A/N: Another happily long chapter. Reason? The Shimon Family and the new arc in general is annoying me to very high extremes (to take from Ryohei), because no matter how epically awesome Tsuna and co. get, they will ALWAYS BE PAWNED BY ONE PERSON OR ANOTHER IN THE MOST CURBSTOMPING FASHION EVER! No exceptions. Just how strong can they get in the KHR universe? Not to mention the Varia, which is just basically being used as fodder for just about everyone. What happened to their epic "Varia quality" thing anyways? (sobs)

Anyways, because I somehow find writing to be very stress relieving I decided to type very madly and finish this thing in not so short time.

Chapter 10

Namimori Junior High, Sports Field

For the record, Filai was not exceptionally well adapted to waking up in the middle of some crappy school, hooked up with IV needles and oxygen masks while not in a hospital, and lying rather helplessly on a hospital bed that was most certainly not in a hospital, dressed in hospital wear despite not being in a hospital and sporting many bandages and broken bones and organs and other items of hospital motif and (I might've not mentioned this before) not being in a hospital, fuck!

And there was a killer cyborg/tonfa pervert/school complexed freak of nature standing nearby. Also slightly injured and not in a hospital. That plus much bad mood just made things a little more unpleasant that they already were.

He's cute though. I'm not sure if it's a good thing or not, but he's cuter with his ax happy image than the Yamato Nadeshiko thing he had going before. Yamato Nadeshiko's supposed to be for girls though. The fact that he gave off that vibe before is implying unfortunate things for his masculinity level.

Hibari glanced at her coolly, arms folded with tonfas dangling loosely in his hands. "So you woke up."

Filai shifted, pushing off the hospital blanket that was on a hospital bed that was not in a hospital as she tried to sit up. Her ribs still felt a little more than just sore, so she made extra sure not to tear herself a new breathing hole. She warily scanned the field. "Um, so there aren't going to be poles coming out of the middle of nowhere again, are there?"

In all his cold, murderously ice prince grace, Hibari deemed that unworthy of a response. Like almost everything else she said.

Bastard. Filai noticed that he was fixated on something on his wrist. From her distance, she could vaguely make out a small white watch strapped on his arm. Looking down, she found one tied on her wrist as well. It sported a mini screen, with—

Oh my god, its Tsunayoshi kun and Xanxus. The most unlikely pairing in the whole damn world. Yep, apocalypse time any moment now. She'd better get her legal documents sorted through as soon as possible.

"Is this...the Sky battle?"

Hibari shrugged offhandedly. "I don't really care."

"And I'll be taking that as a yes." So stop sounding like you have a pole stuck up your stupid ass. That's my job. Wait, well, in the ribs instead. Damn, I really didn't have to remind myself about that. Filai wondered if there was such a mental illness as metal pole-phobia. Oh shit, if Bel ever found out, he'll never let her live it down. "Hey, Kyouya. Tsunayoshi kun uses dying will flames too, right?" Again taking his non response as his quintessentially antisocial 'yes', Filai looked back down at her wristwatch screen. If that's the case, there's going to be a lot of dying will flames circling the area soon. Not good. At this rate—

Something pinched down on her wrist. Hard. She blinked. It felt like an injection.

Fact #1: Filai was not immune to pain. But—

Fact #2: She's been living with maniacs with homicidal tendencies and vague gender distinctions for rough eight or so years, give or take a few months. And she survived it all.

Fact #3: Taking previous fact into account, she has relatively more resilience to pain than the average human being. That was why she was still conscious, despite not long ago being nailed by a metal pole. That was why she could still move around despite having numerous broken bones. That was why she was alive, despite being on the receiving end of electric umbrellas and killer robots and combusting hands and duct taped swords and peculiar knives. And everything in between. For almost a decade.

Really, it was.

Fact #4: Unfortunately, everything she's every gone through had absolutely nothing to do with poison immunity.

Fact #5: How coincidental! She just got injected with poison.

Conclusion: She hated the world.

Really, it wasn't all that bad. Sure, it felt like she was being burned/eaten/stabbed/skinned/chopped/KILLED in the most excruciating ways ever conceived by humanity. Sure, it was kind of a sad thought that maybe the poison was expensive to make and that humanity in question devoted so much time and resource and effort to find new ways of killing each other (and when was morality ever an issue for her?). Sure, life sucked on a general basis and what did that even have to do with anything? And—

And...

Maybe it was that bad after all.

Those freakish Cervello ladies said something about the poison. What was the cure again? Ah, ring. Ring, the ring's on a tower, and the tower was tall and far and not breakable and...and...

Forget it.

No! My legal documents aren't sorted through yet! My biology test! Plus I clearly stated in fifth grade that I wanted to die somewhere in a bloodstained corridor armed with a bazooka and a cup of coffee! Wait, I didn't even like coffee back then. How does that even make any se—

A loud crash sounded in the background. A few seconds later, someone grabbed her wrist and pressed something against the watch.

Another prick. Filai blinked. The pain was gone. She looked up and found Hibari looming sullenly over her. Behind him was a pile of metal scrap junk. Filai blinked again. Wasn't that the tower that the ring was on? Then. Holy shit. Kyouya managed to break that thing down? While infected by poison? Her cyborg theory was gaining more and more validity by the second. Never freaking mess with middle school kids ever AGAIN.

"Thanks, Kyouya."

Hibari rolled his eyes and said disinterestedly. "It's just for the sushi."

"Are you saying I'm worth as much as sushi?" Before Hibari could agree wholeheartedly, Filai reconsidered things. "Then again, Bel always compared me to pizza. Sushi's more expensive than pizza, right?" Pause. Then, almost brightly. "So that means I have been elevated to a higher being of existence!"

And no, the Varia did not promote boosting of self esteem. Belphagor in particular. Just in case you're wondering.

"Useless." Hibari muttered, and began to leave.

Don't call me useless! I can download illegal stuff off the internet! Wait, Filai was already in an illegal organization. No, scratch that, the Mafia was by definition the illegal organization to end all illegal organizations. So the download illegal stuff via internet was actually not that impressive? Oh whatever. "You're leaving?"

"You don't expect me to stay, do you?" Tonfa kid replied shortly.

About that. "Well, I don't." Filai frowned. "But you're taking me with you."

"Oh? And says who?"

Pause. "Uh, says me? I mean, I'm not sure if you have bad eyesight or something, but I'm the only other person around here. Who else are you expecting to say?"

Hibari left.

Filai glared, but considering how its intended receiver wasn't present to receive it, it fell a little flat. School complexed jerkass.

Explosions vibrated through the air. If one fancied looking up, they would find to their viewing pleasure a pretty crescent moon, a beautiful starry sky, and Sawada Tsunayoshi and Xanxus duking it out via flying ironing gloves and guns powered by desire to protect friends and take over the Vongola family. Respectively.

The dying will flames were permeating all over the place.

Filai sighed and leaned back on the bed. Just what I need.

"Remind me again, baseball freak." Gokudera grumbled. He and Yamamoto trudged along the Namimori school grounds, injury inhibited and much worse for the wear. "Why the hell are we going to check on that stupid Varia woman again? When she betrayed Juudaime?"

"Come on, Gokudera. She didn't really trick Tsuna and purpose. Filai's not a bad person." Aforementioned baseball freak advised cheerily as they made their way towards the sports field. "She's funny too. Even her sarcasm's funny." Yamamoto laughed. "Well, I usually can't tell whether she's sarcastic or not. Hahaha."

Gokudera groaned, muttering something entirely redundant like 'stupid idiot' before reaching inside his pocket and pulling out the Cloud Ring. "Che, why can't that asshole just do his duty as a guardian and stop pushing his job on us?"

"Well, now we can heal Filai if we have to."

They reached the sports field, and saw Filai slouching on a rather out of place hospital bed. Not moving much.

Yamamoto and Gokudera quickly ran up to her. Her eyes were closed, breath slightly strained. She didn't seem to notice their arrival. "Crap, were we too late?" Yamamoto said worriedly, as Gokudera fumbled with her wrist watch.

"She's already been given the antidote."

"Really? She looks—" Yamamoto gently prodded her shoulder.

Filai opened an eye, and half heartedly gave him a sideway glance. "Oh...hello, Yamamoto." She said faintly. After another shaky breath, she muttered "What're you doing here?"

"We came to see if you're alright. But Hibari already healed you."

"...yeah. I'm surprised too. I guess...he really likes sushi."

Blink. "Sushi?" Then. "You're sweating a lot. And you don't sound very good either. Are you alright?"

She scowled as Gokudera and Yamamoto helped her to a sitting position, mindful of her injuries. "Dying will flames." Filai said bleakly, wiping sweat off her brow only to remember that her arm was loaded with needles. She irately pulled them out. Needles. Ick. "Not...the most beneficial thing for me. I'm used to...what Boss...what Xanxus usually gives out, but the..." She coughed. Much blood was involved, thank you very much. She was going to have to wash her hands later. "Tsunayoshi's flames. There are more flames in the...atmosphere than what I'm accustomed to."

Gokudera frowned. "You're weak to them?"

"Extremely." Was the dry response. "...and that's putting it lightly. It's...a...a family thing."

"Family. That's...weak to the dying will?" He repeated, eyes narrowing in suspicion. "Oi, you—"

Filai cut him off. "I don't want to talk about it." She said shortly, breath hitching as another wave of flame from one of Xanxus' attacks blasted through the air. "Learn some sensitivity, will you?" Unruly little brat. I have a right to privacy!

Gokudera seemed like he wanted to pursue the matter more, but Yamamoto cut him off. "We don't have time to talk here." He said hurriedly, bending down and scooping Filai into his arms. "We need to go check the gym. The Mist guardians." He added to Filai. "It's dangerous by yourself. So we'll take you there too."

Mist? Marmon? So they found the wily little twit. Somehow, it was a bit of a relief."Alright."

"Wait." Gokudera called. He tossed her some black article of clothing. Filai floundered slightly as she found herself holding a coat with the Varia insignia on the sleeve. It was her uniform. "It was under your pillow. I don't want you to look like you're one of us."

"Um, thanks?" Fuck you. You should be HONORED, you bastard.

Gymnasium

So it's here? They were standing in front of a large complex that would've been perfectly rectangular had there not been a noticeable chunk of the top corner missing. Courtesy of Xanxus, no doubt. The building and its surroundings were quiet enough; no sign of battle. Well, except for previously mentioned hole. That's not the point. No sign of battle as in, no enemy, and...

No, that's not right. In the end, enemies are still Tsunayoshi kun and his guardians. For the umpteenth time that night, Filai sighed, feeling her lung straining at the effort. I don't like hurting kids, even if they are killer androids. Why is it my conscience always chooses to develop at very inconvenient aspects of life?

Placing a hand on the door handle, Gokudera said hesitantly. "Be careful. We don't know if the enemy's been here or not."

"And since when was walking into a previous illusionist battle area called 'careful'?"

They readily ignored her, and Gokudera wrenched the door open. They stepped inside.

Filai automatically facepalmed at the sight. "Good grief, Bel. I never would've pegged you as the hostage type." Or the perverted kind, for that matter. What happened to your "killing is perfectly fine replacement for sex" motto? That was one of the few redeeming points about you, you freakish little excuse for a prince.

Bel's grinned widened exponentially, digging one of his strange knives deeper into the cheek of a young girl with an eyepatch on her right eye. She was currently being suspended in the air by Marmon. In a very awkward position. "Ushishishi, so you survived after all. And I'm not a pervert." He smugly pointed at Marmon. "He's the one doing the tentacle thing-"

"Yeah. Too much information." Filai snapped. "Thanks."

Marmon had begun negotiations (rings for scantily dressed girl, the usual). Filai took the chance to glance at her colleagues' little hostage. She was thirteen, around, dressed in a scanty green school uniform, and sporting a dark blue tinted, pineapple like hairstyle. As I thought, Japan's fashion senses are just plain weird. And that uniform. Oh god, Filai had never been so happy to be Italian.

The eyepatched girl weakly opened her visible eye. She stared back at Filai, and her brow seemed to wrinkle a little in confusion. Her mouth moved, something unintelligible spilling out of her mouth. Began with an 'M'. Mu? Mu something.

She said it again. Mu...sama? Mu sama? What the fuck? No, wait. Mu-ku-ro...Mukuro...sama?

Mukuro? Mukuro, as in Mukuro Rokudo? Filai was pretty sure that was the name of that famous escaped Mafia convict who had recently been plastered all over the frontline news. Now that she thought about it, the girl did have a faint resemblance to that man. It was seriously the hair. How many people in the world showed up at hair salons and presented the stylist with a pineapple?

Then the strangest thing happened.

Very suddenly, Filai was not stuck being carried by some idiotic baseball brat with an idiotic laugh and idiotically nice motives of utter idiotic niceness. She was not in a gym, watching her beloved (arguably not) associates threaten little kids with more little kids. Over shiny rings. She was—

—in some bright grassy field. With flowers. And trees. And flowers. And trees. And what the hell is this was she hallucinating again? Urg, those damn nurses at the hospital probably used morphine on her for painkillers! Shit, she didn't cope well with morphine. Shit, shit, shit as if it wasn't enough that she was already legally addicted to coffee!

Filai really wanted some coffee right now.

Then she realized that a man was sitting in front of her. As in, Mukuro Rokudo.

Great, first school complexed idiots, then baseball freaks and bomb bait/users, then crazy colleagues, and now a fucking serial killer wanted by the MAFIA. Life was a beautifully shittastic thing. Filai fought the urge to groan. "I thought you were locked up in the Vendicare."

Mukuro chuckled. Creepily, just like his hair. What kind of laugh was Kufufufu anyways? "I am, actually. Not a very pleasant place, I must say. I don't recommend it."

"It's a prison. With water. It's not supposed to be pleasant." Filai deadpanned pointedly.

"Ah, touché." He clapped his hands together cheerfully. "Well, that aside, I assure you now we're not really somewhere I would call a corporal place. It's just a little land of my own, to pass the time while little Chrome chan runs around in the real world. Oh, Chrome chan is the girl who's at the moment being held hostage by your dear friends."

Filai twitched. "Very cherished colleagues."

"Acquaintances." Mukuro improvised.

She shrugged. "I'll accept that." Filai stood up, finding with some surprise that her injuries and the weight of the dying will flames were gone. Convenient. Made her not really want to go back to the so call real world, but like hell she was going to be stuck with a psychopathic lunatic in a dream world created by said psychopathic lunatic. She'd rather keep her broken ribs and lungs. And the remains of her lifespan. "So I'm guessing you're stuck in the body of this Chrome of yours?"

"Regrettably."

"She's a girl."

Mukuro's smile took a mischievous turn. "Not so regrettably."

Filai rolled her eyes. Pervert.

"Oh? I really beg to differ. It's perfectly healthy for a man to have interest in the standard female body." He said complacently, innocently unaware of the fact that she lived with gay and asexual assassins for the past decade.

And Filai would've really just smacked his head at the comment, if it weren't for the fact that- "Hey, you can sense my telepathic auras?" She asked perplexedly. "That's unusual. Most of the time it takes at least a week or so."

Resting his chin on his palm, Mukuro leisurely brushed aside his bang, which had been obscuring his right eye the entire time, and now it as gone, revealing a strange red eye with a black character hovering ominously in the middle. There was something disturbing about it, something just not quite...human. Unearthly, hellish, even, if she had to say, so Filai frowned, and automatically looked down, focusing on an exceptionally pink flower waving happily in front of her that in other circumstances she wouldn't have given shit about.

"A special ability?"

"Quite so, yes." Mukuro said. "Courtesy of my old family, which you actually might be familiar with." Seeing her questioning look, he added "Not that I'm going to tell you, though. You might be a little surprised."

Filai was irritated. "Heighten curiosity and then deny information. Classic asshole act."

"Your family had connections with them." Mukuro offered, smiling. "You are from the Viavideche family, am I correct?" His expression turned sly as he leaned uncomfortably close to her face. Filai backed away. "Only those from the main branch have that eye color."

Pause. Then. "The most girly shade of neon pink ever synthesized by mankind THANK YOU VERY MUCH." Filai groaned, subconsciously bringing a hand over to cover her eyes. "As if Squalo trying to use me as a flashlight when we first met wasn't enough of a reminder."

Mukuro was amused. "Oh, interesting. Did that work out?"

"I don't even want to answer that." Filai said bitterly, in a way that sort of meant yeah, it did. Fuck you. And don't think Mukuro didn't know it. "And I'm from the Varia. That's all."

A small chuckle. "You're not on good terms with your family?"

"There are no terms involved. I was dragged into the Varia when I was eight." Filai began thoughtfully counting on her fingers. "Let's see. I saw my mother five times, three of which were in the far distance. I talked to my brother twice. Oh, and I don't even know what my dad looks like." Thumbs up. "You call those terms?"

Mukuro paused a beat. He relented. "Point taken." He patted her sympathetically (fake! FAKE!) on the shoulder. "You poor thing. It must've been hard." He said with such fake kindness that Filai had to gag.

"One, not really. I was spoiled rotten. Two, please don't do that. The nice guy act doesn't suit you AT ALL." Creepy does not begin.

Drawing back, he crossed his arms, a tad bit offended. "You could've given me some credit for trying." He muttered, almost irately.

Che. "And failing."

In a fit of sporadic wisdom, Mukuro chose to ignore that. He sighed, leaning back and balancing himself on nothing at all (well, it was his made up world; he takes playing house to a whole new level). "Anyways, I think I've had enough of your company for now." AKA I'm tired of you. At least he knew how to sugar coat speeches. The Varia could really use some lessons from the guy. He flashed another placid smile, and Filai flinched. "I just wanted to meet a member of the Viavideche family."

"You sound like you have a grudge against them."

Something flashed in his eyes. Something very sinister, that promised many bloody things and unprintable horrors that Filai didn't see quite so often, even in the gore strewn underworld that was the Mafia. This person was beyond the status of a simple murderer. Why was it she so suddenly understood why the Vendicare had gone through so much trouble to lock him up?

She felt a chill, and then looked up, and it was gone without a trace. Mukuro merely shrugged at her statement, relaxed and easy as ever. He closed his eyes, waving a dismissive hand. "Something like that." He flashed her another gentle smile, as soft and warm as hell frozen over. Behind his tousled bangs, his right eye flickered.

Filai blinked.

The trees and flowers and happy blue sky dissolved. The school gym came spiraling back into view.

The scenario was vastly different from before. Somehow, while Filai had been spacing out in Mukuro lala land, Yamamoto and Gokudera had managed to force Bel and Marmon away from Chrome. The former was aiming a katana at Marmon's neck.

Wait, katana? Filai was quite sure that Squalo's opponent had been a sword wielder as well. Yamamoto was Squalo's opponent? Pause. YAMAMOTO WAS THE ONE WHO FED SQUALO TO THE FUCKING SHARK? HOLY SHIT ON A JUMPING STICK!

Alright, issue number one. If Yamamoto's smile ever turns upside down, get the fuck away from him. Issue number two. Squalo was beaten by some stupidly naive middle schooler who couldn't tell the difference between joking and sarcasm (yeah, she was still a little bitter about the incident). She wasn't going to let him forget this. EVER.

Overreactions aside, Filai dimly wondered if she should do anything. Not that she could. Her injuries were back, and the flame concentration in the air was stronger than ever, but Filai was quite sure that just watching Bel and Marmon being held captive by two dimwitted school kids would leave a bad aftertaste in her mouth.

And Gokudera in all his paranoia was eying her like a bloodhound on crack, so maybe doing anything was pointless after all.

"Ushishishi." Filai looked to her side and found Bel crouched next to her, still grinning maniacally. "Don't look so freaked out now. It's already decided."

"...um, is that a good thing?"

Five seconds later, Gokudera and Yamamoto found themselves trapped in so call Varia quality illusions. Tentacles. Or, Filai was pretty sure it was tentacles. At least, Marmon liked them, but she really didn't need to know the details.

Bel noticed her confused expression. "Oh right, almost forgot. You can't see illusions, can you?"

"Eh? Oh." Filai reluctantly nodded. "Yeah." He was right. To her, Yamamoto and Gokudera looked like they were squirming and choking on nothing at all. They were in pain, she could tell that much, but... "No, I can't." She said, reluctantly looking away. Guilt was not a very convenient thing to have in situations like these.

Cocking his head sideways curiously, Bel peered down at her through feathery bangs. "Y'know, I never got that. I asked Marmon and he says it's a subconscious part of your mind that blocks them automatically."

Che, so the prince can't handle technical terms now, can he? "It means I don't have to actively block them. I just can't see them, whether I want to or not...it's like they don't exist for me." And I always thought royalty was supposed to be smart— Filai ducked as an array of knives were thrown at her.

Illusions. She didn't like them very much, so she hardly complained. Though...She lowered her eyes, absentmindedly putting a hand to her head. I don't really know what it is that's shielding me from them. Talk about bad feeling. Maybe I'm cursed. Or missing a chunk of my brain. That's not good. I'm going to give myself nightmares again at this rate-

"MAXIMUM CANNON!"

"What the-" Filai's head shot back up just in time for one of the gym walls to promptly explode. The voice was from outside? That boxing kid...

Someone grabbed her wrist. She was quickly pulled away just as the entire gymnasium shuddered under the impact, and promptly collapsed. Destroyed. Into a pile of rubble. What the hell?

When she finally regained her senses, Filai realized that she was sprawled unceremoniously on grass, a good way from the gym. Next to her, Bel was giving out an impressed whistle as he watched the building going up in smoke and debris. "Wow, that Sun kid leveled the entire place with one punch. Ushishishi. Even Luss couldn't have done it that quickly."

Rubbing her head where it had collided with the ground, Filai shot resident prince an annoyed scowl. "And...you should really be complimenting the opposite side?"

"At least I wasn't being babysat by them."

Oh fuck you. "And speaking of that...where's Marmon?" Filai looked around, and right on cue, Marmon came floating into view. He was a little lopsided, disheveled, and clutching six custom made Vongola rings in his midget gloved hands. She raised an eyebrow. "Nice handwork."

"Was that sincere?"

A shrug. "If you want it to be." Nah, not at all. "Shouldn't we go to where the boss is now?" Ow! Filai flinched as Bel roughly dragged her back up, supporting her rather carelessly. Her rib was bleeding again. You royally suck shit.

"Ushishishi. Not my fault you're as weak as a slug." He began hauling her after Marmon, who had begun floating off towards the back area of the school.

"I highly resent that analogy." And I love you too, girly bastard. Or not. "Hey Marmon." She called up front to their levitating senior. "So we're supposed to bring the rings to Xanxus?"

The little twit didn't even bother turning around. "I suppose you were unconscious during the announcement. Yes, the single requirement for winning is to collect all the rings."

"...then, he'll become the 10th, huh?"

And Bel just said something snarky, because he always had something snarky in that convoluted head of his. Filai didn't hear him very clearly though. So then Xanxus will finally become the head. She sighed. Somehow, during the Cloud and the Sky battle, she had been too preoccupied with scraping through alive. That and all the other things that happened, she almost lost track of the point of the entire tournament.

Or maybe it was because they've all be waiting for eight years. That it was this close to coming true was just...hard to grasp.

That's good, isn't it? He's gone through more than enough. Xanxus will make a good boss. I wonder what comes after that?

A startled yelp jerked her out of her thoughts. Filai looked up in alarm, and found Bel's face right in front of hers, gawking with mouth semi open in a most ludicrous fashion. Teeth sparkled with no visible source of light. "Holy crap. Did you just smile?" He said in utter shock. "You seriously just smiled."

Even Marmon turned around to stare at her. "Did you hit your head on something hard by any chance?"

"What? Oh, I mean, it's just that..." She wasn't smiling. She wasn't. It was a completely neutral line. That was all. Why was it even though she was without doubt not smiling, she felt so hopelessly saccharine that she was quite sure she was going to make herself sick at any moment. "...Squalo...might be happy."

Silence. Filai found herself slightly startled by what she said. Squalo? Why did I say Squalo? I was sure...I thought I meant...I was going to say Xanxus. Weird.

Then.

"Though to answer your question, yes, I did hit my head on something." Thanks to you assholes. "Actually, I hit my head on a lot of things, now that I think about it. That can't be good."

Bel and Marmon immediately relaxed.

(A/N: A little side attachment. I wrote it beforehand and then realized that it was a little out of place in the main part of the chapter. I didn't want to throw it away though, so I tossed it in the back. Just something with Squalo and Dino being the old, happy schoolmates that they really aren't.)

Meanwhile, at a hospital in the middle of nowhere

There were not many things in the world that Squalo appreciated. They mostly fell into the broad categories of Xanxus and Killing, and he was quite sure Dino Cavallone suddenly deciding that his dear old classmate needed some serious talk about his (lack of) love life didn't fall in either of them. Simply speaking—

"Did you just tell me I need to get laid?"

Dino smiled awkwardly. "You really do know how to choose your words, Squalo." And misconstrue shit like there was no tomorrow, but that's irrelevant. "And what I meant was that I don't think that you acting like a frustrated teenager for the rest of your life is a very good thing—"

"VOI! I'M TWENTY TWO, YOU SHITHEAD!"

Twenty two and acting like some failure of girl. The moping kind you find in shojo manga, or (god forbid) TWILIGHT, and even Dino never would've associated the comparison with his madman shark of a friend until quite recently, when it became painfully clear that sparkling vampire fetishes and nicely groomed hair aside, Squalo possessed as much self awareness as a squirrel high on sharpie and white out and opium masquerading as painkilling tablets and crap, as a relatively outside observer, Dino just couldn't NOT feel sorry for the guy.

And following that unique line of thought, amid deafening rants of curses and death threats, Dino not at all suicidally deemed matchmaking intervention an absolute necessity and effectively shut Squalo up with a smile and concise "Um, so you like green hair?"

Squalo's reaction might've been halfway amusing, if Dino wasn't quite busy worrying about his life. His expressions varied, quickly, from blank, to, well, blank, to blank, and then to blank. Then more blank. And blank.

For a moment, Dino was almost afraid that he had inadvertently killed Superbia Squalo. Then Squalo (blankly) kindly warned him to start arranging for life insurance and sort out posthumous paperwork before he, in the very near future, takes a pencil and breaks his neck in half.

How strange. He took it better than Dino had intended to give him credit for. Eight years without Xanxus' horror influence did wonders, he supposed.

"Voi, Bucking Horse."

Dino looked up nervously, not sure whether to start preparing his coffin or just plain run for his life. Sure Squalo was at the moment tied and wrapped fit to mummify, but he was still Squalo; the guy had his ways of getting things done if he put his mind to it. Through any means necessary. "Y-yes?"

Squalo sounded so uncharacteristically quiet, and maybe Dino should call in some more men. Just for precautions. "Do you have some secret wish to be my fucking mom or something?"

"What made you think that? I'm just concerned that you're going to be very unsatisfactory with your life at the rate you're goi-"

"YOU SAVE MY FUCKING LIFE. YOU TELL ME TO GET A GIRLFRIEND! YOU EVEN TRIED TO COOK FOR ME ONCE!" And let it be known, that incident didn't work out too well. "GOD DAMN IT, CAVALLONE! YOU WERE THE ONE WHO GAVE ME THE FUCKING TALK! WITH PANDAS! PANDAS!" Also let it be known, that incident turned out even worse. Toiletries were involved.

Reserving a moment for a slight cringe at the memory, Dino amended sheepishly "Well, I thought you'd be offended if I used sharks. I was worried after you said Lussuria tried to teach you with skeletons, so..." His voice wavered as he caught sight of Squalo's livid glare. Swallowing hard, Dino began backing away. "Um, maybe you shouldn't exert yourself too much-"

"I'M GOING TO STRANGLE YOU, YOU SON OF A FUCKING BITCH!" Was the unruly scream and Dino had no choice but to deem his ploy a complete failure.

Not that he had been expecting much in the first place.

A/N: The usual. A little past revealed, encounter with Mukuro, Filai finally seeing Squalo as something other than the resident homogay shark. Oh, and no offense to people who like Twilight. I just find sparkling vampires very...peculiar. And if you want anything to look forward to, the Varia arc's finally ending next chapter. I swear, it will, no matter how long the chapter turns out, I WILL end this (which has been going on for more than a lovely year).

WARNING! Everyone should know that the end of the Varia arc was rather serious, well. Yeah, I think you people should be prepared for a little less crack and a little more...well, not angst, but just not too much humor. I got lots of reviews this time. As thanks/bribery, I'll (finally) be putting in more (more? What do you mean more? There wasn't any in the first place!) romance in the next chapter! Or, try (and fail) to, at the very least.

It only took me one year and more to finally get to that. Nothing big. At. All (shot).