So my lovely readers, here's my chapter 9. For those of you that wondered, I actually wrote chapter 8 the Wednesday before Baby Blue, so I had no idea about Carter! It was pure coincidence I swear. He's the chapter we've been waiting for, and I'm sad to say that I may only have a max of 2-4 more chapters until this baby is put to bed.
Don't forget to let me know what you think or how I should continue, it's always helpful. I thank everyone that had reviewed and just those that have read, it means the world to me. Had to get this out before I go coach softball, enjoy!
Two miserable weeks later, John was starting to resent Harold's advice to let Jocelyn cool off before attempting to talk to her again. He was in a rotten mood most of the time, jumping when the phone rang, hoping to hear her voice on the other end. He was aware that kissing Amanda was wrong, but he didn't see Amanda's face in his mind when he kissed her; he saw Jocelyn's dark eyes stare at him with affection and amusement and remembered how close they'd gotten to really kissing on several occasions. He saw what he wanted, but it wasn't with the woman he longed for. Amanda was a stand in, and despite how much he hated to admit it; Jocelyn had every right to hate him. If he'd seen her kiss another man, he'd have been hurt and angry and stormed out. At least she'd made an attempt to talk to him, but he'd pushed her away because he thought he was entitled to these feelings. Turns out, he'd hurt her and himself unnecessarily and he was paying the price.
He shook his head and took a sip of his water as he leaned against the wall in the corner of the room, watching the door intently. He looked at his watch, the ceremony ending at 6:30 as he waited to get a glimpse of her. He knew it wasn't the time to be brooding at Amelia's preschool graduation, but he was on edge again. He knew his brother had reminded Jocelyn that it was today because he'd caught the tail end of the conversation. When Harold saw him, he hung up the phone quickly and left the room that day. It upset him that Harold was allowed to call, but he gathered that he still wasn't her favorite person at the moment. He kept an eye on the door as he sought out Amelia looking adorable in her mini cap and gown as she ran around with her friends. The ceremony had just wrapped up when he saw her, and he tried to remind himself to breath and not choke on his water like an idiot when he spotted her.
She hesitantly walked through the door again after going back to the car after the ceremony, tucking a piece of her bangs behind her ear as the rest of her hair was up in a ponytail. She'd caught the end of the ceremony and Amelia's name being called from the back of the crowd, work letting her get away just in time. She had on a white sundress that made him stop, her skin nearly glowing as he watched her get a drink from the table as she turned around, seeing Amelia run towards her as she smiled beautifully at his daughter. He sighed and pushed off the wall, making his way over to her slowly, seeing his brother nod as he passed. As Jocelyn caught Amelia in a hug at the ground, he stopped a few people away, trying to observe without making her uncomfortable.
"Joss! You came!" Amelia squealed as they hugged, Amelia instantly getting picked up by Jocelyn as they stood just out of reach.
"Of course sweetheart, why wouldn't I? I promised Uncle Harold that I'd be here" she said, smiling at the little girl lovingly. It hurt John to see the sadness around Jocelyn's eyes, knowing he was the cause of it. He made his way over to them, but not before the father of one of Amelia's classmates walked up to them. He flexed his hands as the father, Ian he thought, came up and smiled at Jocelyn, looking her up and down. He felt his anger flare but stayed rooted to the ground watching in twisted curiosity.
"I don't think we've met, I'm Ian, Xander's father" Ian stuck his hand out, Jocelyn taking it as he kisses her hand, John smiling at the way she shifts her eyes away, looking for someone in a room full of strangers. He wants to rescue her, but she wasn't his to rescue.
"Nice to meet you, I'm Jocelyn" she says, pulling her hand away as gracefully as she could. She was trying to look for Harold or John, but being stopped at the door hindered that. She was apprehensive about seeing him again, but she couldn't help the way her stomach dipped in anticipation as well as nervousness. Holding Amelia helped keep her calm, but for once, she was willing to admit that she not only needed John, but also that she wanted him there. She wasn't able to get to him before the ceremony because she had been late, but she felt the need to try to fix whatever they'd broken between them. She knew her reaction was quick to be hostile and angry, but thinking about it made her see the flaws. They both came into the fight defensive and it escalated, making it impossible to be civil from the very beginning. She had come to that conclusion in the lobby as she walked out that night.
"So, you're here to see all of our munchkins graduate huh?" he asked charmingly, but it just annoyed her. She wasn't normally a woman with a short fuse, but he was getting in the middle of a situation unknowingly. She didn't want this to be Amanda part two, she couldn't handle hurting John even more than she already had.
"Yeah of course. Actually, Amelia and I were just looking for her daddy so I could go say hi. Where's Daddy Mia?" she asked as she looked at the girl, seeing Amelia's face light up as she asked to be put down, only to have Amelia grip her hand and drag her away. Normally, she'd apologize for leaving so suddenly, but he wasn't the man she wanted to see today.
As Amelia came up to him, he forced his eyes to stay locked on Jocelyn's eyes, watching as emotions rolled through them until he saw a small smile grace her mouth, making her eyes crinkle in happiness as he watched. She shifted on her feet, encased in these white sandals as she stared back at him, licking her bottom lip quickly as she nodded at him.
"Here's daddy Joss! Can I go play with my friends now?" Amelia looked up at them for approval, darting off as they simultaneously nodded their consent. They just stood staring at one another for more than a minute, forgetting that there were parents and children running around. She got lost in his eyes again, remembering the way she could read him when words failed. It's something she loved about him; he never felt the need to fill the silences with useless conversation. He let her see what he needed her to see by really looking at him, and this was one of those times where she knew she was spot on as she spoke.
"We really messed up John" she said lowly, her eyes hitting the ground before she looked back at him in remorse. She was apologizing in the best way she knew how, and that was enough for him. All he'd wanted was to hear her voice, see that she didn't hate him, but what he got was so much more.
"I think we did what we knew best; we pushed until someone blinked. I'm so sorry Joss…" he trailed off, stepping forward as she tilted her head back slightly to look at him. She blew out a breath at his chest, cautiously placing her hands on his hips, running them back so her hands settled flatly on his lower back. He sucked in a breath at the intimate gesture, feeling his dress shirt shift as her fingers flexed in the fabric. She placed her forehead on his chest as she held him; his arms coming up rest on her lower back as well as his fingers pressed gently into the cotton of her dress as they both relaxed into one another. He sighed into her hair as his head rested on hers, tucking her into his body as they stood there before they were interrupted.
"While I understand this is important, you're both attracting attention…" Harold warned as he came up to them, carrying a sleeping Mia in his arms. They then noticed that people were staring at them oddly as everyone cleared out, the teachers staying behind to clean up after the ceremony watching them curiously as well. They'd been too wrapped up in each other to notice that everyone was taking their children home to sleep off their sugar high. Harold shifted Amelia onto his shoulder as he started to make his way outside.
"I'll put her in your car John, I have to go do something. Jocelyn, do you need a ride home?" he asked innocently, hoping that John would take it as an in to take her home and really talk to her.
"Actually, Amelia has to go sleep off her crash. Will you stay with me?" he asked as he stuffed his hands in his pockets, ducking his head as he looked through his lashed at her. She smiled at him as he stood beside her, one of his hands being a welcome weight on the small of her back. She looked at him and then Harold, nodding as he smiled at the couple before continuing outside.
Walking into the loft with Amelia on her chest, Joss smiled at the familiarity of the whole ordeal. There were still loaded looks and strained silences between her and John in the car, but for the most part she felt like she was coming home. She'd spent so much time in there over the past four plus months that she didn't feel awkward at all. She walked in after he unlocked the door, heading straight to Amelia's room as John followed silently behind her. She got Amelia to wake up for all of five minutes to change into her pajamas before John was putting her in bed and tucking her in. He kissed her forehead and she smiled sleepily at him as she hugged Leroy close to her, John getting up and tilting his head towards Joss as she moved by him to say goodnight as well. She brushed past him, grabbing his hip gently as she moved around him, her body tensing as he reached a hand out to hold her close to him.
They were falling into old habits rapidly, and it didn't scare her or make her balk like she thought she would. Joss just looked up at him and smiled; sliding her other hand over his as he gently released her. He stood in the doorway of Amelia's room as Jocelyn smiled and sat just to the side of Leroy. He smiled as Amelia made a quick grab for George, the moose Jocelyn had gotten her, and held each moose in her arms. Amelia blinked slowly as Joss tucked her in more, brushing her fingers through Amelia's hair as the little girls baby blues slowly slipped behind heavy eyelids.
"Goodnight sweetheart" Joss whispered, tucking hair behind Amelia's ear as she made to get up. Amelia shifted and hugged the moose closer to her like armor, her head the only thing peaking out behind moose and her comforter.
"Night Mommy" she mumbled, already drifting to sleep as Joss froze, her back to John. She could feel the air still as she closed her eyes, her heart beating a mile a minute as she stalled for time, just watching Amelia sleep as she tried to think of a way to laugh off the comment. John was silent behind her, unmoving as he watched Joss watching Amelia. He saw the tension and near panic in the way she stood, and if worried him. He thought that while the slip was unexpected, it made him smile inside because Amelia really loved Jocelyn. She'd never called another woman mommy before, and it made him want to laugh aloud at the way Jocelyn was just trying delay the inevitable talk they had to have. His daughter really did have some interesting timing; that was something she had to have gotten from Harold.
He backed out of the room and heard Jocelyn follow after him a minute later, a shy smile on her face as he sat on the back of the couch, facing the hallway. Even sitting there he was slightly taller than her still, and for some reason it amused him. He chuckled and then full out laughed as she relaxed and laughed along with him for what he assumed were other reasons. Laughing seemed to dissolve the tension as he sat there staring at her as they both quieted down. She stood there comfortably, watching as he looked at her intently before tilting his head slightly, hoping she'd come closer to him. They'd been around each other long enough for her to respond on autopilot, not because she felt she had to, but because she wanted to. She was one to always be in control and strong, but John seemed to be strong enough for the both of them, allowing her moments to relax and just breathe. She came to stand right between his parted feet, in his personal space as she grinned at him, tilting her head the opposite way.
He confidently slid his hands under her jaw, caressing the skin of her neck with his pinkie fingers as she shivered and sighed contently. She placed her hands on his hips again, this time slipping the tips of her fingers around his back to rest in the top of the pockets of his jeans. He sucked in a slow breath as his fingers ran past her ears, the tips of his long fingers slipping into the hair she'd let down a while ago as her head automatically tilted back slightly. She ran her hands flexed and held onto him as she waited for him to do something as he continued to just look her in the eye. He watched the question in her eyes and leaned closer until they were at eye level, his happy gaze meeting her content one.
"What are you looking at?" she asked softly, not wanting to speak any louder for fear that it'd ruin the moment. His face tensed for a moment before relaxing, confusing the hell out of her. He took a deep breath before responding, just as quietly as her even though it was after seven in the evening on a Friday.
"You really want to know Joss?" he asked, his breath ghosting over her lips, as she looked him in the eye. She wasn't afraid anymore, that much was clear. She was jumping into, whatever this was, headfirst this time. She loved this hardheaded, gorgeous, kind man and his daughter more than she ever thought possible. It may have taken her a while to realize it, but she was done wasting their time together.
"Yeah John, I really do" she whispered, watching as a beautiful smile emerged on his face, making her heart stutter and her stomach dip in excitement and nervousness. He made her dizzy and she loved it.
"I was actually thinking of two things, one being the fact that I love that Mia called you mommy. You'd make a wonderful mother Joss. I was also just thinking about the fact that I'm in love with you, and there's nothing I can do about it" he whispered, closing his eyes and opening them slowly only to see Jocelyn biting her bottom lip as tears threatened to slide down her cheeks.
"John, I'm so sorry" she said, and he wanted to die right there. She closed her eyes as a tear fell, his heart hammering in his chest as he realized that she didn't love him back and didn't know how to tell him. He was just about to pull his hands away as hers came up to rest over his on her face, bringing him as close as possible without touching.
"It's ok…" he choked out, the air in his lungs refusing to cooperate with him.
She opened her eyes and smiled slightly as he looked at her confusingly, only to have her lean in the last part of the way, her lips tenderly placed over his in what he could only describe as love. He kissed her back, keeping the kiss tender, his lips taking her bottom lip into his mouth as he sucked on it, hearing her gasp as she shifted, pulling his lip in between hers and biting down gently as he groaned into her mouth. His tongue snuck out to lick her lower lip, her mouth opening up to him as he seductively slid his tongue over hers. She sighed into the kiss and they slowed down until they just held one another. She lifted her head in his hands and looked at him, seeing the love in his eyes for her that she kept missing all this time.
"I'm not sorry that you love me John, I'm just sorry that I haven' told you that I've fallen in love with you too" she said, and he kissed her again, passion fueling them as he pulled her into him, kissing her as if it were the very last time.
Well, there it is. Is there any way to continue this or shal I write an epilogue? You be the judge and let me know.