Okay okay, I am so sorry for the long wait. But here it is...the last chapter. Well actually Part 1 of the last chapter. Yes, Part 1. So there will actually be another chapter plus the epilouge. Hope you enjoy. Again sorry for the wait.
Thanks for reading and especially reviewing. :)
Thanks to my friends for your support. You know who you are.
I own nothing but my imagination.
An end and a beginning. Part 1
It had been 4 long, tiresome, mind-blowing and absolutely crazy weeks. But..I had to admit it, I was having fun. Other than the traveling I was having a blast. I went out and gave it my all each show. And the crowd gave it back to me and more. They were clearly there to see Paramore but they made me feel like I was the main act. It was an incredible feeling performing in front of thousands of people. I was on top of the world. Guys were hitting on me and girls were practically throwing themselves at me. Flowers, phone numbers, bras and even some panties. If possible my ego grew 10 times bigger. They really loved me and it felt so amazing to be up on stage every couple nights. I would start every night with a few cover songs and then sings some of my own songs. The fifth song was always the hardest to sing. It was the song Alyssa and I wrote together. By the end of the song I was nearly in tears, every time. I had to sing it. I promised her I would go on this tour. I promised her I would get up on this stage for her. It only seemed right singing her song. And of course 5 out of the 8 songs I sang every show were about Spencer.
Spencer…
I missed her so much. I called her at least 3 times a day. Sometimes more. The 3 weeks we spent apart before were nothing compared to this. I still got to see her. Not this time. After every show I would lock myself in my dressing room and talk to her. She helped me get through the lonely nights. She helped me stay grounded. She would talk about her day and I would talk about mine. It was evident in our voices.
We were miserable without each other.
We had a big show on Christmas Eve at Madison Square Garden in New York. After that we were headed to Chicago. We had 2 shows there. Spencer was set to meet me 2 days after Christmas. Up on that stage while singing a song about my beautiful girlfriend and seeing everyone with their Santa hats on, I realized something.
I couldn't wait those 2 days.
I practically ran off the stage after my act, headed to my dressing room and took a quick shower. I packed a few sets of clothes and left the arena. If all went as planned I would be there before they woke up.
Spencer's P.O.V.
Every day was the same. Wake up alone, call Ashley, go to work, drive home, call Ashley, make dinner, relax on the couch, and call Ashley. It was pathetic really. It was almost like time had stood still since she left. The days dragged on and on and I was constantly and anxiously awaiting our moments on the phone. Just hearing her voice made me smile and even over the phone she could make me blush. I pictured every movement, every gesture, every mannerism, and every facial expression hoping that it would make it easier but it didn't. I missed her so much and I wanted her home. Miranda tried to get me out of my funk. We went to the movies, she took me bowling, and we ate A LOT of ice cream.
Ashley was going to come home to a rather overweight girlfriend.
It was Christmas Eve and Miranda and I were staying with my parents. My mom practically begged us to spend the holiday with the family. I agreed considering I had been feeling so lonely as of late. I still had 2 more days until I got to see Ashley. I was meeting her in Chicago and spending 4 days with her. I had never been so excited in my life. It was upsetting that she wouldn't be with me on our first Christmas together but I was certain we would have a future full of Christmases together and that would have to be enough. I laid down on the pull out couch my parents had set up for me in my old room and dialed her number. A smile already on my face.
"Hey baby." I could tell she was tired.
"Hey, did I wake you?"
"Nope. Just settling in."
"When do you leave for Chicago?"
"Uh. We're supposed to leave in the morning. We have to be downtown for a charity event around noon. We're going to be dropping toys off at orphanage and then we will be serving dinner for the homeless."
"Ash that's wonderful. It must feel good to be able to do those kinds of things and bring smiles to those kids' faces." Was it selfish of me to wish she were going to be with me instead?
"It is a good feeling Spence. But I would rather be with you on Christmas.'
"I know baby. But we'll have our Christmas together. We just have to wait a few days."
We talked for another half hour maybe before I started to drift off. I fell asleep with my phone in my hand, not willing to let go of the closest thing I had to my girlfriend at the moment. Two more days I kept telling myself.
Ashley's P.O.V.
As I approached the steps of the Carlin home I couldn't contain my excitement. I couldn't wait to see the look on Spencer's face. After finding the key that was hidden under a rock in the frozen flower bed I found myself at the door wondering how I was going to slide in undetected. I put the key in and slowly turned it. Pressing the door open slowly, I was happy that it didn't make any noise. I walked in and shut the door and when I turned around I saw something that brought an instant smile to my face. Spike. My little Spike was running towards me with his little, red jingle bell collar on. Of course he was more like Spencer's little Spike now. Spencer had sort of taken him in. I was happy for that. Spike needed more attention than I could give him. I nearly took him on tour with me but I couldn't bear take him away from her. Not when I was so hard for me to leave her.
I scooped him up and snuggled him into my neck. His wet nose tickled my neck and I giggled.
"Hi Spikey." I whispered.
There were noises coming from the kitchen which didn't surprise me. It was just after 6 a.m. and I remember Spencer telling me both of her parents were early birds. I made me way to the kitchen as quietly as I could.
Paula was pouring herself a cup of coffee. I was still a bit scared of mama Carlin but I knew I didn't need to be. She accepted my relationship with her daughter but at times I found myself remembering the look of death she gave me the first time we talked. She walked over to the islander and sat down on a stool. Setting her coffee down, she opened a magazine.
"Did you make enough coffee for one more?" I asked from the doorway.
Startled, she held her chest.
"My gosh. Ashley?"
"Sorry. I did at least wait for you to put your mug down." I chuckled.
She got up from her stool and walked towards me.
"What on earth? You're not supposed to be here." I would have been a little insulted if she hadn't pulled me into a hug.
"I couldn't spend Spence and I's first Christmas away from her. I had to be here. I hope you don't mind." I said as she hugged me tightly. It felt very awkward being held by an older woman. Awkward and then well….strangely…good.
She pulled away and cradled my face. Uh..awkward again.
"Of course I don't mind. You're practically family now and I know Spence is going to be so happy to see you."
"Uh. Thanks." She let go of my face and walked over to the coffee pot and poured me a cup.
"Cream, sugar?"
"Nope. Straight up."
"My kind of girl."
She handed me my cup and sat back down.
"Sit. Spence won't be up for another hour or so."
I sat down across from her and sipped on my coffee while she stared at me. It wasn't a glare and it wasn't uncomfortable.
"So when are you going to turn 19?" Haha. So she is still bothered by that.
I chuckled a bit into my mug.
"Not for a while."
"You seem a lot older. Mature for your age." Wow. Did she just compliment me?
"Thanks."
"So you want kids right?"
I nearly spit my coffee all over her.
What? Uh?
"Um. Yeah. I do. Eventually." What kind of question is that?
She laughed.
"Just wondering." She went back to sipping her coffee. Multiple personalities I tell ya. I don't know which one scared me more. We talked a bit more and the conversation got less awkward. I had no reason to be scared of her. She loved me. Naturally.
"I'm going to go wake Spence." I set the mug in the sink and walked out of the kitchen.
"Ashley." She called out just as I reached the doorway. I turned around to face her.
"I really am glad you are here. My daughter is lucky to have you." She smiled.
"I'm the lucky one." I smiled back and she nodded.
Slowly I crept up the stairs and down the hall. As I opened the door to her room I was hit with her scent right away. I closed my eyes and took it in. She was lying in the middle of the bed, sprawled out, with no covers. Her pajama shirt road up past her belly button and I couldn't help but stare at the perfect skin that was showing. Her mouth was wide open and she was softly snoring. I shook my head at the sight and crawled onto the bed. She shifted right away and rolled onto her side. I slid in behind her, wrapped my arm around her waist and whispered in her ear.
"Merry Christmas baby. Time to get up and see what Santa brought you."
She stirred a little.
"Ashley." She whispered. But never opened her eyes.
"Wake up Spencer." I whispered in her ear again before kissing it and trailing my lips down her neck.
"Ashley?" Her eyes flung open and she whipped around.
"Merry Christmas." I got out real quick before she nearly smothered me.
"I can't believe you're here. What are you doing here? You're supposed to be in Chicago." She said so fast I barely understood her.
My hand found its way to her cheek and she leaned into my touch.
"There was no way I was missing spending Christmas day with you Spence." I leaned in and pressed my lips to hers. I couldn't help the little whimper that left my throat when she pulled me into her and deepened the kiss.
The kiss started off slow but quickly turned rushed. Our tongues tangled, our hands roamed getting reacquainted with the feeling of each other's skin. She moaned as my hand sneakingly slid underneath her shirt and found her breast. My mouth left hers and trailed down to her pulse point sucking and then soothing.
"God I've missed you Ash." She groaned out as I assaulted her neck.
Knock! Knock!
Fuck!
We straightened up and Spencer's told whoever it was to come in.
The door creaked open and Miranda's head popped in. Her face lit up and she threw the door open and jumped into the bed with us.
"Ashley!" Again I was nearly smothered.
"Ewe, you guys didn't just have sex did you?" She scrunched up her face and I elbowed her.
"No we didn't. But one of these days you going to literally walk in on us doing it and were not going to stop."
"Hey, I did knock. I almost ran in the room when I heard you were here but I DID KNOCK."
"So you were uber excited to see me huh?"
"Nah. I just want to open presents and we can't do that until you two stop sucking face and come downstairs."
"Whatever. I think I'm gonna take my gift back." Little brat.
"You brought me a gift?" She asked like a little …brat.
"Actually I had a gift mailed here for you. Hopefully it came in time. If not.. eh." I shrugged my shoulders and she pouted.
"Well come on you two. Let's go see what Santa brought." She dragged us each by a hand out of the room and down the stairs.
We all sat down and one by one everyone opened their gifts.
I didn't have Spencer's gifts. They were still on the bus. She would have to wait until Chicago. Miranda's gift did come in time. Mr. C. pulled it out from behind the tree. Her eyes went wide at the size of it.
"That's my present?" She asked me.
"Open it." I begged her.
She ripped of the wrapping paper and gasped at the sight of her very own Gibson J-185 acoustic guitar.
"Ashleeeey, this is awesome." She set the maroon guitar in her lap and strummed a few chords.
"I remember you saying you wanted to learn."
"Well yeah. I mean my best friend and my boyfriend both play so I figured I should learn."
Setting the guitar down she stood up and walked over to me. I got off the couch and met her and she gave me a small squeeze.
"Thank you." She whispered in my ear before kissing my cheek.
"No problem. If you want to wait I can teach you when I get home." I know she didn't want to wait.
"Or ya know Chris can teach you." He was probably better at it anyway.
"No Ash. I want you to teach me. I'll wait."
"You sure?"
"Duh!"
"Good. I'm like way better than him anyway." I said as I sat back down next to Spencer.
She shook her head and sat back down on the floor next to Glen.
Everyone continued with the present opening and I sat and watched in amazement. I never had a Christmas morning like this. Usually it was just my mom and me; occasionally my dad would be there. The last couple years were bad. My mom would sit and drink her coffee while watching TV. while I opened presents that were all mostly from my dad.
It was never like this.
"Ash, I'm sorry. I didn't know you were coming or we would have had some gifts for you to open."
"No Spence, it's okay. This is…perfect." I squeezed her hand that was holding mine and kissed her cheek. "Perfect."
After the gifts were all opened I left the room to call my dad. Imagine my surprise when a woman answered his phone. And not just any woman.
Ms. Cooper.
Apparently my dad had invited her to spend Christmas with him in Sydney, Australia, where he was performing at the time. It was her first time away from the beach house since Alyssa had passed. We talked a little about Alyssa. She was having a really difficult time with her first Christmas without her. She told me that my dad was trying his best to cheer her up. I was so happy for the both of them. My dad tried to convince me that their relationship was just friendly but I wasn't buying it. Either way I was happy.
Miranda waited patiently for me to get off the phone. She was excited about something.
"What's up you crazy girl?"
She brought her hands back around from behind her back and they were holding a small box. Handing me the box she gripped it tightly as I grabbed onto it.
"It's not much but I think you'll love it."
"I'm sure I will love it. Now let go." I chuckled.
She let go. I tore open the paper and opened the box.
Inside was a colorful braided bracelet.
"Like I said it's not much but I.."
"I love it Miranda."
I pulled her into a hug.
"Do you even know what it is?" She asked, confused.
"It's a friendship bracelet. Help me put it on."
I put it on my wrist and she tied it.
"How did you know?"
"I always wanted one as a kid but no-one ever made me one." I pouted.
"Well now you have one and it matches mine." She held her wrist out and showed me hers.
"I love em Miranda. I really do. Thank you." I smiled and gave her another small hug.
"Well it was Gram's idea so you should thank her too."
"It was Gram's idea?"
She nodded.
"Of course it was Gram's idea." I laughed. I didn't know Gram was serious about the whole friendship bracelet thing.
"Does she have one too?"
"Yep she made me make her one."
I shook my head and smiled.
Gotta love Gram.
Later Christmas night after dinner Spencer called me up to her room. I was greeted with a long and passionate kiss. Sadly it ended there. She pulled a gift out of her bag and handed it to me. It was flat and long.
"I was going to wait until Chicago to give it to you but I would rather not travel with it."
I slowly ripped off the paper to find a 16x20 picture frame with more than a dozen pictures of me. In the middle was a picture of me with my first guitar at 4 years old. There was a picture of me at Pure and several of me on tour. I would be lying if I said it wasn't the most awesome gift I had ever received. I nearly teared up.
"How did you get these pictures?" I asked as I turned to her.
"I have my connections." First she gave Alyssa that video of me and now the pictures.
"Connections huh?"
She just nodded. "Do you like it?"
I held it up directly in front of me and gave it a once over.
"I love it Spence. Best present ever." She gave me that beautiful smile of hers and took the picture out of my hand, setting it on the dresser. Her hands found mine and she pulled me closer.
"I'm glad you like it. I struggled trying to find the perfect gift for you. What do you get the girl who has everything?" She laughed.
"I don't need anything Spence. I have everything I want and need right here. And this Christmas has been the best I have ever had." I leaned in a kissed her softly. She held my face and kissed me back before leaving my lips and trailing her mouth down to my neck and then up to my ear.
"Your Christmas is about to get better baby." She whispered. Her breath was hot on my ear and her hands moved to the hem of my shirt.
"Seriously? Here, now?" She had better not be playing with me.
"Seriously. Here, now." My shirt was lifted off of me and her mouth found my neck again.
I let out a small moan as her mouth trailed lower.
"Spence, don't we have to go back down."
"Oh I plan on going down baby."
Uh. Okay.
And just like that she was working on my belt buckle.
"Spence?" I wanted this right here and right now but I was worried about someone walking in on us.
"Ashley relax. My parents left for my Aunt's house and Miranda went with Glen to get Jack." She chuckled and pushed me towards the bed. The back of my legs hit the edge and I was forced to sit down.
"Sit down and relax. You're about to get your next gift. And I am sure you're going to love this one even more."
Gulp.
Did I mention this was the best Christmas EV-ER?
It was around 8 p.m. and Spence and I were snuggling on the couch sipping hot chocolate and watching The Christmas Story. It had always been one of my favorite movies growing up and watching it now with Spence made it even better.
Glen and Miranda got back a little after 8:30 but they weren't alone. Little Jacky was with them and Jacky's mom. Apparently Glen and her were together now. It made sense. Glen loved that little kid like it was his own. Now they could be a family. I was hoping he wasn't with her for the wrong reasons but after seeing them together for a brief time it was clear that they were in love. We all sat down and finished the movie. Now I was snuggling with Spence but little Jacky had made his way onto my lap. I couldn't help but picture our future looking exactly like this.
Christmas in Chicago with Spencer was A-MAZE-ING. We only left the hotel room a few times. Once to walk around downtown in the snow, twice to eat and one more time when I took her to a play. That was one of her gifts. I also got her a few first edition books of poetry. Robert Frost and Walt Whitman. She was so surprised and thanked me in more ways than one. The last gift I got her was.. a diamond ring. Platinum with a .75 carat, princess cut diamond and diamonds on the sides. There was also an engraving on the inside. "You have my heart. Always."
"Ash?" She looked at me so tentatively as she took it out of the red satin box.
"It's okay Spence. I'm not asking you to marry me." I chuckled. She looked relieved.
"Yet." I added.
"It's not an engagement ring. It's more like a promise ring but not really."
She looked at me confused.
"I just wanted to get you something that you could wear every day that would remind you of me and how much I love you. That would remind you that …you're my woman and that you have nothing to worry about while I'm out there. Because I'm yours. All of me. My body, my soul, my mind…my heart."
I looked down at my hands and grabbed a hold of hers.
"Ash." She lifted my chin and my eyes met her glassy eyes.
"I don't need a ring or anything else to make me think of you every day. You're all I think about. I know how much you love me because every moment we are together or even miles away and just talking, you show me."
"So you don't want the ring then?" I already knew the answer.
"Hell yes I want the ring. It's gorgeous." Exactly.
"Good. Because it was made especially for you. I don't think it would look as good on my other girlfriends." I joked as I slid it onto her right ring finger.
She glared at me but then literally attacked me. We spent that night in bed. Making love, talking, just lying there in each other's arms.
The next night was the first concert. I couldn't wait to see Spencer sitting in the front row. I was nervous that night. A good nervous. When I first walked out onto the stage and saw her, my heart started beating fast and a smile spread onto my face faster than a wild fire. She was standing with Mark, yes Mark my security at Pure. He was traveling with me. I guess you could call him my own personal body guard. I told her to wear a ball cap to disguise herself a bit. Just in case. She looked so hot in her Detroit Tigers hat, with her ponytail curled and her big hoop earrings. And the tight shirt well…. Oh sorry. Getting off base here.
I sang the first cover song and then prepared for the next.
"This next song I sing every night. But tonight, tonight is special because the person I sing this song for is actually here tonight." I addressed the crowd and they let out a cheer.
"My girlfriend is a huge Carol King fan and tonight I get to sing this to her personally."
Looking down at her I blew her a kiss.
"I love you baby."
I walked back to my piano and sat down. My fingers started gliding over the keys while my eyes stayed on hers.
So far away,
Doesn't anybody stay in one place anymore?
It would be so fine to see your face at my door,
Doesn't help to know, you're just time away,
Long ago I reached for you, and there you stood,
Holding you again could only do me good,
How I wish I could, but you're so far away,
One more song about moving along the highway,
Can't say much of anything that's new,
If I could only work this life out my way,
I'd rather spend it being close to you,
But you're so far away,
Doesn't anybody stay in one place anymore?
It would be so fine to see your face at my door,
Doesn't help to know you're so far away,
Yeah, you're so far away,
Traveling around sure gets me down and lonely,
Nothing else to do but close my mind,
I sure hope the road don't come to own me,
There are so many dreams I have yet to find,
But you're so far away,
Doesn't anybody stay in one place anymore?
It would be so fine to see your face at my door,
And it doesn't help to know, you're so far away,
Yeah,
You're so far away,
Yeah, you're so far away,
You're so far away,
I could see from the seat of my piano that she was crying. Quickly and without thinking I got up, walked across the stage and jumped off. The security surrounded me instantly as I took her in my arms and kissed her softly.
"I love you Ashley." She said as I pulled away and took her face in my hands.
"I love you Spence." I gave her another quick kiss.
I turned to Mark quickly. "Take care of her ..and don't let anyone take any pictures of her." Then I turned around and jumped back up on stage.
The rest of the show I kept my eyes on her. She was so excited and she cheered with the rest of the crowd. It was probably one of the best nights of my life. I wish she could be there every show.
She was in my dressing room minutes after me and we didn't wait until the hotel to have sex that night. We made love in the shower, on the couch and on the bus on the way to the hotel. By the time we finally made it to bed we fell asleep in each other's arm instantly.
The day came for her to leave and once again it was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do.
But I did.
My bus left the lot and Spencer stood there sobbing on the street. I wanted so badly to stop the bus and run out to her but I knew it would only make things even harder. I waited until we were out of sight before I let my own tears fall.
Suddenly this tour was like a prison. I felt like I was locked away in a cage unable to break free and see my loved ones. Dramatic I know but it's how I felt. The nights I performed weren't horrible. But the nights I didn't were. Even though we talked I felt alone. I just wanted to hold her in my arms and never let her go. Eventually performing just felt like a job. It felt impersonal and repetitive. I didn't want to be out there. Some nights I would imagine Spencer out in the crowd. Those nights were a little easier but once I left the stage and realized she wasn't really there I would lose it. I cried a lot now. I missed her, I missed being home. She was having a hard time as well. Her mom's job took her to Africa and her dad went with her. They were trying to reconcile their relationship. But that left Gram all alone and since they had left Gram had been getting sick a lot. Glen was still there but she didn't trust him to make sure she was taken care of. Her dad wanted to come home but Gram was having none of that. So she took a leave of absence from work and went to stay with Gram. Gram wasn't too happy with that either but Spencer was stubborn. I was supportive of her decision even though she wouldn't be in L.A. for my concert in March. That was the next available time for us to spend time together. I was a little angry and upset but I understood. Sort of.
"Hey baby. You feeling any better?"
I called her after a show one night in early May. She was still at her parent's house. She had been feeling sick lately and was really missing me. The feeling was mutual.
"I'm doing better. I just really miss you Ash."
"I know Spence. 34 more days and I'll be home." Yes, I was counting the days.
"5 more weeks is like another year." It really felt that way.
"I'm sorry baby. You know I wish I could be there right now holding you."
"I wish you were too. Maybe then I could sleep better." She hadn't been sleeping great. The doctor said it was because she wouldn't let her mind relax. She was worried about Gram and her parents and me.
"You want me to sing to you? Would that help?" It usually did.
"Yeah." She sighed. "Sing to me Ash." She sounded so tired.
"Okay baby."
I grabbed my guitar and started strumming softly.
One more hotel room,
One more night away from you,
One more phone call,
To say I'll be home soon,
I'm just so tired,
Of all the distance in between,
All I really need is you with me,
I miss your voice, I miss your smile,
I wish I could give you,
A kiss from a thousand miles,
Sleep well my love,
Tonight when you close your eyes,
Hear my long distance lullaby,
La la la la
La la la la
La la la la la la la la la
La la la la
La la la la
La la la la la la la la la
I know it's hard when I'm so far away,
And these words can only go so far to say,
I miss your voice, I miss your smile,
I wish I could give you,
A kiss from a thousand miles,
Sleep well my love,
Tonight when you close your eyes,
Hear my long distance lullaby,
La la la la (just close your eyes)
La la la la (I'm coming home)
La la la la (you'll hear me singing)
La la la la (I know it's hard)
La la la la (I'm coming home)
La la la la (and we'll be singing la la)
La la la la la la la la la
I heard her breathing even out and I knew she was asleep.
"I love you Spencer. I'll be home soon."
Part 2 should be up this week sometime. Don't hold me to that. :)
Reviews feed my inspiration. Inspiration feeds my imagination. So review :)
Songs:
So Far Away- Carol King
Long Distance Lullaby- Martina McBride