Hi everyone. For all of you that watched Baby Blue, and even for those of you that didnt...CARTER. JESUS. (and no I don't mean Caviezel lol). Anyway, here's my update as promised. I have so many feelings right now.

NOTE: Read the chapter and enjoy, but review with some predictions or ideas for future...scenes. You'll understand once you've finished reading. I'm thinking 2 more chapters, but I could be persuaded to add a few more though...we'll see

It had been four months since she met the Reese family, and tonight was their weekly dinner at John's loft, Harold making a habit of being at dinner. She was glad she was able to spend so much time with John and his family, and it was slowly starting to make her realize that caring for people beyond the obvious wasn't so scary after all. It was easy to love them in a normal friend kind of way, but with her and Amelia being so close so fast, her head spun at the amount of time she'd spend tucking her into bed or calling on the days her father was away just to say goodnight. It was a warm feeling, a feeling like she had a purpose beyond that of a detective, and she wasn't sure she really ever wanted something like that until now.

Thoughts like these always ended up swirling in her mind as she rode the elevator up to John's floor, and it always made her smile when she saw him because she was becoming more comfortable with seeing him in a romantic light. She had specifically worn a dress tonight, a dress she felt beautiful in without looking too dressed up for the night. It was a hunter burgandy dress with long sleeves with a boat neck that was wide enough that it bared just the tops of her shoulders before the sleeves started. It was a formfitting dress, but it hit just above knee length with simple black heels that made her feel desirable. She wanted to show him that she was up to the idea of beginning something between them, and she was anxious to see if he was still as interested in her as he seemed to be.

As the elevator dinged and the doors slid open, she pulled her trench coat closer to her body as she tightened the belt, smiling as she turned the corner to make her way down the hallway before she stopped dead. She froze half around the corner and leaned against the wall, watching as a blonde woman exited John's loft, turning to him and running a well-manicured finger down his arm as he smiled at her. The woman smiled back, flipping her long hair over her shoulder as she leaned closer to him, giving him a kiss on the lips. The air left her lungs the second she saw that woman kiss him, but like a car accident, she couldn't look away just yet. He held that woman like he'd held her dancing in his living room, his hand was around her back and one rested under her chin, and she couldn't bare to watch anymore. She turned against the wall so they wouldn't see her and she tried to keep the tears from falling unsuccessfully. She tilts her head back and lets it lightly thump against the wall, tears leaking from the corners of her eyes as she stared at the ceiling.

She hadn't expected something like this to feel like someone tackled her through a window, falling a floor or two by the way it felt like she couldn't touch the ground and feel unwavering anymore. She pushed both of her hands through her hair, resting them on the back of her skull, forcing air into her lungs so the room would stop feeling like she'd just gotten off a rollercoaster. Her knees were weak as she tried to stand up, leading to her back being supported by the wall again as her tears subsided, doing her best with the mirror in her purse to look as normal as possible. She looked at herself and sighed, shaking her head sadly.

She had told herself that he was too good to be true, and she'd been willing that feeling to go away since they met. She knew she should ask him who that woman was, but rationality goes out the window when you feel like your heart has ripped out of your chest. She didn't feel like he owed her anything, because the fact of the matter was that they were friends. He wasn't her boyfriend, and she wasn't his girlfriend; she had no right to demand anything, she never had. He'd made his feelings clear those first few days, and she'd told him she wasn't ready yet because she wanted to make sure he was worth the risk. What did she end up with? None of the relationship she wanted, and yet gained all of the heartbreak of one anyway. She used her anger at the situation to her advantage, squaring her shoulders as she took even breaths as she made her way to his closed door. She knocked and wanted to cry all over again at the way his eyes lit up when he saw her. She averted her eyes and said hi, looking around him to say hi to Harold behind him. She knew the look on Harold's face, and he just stared at her as she stood in the doorway.

"Hi Joss" John said, reaching out to hug her as he always did, but this time she sidestepped him and managed to get around him and into the apartment. John turned around perplexed as she stood near his brother, giving him a nod as she stood in the living room.

"You okay?" he asked, and she just nodded, taking off her coat and walking over to put it on the coat rack, feeling his eyes bore into her back. She wanted to lash out at him, but the dress she wore had been to get a specific reaction and it worked. She just would have preferred he be available when she'd worn it.

"So Detective how's work?" Harold asks as she turns around, John's appreciative stare making her uncomfortable for the first time. She never met his eyes but instead looked at Harold, seeing the warning in his eyes as he spoke.

"It's work. Bad people and even worse situations" she said, leaning against the arm of the couch as John made to get near her. She smoothly walked to the hallway and looked back, the hurt in John's eyes unmistakable and it made her resolve harden.

"Where's Amelia? In her room?"

"Yes she is Jocelyn, why don't you go say hello to her and see if she washed up and is ready for dinner?" Harold suggested and she thankfully nodded and backed out of the room, avoiding looking in John's direction the entire time.

"What's the matter with her tonight?" John asked frustrated, running his left hand through his hair as he collapsed onto the armchair in his living room.

"Maybe she's had a long day," Harold offered feebly, earning a disbelieving glare from John in return.

"I mean, I always hug her when I see her, I don't know why it's suddenly an issue now" he says irritably, crossing his arms as he looked at the hallway.

"Does she know about Amanda…?" Harold asked innocently, seeing John's panicked eyes as he tensed.

Amanda was the neighbor a few doors down, and he didn't think much of her until recently. She'd invited him and Amelia to have dinner with her and he enjoyed her company, even though Amelia had pouted all through dinner and couldn't wait to get home. She's mention Jocelyn several times where he ended up giving Amanda just a few details, but she was a good listener. She had an easy smile and was kind, a schoolteacher that had this almost innocent air about her compared to Jocelyn. He sighed and hung his head. He'd mentioned that him and Carter were just friends, and she'd made it clear that she was attracted to him. She had come over to give Amelia a coloring book she thought she'd enjoy, and all Amelia had done was take it and placed it on the coffee table, opting to grab George, the red holiday moose Jocelyn had found her a few weeks back. He apologized at the door and she smiled, telling him that it was ok, she really only cared about his opinion of her. He had been waiting on Carter to give him the go ahead, but things seemed to be at a standstill, and now things were worse than when they began. He was screwed, and he knew that, and he was sure Harold and the rest of the planet knew too.

"Amanda had just been a simple kiss, you saw it," he said, bordering on hysterical, getting up and pacing. Harold shook his head and just watched him before speaking.

"No, what I saw was an embrace, not a simple kiss. If I was Joss, I'd have left and not come back" he stated factually.

"Thanks Finch, way to be on my fucking side" he mumbled.

"I am on your side, but she had arrived right after Amanda left. She probably saw it all. You owe her an explanation" Harold said, unaware that Jocelyn was listening in the hallway while Amelia washed her hands, taking a while because her new soap foamed and was blue.

"Why do I owe her anything? She isn't my girlfriend. Hell, she shouldn't even give a shit who I spend my time with"

"You owe her because you kept her around Mia. You made her an important part of our family John. You owe it to her, she deserves more than what she saw" he said disapprovingly, sending his brother an angry glare.

"Joss deserves better than what you're giving her John. She's had one hell of a life and you think that kissing another woman because she wasn't ready to be with you justifies that?" he asked in disbelief. John just stared hard at him in silence. Jocelyn saw Amelia coming down the hallway and went to scoop her up, coming into the tense living room with the little girl gesturing happily on her hip.

"Everything ok here?" she asked quietly, seeing both pairs of eyes swing to her, one in understanding, the other in anger. She put Amelia down and crouched down to her level, speaking to her only.

"Mia, why don't you and Uncle Harold go eat dinner? Your daddy and I have to talk about some things so we'll be back in a little while ok?" Mia nodded, giving her a hug, but then turning back to Jocelyn, sticking out her pinky finger between them.

"Pinky promise?" Amelia asked, and Jocelyn smiled and hooked her pinky around Amelia's, watching as the little girl ran into the kitchen, Harold going after her after he patted her on the shoulder giving her an encouraging look before he disappeared as well. She blew out a breath and stood up straight, her shoulders back and her head held high as she made eye contact with John, spinning on her heel to walk back down the hallway to his room. He followed and shut the door, leaning against it as she stood near his window, looking over the city as she waited for him to speak. He didn't say anything so she started, looking at the city instead of him.

"So, why the hell are you so pissed John?" she asked calmly, crossing her arms over her stomach, slouching against the wall as he did the same against the door unmoving.

"Funny, I could ask you the same thing Detective" he replied, using her title this time. He hadn't done that in months and it put her on edge. She was the one with a reason to be upset, not him.

"I'm not mad John, I'm not feeling much of anything"

"Yeah, that's a shock" he muttered, but she heard him and glared at him, making her way right in front of him only three feet away.

"Really John, you're really going to pull this shit on me now?"

"Pull what Carter, it's the truth" he said, and immediately regretted it as her face blanked, her shoulders slumping as he moved away from the doors, walking past her a foot and standing almost back to back with her.

"Well, at least the truth finally comes out. Thank you Mr. Reese, I appreciate the honesty," she said quietly as she walked towards the door. Her hand grabbed the doorknob before his right arm slammed against the door, keeping it from opening. His other arm reached right over her left shoulder, caging her against the door as she rested her forehead against it in surrender. He breathed heavily behind her, the sound comforting and hurtful all at the same time.

"Let me go Mr. Reese" she said slowly, making sure he understood the subtle threat in her words. He got closer and pressed his chest against her back, their breathing rapid and in sync. It was quiet aside from their breaths, making Jocelyn nervous. She could smell his cologne and it was making her dizzy. It was sensory overload as she turned around, brushing his chest as she faced him. His eyes were something she'd always found fascinating about him; they said things words didn't for him.

"No Joss, please don't go" he whispered brokenly as his forehead rested against hers, her eyes falling shut involuntarily at the emotions that coursed through her. She could feel their breath mingling together as he neared her, kissing her cheek lightly. She shivered as he angled his head, ready to kiss her she knew as she placed her hands on his shoulders, pushing him away.

"I won't be anyone's second choice John, not even for you," she whispered as she turned and opened the door, getting only a few feet before his hand grabbed hers again.

"Joss, you were never my second choice, Amanda meant nothing" he said honestly, feeling her withdraw and slip away from him.

"I knew you were too good to be true" she said more to herself than him, "I knew and I thought you'd be different" they stood in the hallway facing the same direction as tears gathered in her eyes again as she swallowed the lump in her throat and spoke.

"Tell Amelia I wasn't feeling well and that she can call me before she goes to bed. I can't even be in the same room with you right now" she whispered, pulling her hand away from him as she walked away. He met her at the door as she grabbed her coat, Harold peaking out the kitchen door unnoticeably as John tried to talk to her one last time.

"Joss, please just let me explain" he said, and Harold flinched at the fire he saw in her eyes as she faced him.

"Fuck you John. I don't need anything from you. Be happy with Amanda," she said sarcastically as she took a breath and spoke one last time, "But don't expect us to ever be the same. If Amelia wants to see me, have your brother call me or something, just stay the hell away from me" she said and she left, the door slamming as he hit it in frustration, Amelia and Harold coming out of the kitchen. Amelia looked around for Joss, and when she realized that she'd left, her big blue eyes filled with tears as she ran to her room, slamming the door shut as he stood with his hands over his face. He groaned as his brother looked at him with a vacant expression.

"What Harold?" he snapped.

"Oh nothing, just observing love at its finest" he says flatly.

"She doesn't love me, hell, she can't even look at me for more than a minute" he said quietly.

"Well, next time kiss her rather than your neighbor. You didn't try to kiss her did you?" he asked, knowing the answer as he rolled his eyes at his brother's stupidity.

"Of course I did. Harold, I love that goddamn stubborn woman more than anyone, excluding you and Mia" he admitted, shocking him as it came out of his mouth so effortlessly. He just shrugged, knowing it was true.

"Then don't be so surprised John. You were kissing Amanda no more than a half an hour ago, she knew where your mouth had been" John glared and sat on the floor, admitting to himself that his brother was right.

"So, what are you going to do about making it up to Joss John? You owe her something, considering this was something that had happened to her before"

At the sharp look John threw him, Harold knew he'd said too much and tried to back away. The look John gave him made him stay put as he sighed and wrung his hands in front of him. Even being the older sibling, Harold still struggled to let his brother fight his on battles without reinforcements.

"She was cheated on by a long term boyfriend of almost eight years before they broke up last year. The woman had been her best friend since college. Her life has been hard John, and this just happened to mirror that situation almost perfectly. It wasn't my place to tell you, but I suppose now it makes more sense" John swore as he hung his head, looking at his brother in despair a moment later.

"So Finch, how the hell do I fix this?"

"Well, if you want her to forgive you before you're 80…"

Enjoy? I hope so. Give some feedback, I need some suggestions to cement my next step in this story.