Okay so the first part of this was originally in the last chapter but I decided to keep it out and make it another chapter.
I apologize to anyone who was upset with the last chapter. There is still a lot of story left to tell so please be patient.
I own nothing but my imagination. Miranda and Alyssa are mine as well.
When I got to the beach house I took a deep breath at the door. It was a long flight and I thought about Alyssa the entire way. I didn't know how to deal with what was going on. I didn't know if I could be strong like she is. I know I wasn't ready to lose her. She meant so much to me and she helped me more than she knew.
I knocked on the door. Yes I know it was my house but I felt like I should knock. Alyssa's mom opened up the door and looked at me confused.
"You don't have to knock Ashley. It is your house after all." She said with a kind smile.
"I know. I just … I don't know." She laughed quietly.
"Come in." She moved to the side and I walked in.
"So how is she?"
"Same as yesterday. She's not able to get a lot of words out but she is trying. She was really frustrated at first but she's doing better."
"Is she awake?"
"Yes, go ahead and go in."
I hesitated and I think she sensed that I was scared.
"Come on. I'll go in first." She grabbed my hand and led the way.
I could not believe it had only been 6 days since I had seen her last.
She was noticeably skinnier and her face was pale. When she saw me her face lit up. I smiled back, trying my best to show that I was not upset…even though I clearly was.
"Ash-ley" She whispered.
I walked as fast as I could to her bed side. She slowly held her hand out and I reached for it cradling it in mine.
"You're he-here." I could see how happy she was. It showed in her eyes. I was still amazed that I could do that for her.
"I'm here."
In that moment I knew I couldn't tell her about the tour. In that moment I knew I wasn't going on that tour. I wasn't going to leave her. She needed me and deep down, I needed her.
"Can you s-tay…..for…. a while?" She squeezed my hand and I knew it took a lot out of her to do that.
"I'm not going anywhere. You couldn't get rid of me if you tried."
"Goo-d" She laid her head back and closed her eyes.
Inside I was fighting a battle I knew I was going to lose.
"Ash" She whispered without opening her eyes.
"Yeah sweetie." I tucked some hair behind her ear.
"Can y-you.."
"You want me to sing to you?"
She nodded.
I knew my singing soothed her. I wanted to make her feel better; if that was possible and if singing made her feel even the tiniest bit better I had no problem doing that for her.
Everybody needs inspiration
Everybody needs a song
A beautiful melody when the night's so long
'Cause there is no guarantee that this life is easy
Yeah, when my world is falling apart
When there's no light to break up the dark
That's when I, I, I look at you
When the waves are flooding the shore
And I can't find my way home anymore
That's when I, I, I look at you
When I look at you, I see forgiveness, I see the truth
You love me for who I am like the stars hold the moon
Right there where they belong
And I know I'm not alone
Yeah, when my world is falling apart
When there's no light to break up the dark
That's when I, I, I look at you
When the waves are flooding the shore
And I can't find my way home anymore
That's when I, I, I look at you
You appear just like a dream to me
Just like kaleidoscope colors that prove to me
All I need, every breath that I breathe
Don't ya know, you're beautiful
Yeah, yeah
When the waves are flooding the shore
And I can't find my way home anymore
That's when I, I, I look at you
I look at you
Yeah, yeah, oh, oh
You appear just like a dream to me
She fell asleep half way through the song. I kept singing. For her. For myself.
Ms. Cooper handed me a tissue and held me from behind.
"You don't know how much you mean to her…and to me. Thank you."
The tears that had been building up broke through and I started sobbing in her arms. She helped me up and we walked out of the room. I couldn't breathe. But I couldn't stop crying.
It wasn't fair.
I couldn't handle it.
I walked outside and down to the beach.
I sat in the sand.
"Why?"
The only word that left my lips.
"Why?"
I yelled to the sky.
When I walked back into the house I found Ms. Cooper in the kitchen. She was making lunch for Alyssa I suppose. It looked like cream of mushroom soup but without the mushrooms.
"I'm sorry."
She turned and looked at me with a half-smile.
"Don't be. It's okay. I have had my fair share of break downs. Trust me."
I sighed and ran a hand through my unruly hair.
"Sit. I'll make you some soup."
"Thanks"
"You're welcome."
We sat down and had a bowl of soup together.
I felt horrible.
Yes, I was going to lose Alyssa. I had no doubts about that.
But so was her mother. And Alyssa was her life. She was all she had.
"Um, I was going to ask earlier but I didn't know how to."
"Ashley. You can ask me anything."
"Is there anything I can do, to help with..preparing?" I couldn't say the last part.
She shook her head.
"No. I can handle all of that." She said while staring out the window.
"What about financially?" I had to ask.
"I can't ask you for that Ashley."
"You don't have to ask. I want to help, I need to."
"Really Ashley. I can't. You've done so much already."
"I haven't done enough." I looked down at my bowl and swirled the spoon around.
I felt a finger on my chin lifting it up.
"Every time my little girls face lights up, it is because you are in the room. Every time she laughs it is because of something you said. Every time she smiles, it is one more smile that I get to remember. Because of you. I know you feel helpless Ashley. I do to. But don't you ever think that you are not doing anything for her or for me. You do more than you know."
She got up of her chair and leaned down to hug me again.
"Thank you. For giving her a place to stay that she felt comfortable in. For giving her a friendship. For making her laugh and smile and act like a kid for once."
I hugged her back.
"You're welcome." Is all I could think to say.
I walked into my room upstairs and called Spencer.
She answered on the second ring.
"Hey Ash, how is she?" I could hear the worry in her voice.
"Not good Spence." My voiced croaked out.
"Ash, what's going on?" I laid down in my bed and curled up into a ball.
"I wish you were here holding me right now." The tears started coming again.
"You need there me Ash? I'll come as fast as I can." God I love her.
"No, I mean yes I need you but you don't need to come home." I wanted her to but I knew she was still worried about Gram.
"Ashley?"
"Spence really I'm fine. I want you here but you need to be there. Don't worry about me. I'm just waiting for Alyssa to wake up. Then we can spend some time together."
"I'm sorry Ash. I'm sorry that you're going through this."
"Don't be sorry for me Spence. Be sorry for Alyssa. Be sorry for her mom."
"Of course I'm sorry for them too. I can't imagine going through what Alyssa is going through. That's why I sent you too her Ash. I knew you could give her some happy times. I knew she would love you."
"I'm glad you did baby. Just the thought of her and her mom having to go through this alone makes me sick to my stomach. I'm glad I met her. She has shown me so much without even trying."
"I know what you mean. I'm glad you two have each other."
"Spence?"
"Yeah babe."
"I'm not going on the tour."
"I know babe."
After the phone call with Spencer I walked back downstairs. Alyssa was still asleep. I sat down on the bed next to her and laid down, careful not to hurt her.
I must have fallen asleep.
I woke up to a fingers going through my hair.
"Ash-leeey"
I opened my eyes to see her looking down at me.
"Are y-ou com-fy?" Her voice was hoarse and she was trying so hard to get the words out.
I smiled and grabbed the hand in my hair, holding it in mine.
"Yeah I am. Sorry."
"No it'-s okay."
She grabbed the remote next to her but it fell out of her weak grasp.
I jumped out of bed and walked around to get it.
"Hit p-lay."
I nodded and hit the play button.
It was me, on the stage at Pure. It was the last time I performed there.
"How did you get this?"
She gave me a lopsided smile.
"Spen-cer."
"Spencer sent this to you."
She shook her head.
Huh?
"She was h-ere."
"She was here, when?" That sneaky girl.
"Ri-ght be-fore she left."
I looked up at the screen and watched as I strummed my guitar.
How did she get this recorded?
Why did she come here alone?
Why didn't she tell me?
I wasn't mad at her. Her coming here and giving this DVD to Alyssa made me fall in love with her more.
"She is so beau-tiful Ash."
"Trust me I know." I laughed.
We watched the rest of the DVD and then we talked some more. She said she didn't want to stop talking to me because she never knew when she wouldn't be able to anymore. We worked on signing again. Of course it wasn't regular signing considering she couldn't move her fingers very well. I suggested her doing Morse code by blinking. She laughed..But I was serious. I also talked to her about electronic devices that would help her out with communicating. There were actually a lot. We looked some up on the internet. She said she would look them over with her mom.
Around 7pm she fell asleep again. I was surprised she stayed up for 5 hours. I went to look for Ms. Cooper and she was passed out on the couch. Poor woman. She had to be tired. I covered her with a blanket and walked back outside.
I had grabbed Alyssa's IPod when I was in her room. Her favorite's list had grown. After selecting the playlist and turning it on shuffle I laid my head back and let myself get lost in the music.
Around 9pm I walked back into the house. They were both still sleeping. I decided I should probably just go to sleep too. After kissing Alyssa on the forehead and whispering good night I started up the stairs. A car door shutting made me stop.
I walked back down the stairs and looked out the window.
I smiled ear to ear.
I jogged over to the door and whipped it open.
"I'm so glad you're here."
Wrapping her up in my arms I nearly squeezed the life out of her.
"Spence said she would come later in the week. She's still worried about Gram."
I nodded and pulled her back in for another hug.
"I know you would probably rather have her here but she sent me so here I am."
"Are you kidding me? Yes I would love it if Spence were here. But you are my best friend and I am so happy that you came."
"Good because as long as you need me, this is where I'll be."
I smiled, grabbed her hand and pulled her into the house.
Alyssa was going to be happy to see Miranda too.
Song:
I Look At You- Miley Cyrus..So NOT a fan but I love the song :)