Thank you all for the reviews yet again. Makes me want to update quickly and often. So keep it up. :)

I want to apologize for the first couple chapters. I just re-read them for the first time today and realized all of the mistakes I made. I have been trying to do a better job of proof reading before I publish. Sorry.

Acurcuru- You are correct.

tbplrbear1- Alyssa will indeed be back.

noodles307- You're welcome. I enjoy your reviews. So I don't mind responding to them at all. Ashley is defintely going to need her friends. I think you are right about Spencer. She will miss flirty Ashley.

LoLo06- Of course. It is a Spashley story afterall. No worries :)

ashleyss27- Lol. Thanks.

Momo0424- Yes, they are both hurting and Ash definetley needs to step back a little. Miranda is becoming the kind of friend that Ashley needs in her life. Sorry it was sad. This one is a tad longer.

FFReviews- Thank you. I thought about the whole custody thing but quickly dismissed it. I wanted to add a little drama in the mix. And you are so right. Who in their right mind could deny Ashley? Lol.

naranga87- Thanks. I do plan to finish this out. I will update as quickly as I can as long as life doesn't get in the way. I only have a couple hours to myself each day and have been writing for those 2 hours. Lol. It's addicting.

Thanks again Guys. This one is a little longer. Hope you enjoy.

I own nothing.

I spent my Sunday morning driving home. I spent my Sunday afternoon doing homework. Yep. Don't laugh. I'm a new Me. Remember? When I finally finished it was six o'clock. I gave Chelsea and Miranda a call and asked them to come hang out. They both arrived around seven. We ordered pizza and decided to watch a movie. "NO LOVE STORIES" I was quite adamant about that. Chelsea didn't seem phased by my outburst. Miranda looked suspicious. She knew something.

Around ten o'clock Chelsea left. She had a curfew. I didn't know what that word meant. Miranda didn't have a curfew either. She just had to call Spence and tell her where she was and when she would be home. "I barely ever go out Ash. Why would I need one?" She said when I was surprised that she didn't have a curfew. Spencer seemed kind of strict. Maybe that was just with me.

She went out to the hallway to call Spencer. I found that a little weird. I could still hear a few words here and there. Nosey me moved closer to the door. "She shouldn't have to be alone all of the time…. I know I am good to her…Well she is an amazing person so I am happy to be here for her." I think I may cry…again. These Dennison women are breaking my fucking heart. I heard her say goodbye so I quickly walked over to my T.V. and put another D.V.D. in. She walked in and smiled. I went back to the bed and sat down.

"Ready for another?" I pointed towards the T.V. and grabbed my bowl of popcorn.

"Sure. But I want to change first. I need p.j.'s."

"Bottom drawer. Take whatever you need. I never wear them."

"Oh God. Please don't tell me that you are one of those people who sleep naked?" She looked mortified.

"Uh. Was I naked when you slept over Friday night?"

"No. But I was here. I would hope you wouldn't sleep naked while I'm here."

"Relax ya spaz. I don't sleep naked…all of the time." I wiggled the brows.

"Yeah probably because most of the time there is someone in bed with you and you just finished with activities you don't need clothes for." Huh?

"It's called sex Miranda and they never stay the night." Ugh. "Ev-ver"

"Ooo-kay. I think I am going to go change now. You should too. Into pajamas that is. No Nude Ashley when I get back. K?" Darn.

"You'd be one of the only girls I have brought back to my room that didn't want to see 'Nude Ashley'." It's true.

"Ash. I know you're a Homerun hitter but I don't play for your team so that doesn't really appeal to me." Again..Huh? Where does she get this stuff?

"Whatever weirdo. Go change." We both laughed.

She came out of the bathroom dressed in my cow pajamas. How cute. I was under the covers and she eyed me suspiciously.

"Oh my God. I have clothes on. Get over here." I was wearing gray sweat pants and a white tank. I didn't want to make her feel uncomfortable.

She got into the bed and pulled the covers up.

"I changed my mind Ash. I don't want to watch another movie." She turned to face me. Her eyes were serious.

"You wanna go to sleep?" I know she doesn't want to go to sleep.

"No. I want you to talk to me about Spencer." Uh oh.

"What about Spencer?" I played dumb. Obviously I was good at it.

"What happened with you two yesterday?"

I played with my fingers. I did that when I was nervous. I couldn't tell her what happened. But I didn't want to lie to her either.

"What do you already know?"

"Well I know that you have a crush on her. I know that after your 'disagreement' you left without saying goodbye. I know that after your 'disagreement' she came out of the bathroom with red puffy eyes. I know that when I called you last night you seemed troubled. I know that Spencer is sad again. What is going on Ashley? The truth and if you can't give me that, at least give me something to ease my mind." She was worried about the both of us.

I opened my mouth to say something but nothing came out. I couldn't tell her everything. But I had to tell her something.

"Ash?" I look over at her. "You can trust me." I know I can.

"I know. It's just.. I don't want you to be mad at me. I kinda like having you around." I look down at my fingers.

"And I like being around you. That's not going to change." I believe her.

"Talk to me" she begged.

I sighed. "I told her I liked her and I kissed her. She pushed me away and told me it was never going to happen." I was waiting for the yelling, the disappointed glare. All I got was….

"You kissed her?" Her face full of shock.

"Yes. And she was furious with me." And upset and hurt.

"Uh yeah. What were you thinking?" She's still got on that shocked look.

"Um. That I wanted to kiss her." It's all I ever thought about.

"You had to know she wouldn't be happy. Why were you so upset that you just left?" Because my heart broke in two but I can't tell you that.

"I don't know. I guess it was a mixture of hanging out with a girl that wouldn't make it to her 18th birthday and then getting rejected." It's partly true.

"Not used to getting rejected huh?" She laughed.

I shrugged and slugged her arm playfully.

We chatted some more. Mostly about Alyssa. She had heard that I played for her and that Alyssa enjoyed her time with me. She told me she was proud of me. It felt good hearing that. She told me about the patient she had. A 14 year old boy who didn't say one word to her. She just sat there and watched him play video games. He's lucky I wasn't in there. I would have snatched the controller from him. What? Okay maybe I wouldn't have. Let's not find out. We talked about Spencer. I told her it was just a crush and that I would get over it in no time at all. I hated lying to her.

I think we fell asleep a little after midnight. I wasn't sure. I wasn't sure of anything once again when I woke up not in My Bed. At least I wasn't on the floor again. I was on my couch this time. I don't remember how I got there. Miranda was sprawled out on my Queen sized bed. Somehow she had a body part over nearly every inch of it. I don't know how I forgot about her bad sleeping habits. My back sure hasn't.

Monday morning was hard. I put my mask on and walked into the classroom. She was sitting at her desk talking to a student. I didn't look in her direction when I passed her. I walked straight to my seat, sat down and pulled out my notebook and a pen. Madi waved and smiled. "Hey Ash". She was texting someone.

When Spencer started addressing the class I couldn't even look up at her. I just stared down at my notebook and doodled. Even when she walked the aisles while she lectured I didn't look at her. She walked by me and her delicious scent infiltrated my air. This was going to be so fucking hard. She smelled so damn good.

My mind immediately went back to that elevator, her lips, that kiss, her body briefly against mine, her rejection, her fear, her confession, her tears, my tears, my surrender, my pain, my broken, beaten and bloodied heart. I may have overexaggerated with the heart thing.

It was all too much to bear. But I managed. Somehow. When the bell rang I stood up and walked out with everyone. Not once looking her direction. I couldn't take the chance of getting caught up in her beautiful blue eyes.

It was a long, excruciatingly painful week. No Spencer. No Casey (I know how disappointed you are to hear that). No performance at Pure (once again).

The one good thing I had to look forward to was my birthday next weekend.

Finally I would be 18 and I could move out and away from my mother.

It was Friday night and I had just gotten home from the movies with Miranda and Chelsea. I was on my way home when my phone rang.

Casey. She hadn't called in 2 days. I had told her on Wednesday at school that I didn't want to talk to her. When I was ready I would call her. Ugh. I was still mad at her but it was Casey. We had been through so much the last couple years. She had forgiven me more times that I could count.

"Hey Casey." I missed her.

"Ash oh thank God. I can't take this anymore. I know I am scum of the earth and am a shitty friend. Please can you just forgive me. I miss you so much." She was crying.

"Calm down Case. You are not scum and you're not a shitty friend either. You have been there for me time and time again and have forgiven me for a lot of the bad shit I did. I forgive you for what you said. Please just understand that I am trying to change myself for the better. I'm trying to be the person you always wanted me to be and I kinda need you by my side."

"And that is right where I want to be Ash. Right by your side. Right where I should be. Can we please forget the stupid stuff I said and start fresh?" She begged.

"Of course" I couldn't deny her a second chance . She had given me a second chance and a third and I do believe even a fourth.

2 Years Ago

We had been a couple for 2 months. Finally both out of the closet thanks to Carmen. We were lying in my bed making out like usual.

"Case? Are you ready yet?" I stop kissing her neck and look into her eyes. She's not ready..I can tell.

"Ash. I just want to wait. I want it to be special."

"It will be special. It's you and it's me and we care about each other. We can go to the beach house. Stay the night even. There will be no rush."

She sat up and looked away from me.

"Case? Look at me." She looks at me with tears in her eyes.

"I'm not ready Ash. I know you are and I am sorry. If you just want to end this I understand." What?

"I don't want to end this Case." I yell.

"I don't want to end this either Ash. But I know you. You want what you want, when you want it and I can't give that to you right now." She yelled back.

"You're right but I care about you a lot Case and I will wait. For you I will wait." I pulled her into an embrace and held her tight. I couldn't lose her. She was all I had.

"C'mon. Let's go to sleep." She laid down facing me and I pulled her into me and held her. We both fell asleep quickly.

Two weeks later and I was growing even more sexually frustrated. I had just started performing at Pure. I just had my 16th birthday. Guys and girls were hitting on me all of the time. No doubt they thought I was older. I know some that didn't even care. I hated that I was pressuring Casey. She was still a virgin but I was not. She was still innocent. I was far from it.

It was Thursday night and I was on my way to the club. I had just gotten into an argument with my mother. My dad was coming home for the weekend and he was going to take me camping. He was going to spend time with me. That pissed her off. It was the first time she told me that she wished I was never born. I called and told Casey about the fight. I told her I needed her. I told her to meet me at Pure. She never showed up. She wouldn't answer her phone. I was hurt. I thought she had ditched me. I did something stupid…

"Hey Ashley, great show." Wow. Uh hello.

"Thanks." I tried not to stare at her but it was hard. She was fucking hot.

"Can I get you a drink?" asks the tall, gorgeous blonde.

"Yeah sure." I follow her to the bar.

"I'll have an Apple Martini" she tells the bartender "and whatever she wants" she looks over at me with a sexy grin.

"Actually I will just start with a water. Throat hurts from singing ya know." Hopefully she bought that.

We walk over to the corner booth for some privacy. I slide into the backside of the booth and she slides in right next to me.

"So you're not 21 yet huh?" She asks me and then smiles.

"No. I'm not." I look at her with the sexy eyes. "Does it matter?" I ask her as I rub her leg slowly. I take a sip of my water.

She takes the glass out of my hand, sets it down and attacks my lips. Her lips and hands are all over me. I feel her shove her tongue in my mouth. It's sloppy but I was so turned on I didn't care. Her hand is on my stomach almost tickling me. She starts sucking on my tongue and I grab ahold of her hair and pull her further into me. Then suddenly I throw my head back and moan. Her hand is in my pants. Right where I wanted her from the beginning. She thrust herself inside of me. Wow. This girls waste no time. I don't care. It's exactly what I wanted. She pulls my head back to her and kisses me hard. She's moving in and out of me and it feels so damn good. I open my eyes. Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!

I push the girl off of me and run after Casey. She runs right out of the club and to her car. I have to stop before I get to her to button my pants back up. When I finally get to her she is fumbling with her keys and crying.

"Case. I'm sorry." I don't know what else to say.

She doesn't say anything she just continues struggling to get her door open.

"Casey?" Nothing.

I take a few more steps forward her and put my arms around her. She puts her head in her hands and starts sobbing.

"I'm so sorry. I'm such a fucking idiot." I am.

She wiggles and fights to get out of my grip. Then turns around. Her face is red and her eyes are sad. Tears are falling fast and uncontrollably.

"How could you? How fucking could you Ashley?" She yelled. Her voice cracked.

"I, I thought you ditched me. You didn't show up and you weren't answering your phone. I just thought.." Pathetic. I know.

"You thought I ditched you? What a fucking surprise. My mom grounded me Ashley. She took away my phone. I snuck out and got here as fast as I could. But of course you automatically think the worst. I'm not your mother Ashley and I am not your dad either. I am me. And I loved you." Did she just say 'loved' as in past tense?

"I would never 'Ditch' you. I would never lie to you. I would never hurt you. But obviously you can't say the same." She started playing with her keys again.

"Casey." I take a step towards her and she backs up.

"Don't come any closer. I mean it Ashley. Stay the fuck away from me." She turned around and finally opened her car door.

She was halfway into her car when she looked over at me.

"Hope that you finally got what you wanted from that girl. Hope the two minutes her fingers were inside of you were worth the time that you lost being with someone who actually cares about you." She wiped her tears with the back of her hands, got into her car and was about to shut the door."

I grabbed the door before she could shut it.

"Please Case. Don't do this. I'm sorry. I was an idiot. Forgive me." I was kneeling between her and the door.

She reached up and caressed my face. She smiled through her tears but the smile turned into a frown and she dropped her hand that was so warm on my face.

"Fuck you Ashley." She said so cold but yet so sad. "Get out of my door and out of my life. I can't even look at you right now."

I stood up and moved out of the way so she could shut the door. She started the engine and drove away and out of my life.

Of course she wasn't gone for long. I never gave up. I left her alone for a couple weeks like she asked the first time I showed up at her door begging for forgiveness. After two weeks I was on a mission. I wanted her in my life. Scratch that. I needed her in my life. She was my best friend and the only one who truly gave a shit about me. I apologized every day. With flowers , with words, with songs, with teddy bears. At this point I only wanted her friendship back. And that was all she was willing to give me. At first that is. We agreed to be just friends. But just friends turned into friends who sometimes kissed which turned into friends who made out a lot which turned into friends with major benefits. If you know what I mean. Yes Casey finally gave in. When she was ready that is. And don't worry. I made it very memorable. Cue eye brow wiggle and wink.

I left the club and headed over to Casey's to pick her up. Spike came home with me too. I missed him as well and I didn't think my mom would be home for a while. When we got back to my place we did some snacking, listened to some music and then we decided to go for a swim. Seeing Casey in a bathing suit still did things to my body but I ignored them. All we were ever going to be was friends and I finally accepted that and was perfectly happy with that.

We were playing around and wrestling. She was trying to dunk me and I put her in a head lock. She twisted herself around in the head lock and her face was inches from mine.

"Well this brings back some memories huh?" Her eyes were full of something I faintly remembered. Uh oh.

"Yeah. It does." I swallowed hard and let go of her.

She stood up and moved closer towards me. It was quiet. Just the sound of night and the pool filter.

She moved closer.

"Case." I shook my head.

"Shut up Ashley. Isn't this what you've always wanted?" Want-ed. Yes.

"I can't Casey. Not now. Not…ever again." I backed up. She looked hurt. Great. Not again. I couldn't stand to see that look of rejection in her eyes. And I know that look so well. I wore it not too long ago.

"I don't get it. I don't get you. I know that we have always had something more than friendship. The sex wasn't just sex. I know it wasn't." She was hurt and confused and looking for answers.

"Of course the sex wasn't just sex Case. I care about you. But all we can be is friends. That is all I want from you right now." I can't believe I just said that and neither can she.

"Who are you?" She questioned seriously and I laughed.

"I'm the new Ashley. No more flirting, fucking and bolting." I give her a fake smile.

"You're still mad at me. That's what this is about. You're punishing me? Great Ashley. Just fucking great." She starts moving towards the steps.

"No Case. I'm not punishing you." I follow her out of the pool. We both grab towels and dry off.

"I'm not mad Casey. I promise. It's just I. I don't want to be with you like that. I just want my friend back. My best friend." I grab her hand.

"This is about that girl right? The girl you were obsessing about. The one that Madi was warning you to stay away from. Who is she? Do you like her?" She was begging for answers that I couldn't give her.

"No. This isn't about her. She was just a girl that I had a crush on. Nothing more. I don't even talk to her anymore." The last part was sadly true. "This is about me. This is about me trying to be a better person." I say this to her with my hand on my heart. She needs to know I mean what I am saying.

"So by not being with me that makes you a better person?" Her voice cracks. Shit. She is going to start crying.

"Well.. kind of. I do love you Casey. But I'm not in love with you. And the next time I am with someone I want it to be about love. For the first time in my life I am thinking with my head and my heart and not letting my hormones control me. I want you in my life….as my best friend."

She is full on crying now. I try to hug her but she pushes me away. I stumble and nearly fall into the pool.

"For the first time in your life you are thinking with your head and your heart? Well I must be a fucking idiot because I always assumed that deep down your heart was with me. Wow. I'm so stupid." I try to reach out to her but she slaps my hand.

"Don't you get it Ashley? I love you. I am in love with you. I always have been. And all of this time I thought that you felt the same. I just thought that you didn't know it. I waited and waited for you to realize it. I guess that is why it has taken so long. Because it was never actually there. Fuck! How could I have been so wrong?" She sits down on the patio lounger and puts her head in her hands.

I sit down next to her and run my hands through her hair.

"I'm sorry Casey. I don't know what else to say. I know I don't want to lose you."

She stands up abruptly.

"There's nothing you can say. Nothing you can say that will make this pain go away. Nothing you can say that will make me not love you." She won't even look at me. She just looks towards the door to the kitchen and then starts walking towards it.

"Case?" I am losing her. And there is nothing I can do or say.

She stops but doesn't look back.

"I need time Ash. Give me time." She walks into the kitchen and out of my life. Again.

I am still sitting on the patio lounger. I can't move. The only thing moving is the tears. They flow heavily and steady. I feel sick. I feel angry. I feel my pain. I feel Casey's pain. I know what she is going through right now. Too love someone and not be able to give that love and have it returned sucks. It hurts so fucking bad.

I don't know how much more I can take.

Before I crack.

Before I fully break.

My mother.

My father.

Spencer.

Casey.

The pain suddenly stopped. I felt numb. I felt nothing. I was staring down at the bottom of an empty bottle of vodka. My mother sure wouldn't be happy when she realized I found her little stash of the "good stuff" in her closet. Now I understood why she called it that. I wandered back downstairs. Through the dark and empty house and into the kitchen. I set the empty bottle on the counter. I look around. I looked down at Spike who had his head tilted probably wondering what the fuck I am doing. Hell. I don't even fucking know. I am passed wasted. I don't know why I am in the kitchen or how I even got here. I hop up onto the island and lay down. I stare up at the arched ceiling. Off in an unknown world. I fall asleep there.

When I wake up. I am confused, nauseous and have a killer headache. Why am I on the islander? Why do I feel like shit? Why is there an empty bottle of vodka on the counter? I do believe question three just answered the first two questions.

I sit up and slide off the island. Fuck my head hurts. I then feel the nausea. I run to the hallway bathroom. The toilet and I had become quite acquainted. After popping some aspirin and brushing my teeth I jump in the shower.

The water is refreshing. It feels good on my tired and sore body. I start thinking about last night. And it all hits me. I remember what happened. I remember everything. I slump to the floor of the shower and cry. Last night I lost someone who actually gave a shit about me. Someone who loved me the way I wanted so desperately to be loved. I couldn't do anything about it. I lost her and it was out of my hands.

My life truly sucks.

I love someone who doesn't love me and someone loves me but I don't them. Finally love in my life and of course I am still miserable. But right now that isn't even the worst part.

Last night I turned into my mother. I didn't want to feel the pain. I didn't want to feel the heart ache. I didn't want to think of Spencer. I didn't want to think of Casey. I took that bottle and with every single sip I erased it all.

I get out of the shower and put some clothes on. I find myself in the kitchen again.

I am staring at the empty bottle. I am staring at the empty bottle wishing it were full. What the fuck!

I head back to the stair well. My mother's closet is calling me.

Don't do it Ashley. Fuck!

It feels so good to just forget. It feels so good to feel no pain.

I start walking up the steps. I get closer and closer to the top. I stop.

Don't do it Ashley. Shut the fuck up conscious.

I take another step. One more, two more.

Ding Ding Ding. The doorbell chimes.

I look towards my mother's room again.

Ding Ding Ding. Fucking doorbell.

I turn around and walk back downstairs.

I flung the door open.

Miranda.

Thank you God.

Hope you enjoyed. Even you Casey haters out there. Lol. More Spashley in the next chapter. Promise:)