Disclaimer : I don't own twilight or any of the characters but I do however own Stephanie Meyer's soul.
I have no authors note for this chapter. I couldn't think of anything to write. Sad isn't it? Anyhoo, enjoy!
I wrote this chapter to Evanescence - bring me to life. If you've heard the song you'll understand the 6th paragraph - I got that from the chorus - and if you haven't heard the song well, first I'm ashamed and second listen!!!!!!!
Chapter 4
Bella's point of view:
As I ran things seemed so much simpler. Time and spaced ceased to mean anything. Emotions left my body and I was empty again. Empty was good though this time, I had missed empty. I pulled out my iPod and shoved in the headphones. I put on one of my playlists. It was depressing emo/indie/alternative music. It was songs from bands like Linkin Park, The Googoo Dolls, Paramore & Dead Stadium. I turned the music right up and lost myself in it, blocking out the sounds of the animals running away and, more importantly, Edward and his family chasing me.
I knew exactly where I was headed and I slipped my iPod in a little waterproof case before putting it back in my pocket. I saw my destination ahead. It was a cliff into the sea, 579ft high and an amazing drop. I'd found it on a similar run like this one, except then I wasn't being chased, and just launched myself of the edge. The drop was brilliant. What was better was that there was a tunnel underwater that was a few hundred metres long. At the end was a little cavern, big enough for one person. They wouldn't catch me quick enough to see where I had gone and they wouldn't be able to follow my scent. Alice wouldn't be able to see where I had gone, all she'd see would be me sitting in a cavern somewhere. And there are lots of caverns around here.
I had 10 seconds until I hit the cliff edge so I sped up, angling myself so I would land right at the tunnels entrance. 6 seconds. Goodbye Edward, I thought, love you forever. 3 seconds. I would hide in the cavern for a few weeks and come out when I had to hunt, then I'd move to Europe. 1 second.
I launched myself of the cliff and was about to spin so I would land facing the tunnel when two strong granite arms caught me. Why did I close my eyes!?! Emmett started to laugh and he turned his head.
'And I thought you could fight Emmett. Rule number 1 of fighting, wait until your opponent is completely incapacitated, or more preferably dead, before you look away.' He swung his head back round but he was to late. I did a backwards flip out of his arms, landing lightly on my feet, blew the Cullens - who had gathered around in the milliseconds before Emmett had looked away - a kiss and dove gracefully of the cliff.
The freefall was amazing, the brief seconds of pure freedom, no laws of nature holding you back. I almost laughed. Then I hit the water. I made next to no splash and as soon as I was under I was swimming. I didn't surface, didn't use my arms. Just kicked my legs as fast as I could and I was shooting along at 97mph. It was wonderful. My music was still playing - I has waterproof headphones and my iPod was in a waterproof case - and "Bring Me To Life" by Evanescence came on. How fitting.
I kept swimming and before long had what I was looking for in my line of sight. Every time I came here cliff diving and swimming I always picked up a shell. I had 78 at home. I'd lived in Wasilla twice before - it was the first city I'd moved to after I was changed and I'd come back about 100 years after ... I might make this a pattern, coming here every hundred years, that was nice - and I'd found the cliff on my first hunt here. It hadn't changed, eroded a bit and gained a few feet but apart from that it was the same. It was the only place I could come where I felt whole again. Where I could forget him and be me, the me before I'd met him when I was totally independent. I wasn't independent anymore. Every part of me clung to him, out of love or hate. Why couldn't I just get over him?
I picked up the shell and checked to make sure it had nothing living in it. When I was sure it was empty I took a different route that would put me directly east from my house. The cliff was lower there 102 feet. Not as fun to jump off but easier to climb. And hopefully they wouldn't find me there, when I climbed out I would be most vulnerable - weighed down by my wet clothes, trying to shake off the numbing powers of the dive and swim. I reached the cliff in 9 seconds and climbed to the top of it in 4. I stood for a minute, shaking the water out of my clothes, removing the rest of it with my telekinesis and regaining my emotions. Fortunately my emotions had deserted me and I was empty again. I liked it. There had been too much confusion the past few days.
I made it back to my house in record time, 13.5 seconds, and was unsurprised to see the Cullens in there. I ignored them walking right past them and up the stairs into my room. I rummaged through one of my unpacked boxes until I found a smaller one. It was a plain cardboard box but covered in black silk with golden beads sewn on the outside. I shoved it on the dressing table - lid open, all the old shells spilling out of it and the new shell lying next to it - and walked into my wardrobe. I grabbed a blue v-neck dress with a black waist belt and some clean underwear before walking into the bathroom. I turned the shower on then walked back into my bedroom to get some towels. Edward was standing by my dressing table holding my newest shell.
'You have a lot of shells.' He stated not looking at me, staring at the shell.
'79 including that one. One for each time I've been cliff diving off that particular cliff. You should try it. It eases the pain.' I hadn't looked at him yet nor him me so I went to grab a towel. We didn't talk for a minute and he just kept twisting the shell round in his fingers. Suddenly, randomly, he spoke up.
'Something happened Bella. I know it did. You get scared every time someone mentions your past. But I wont let anything happen too you. Ill always protect you.' He didn't realize did he. I wasn't scared for myself.
'You don't realize do you Edward? I'm not scared for myself. I'm scared for you and all the other Cullens.' That confused him.
'Why?'
'Because that's how my power works. I can use your powers. But if I kill you I get them. The Volturi didn't realize that when they sent their best person after me. He had simple instructions. Acquire or kill. I wouldn't join. His power was ... Was killing people with his gaze. It makes vampires unconscious for a few hours, long enough to escape or kill them. It didn't work on me because of my shield. But then he started to fight. I couldn't help it! It was kill or be killed! And now I'm stuck with his goddamn power. And I can't control it. I don't want to get close to you again because I don't want to hurt you. I don't want to kill you.' He ran forward and pulled me into his arms.
'It's okay. You'll always be my Bella. My innocent little Bella.' I didn't get mad this time when he called me his.
'You don't get it do you! I'm not innocent anymore! I've killed hundreds of vampires! I could kill you without even thinking about it! I'm not safe! Not anymore. If you were clever you'd leave me and never return.'
'I can't. I can't leave you. No matter how many walls you throw me through, no matter how much pain you cause me I wont leave you. Not ever. Now how about you come back to my house so we can talk?'
'Ugh. Talking. I don't wanna talk right now.' I saw him about to speak. 'I mean I'm tired. I have no problem with talking, it's just that I want a shower right now.'
'Sure Bella. Shower.' He went and sat on my bed. I grabbed two extra towels and threw them at him.
'What are you sitting down for? The showers in there silly.' I hadn't seen him move so fast in a while. I laughed and went to join him when I saw Alice standing at my doorway. I tilted my head to her questioningly.
'Well, I just wanted to check you aren't going to kill him. And I also wanted to tell you that we don't care. No matter how many people you've killed. No matter how dangerous you are. You're always a part of our family. We're gonna leave now and let you two get ... Ummm ... Reacquainted on your own.' And she ran off with a laugh.
'Thanks Alice!' I called after her before turning and walking into the bathroom. Edward was sitting on the bathtub, totally still, watching me. I laughed at him. 'Silly Edward.' I shook my head in mock sadness. 'You're meant to turn the shower on like this.' I went over and turned it on quickly. I continued my instructions in a lower, sexier voice. 'And then you're meant to-' He grabbed my arm and pulled me to his chest.
'Take your clothes off.' He finished for me, leaning down and ripping my clothes off.
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'Edward, honey? How long have we been lying here?' We were lying on my bed under the thick quilt, still naked. I was curled up in his side with my head and some of my upper body across his chest.
'About an hour.' He said, voice full of emotion. He bent his head and kissed my hair.
'Come one then! Time to get ready for school.' He groaned like a 5 year old and I giggled.
'Can't we just ditch again?' He whined.
'No Edward. Now get dressed, lets go!' I turned and wandered into my huge wardrobe.
'Yes mom.' He mumbled and I threw the nearest shoe I could find at him. He caught it and examined it. 'I really didn't see you as a D&G type of person.'
'Oh crap! Was that one of my D&G ones! It didn't break did it!?!' He laughed and shook his head, tossing the shoe back to me. I caught it and shoved it on the rack next to me. I wandered past the racks, naming them out loud, grabbing whatever clothes I needed from the racks as I went along.
'Jackets, nope. Dresses, nope. Skirts, nope. T-shirts and vests, nope. Ah! Shirts!' I wandered down the row and found a sleeveless, navy blue, cotton, button-up shirt with ruffles along the buttons. I transferred it from it's rack to one overhead then continued my walk. 'Shorts, nope. Joggers, nope. Trousers, nope. Jeans!' I grabbed a pair of black skinnies and put them on the overhead rack as well. Then I wandered over to the shoes. 'Trainers, flats, pumps, high heels, boots.' I found a pair of knee-high, calf-hugging, black suede boots that would fit snugly over my skinny jeans creating the illusion of really long legs and put those on the overhead rack as well.
'Bella?' Edward called from the door.
'Yes?' I called back.
'I was just checking you were actually in here. How do you find anything in here? Its huge!' I laughed.
'Well, everything's in order. Each rack has one type if thing on it. And then those are ordered into larger sections.' I wandered over to where I kept my underwear and found some blue silk underwear with a matching bra. I pulled them on and walked over to Edward's side. I pushed a button on the wall and the over-head rack started to move. It rotated slowly in a long oval and I grabbed my clothes off the rack as they went by and soon had my jeans, shirt and boots in hand. I flicked the switch on the wall again and the rack stopped. Edward's eyes were hanging open.
'Wow. Even Alice's wardrobe isn't this big.' I laughed again.
'200 years off depression and money, I had to find something to keep myself busy.' I told him then pulled my clothes on. With the additional height thanks to my heels I was now only 5 inches shorter than Edward. That wasn't that bad ... Was it? Edward was already totally dressed so after straightening my hair quickly we left for school in my other Ferrari.
'Did I tell you that you looked amazing today?' Edward whispered in my ear. I shivered and shook my head. 'That's a shame. Because you do.' I smiled.
'Maybe. But I don't look as good as you.' And I was right. His black jeans with the grey long sleeved t-shirt looked amazing.
'That's not true.' I nodded. 'It isn't Bella. You look brilliant right now.' I ignored him. I could feel an awkward silence descending between us. Edward hissed frustrated.
'What's wrong?' I asked.
'It's nothing Bella. Don't worry about it.' But it wasn't nothing.
'It isn't nothing Edward. Tell me what's up.' He hissed again.
'You don't want to know.' I nodded my head. I did want to know, very much. 'Bella, really.'
'Edward tell me what's wrong. Please.' He hissed for a third time.
'Fine! You want to know what's wrong Bella!?! Since we met again you've held me away! You wont open up! I want to make you happy but you're keeping me at arms length! I'm not sure what's wrong but I don't feel on the same level as you anymore! I feel like I'm on a different wavelength!' He was shouting. I pressed my foot on the break and pulled the car to a standstill on the side of the road.
'There was no need to shout at me Edward. I just wanted to know what was wrong.' I said in a sad, defeated tone. I swung the door open. 'You can have my Ferrari if you want it. Tell Alice she can have any of my stuff if she wants it. Actually just offer it up to your family. Take what you want.' I hopped out the car and ran again. One thing about me was that the prospect of an enemy didn't scare me at all, all they could do was kill me. Edward, in fact any of my close friends or family could leave me and that in effect was much worse. Or maybe it was just insecurity that had started when Edward left me the first time and had built up over the 200 years. I flicked my iPod on again and set it to play my Linkin Park songs. "Somewhere I belong" started to play. I almost laughed. The song depicted my feelings perfectly. I started to sing along.
[AN: I don't actually know the words to this song and I had to write them by listening to the song. Sorry if I made any mistakes. And I don't own the song either]
(When this began,)
I had nothing to say,
And I got lost in the nothingness inside of me.
(I was confused,)
And I let it all out to find,
That I'm not the only person with these things in mind.
(Inside of me,)
When only they can see the words revealed,
It's the only really thing that I got left to feel.
(Nothing to lose,)
Just stuck, hollow and alone,
And the fault is my own, and the fault is my own.
I wanna heal,
I wanna feel,
What I thought was never real,
I wanna let go of the pain I felt so long,
(Erase all the pain till it's gone.)
I wanna heal,
I wanna feel,
Like I'm close to something real,
I wanna find something I've wanted all along,
Somewhere I belong.
And I got nothing to say,
I can't believe I didn't fall right down on my face,
(I was confused.)
Looking everywhere only to find,
That it's not the way I imagined it all in my mind,
(So what am I?)
Why do I have this negativity?
'Cause I can't justify the way everyone is looking at me.
(Nothing to lose,)
Nothing to gain, hollow and alone,
And the fault is my own, and the fault is my own.
I wanna heal,
I wanna feel,
What I thought was never real,
I wanna let go of the pain I felt so long,
(Erase all the pain till it's gone.)
I wanna heal,
I wanna feel,
Like I'm close to something real,
I wanna find something I've wanted all along,
Somewhere I belong.
I will never know myself until I do this on my own,
And I will never feel anything else, until my wounds are healed.
I will never make anything till I break away from here,
I will break away, I'll find myself today.
I wanna heal,
(I wanna,)
I wanna feel,
What I thought was never real,
I wanna let go of the pain I felt so long,
(Erase all the pain till it's gone.)
I wanna heal,
I wanna feel,
Like I'm close to something real,
I wanna find something I've wanted all along,
Somewhere I belong.
I wanna heal,
I wanna feel like I'm,
Somewhere I belong.
I wanna heal,
I wanna feel like I'm,
Somewhere I belong.
Somewhere I belong.
And I collapsed to the ground lost to everything.
Muahaha. Just when you thought it would all be okay. Then you turn around and smack in the face. Next chapter will be Edward's point of view lucky you! Now the normal stuff ... Check out my other stories, R&R please and all that jazz :P
Smiles! Xoxo!!!