19. Bury Me Alive: We Are the Fallen

*Mayze*

I decided, to avoid Bella and Jacob, I needed a day out with Embry and Seth again. Of course, Alice insisted I come with her, and I promised her I would, but I needed to be alone for a little bit.

If hanging out with Embry and Seth, or the Cullens, meant I get to avoid this screaming fight we seem to get in a lot recently or the cold shoulder, fine.

I heard the horn to the Volvo honk outside, so I jumped up out of bed and headed downstairs.

Of course, so no one would worry or anything, I quickly wrote a note explaining where I was.

Hey!

Yeah, it's me, Mayze, as you probably knew . . . .

Anyways, I was just letting you know, whoever it is reading this, that I'm gonna hang with Seth and Embry today; maybe go to the movies, just chill, or whatever. I'll try to be back by nine, but it might be ten. I'll do my best though. :)

Mayze

With that, I put the paper on the table and walked out to the Volvo. I didn't pay much attention to anything as I walked, including the tree I ran into.

Alice was laughing at me, which confused me. As I hopped into the Volvo, another feeling in the pit of my stomach struck me. Last time, it was on the worst day of my life, but, this time, instead of making me feel nauseous, I felt . . . happy. It actually felt like I had butterflies in the pit of my stomach. Maybe something else good was happening soon, unexpectedly. That, though, would be so great.

Just what I needed.

Alice grinned at me. "I love you, Mayze. You're quite funny, and all you have to do is walk."

I scowled at her, but that only lasted a minute. Instead of holding it, I just half-heartedly smiled. "Glad I entertain you."

Breathe by Taylor Swift came on in that moment, dimming my mood even more. Here I was, starting to get happy again, but now, this song plays. Here I go, back to the pain so great that it makes me numb.

Oh how true that song was.

It was amazing to me how simple things seemed, yet they were so complicated. This home, where my family lived and I had lived at one point, was still just as much my home as it ever had been—more so, it seemed. The fact that I was here with my family without him seemed to make it more important. I thought before that he was the only thing bringing me here, and everyone else was just a perk. He wasn't here, but here I was, standing on the huge, marble porch looking at the house and my surroundings in awe.

I let myself wander to the inside of it, surprised that I was still looking at this place as if I had never been here. The eerie feeling was only slightly there, that empty feeling I feared. Inside, I was still empty, but I was happy being empty. Sure, I wanted to be full again, but I doubted it would happen.

Not for a while anyways.

Emmett was glad to see me. They all were. Even Rosalie seemed a little happier once I was there, but I didn't get why. She was still the same, but something had changed in her.

Emmett had talked to me about the most random things, and I had socialized, like normal, but things were different. It was the weirdest feeling I had experienced yet. I was numb, but there was an excitement building up inside of me. I was empty, but I felt as if an entire cage full of butterflies had been released inside of me.

I needed to feel pain again. In this house, anything involving blood was dangerous. Who says they would all be able to control themselves?

This numb feeling I was feeling again sucked, much worse than before. I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all.

Another Three Days Grace reference for the win.

It wasn't so much physical pain that I felt, that I longed to feel anyways. I didn't want to feel any pain at all. I wanted to feel complete again, but that wouldn't happen without him.

I stood up from the couch, catching Emmett's attention. "Where ya goin', baby doll?"

I knew I walked right past the bathroom on the bottom floor to get to the stairs, but I still mumbled, "Bathroom."

Emmett frowned, clearly not understanding where I was really going. "It's right there. You don't have to go all the way upstairs to the bathroom upstairs."

Esme, on the other hand, did understand. So, she sighed and whispered, "Emmett." After that, what she said was too soft for me to hear, even if I wasn't already upstairs and in the hallway.

The last room on the left . . . .

No one had been in there in a while. The way the dust particles still lingered there was a sign of that. Rosalie was in her room, listening to some music. It sounded like she was currently listening to Just a Dream by Nelly, but I'm not positive. I didn't linger by her door to see.

Alice and Jasper were sitting on their bed, staring into each other's eyes—not saying a word and not touching in any way, other than to intertwine both of their hands together. It was a private moment that I quickly looked away from. I felt like I had to, like they deserved it.

All in all, there were four bedrooms up here, the two bedrooms and then two guest bedrooms. In each room was a bathroom, along with the huge bathroom you came to before you even got to the hallway. Once you got up the stairs, you saw the doorway to the bathroom and the entrance to the hallway.

Carlisle and Esme's room was the master bedroom downstairs, but there were two more down there. Rosalie and Emmett's room was one of the rooms downstairs, and then there was the guest room that they had down there. Alice and Jasper's room was upstairs, in this hallway on the right, at the end across from his . . . .

The door was closed, but I opened it, of course. It was a slow action, and with every second, my heart slowed down. When I finally opened it, it was pounding so slowly, I'm surprised no one got nervous. It felt like there was a complete minute between each beat, but I'm sure that was just me.

It was eerie in here, more so than anywhere else in the house. Like his piano downstairs, it was empty; covered in dust. So many memories were made in here, memories that brought me to my knees. Of course, I was crying.

Thinking through each memory made me hurt that much more. As our love grew—or my love for him anyways—the memories grew more special. The memories we shared in here weren't necessarily passionate, like some of those heated nights in my room. How could they be with his entire family downstairs, or somewhere else in the house able to hear everything that goes on?

They were special, though. In this room, snuggled deep into his arms was my happy place, the thing I longed for the most. I wanted to feel his embrace again—cold, but filling, protecting. I had never felt safer in my life, even knowing that a crazy vampire was after me, seeking revenge.

Just when I thought I was starting to get used to the pain and it would start dying down, another striking memory hit me, something that literally made me jump up, turn, and run away from the room, leaving the door cracked with tears streaming down my cheeks.

I remembered that day we were alone, because they were all hunting. We had talked about things we had never talked about before, things I didn't think he would ever be willing to talk about. We talked about changing me, and his reasons why he didn't want to. We talked about marriage, love, and essentially, sex. He had told me that he wanted me, in ways I would never understand, but he also told me that he wouldn't be able to do it without killing me, so it just wasn't possible between us.

That was the basic sketch of what we talked about, because it was too special to explain, to share.

I just couldn't think about it either.

Emmett was waiting for me at the bottom of the stairs with a set of keys extended, the keys to his Jeep. It slightly surprised me, but he gave me a small smile, shrugged, and said, "You need to go see Embry and Seth."

That was true, but I needed him too.

"Then, when you're done talking to them, come back, and I'll be here, ready to talk too," he went on, as if he could read my mind, like no one else could.

Except him.

So, without a word, I nodded and kept running to the garage. Esme was giving me a sympathetic, truly concerned smile, and I couldn't help but give her a tiny little smile in return. But, I tried not to think about it as I backed out, speeding down the driveway faster than I had ever gone before.

Being inside his room had brought more pain than I ever could've known possible. It was exactly like I was on the inside—empty and so alone, longing to have life inside again. I pressed the pedal all the way down to the floor, surprised when it went faster and faster as the speedometer needle reached its peak. I was suddenly seeing things fly by me, but I was too scared to stop.

Once I was on the actual road, I decided it would be best to slow down to where I would be able to react. It was a road not many people were on, so I wasn't worried about any collisions. I just continued to speed down the road towards La Push.

I got to La Push faster than I ever had before, which was completely understandable. I mean, I was going faster than I normally did. Since I slowed down to where I could see, I knew I was going one fifteen and no faster.

I pulled my cell phone out of the cup holder and pressed speed dial four, eyes not moving away from the road.

I never could force myself to take him off of my speed dial. A part of my still hoped he would be back and I wouldn't have to, even though my head was scolding that part telling it that it's crazy.

Dear heart, I'm sorry you get so abused, from every angle.

"Hello?" Embry asked curiously, after just two rings.

"Hey!" I exclaimed eagerly, almost gasping the word out. "Are you and Seth busy today?"

"No," he said instantly. It sounded like he was frowning, or just really confused. Both were possible, to be honest. "I was actually about to call you and ask if you wanted to come chill today. I'm gonna take a wild stab in the dark and guess that's why you're calling. Am I right?"

I laughed. "You know me oh so well. But, I'm actually in La Push now. I was just doing something probably really stupid, and have you figured out who that vampire was?"

"Emmett said that he thinks it was the girl now after Bella," he said honestly. "But, he's not certain. It was one of them."

I nodded. "Okay. Thanks, Em. So, if it is Blade . . . ."

He sighed. "Hurry and get here, okay? It makes me nervous to have you by yourself. When you're with Emmett, I'm fine, and when you're with us, I'm fine. When you're not with any of us? That doesn't go too well. Let's just say I'm talking to Emmett and/or Seth the entire time, and we're all freaking out together. And, besides. I don't wanna have to kick any vampire butt today. I want to chill with my two best friends in the whole world. Hey, is it cool if Quil tags along? Claire is visiting her grandparents, and he has nothing else to do. Do you mind?"

"No," I said instantly, maybe even a little too quickly. "Uh, but, Embry, one quick question."

"Okay," he agreed. "Ask away."

"How did Bella find out that I'm in the process of becoming a vampire?" I asked quietly as I continued staring out the window, almost unsure if I wanted to or not. "We got in a fight about it earlier."

From the way he sighed deeply, I knew that he was regretful and truly sorry, and it wasn't a scary, nerve-wrecking sigh. It wasn't a big deal, whatever it was. "Neither one of us meant to, but we were mentally talking about it while we were doing our nightly run, and everyone else phased. They all heard it, and Sam was mad. Jacob was just plain pissed, and at first, they thought it was the Cullens. We convinced them, though, that it wasn't, and they were still pretty mad. But, oh well."

I grimaced. "Sorry I got you two in trouble."

"Nah," he disagreed. "You didn't get us in trouble. Sam was mad that we were spending so much time with someone who's already fated to be our enemy, but we don't care. You're our Mayzie-pop."

"Alright," I said softly, smiling a little at the nickname. I wasn't sure why, but Embry always had a way to make me smile. Well, not always; just since I've gotten over the depression. "I'm almost there. Where am I meeting you?"

"Uh . . . ." he sounded kinda guilty, in just that one long, drawn out word. "We're at Sam's house right now. I'm talking outside. Is that cool? I mean, he wanted us to talk a while, and Jake's bringing Bella. Is it cool if we hang out here for a little while and then go on?"

"Sure," I agreed before laughing. "Personally, I don't care whether they like me or not, so . . . but, as far as I know, Sam, Jared, Bella, and Jacob are the only one who won't like having me there, unless the others changed their minds now."

"They haven't," he said honestly, now laughing too. "Nah. Jared was pumped when he found out his Mayzie was comin' to see him."

I grimaced a little, not liking the sound of that. "Alright. Well, I can't say I'm exactly excited to see him . . . ."

He sighed. "I know, Mayze. Look, I know it's hard, but look on the . . . never mind. I'm gonna shut up now. I'll see you in a few."

"Alright," I agreed before pressing the end button on my phone. When I went to set it in the cup holder, it slid out and into the floor. It went under the seat too, but I was driving fast, so I couldn't get it.

I got to Sam's just five minutes after that. Embry was still outside, along with Seth, but Seth wasn't looking at me. He was on the phone this time.

When Embry heard Emmett's Jeep, he grinned at me and motioned for me to sneak up on him. Seth was so into his conversation and distracted that I really don't think he even noticed, despite how loud Emmett's Jeep is.

Embry had an impassive face on as he looked back to Seth, probably listening intently into his conversation. I wanted to know, so I decided to get out and listen too.

As I approached him as silently as I could, I heard him say, "Yeah, she is. Sorry I didn't tell you before. I promise to keep you updated better. I'm sorry about that. It just . . . totally slipped my mind. When she perked up, I honestly forgot. Well, she's gonna be here soon, so, I'll talk to you later, E—"

I jumped on his back then, which is what cut him off. Instead of finishing the word he was saying, he changed it too, "Mayze! Hi. I didn't hear you come up."

I folded my arms over my chest, giving him my firm look—eyebrow cocked, lips tight. "Are you talking about me? Who on earth is there to talk to me about?"

He just laughed. "Yeah. She is. It's so funny. You never realize it's possible to be as figuratively blonde as she is, and then she proves you wrong. But, yeah. I guess I'll talk . . . ." His eyes lit up suddenly, out of nowhere it seemed. "Finally! It's about time! Alright. That's great, though; honestly. There's a lot I'm not really sure how to explain."

Now, I was curious.

"Who are you talking to?" I demanded, glaring at him as hard as I could. It didn't work out very well, though, because he just smirked at me.

"I'll talk to you later," he promised whoever he was talking to rather joyously, if you ask me. "Bye." Then, he flipped his phone shut. "No one. I wasn't talking to anyone."

My eyes playfully narrowed to slits as I stared suspiciously at him. I was honestly curious, though. So, I looked over at Embry. "Who was Seth talking to?"

Embry just shrugged, right as the door opened. Jared ran outside, along with Quil. If there had been six people in our dynamic cinco, Quil would've definitely been the sixth. But, the problem with Quil is, it's harder for him to get close to the vampires, after being around everyone in the pack. He had been planning on trying to have an open mind about them, but then they . . . you know.

"Mayze!" Jared exclaimed before gently hugging me. "What's up, love? How's it hangin'?"

I awkwardly stuck my hands in my back pocket and faked a smile for him while he hugged me. I didn't hug him back, because I just wasn't comfortable around him yet. "Better. How about you?"

"Eh," he said blankly, shrugging a little. "I've had better days, I guess, but it's pretty decent."

Meaning Kim's not able to be here with you today.

"What's up, vampire girl?" Quil teased before gently hugging me. I knew, though, that once I was a vampire, he would at least like me.

It was good to know.

I just smiled at him and hugged him back. Something about Charlie, the Cullens, and the pack . . . I don't know, but either way, I could always hug any of them without a problem—most of them anyways. Rosalie? Not so much. With Jasper, it was a little uncomfortable, but I still loved getting hugs from him.

And I was not hugging Sam, not in a million years.

"Nothing much, Quil. How about you, pup?"

He laughed too. "What can I say? Life's good."

Embry just laughed, nodding in agreement too. "Come on, guys. Let's get in. I smell Emily cooking."

I rolled my eyes but smiled at him anyways. "Of course, Embry. You and food . . . ." I blinked. "Wow. I bet you could get off with nothing but a steaming cheeseburger sitting in front of you."

They all busted out laughing, almost at the same exact second, and I couldn't help but laugh too simply at how much they were laughing. It must've been contagious.

"Whoa!" Quil exclaimed. "Who knew Mayze, the vampire girl, could be perverted? Who knew she didn't get awkward without talking about it? Her sister is the complete opposite. You even spell the word out, and she's blushing."

I smiled sweetly up at him. "No one, because I'm just a little angel."

Embry's eyes widened in horror, and he quickly flung the door open, ushering them all inside. "Guys, go, before the lightning strikes!"

"Ha, ha," I said sarcastically, rolling my eyes again. "Hey, Seth, I need to find my phone so if Charlie calls I'll know."

He just tossed his phone to me before closing the glass door and staring at me. They all were just standing there, looking out the glass at me with wide, horrified eyes.

I rolled my eyes but kept the smile on my face as I pressed the green button. Seth had me on speed dial, but I couldn't remember what it was, so since I was the second to last person he had talked to, my number would be right there.

Before I could move down to my name, I saw the most recent name, and I suddenly froze where I was—it was an unstoppable reaction. I had become a statue, so the phone slid out of my hands and onto the grass, where it landed safely on a soft patch. My world suddenly started spinning around.

What was happening?