SM owns twilight and all of its charcters.

BPOV

The birds are chirping, the grass is growing, and my life is still the same as it was all those months ago. I flip the calendar over and see that it is now six months and counting since my everything left me with nothing. How can any person be so cruel, especially to those that love them the most. I can't believe I gave him every piece of me. Even still I would give each and every piece right back to him if only he would walk back into my life. We could have had an eternity together, yet he walked away. I am going to have to start living agian at some point and I think that I can allow myself to feel my loneliness this last day today. Because tomorrow will begin April, and as the forest begins to live agian, I think I must start to live agian also.

I think he would want that for me. I know when he left me he told me it was because I wasn't good enough for him. But I know with all that is in me that he was only trying to let me down the only way he knew how. He felt he had to leave. And while I was severly depressed that first day, the second I just knew for sure he wouldn't stay away forever. But now, six months into not one word from him, i think just maybe he isn't going to come back. I thought if he or Alice saw me in such a miserable state that surely they would come back for me. I was obviously totally wrong. I am starting to think he is totally resolved on this front of not coming back to me. It has been six months. Six of the most lonely months of my entire life.

I think back now and sometimes I day dream that if I had let him spoil me a bit more, and agreed just a little less he would have stayed. I don't know, perhaps it was just written in stone somewhere that Isabella Swam must never have someone to care for her, to love her. Surely its written in the stars for all except me to see. But i will be as hard on myself as I possibly can today, because tomorrow, I WILL BE BETTER. I will spend no more time on the Cullens. I just can't. They left me, and they are not coming back. Somewhere, somehow today I must accept that truth.

I gather my blanket and head to my rusty old red truck. Today I will see if I can find my meadow one last time. Surely the grass is starting to grow again there. My truck rumbles to life and I head down the roads at a slower than snail pace. But the pace is all mine and that I can appreciate, it is mine. I can drive how I want to. I wish I still had my crap radio in here, now there is just a gaping hole there where Emmett, Jasper, and Rosalies' state of the art internet radio use to be.

As my feet crunch leaves, and my legs, an arms get scratched by passing briars, and brush, i finally come into my clearing. I settle my blanket on the soft ground and lie agianst a tree stump, put my ipod on shuffle, close my eyes and allow myself this last day of moping and concentrating on what could have been. On the love of my once upon a time family that brought so much joy, happiness, trust, and finally agonizing pain to me.

I'm starting to think that I wish I had never happened upon the Cullens. I should have ran back to Phenix or gone to Flordia with my mom. I love Charlie I really, really do. I have missed so many years with him, and I haven't had to play grown up while living with him. Renee was a whole other story though. I truly didn't want to move back with her, but I just don't think I can live here and be able to get on with my life. I think I would always be waiting on them to come back for me. Obviously it isn't going to happen.

I'm thinking maybe I should finish school here and then get away. I would love to go somewhere sunny, where damn vampires surely wouldn't want to inhabit. I don't want to go to college now. I just want to find somewhere that will take my mind off of my use to be family. Thats what I need to do. I get up and pack my backpack with blanket, ipod and water bottles, and ready myself to follow my tape back to my truck. I'm so glad I remembered to do this, tape off my way back. It makes it so much easier. I had learned to do it when I was working for the Newton's I actually learned alot of survival skills there. They had finally became handy for something I laugh to myself.

Now theres something you don't hear everyday. 'Laughter,' I snort at my own sarcasim. I haven't laughed since they left me here to rot. Fuckers shouldn't be able to interact with humans any damn way. I think I understand why there are rules now. No man would ever compare to a vampire, I'm virtually ruined for all other men! I crack up at myself. Laughter spills out of me something fearce, and just because I can, I laugh some more. Cause I mean really, how many girls think a guy has ruined them for all others. Yeah right, so teeny-bopperish! But I think anyone stupid enough to date a vampire, aka..Me, should know that thier perfection is going to ruin them for others. I can't stop laughing, my sarcasm has leaked out and now I am thinking yeah, who but me would ever do something so foolish, I sit on the ground under my taped tree, and my laughter breaks into sobs. Maybe one of these days, I will be able to move on with another man. But for now, I just want to move forward for myself. See how far I can go. I think I will prove to myself and those damned Cullens that I can be rich just like them, I can be an ass just like them, and I will be. Right after today. Because tomorrow, tomorrow I will just learn to be me. And I think I shall like the new me.