A/N: Because I've got a bit of a head-start on this one, and it is rather long, I might be updating more than one chapter day. Enjoy.

Chapter 5

Life on board the Serenity was surprisingly dull—days of travel interspersed with mysteriously well-armed pick-ups and covert deliveries. Rose didn't know who the crew thought they were fooling. At all of the stops they made, no one had heard of the Doctor. Shepherd Book was fascinating to talk to and Kaylee was perhaps the sweetest person she'd met in decades, but there was only so long she could stand being constantly chaperoned while the rest of the crew went about their (distinctly shady) business.

She lay on her stiff bunk, staring at the blank ceiling above her and picturing a soft golden-green glow instead. The growling purr of Serenity's engines helped, even if it wasn't the reassuring background hum of the TARDIS. The ship was quiet, the steady noises of the crew having petered off as they headed to bed. The raw, empty space in Rose's heart ached as she remembered her old cure for insomnia. The Doctor hardly ever slept, preferring instead to fiddle with the TARDIS. Anytime she couldn't sleep, she would sit in the control room, just relaxing in his presence as he happily narrated impossible-to-understand repairs.

The best nights were, paradoxically, the worst ones. If she was ever awoken by nightmares—or worse, memories—the Doctor would take her to the library, and she would curl into his side, feeling the rumble of his voice as she rested her head on his chest while he read her whatever book they were on at the moment. He'd started the tradition after they met the Gelth, reading Rose all his favorite Dickens novels (she'd loved A Tale of Two Cities, but hated Great Expectations). After Dickens, he'd started on Austen after she made a comment about Colin Firth, insisting that she had to read the original, even if the series wasn't bad (it took her days to get him to acknowledge he'd seen it). It wasn't till after he'd finished the book that she admitted that she'd already read it.

He began to read her books from authors she'd never heard of, novelists from planets they'd visited and time periods that had yet to be. Rose didn't always like the books he chose, but the comfort of his heartbeats and his voice meant that she always loved the experience. For someone who claimed he didn't do domestic, the Doctor seemed to revel in those moments as well, times when there was no need for grand adventure or historic revolutions—it was just the Doctor and Rose, in the TARDIS.

She missed him with a fierceness that overwhelmed her at times, a never-ending ache that seemed too large for her body to handle. She clenched her eyes shut, refusing to allow tears to form. Her hand fisted in the sheets at her side, muscles clenched until it felt like the grip on her bedclothes was the only thing holding her together.

No. I've had enough of this. I have to get out of here. Her eyes snapped open and she grabbed the loose robe hanging next to her, her bare feet cold on the metal of the corridors. There was a corner in the galley that sat beneath the windows, and when all the lights were out in the rest of the ship the little corner was lit by nothing but starlight. Rose curled up in an armchair in the corner, the loose cushions cocooning her.

"You miss being safe."

Rose jumped, her arms flailing and getting tangled in the cushions before she landed with a hard bump on the floor.

Giggles filled the air, and Rose finally spotted River leaning over the back of the chair, a gleeful smile on her face. Her eyes dancing, she smoothed her face into solemnity. "Oops."

Rose stuck her tongue out at her as she struggled back into her chair, fluffing pillows until she had a comfortable cocoon again. River sat in the armchair next to her, her head leaning back until she was also gazing up at the stars.

Rose sighed, her eyes once again on the sea of lights above them. "I miss feeling safe. I never really was, not when I was with him—he's pretty much the textbook example of 'in harm's way'—but even though I was in more danger than I'd ever been before, I'd never felt more secure." She chuckled bitterly. "He kept tryin' to send me home. He was always trying to protect me, but he didn't understand safe wasn't a place anymore, to me. It was a person."

River nodded, her long dark hair shifting on the cushions beneath her head. "Simon keeps me safe, even if we keep running into trouble." She sighed. "He's never forgiven himself for letting me be taken, but I already have. Years ago."

Rose smiled sadly. "It's 'cause he loves you, sweetheart. We never want those we love to be hurt."

"That's why you want to find him again so badly, isn't it?" Rose glanced over at River and found the girl watching her intently. "You don't want him to be alone ever again."

Rose blinked away the tears that were threatening to fall and bit her lip. "That's the gist of it, yeah."

"Simon saved me from being alone." River sighed and stared at the stars. "Now he's alone because of me."

"River, no. It's not your fault. You can lay the blame entirely at the feet of the people that've been hunting for you." River glanced at her, surprised, and Rose grinned a little. "It's not exactly hard to figure out. You should really tell you brother to work on his poker face."

There was a cleared throat from the hallway and they looked over to see Mal standing in the shadows. "Shouldn't you ladies be workin' on your beauty sleep? We head in to Messaline tomorrow." His voice hardened a little. "You might be able to find your trail there, Miss Tyler."

Rose stood, watching him carefully. River snorted. "Or the trail might find her." She stood gracefully and stretched before giving Rose an impulsive hug. "Good night."

"Night, sweetheart." Rose left the galley, feeling Captain Reynold's eyes on her the whole time. Something was up with him, something beyond suspicion. She'd have to ask Kaylee about it tomorrow.