Lovino jerked his head up, withdrawing a sharp breath when he felt the car ease into a stop. He blinked away the sleep blurring his vision and waited for his mind to catch up with his eyes. He couldn't remember falling asleep, he recalled the steady roar of wind rushing against the windows and the subtle orange flash of passing street lights, but he didn't recollect ever truly dozing off. He arched his back against the soft leather seat in an effort to stretch his stiff muscles, slowly lifting his chin from his chest to tiredly regard the nearing silhouette of his dorm building. If he had slept, he decided, it must have been lightly, because he felt more tired now than he had before. His mind buzzed numbly with lethargy and if not for the fact that he knew Antonio couldn't have driven all that way in just a few minutes, he would have sworn he had been awake throughout the entirety of the trip.
"You awake?" Antonio asked quietly.
"Yeah," Lovino croaked back, his voice dry from the blasting ac. "What time is it?"
"Still early, a little past 9," Antonio replied, smiling to himself as he glanced at the Italian's sleep-rumpled hair. "Did you want to stop and get something to eat before going back?"
Lovino yawned and turned his face towards the window so he could covertly wipe a line of drool from his mouth. "Nah, too tired."
Antonio withdrew a breath, opening his mouth to argue, but ultimately sighing in resignation. He wanted the boy to eat more; despite his best efforts, he knew Lovino hadn't gotten enough nutrition for the energy he had expelled, but he decided, as tired as Lovino was, arguing about it would be useless. Anyway, he determined, at least the Italian would be catching up on his rest, and that was consolation enough for the moment. Antonio flicked on his turn signal, slowly easing into the dormitory parking lot and pulling up to the curb. The pair sat quietly for a moment, both mentally grappling with the proper way to part in the awkward silence.
"Ah, we didn't get Feli anything," Lovino said finally, unconsciously reverting to his habit of averting focus to his brother whenever attention had been turned in his direction.
"Yeah," Antonio mumbled, nodding thoughtfully, "I guess not."
Lovino hummed in acknowledgment, nervously waiting for Antonio to offer his own closing sentiment before growing impatient and sighing. "Well, bye," he said unceremoniously, clicking off his seatbelt before wrenching the door open. Antonio nodded and down shifted into park, pulling off his own seatbelt before opening his door and lifting himself from his seat. "What are you doing?" Lovino asked as he peered at Antonio across the roof of the car.
Antonio slammed his door shut and blinked questioningly at the obviously weary Italian. "I was going to walk you to the dorm," he said matter-of-factly, shrugging his shoulders and smiling before walking in front of the car to close the distance between them.
"I don't need a freaking escort," Lovino growled, folding his arms across his upper chest and covertly sliding his hands into his armpits when a strong gust of cold air breezed past, haphazardly upsetting his already disheveled hair.
Antonio laughed and nodded, "I know you don't, I'm just worried you won't be able to lift your feet high enough to clear the stairs." He teased, unthinkingly reaching a hand out to brush the Italian's chestnut locks from his forehead.
Lovino didn't respond to the unexpected touch, either too distracted by his discomfort over the cold or by his exhaustion, and instead tightened his arms against his body, digging his chin into the collar of his vest in a bid to stay warm. "I'm fine," he grumbled, knitting his eyebrows in frustration. Antonio only shrugged in response, giving a disbelieving half smile. Arguing was useless, because no matter what reasoning Lovino offered up, the Spaniard was determined to see him safely into his dorm, and he wasn't willing to concede on the matter.
"Bastard," Lovino snarled when another strong breeze pushed it's way past his lithe body, chilling every inch of exposed skin. He glanced up at Antonio, making a show of rolling his eyes and sighing before finally trudging towards the dorm building, the older boy in tow. He told himself he would've argued the point, he would have stood on that sidewalk all night if it meant preserving his dignity, but the cold was too unbearable and he was exhausted. If he let Antonio accompany him without too much of an argument, then he wasn't losing the battle he reasoned, he was simply allowing the Spaniard to join him.
"It's really starting to get cold, huh?" Antonio asked conversationally as he loomed behind the grumpy Italian. Lovino scoffed back, the shivers running through his body enough to indicate his answer. He walked briskly across the well-worn brick pathway up to the dormitory lobby, silently thanking whatever deity aided him in not stubbing his foot on a loose stone and stumbling forward as he seemed to do so often. He let out a small sigh of relief when he made his way up to the glass double doors and yanked one open, too concerned with reheating his frozen limbs to notice when Antonio leaned across him to pull the door handle from his grasp and hold the passageway open for the two to enter.
Lovino dug his hand in his pants pocket for his ID while Antonio strolled idly around the lobby, casually reading the homemade posters hung up by some, in Lovino's opinion, over zealous students. "It smells like laundry detergent," Antonio observed while he peered at a flyer for a school-wide clothes drive.
Lovino nodded as he finally fished his ID out of his pocket and typed in his code, flashing the card in front of the scanner until it beeped and the lock clicked back. "The laundry machines are in the basement," he explained around a yawn, slipping his ID back into his pocket and pushing the heavy metal door open with his shoulder.
"That's pretty nice," Antonio replied, following the Italian into the stairwell. "Do you have to pay for them?"
Lovino grabbed onto the handrail for support, leaning all his weight against the long strip of metal as he lifted his heavy feet over each step. "Nah, but I don't use them anyway, they smell."
Antonio laughed knowingly, softly pushing the Italian up by the small of his back when his foot under-estimated the height of a step and his body tilted slightly backwards. "I've got laundry machines in my apartment, you can use them any time," Antonio teased, knowing full well Lovino would wear dirty clothes until they disintegrated rather than step foot in his home.
Lovino only snorted in reply, a reaction that in most would indicate disapproval, but in the often overbearing Italian was a surprisingly understated response. Antonio was shocked that he hadn't been reprimanded verbally, he wanted to press the issue, to find out if Lovino was indicating that he wouldn't mind visiting his apartment, but he knew better than to further irritate the boy with his cluelessness. The walk to the dorm ended all too quickly as Antonio considered when the proper time would be to ask Lovino to further his riposte. One second Antonio felt his eyes losing focus as he stared fixated at the way Lovino's hips swayed slightly as he walked, and the next he was standing in front of the thick wooden door.
"Well, are you going to leave now or what?" Lovino growled, peering expectantly up at the Spaniard.
Antonio smiled slightly and laughed, "I want to see you in," he replied, barely concealing his possessive streak.
Lovino rolled his eyes slightly, muttering an irritated "bastard" under his breath as he dug his slim fingers into his pockets. After a few awkwardly silent seconds, he pulled the small piece of metal from his jeans, grabbing the doorknob with his left hand and leaning his weight against it as he hurried to jam the key into the lock. His hands shook nervously under the pressure of Antonio's gaze, and the Italian cursed himself mentally when he once more tried, and failed, to hit his mark.
"Let me help," Antonio whispered next to the Italian's ear, making the smaller boy jump from the sudden proximity. Without waiting for a reply, the Spaniard slipped his warm hand over Lovino's, seemingly oblivious to the goosebumps that bloomed across the Italian's chilled flesh.
"Ah, n-no," Lovino argued as his mind snapped back into focus, knocking his shoulder loudly against the door as he wrenched his palm from Antonio's tentative hold. "W-what are you doing you bastard?" He snapped at the older boy, in his embarrassment, momentarily forgetting his proximity to potentially sleeping neighbors.
"Ssh" Antonio placated quietly, slipping a forefinger in front of his lips while reaching out with his other hand to retrieve the key from the flustered Italian.
Lovino jerked his hand out of reach when the Spaniard's calloused fingertips brushed his knuckles, opening his mouth to argue when the key slipped from his grip to the carpeted floor. "So clumsy," Antonio chuckled lightly, placing a hand on Lovino's shoulder to avoid once more hitting the boy in the eye as he bent down to swipe up the lost item. He straightened back up, letting his hold linger longer than necessary as he studied the soft features of the young Italian's face before the sound of the lock turning interrupted his thoughts.
"Ve~what's going on?" Feliciano asked, poking his head out of the door to peer at the blushing pair.
"N-nothing," Lovino responded quickly, shrugging Antonio's large hand from his shoulder and yanking the key from his hold. "The bastard just wanted to wish you goodnight," he lied, brushing past his brother into the safe confines of his dorm. Lovino slumped onto his bed, vaguely listening to the exchanged pleasantries between his brother and the Spaniard as he took deep breaths, trying to still his thundering heart. Finally he registered the sound of goodbyes being made, and tried not to let his heart sink when the sound of Antonio's retreating footsteps sounded from the hall.
"So fratello," Feliciano said as he slid the door closed and turned the lock, "how was your date?"
"It wasn't a date," Lovino cut in immediately, hardening his face into a scowl and climbing off his bed to trudge to his dresser, "and it was horrible."
"Why's that?" Feliciano persisted, sitting on his desk chair and resting his chin on his arms as he watched his brother change. "Is it because you didn't get a goodbye kiss?" He asked, smiling with amusement at the way his brother froze in the act of buttoning his night shirt and patches of red bloomed in his cheeks.
"Of course not," Lovino nearly yelled, fastening the last button and turning to pull his pants from the open drawer. "It's because I had to spend time with that idiot Antonio."
Feliciano let out a short chuckle of understanding, starting to rock his chair back and forth as he persisted, "he's not that bad, and he really likes you."
"Likes annoying me maybe," Lovino returned, pushing the drawer closed with his butt once his pants were on, "and stop doing that, you'll fall." The older Italian stared at his brother as he nodded and stopped his rocking, finally registering how odd it was that he would be in the dorm, alone, so early on the weekend. "What are you doing here anyway?" He asked as he moved to the bathroom, pulling out his toothbrush and adding a generous glob of toothpaste while he waited for a response.
"Ve~ what do you mean? Am I not allowed to be here?" Feliciano peered at his brother through the open doorway, innocent curiosity tinging his voice.
"You know what I mean, idiota," Lovino grumbled around his toothbrush, leaning against the doorframe as he regarded his brother. "Don't you have plans or something?"
The younger Italian smiled sweetly and shrugged, "I did but they got cancelled."
"Cancelled?" He reiterated, spitting minty foam into the sink and rinsing his mouth out a few times before returning to the bedroom for an explanation.
"Ve~I was going to go out with a friend but he got sick, it's an honest excuse Lovi, you don't have to get mad," he added quickly when a frown formed on the older's face and he folded his arms across his chest. He didn't want to lose his newly found freedom to make friends, not over something as simple as a poorly-timed cold.
Lovino slumped on his bed, studying his brother's face, determined to find any flicker of sadness that would require he step in and put an end to the blossoming relationships his brother was making outside of his watchful eye. He couldn't help but note the tinge of disappointment he felt when he realized there were none. His brother was okay, maybe even happy, and he had remained that way without Lovino's help. He wondered if he had imagined that his presence was important to the younger boy, that maybe all these years he had only been fooling himself into believing he was essential in the life of any one person.
He jumped when he felt cold fingers trace his temple, he didn't remember seeing his brother move, but now he was right in front of him, fretting over his bruised eye. "Ve~what happened?" Feliciano questioned, brushing Lovino's unruly brown tendrils away as he studied the slightly swollen injury.
"It's nothing," Lovino sighed, pushing his brother onto his bed by his chest before climbing to his feet and digging in his dresser for a washcloth. "Just that stupid Antono," he added absentmindedly before kneeling in front of the tiny freezer of the mini fridge.
"He didn't hit you?" Feliciano asked softly, concern knitting his voice.
Lovino only scoffed, pulling a thoroughly frozen fudgesicle from the freezer before shrugging and wrapping it in the rag. "Of course not," he laughed, slightly amused at the thought of the air-headed Spaniard raising a fist to anyone. He pressed the make-shift compress to his temple and slumped back onto his bed, brushing shoulders with his brother. "It was just a stupid accident caused by a stupid person."
Feliciano nodded in understanding, leaning back until his back met the wall, then letting his head flop over onto Lovino's bony shoulder. The two sat that way for a while, both silently questioning whether they had failed each other, Lovino for leaving Feliciano alone, and Feliciano for not being there when Lovino had been injured. "Go to your own bed, I'm tired," Lovino growled after a while, letting his body flop to the side and playfully kicking his brother away.
"Ve~but fratellooo," Feliciano countered, dodging the older Italian's swinging feet and snuggling into the space between his brother and the wall. "Can't I sleep in bed with you like when we were little?" He teased, nuzzling his nose into the pillow.
"Hell no, these bed are tiny," Lovino protested, his unmoving body portraying his real feelings on the matter. He felt he had been letting his brother down ever since arriving at the school and allowing Antonio to weasel his way into their lives. If he had truly tried to vanquish the Spaniard from their little network-had honestly wanted to do it- it would've been done days ago. He felt selfish knowing that Feliciano was sitting in an empty dorm while he was galavanting around with Antonio, fooling himself into believing he was doing something admirable and for anyone's benefit but his own.
He felt Feliciano's breath on his neck, slowly evening out with every passing minute. "Fine, you can stay," he mumbled, tempted to pat the boy tenderly on the head, but instead rolling over and clamping his eye shuts, willing his mind to pull itself from its troubles.
Lovino kept his eyes shut as his mind shifted into focus, trying to determine if he could fall back asleep before ultimately giving up and rolling over to his clock. '9 am' he registered mentally, pulling himself into a sitting position. He wondered when sleeping in had become any time other than past noon while padding to the bathroom. He pulled the shower faucet to warm, peering out into the empty dorm one more time before pulling his pajama shirt over his head and easing the elastic band of his pants off his slim hips. He didn't bother closing the door, he and his brother had never been particularly modest, at least not when it came to each other. He stepped under the warm torrent of water and closed his eyes as it drummed against the back of his slightly throbbing head. The warmth was hypnotizing, and if not for the constant nagging in the back of his head that work needed to be done, Lovino was sure he could remain engulfed in that steamy heat for hours.
"Lovi," a slightly muffled voice sounded from the bathroom door, making Lovino groan slightly from the interruption of the first peaceful moment he had had since arriving to this bothersome school.
"What?" He replied, his voice sounding harsher than he intended.
"I brought you some breakfast from the cafeteria, whenever you want it," the cheerful voice replied. "I'm so glad I didn't miss you," he added sweetly.
"Sure, thanks," Lovino replied hesitantly, grabbing a shampoo bottle from the floor and emptying a generous amount into his palm. He was grateful to his brother for choosing to bring him back food, rather than wake him up, but acknowledging that fact also meant admitting that his brother was taking care of him, rather than the reverse, and he was far from willing to abandon his post as caretaker in their relationship. Lovino scrubbed the flowery foam into his scalp, vaguely wondering when he had started to equate being cared for as an apparent weakness in character. It wasn't that he felt that way about his brother, however. This, like so many other things, only applied to himself. If he couldn't manage on his own, it meant he was lacking something-it was a concept he accepted without question, as if he were born knowing it.
Lovino slammed his hand against the faucet, shuddering when the hot water halted suddenly, only trails of quickly cooling water left tracing his pale flesh. He shivered slightly and pushed the shower curtain aside, grabbing a towel from the rack and quickly rubbing it through his sopping hair before fastening it around his waist. His bare feet slapped against the damp linoleum as he padded back to the dorm, ignoring his brother's giggles at his uncombed hair while he rifled around his closet for anything even remotely clean and wearable. He picked a pair of jeans off the floor and sniffed, secretly happy his brother couldn't see his actions from inside the closet as he deemed them clean enough and slipped them on. He pulled down one of his few remaining shirts, upsetting the rack and sending a high pitched symphony of clanging empty hangers sounding through the dorm.
"Ve~you need to do your laundry, fratello," Feliciano scolded lightly, padding into the bathroom for a brush while Lovino sat down on his bed and finished buttoning his red flannel shirt.
"Like I don't know that, bastard," he grumbled, leaning over to grab the plate of food from his desk and taking a bite from a large blueberry muffin.
"Well you should do it today, what do you have planned?" Feliciano asked, ignoring his brother's foul mood as he sat next to him and started gently easing the brush through the older Italian's matted and tangled hair.
Lovino shrugged and took another large bite of muffin, "work on some new prints, I guess," he said after swallowing. Something pulled at the back of his mind and made his heart beat painfully in his chest, something was missing, he realized with slight panic, he must have forgotten something he was supposed to do, but he had no idea what it could possibly be. He mindlessly finished the muffin, mentally ticking off his schedule while his brother silently combed his hair. It must be nothing, he determined after a while, satisfied that his deadlines were still far off and none of his students had signed up for Sunday tutoring, but his heart still beat heavily, a side affect of a day of work wasted he decided eventually.
"What about you?" Lovino asked, pulling his head from his brother's grasp and padding to his dresser to locate a pair of clean socks, "don't you have work to do?"
Feliciano cocked his head to the side in confusion, "ve~of course, fratello," he replied easily, his stress-if he possessed any-completely undetectable.
Lovino stuffed his feet into his loafers, letting out an irritated "tch" when one of the heels folded under his foot. "Then what the hell are you doing here?" He demanded.
"I wanted to see you before going," Feliciano smiled, walking back to the bathroom to deposit the brush.
"That's stupid," Lovino scoffed, rolling his tense shoulders a few times before sighing and heading to the door. He paused when his hand was on the doorknob, turning around to regard his brother. "Well, are you coming?" He asked expectantly.
Feliciano smiled brightly, lifting his satchel from the floor before trailing behind the older Italian, "you mean we can walk together, fratello?"
"Dammit, stop being an idiot," Lovino growled, his avoidance of the question enough to indicate his answer.
Feliciano nodded eagerly, following his brother out of the dorm building before breaking into a short monologue about his professors and his students and how fun he was finding his assignments. Lovino nodded occasionally, depositing one-word answers wherever necessary, completely contented with letting the attention turn off him and onto the younger Italian. He couldn't help but feel a twinge of remorse when they parted ways at the staircase, Feliciano pulling him into a quick embrace before waving and heading up the third floor painting room.
Lovino lingered in the stairwell, wondering if the thing he thought he had forgotten earlier was to spend time with his brother. He was feeling at peace for the first time in a while, but soon the familiar pounding in his chest returned and he trudged to the print room, convinced it really was the anticipation of getting work done that was bothering his unconscious.
The morning passed slowly for the older Italian, he had an odd sense of calm that could only have been a result of finally receiving a full night of sleep and a decent meal. He rolled out a fresh piece of mylar, carefully painting on India ink and fanning his hand over it in a bid to dry faster. He leaned back in his seat and let his eyes wander to the foggy outdoors, for the first time since arriving at the school his work was progressing smoothly and on time, but he didn't feel completely content. He still felt anxious, like something important was missing, and it refused to leave him in peace.
Groaning quietly in frustration, Lovino pulled his knees up, leveraging them against the table so he could lean back further in his chair and run his hands through his freshly combed hair. He closed his eyes and let the sound of the next room over's ticking clock lull him into a trance. His mind wandered from Roderich to Elizabeta, he wondered if the house was too quiet without he and his brother there, if the pair were still getting along well without the Italians to distract them. He thought about his professor and the show he had been coerced into helping with, pondering how he was going to survive a night of trying to be social and mentally noting to try to find a way out of it later. He thought about his brother, and how happy he seemed, how he was thriving so well without him, but he didn't linger on that thought, determined to have at least one day that didn't involve him mentally berating himself from morning to night. And then, despite his best efforts not to, he thought about Antonio. How his face brightened when he smiled, the way the skin next to his eyes scrunched together when he was embarrassed, how his hands were so big and strong and his soft hair bounced around when he walked, and how when he said he cared about Lovino, it seemed like the most genuine and natural thing in the world.
Lovino's eyes flew open and his feet thumped unceremoniously to the ground. He cursed himself mentally for letting his mind wander into forbidden territory while willing his lecherous heart to still it's racing speed. He had known it all along but had been unwilling to admit it, whether from obstinance, shame, or both: the thing that was lacking was Antonio. It was terrifying to realize that he had already become so dependent on the boy, and he wondered how he had afforded himself the luxury of not realizing it for so long, but what scared him most wasn't the recognition of his reliance, but the fact that he didn't care. He knew he was weak, and he knew that what he was doing was dangerous, but all Lovino wanted to do at the moment was to be near the Spaniard. He didn't need a relationship with him, he assured himself, he just needed to hear his voice, to see his face and know that last night wasn't the last time he'd be in his company.