.oO°Oo.

F R A G M E N T.

JAKE

M O R N I N G.

.oO°Oo.

The sky was white. It was cold. The floor was white too. Sam wouldn't know what to do with his body in the middle of this white. His dirty body. His broken body. In the middle of all this white, he would felt as the air was cold as his blood was warm. Warm in his veins. His dirty blood. Sam was afraid of touching this white and cold snow. Would it become red under his fingers, if he did?

Dean's blood.

Sam used to wash his hands. Sam was always cold. But his hands were always hot and dirty with Dean's blood. He remembered Dean. When he closed his eyes, he could feel the lack of pulse under his fingers. When he closed his eyes, he could hear the lack of breath sounds in his ears. When he closed his eyes, he could see the lack of life in Dean's look.

Dean.

Sam didn't sleep much.

Sam was always cold.

Sam was always dirty inside.

Sometimes, blood was all he have got left.

"What are you thinking?"

Sam looked down but didn't turn toward him.

Jake.

Sam has been live in Jake's house.

Jake was a lovable and understanding young man. Jake was a sweet and warm young man. Jake was a noble and funny young man.

Jake was Dean.

Jake wasn't Dean as Sam was like Dean. In the same way, Jake was like Sam. But when Jake was like Dean, it wasn't likeness. It was a certainty, a tangible proof of existence of the greatest mysteries. Sam was here for this reason. Time spent here has been weeks, maybe months.

Jake had Dean's face.

"Nothing."

Jake smiled at him. Nicely. Sadly. Jake understood. He didn't know everything. He didn't know how much his existence was an abomination, a punishment, a curse, a chance, an abdication. Everything and nothing in the same time. Good and evil in the same time. Jake was an escape from reality. Jake was a refutation of natural laws. Jake was a proof of God's sadism and God's humor.

Jake was a miracle.

"Do you want your breakfast? I made pancakes."

Sam didn't answer right now. His look was always lost in the white horizon. He opened his mouth but words didn't come out. He wanted to turn off, to see his face. But it would start awkward feelings.

It started invasive and unfair feelings when he saw him.

"I pass. I have to go to the library.

- It's early.

- Yes."

Sam didn't explain himself. Jake didn't need him to. Sam either. Then, he took his look off the window and left the room. He didn't shot a glance to Jake. Sometimes, it was easier. For him. For Jake too. Jake knew. He was unaware of a lot of things but that.

Sometimes, he imagined Jake knew what Sam was unaware himself.

Sam put his shoes on and slipped his jacket on. He opened the door but Jake caught him up before he was outside.

"Take a scarf with you or you're gonna get cold."

Jake coiled the scarf up his neck. Sam let him. Finally, their eyes met. It was hard. For him. For Jake. Because Jake knew it wasn't him Sam saw. Every morning, Sam asked himself what dark reasons Jake kept him in his place for. Why Jake let this stranger hurt him, just with one look. But his questions didn't make a sense. His questions didn't get any answer.

Jake was only Jake.

"Thank you.

- Have a good day… See you tonight."

Sometimes, Jake's words were painful. For him. For Sam. In this kind of situations, the little certainties that formed the daily, as the clock will ring at 6:00am or the newspapers will be on the porch or Jake will be there, were sweep in three little words. See you tonight. It wasn't a certainty between Jake's lips. See you tonight. It was a question. See you tonight. It was a request. Sam never knew what to answer. He never knew if he would be here the evening, in this house. If he would come back.

Sometimes, Jake's words were demonstratives about the instability of their relationship.

But Sam will come back. In this place that Jake called home. Sam will come back. Tomorrow, Sam will stand exactly in this place, face to Jake. Sam will ask himself the same questions and Jake will be happy.

Jake will be happy because Sam has been with him one day more.

Every day was a battle for Jake. Sam asked himself why he agreed with his presence. Why he let this stranger break him like that.

Despite everything, Sam will come back.

Sam had nowhere else to come home.

.oO°Oo.

F R A G M E N T.

.M O R N I N G

.oO°Oo.