look sleepy except it was Xanxus and he was practically an insomniac without being the part because there's something wrong with him and of course, he's had eight years of sleep already in a freaking block of ice...oh wait. She didn't say that. She did not say that. "So if you've got the info in your shitty head, then move your ass already."

Alright, alright. Jeez, what the mind fuck is wrong with you? Do I need to go to the nearest hardware store to find pliers large enough to get that giant pole out of your as- She ducked as a toilet was thrown at her. Levi was subsequently pawned. "Um...Xanxus, you haven't been...going to the anger management sessions I signed you up for, huh..."

And he glared.

ANYWAYS, as Filai unhappily dragged herself and her metallic companion to the designated battlefield, she mildly wondered what her opponent would be like. Dino had said something about a complete brute who lives for blood and guts being tossed around his imminent surroundings, and red painted and splattered and screams filling the air and...

Interesting guy. Maybe he'll look like one of those gangsters, with the tattoos and multiple piercings and sunglasses, all dressed in black leather and boots and waving giant machetes. Ooh, maybe he'll have a Mohawk. Not like Lussuria's prissy, flat one. The kind that sticks up at a vertical 90 degree angle from his head, all dyed green and blue and yellow and red and stuff. He'll probably have lots of chains and skull key chains and rings and shiny chainy necklaces and...

Following that unique train of thought, Filai was a bit surprised to see Hibari Kyouya leaning against one of the machine guns set out around the field, metal tonfas held loosely in his hands and impatient expression etched all over his cutely murderous face.

Oh, and Gokudera and Yamamoto and Ryohei. Hey, there was a little eye patched girl too, in the near distance, along with those two Kokuyo guys Tsunayoshi had been talking to yesterday. What a coincidence.

Wait. What?

Filai stared at them. They stared back. Something clicked in her mind. And it wasn't pretty at all.

Meanwhile, Xanxus and co. were being mildly confused about the awkward silence that had taken over the area. Bel laughed nervously. "So what the hell's going on?"

And because it was Bel, and because the situation was rather peculiar, well, to put it simply...

Holy shit.

All hell broke loose.

"IT'S YOU!" Gokudera screeched, pointing rather rudely at her, his other hand wielding a fistful of lit dynamite while Yamamoto good naturedly held him back (or attempted to, at least). "I KNEW THERE WAS SOMETHING FREAKISH ABOUT YOU! YOU WERE ON THE ENEMY'S SIDE THE WHOLE TIME, WEREN'T YOU, YOU XXXXXX-ING XXXXX XXXX XXXXXXXXXXX!"

"Um, sure."

Gokudera gave her the finger.

Yamamoto, being the kind and stupid soul he was, merely laughed. "Come on, Gokudera. Filai probably didn't do it on purpose."

"SHE WAS SPYING ON JUUDAIME!"

"Really? It's not like she asked anything about him or his training."

Silence. "SHE WAS BRIBING HIM WITH SCIENCE LESSONS!" Alright, that guy just didn't know when to quit. Or maybe he was just pissed that Filai actually managed to successfully tutor his lost cause excuse for a boss while he failed so miserably that Tsuna got even worse scores than he did without Gokudera's help. That by itself took a lot of talent, by the way.

Xanxus glanced at Filai, who was still mildly (Seriously? SERIOUSLY? I'm fighting that...that...urg, I hate the world) disturbed at the prospect of killing or being killed by Hibari Kyouya. They were wasabi buddies! Oh the horror of the bonds being treaded on like burnt waste disposal. Xanxus's eyes narrowed. "How do you know those trash?"

Filai paused, frowned. "So what would you say if I told you that they're friends of that kid I whimsically tutored in science for the past week or so?"

"You WHAT?"

"Well, it's probably just a coincidence." Lower your voice, isn't it bad enough that Squalo's...er...wait, yeah. He's not alive at all. Ignore what I said. She said, hastily making amends at the sight of the uttering homicidal expression that Xanxus was sporting at the moment. "Besides, it's not like I was really hanging around with your actual opponent, right? It's just his friends. Coincidence, maybe, but what can I say? It's not that big of a town." So get a grip on yourself before you combust or something.

Miraculously enough, that seemed to calm her boss down just a little.

Then again, self preservation WAS pretty overrated. So she just had to continue, albeit very thoughtfully and not really directed to Xanxus, but nevertheless..."Then again, it'd be kind of funny to see him fight you. Tsunayoshi kun's-"

Ah, that did it. "Tsunayoshi." Xanxus repeated, and his voice turned just very soft, and...dangerous, like when he went on one of his infamous killing sprees of whatnot doom that usually left little to no remains by the utterly demolished splatters of blood that were once in the vague form of human bodies, and... "Sawada Tsunayoshi."

Oh right. That was his last name. Damn it, what is with every freaking Japanese name and having a gazillion syllables in their names anyways? Tsunayoshi is way longer than what any name has the right to be. Sawada's just fucked up and- "How did you know his name?" Pause. "Do you know him?" Pause. "Wait, he's not..." Pause. "He's your opponent, isn't he?" Pause. Filai facepalmed. I hate life.

And let it be known, she should really feel grateful for those weird pink haired Cervello for showing up when they did, because otherwise she really would've been reduced to minced Mafioso by Xanxus, and that really wasn't how she imagined her life would end. Well, maybe she did, because technically she's been within that range of possibility for quite a while. But she didn't WANT to die like that.

Xanxus had just enough time for a very irate "Go die in a hole."

"...thanks." Jeez, glad to know I have such a supportive boss behind me. Bitch. Filai ducked as a refrigerator was hurled at her. Bel was subsequently pawned. Just where did you get that?

Xanxus shrugged nonchalantly. "The kitchen had extras."

ANYWAY, the Cervello showed up, in all their freakish...freakiness. No, Filai never really forgave them for giving her the ring half via marriage proposal position. It was disturbing, alright? It really was!

"We will now commence the Cloud Guardian battle." Once announced, gravely, like she was heading a funeral procession. Those ladies really needed to lighten up. It must come with the job of being neutral and assholes simultaneously. "Will the contestants enter the ring and display their ring halves?"

I don't want to go.

Bel didn't give her a choice. "You don't have a choice!" See? He giggled very uniquely, grabbed her by the shoulders and cheerfully shoved her into the field, which was very beautifully, impeccably decorated. With machine guns and land mines and explosives and all sorts of deadly goodies that sparkled and shined metal even though there was hardly any light around and yeah, that was just creepy. And yeah, she was screwed. So very screwed.

She resignedly dragged along Gola Mosca, and walked up to Hibari, who was still coolly observing her. "You don't look very surprised."

He shrugged as they both showed the Cervello their ring halves. "I already knew it was you."

"What? How?"

"You trespassed on school property." He said stiffly. "After the battle with Yamamoto Takeshi. I happened to be there at the time."

Filai frowned, randomly sifting through her memories. "Oh, you mean the rain battle. Right. I was talking with Dino, and..." This is seriously just some sick comedy, isn't it? "Y'know, technically I can't really fight."

Hibari was disgruntled. "I know."

"You're still going to kill me, aren't you?"

"You trespassed on school property." He supplied benevolently. Something flashed in his hands, and Filai paled just barely at the sight of two tonfas fitted in his fists. Well, at least there were no chainsaws or axes in sight. "I'll bite you to death."

She winced. "You really should change a catch phrase. That just sounds so suggestive, it's not very health for fifteen year olds like you."

"I'm sixteen."

Aw. The little boy wants to play adult. Great. DO I CARE? "My bad. Sixteen. Actually, that's not much better." Filai sighed. "In fact, it's not good to be a pervert at any age, come to think of it."

Once again, Filai should thank those Cervello for intervening at the time they did, because Hibari was pretty sure she had just implied that he was a pervert. And that was just something he wasn't going to take lying down.

"We've confirmed the validity of the two ring halves." The Cervello announced, right before Hibari attempted to maul Filai down. "Are the two guardians ready?"

"No." How about we just never start?

Hibari said nothing.

The Cervello. "In that case, we will begin the Cloud Guardian battle. Starting now-"

"Wait what?" I TOLD YOU I'M NOT READY, YOU ASSHOLES! IF YOU WERE GOING TO START ANYWAYS, THEN DON'T BOTHER ASKING THE DAMN QUESTION!

Right on cue, the machine guns started firing away, quite merrily too. Hibari jumped out of the path with ease, and Filai stumbled aside, barely avoiding losing a limb or two.

So I guess I could use Gola Mosca right now, but... Something crackled in her hand. Filai looked down, and resisted the urge to just give up and run off before she was really killed. She dropped the now useless killer robot controlling remote onto the ground; it had been hit by the machine gun, and was now just a sporadically sparkling lump of metal junk that wasn't going to do her any good anymore.

Alright, so I can't use Gola Mosca anymore. Great. Filai dodged another barrage of bullets, and stopped her step just inches away from a bump in the ground that more likely than not indicated a land mine.

Only to accidentally trip and trigger another one. Did she mention that she hated life? No? Well, she hated life.

It exploded, sending her tumbling unceremoniously to the ground. Filai covered her mouth with her sleeve to avoid inhaling the dust. I hate life. I hate life. I hate life. A sharp streak of pain made her look down. The sleeve of her uniform (Xanxus had made her wear her Varia uniform, despite virtually everyone's constant denial of her membership in the squad; she just didn't understand him sometimes. Or ever) looked a little damp. She felt it, and found that her left arm was bleeding. Gingering lifting the torn fabric, Filai found that some sharp bit of metal was lodged in her arm. I REALLY HATE LIFE.

Lucky her. Years of living with violent assassins had given her at least some degree of resilience to pain. With some difficulty, Filai tugged out the metal and quickly picked herself up and ran off right as another mine exploded behind her.

And where the hell was Hibari anyways?"

Once the dust from the mines cleared, Filai spotted him. He was on the other side of the field, battling...Gola Mosca? That thing could move on its own? Damn, killer robot taken to a whole new level.

Clamping a hand over her arm injury, Filai used her free hand to reach for...it should be there somewhere. She couldn't have forgotten it, oh there it was.

Filai clumsily withdrew her small handgun from its holster. She didn't use it often, considering how every time she was taken along for a mission, one of her colleagues would finish things off before she even realized that they were under attack. But it was useful for situations where she had to fend for herself.

Such as right now.

Basic training does pay off. She aimed, mindful of her injury, and fired at a feasible landmine area near Hibari's feet. She missed by a good foot or two, but it was enough to set the explosive off. Oh, and that slightly surprised expression of Hibari's right before he vanished in the dust? Made her just a little guilty. Even sadism had its limits. It wasn't like Hibari was some crazy assassin who had eternal homicidal tendencies that never shut down (in stark reality, she had no idea).

Something shot out of the dust. Filai didn't react fast enough, and some sharp object knocked the gun out of her hand. The next attack was connected to a chain. It cut deep into her leg. Her stand gave away, and seconds later Filai found herself sitting blankly on the ground. Yeah, I hate life.

And what was that scary figure stepping out of the dust...oh dear god, it was Hibari. And was that...? Dino was right. His tonfas DID have chains armed at the ends.

Not her best day. "...Hi." She scooted away.

Hibari glared. In the background, Gola Mosca laid as metal waste, one of its limbs severed. Alright, so Hibari WAS a killer child android after all. Not something she really needed to know.

Filai surreptitiously glanced at Xanxus. So what should I do now? Hibari, luckily, didn't catch her message. Haha! These freaky auras did have some usage after all!

Xanxus held up a hand at mid level, motioning disinterestedly at her ring half. Filai hesitated, and pulled the ring off her neck, tossing it to Hibari. Or, tried to. Hibari was ten feet away from her. She only had enough strength to throw it three. "Congratulations. I give."

"You're pathetic." Hibari remarked, walking over to pick up the ring. Filai didn't respond; it was sort of hard to argue with his point, and she did expect some snark anyways. She didn't expect his next course of action though. After clicking the ring halves together, he tossed it to a rather shocked Cervello. "Don't need that."

"Hey, what are you-"

He turned to Xanxus, and pointed a tonfa at him. "Get over here. You're next."

Filai and Bel and Levi both stared at Hibari. "You have to be shitting me."

"Does the brat have a death warrant on him?"

"Hey Kyouya, maybe you shouldn't..." Yep. You're a fucking lunatic alright.

Xanxus raised an eyebrow at the challenge. He smirked.

Filai only saw Xanxus truly smile a few times in her life; the last time being eight years ago, when he...he...that time...anyways, the point was it was scary.

She subconsciously backed away, feeling a lot sorrier for Hibari Kyouya than she should be feeling. Who ever knew the kid was suicidal? He sure didn't seem like it at first glance.

I felt like giving a preview. So here. Preview:

"Filai san?"

"Tsunayoshi?" You really are the other side's leader. Who would've ever guessed. Oh wait, actually, I did guess, huh? I am never making crack predictions for fun ever again. Just look what happened this time. She looked around. There were many bratty faces around and about. "Where's Xanxus?"

"Gone. He...left with the rest of his people. Um, Filai san. Are you alright?"

Filai closed her eyes, and shrugged. "Well, to be quite honest, no. Do you know why?"

Tsuna thought for a moment, and suggested innocently. "Because you have a metal pole stuck through your ribs?"

Pause. "Well, that too. But also you're radiating utter pure and good will and you do realize how detrimental that is to my health, right?" Pause. "Wait, what did you say?"

Another pause. "Filai san, you might not want to look down."

Filai looked down. "Ah, I see what you mean now."

A/N: And of course, Filai loses in the lamest way possible. At least she gets a gun, because all good Mafioso has guns. Oh, and Squalo was probably just a little weird here. But I figured if it's a SqualoxOC thing I should at least write SOMETHING pertaining to it. Plus I think I'm focusing so much on Filai's adventures of utter failedness that people are sort of forgetting the (must I say it? ARGS!)...roman...uh...non platonic part...of the fanfiction. So there's his failed attempt at consolation.

And the Varia arc is so far from done. Don't get me wrong, the Varia arc is my absolute favorite in the whole manga (except for that bit, also with the Varia, in the future arc), but I want to finish it soon, though, and get on with the next one (not the future arc quite yet though, unfortunately). What else. Oh, review? Please! It makes me happy!

Regardless, since I finally have summer vacation, I think I'll be updating more often. :D Thanks for reading!