This is my first story! It started off as a oneshot…but I think I'll make it into a full story :)
She's not the first one here. Not anymore. She comes in with the crowd as I've been sitting here for maybe five minutes. I haven't necessarily been waiting for her. Because this is where I'm supposed to be as well. But at the same time I feel like now days I just come to see her. She sets her bag down gracefully by her desk, doing that little nod she does to move the cinnamon curls out of her porcelain face. I watch her as she pulls out her notebook out and onto her desk, opening to whatever she is looking for and stares down at it, her head resting in her open hand. And I can't help but feel bad for her. It was common for the girl to turn in her seat, smiling effortlessly, and speaking to the peers around her. But not lately. Not this year at all, actually.
The summer changed her. Life hasn't been kind to that once precious smile. Her world has been crumbling. Her friends have moved on. Her lover…her brother? Her family's been torn and replaced. She has new fears, worries. I can tell by the way she carries herself. And it takes all of my strength not to just go over and ask her how she is. Ask her if I can help. Ask her if there is even one tiny little thing I could do for her. But I already know the answer to that painful question. I just need space. That's what she'll say. That's what she said so long ago.
And since then I have been everything less than her saviour. Her comforter. Her protector. I've become the least of her concerns. The least of her thoughts. The least of her longing glances or angelic words. I'm nothing. I'm her nothing. I furrow my brow as I watch her shiver a bit, the sight making me a little too curious. Was she cold? They should turn the heat up. Was she sick? She should be told to go home and sleep. Was she…crying? What could they say to that? They can't say anything to that. I wish I could, but I can't. She picked up her pencil, starting to scribble on the paper before her. I study her, trying to figure out what could possibly be going through that mind of hers. God I wish I knew.
And people look at me like it's all my fault. For the demons that haunt her. The way people see her now. Some think that I'm solely responsible for any troubled thought the angel may have. Because I ruined her. I am the one who has caused her so much pain. I pulled her in and made her fall in love. In a false love. I took her with me on a journey for only my advantage. I manipulated her to get only what I had wanted and in the end I broke her. Drug her name through the mud and ridiculed her from a public platform. Made her relive what she had tried to abandon and just shoved it all in her face and tried to plead insane. Their harsh words invade my soul and ravish every part of my being. Their consonants as sharp as blades tearing through my now breaking skin and hitting my veins. Because deep inside I believe that the rumours are more than words tossed around in casual conversation. Their truth. Reality. But there's always that part of my mind that reminds me that none of my actions could have plausibly been purposeful. Why would you try to hurt the ones you love most? But I did. And I hate every moment that I spent trying to get her attention in all the wrong ways.
Her paper is shadowed by a woman now standing next to her desk, the presence making the girl jump. Don't scare her like that. And finally, as the girl turns her head to look up to her superior, at first a bit confused. But as the woman speaks, the girl's face becomes more…aware, and excited…happy. I find myself grinning as she does as she gives a polite "thank you" and turns back to her writing. Now she's sitting a bit taller, a bit more confident and I can only wonder what news could make the girl so joyful. I could only wish I could make her smile like that even just once more. But it's no longer my place. I lost that privilege long ago when I messed up her world. I messed up her smile. The look on her face when she left me will be forever imprinted in my mind. And all I can think is about how sorry I am. I'm so sorry. I never meant to hurt you. That was never my intention. I never meant to fail you. I never meant to scare you. I never meant to suffocate you. I never meant to, if only you'd believe that. And if I ever had any type of second chance I'd show her that.
Because in reality even if I don't seem to show it this one thing is true: I never stopped caring. Because you know you truly care for someone when you have to continuously convince yourself that you don't. But I just can't. And people try to push that aside. They try to consider all of that another act to my evil script that they don't know I stopped writing the night I finally realized the damage I had created. What I thought would be the final breakdown. And even if it wasn't, I still mark that night as a turning point. Not a turning point in my feelings but in my behaviour. I've always loved the darling girl and there's nothing that will ever change that. No power on earth or any other realm that could seize that powerful emotion and revelation. You never just stop loving someone. Either you always will, or you never did in the first place. I love Clare Diane Edwards right now and forevermore. But in light of that moment I have tried every possible way to carry on. Because life is short, time is fast. There are no rewinds or replays. So you have to try your very best to enjoy every moment of it. And even if the girl haunts my every thought of what love should be I have to remember that I can't waste my time feeling sorry for myself. I have to take that time to get up and move forward. And that's what I intend to do.
My thoughts were snapped in half instantly as I heard her name spoken among the chaos through my mind. "Finally, Clare Edwards," the woman spoke, the name sounding as fragile as glass. "And Eli Goldsworthy." My heart sped up. And? This must be some sort of mistake- "You will be partners for this assignment. Please get to work." My body stiffened, my thoughts froze and my eyes widened. This wasn't in any way possible. Certainly Clare wouldn't allow it. I watched the girl turn in her chair, looking to the back of the room…back…to me. Her breathtaking eyes so soft and loving. And her lips…turning up into a smile. But not like the last smile. This one was more…welcoming. Soothing. Happy? This is your chance. This is your second chance. I brushed the thought aside and held my breath as she walked carefully over to me, sitting in the chair in front of my desk and facing me, leaning gently on my desk. Her eyes shone right into mine and I could almost feel myself leaning into her. I gripped the sides of my desk casually, forcing myself to stay put. But she was so captivating. So beautiful. So gentle-
"Earth to Eli," she laughed, the sound like music in my ears. "Should we get started?"
"Get…started?" I asked a bit dumbly, kicking myself for the reply. She rolled her eyes playfully and picked up the book I had completely blocked from my vision somehow and flipped the pages in front of my face.
"Yeah .On our project? Awakening. Chapter four. Hey, it's a feminist, tragic story. This project should be easy for us." I smiled gently, moving my hand to take the book from her, my fingertips brushing against hers every so lightly. And caught a bit off guard, I saw her cheeks turn a very faint shade of pink. I had to almost convince myself the action had actually happened. But nonetheless…I was pleased. Ask to start over. Start from where you left off. I brushed the thought aside once again, flipping the novella open to the fourth chapter and skimmed the lines, staling glances at the girl what felt like every other second only to find her eyes staring at mine. But instead of setting the book down on my desk, I simply raised it higher so my eyes were hidden, my actions resulting in a slight laugh from the girl in front of me. This could be interesting.
Hope you guys like it so far! Please tell me what you think!
Also, I just made a tumblr as well! ifyoueverlovedmeyouwill (.) tumblr (.) com. Thanks again! ~Tressa
P.S. The first one to pick out all of realeli's tweets in this chapter wins. ;)