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Her expression dropped and settled into an eerie blankness. "Never mind Cal." Gillian started to push up from the couch before his hand quickly snaked out and curled around her slender wrist, effectively stilling her.

Cal's eyes stayed on their hands, noting the soft skin under his fingertips and how delicate her hand appeared. Her nails were kept a reasonable length but still held the remnants of color she'd coated them with before their abduction – a pretty light raspberry. He longed to bring her fingers to his lips but refrained, knowing that she needed words now, not questionable actions. "When I was in hospital, even for that short time, I had some bloody awful nightmares."

"That's not too surprising." Gillian kept her voice even despite the fact that his thumb had gently begun to stroke the underside of her wrist, eliciting gooseflesh. He didn't seem to notice. At least not yet.

"Suppose not, but there was somethin' else. Kind of, in the middle, there was a bit of warm and fuzzy."

She couldn't help it. Cocking an eyebrow, a smile twitched at the corners of her mouth. "Warm and fuzzy? That's not very Cal Lightman-ish."

"Well, there's somethin' else not to tell your friends. Ruin my reputation and all that." He finally looked up and met her eyes. "Not sure completely…well, I have my suspicions, mind you, but nothing concrete. I can't be certain if that little dream was just that or if it was a memory."

Her breath stopped as they stared at one another.

"Maybe you could help me out darlin'." His eyes were unwavering but she could see the uncertainty and fear. She could definitely relate.

"Okay. I'll try."

Nodding, he continued, struggling. "Did I…uh…say anythin' that…would be…um…considered inappropriate? I mean, considering our workin' relationship?"

"Well, you didn't ask for sex if that's what you're intimating." Her tone was dry and her breathing had kicked in again, even if it was a little stilted. "We slept together but we didn't sleep together."

"No no, I wouldn't do that." His eyes shifted beyond her. "Well, I might think it but I wouldn't say it." His expression slowly morphed to one of complete horror as he met her gaze once again. "I didn't…?"

She wasn't sure why she was teasing him. Maybe because if she didn't do something to lighten the mood, she might start screaming and not stop. "No, you were the perfect gentleman…when you were conscious. Otherwise you were hogging the bed."

The idea of sharing a bed with her made him feel a little dizzy. Or was it the bourbon? Or a combination of everything? If he had to wager, he'd say it was a combo of all of the above. "What I'm tryin' to ask is, well…" He stopped, suddenly angry with himself. Man up Lightman. You know she feels the same way. Out with it already. "I think I may have said somethin' and I just wanted to confirm it."

"O…kay." The dryness had left her tone. It was now tentative, vulnerable. "Is it something you…regret?"

His thumb continued to stroke her wrist before he brought her hand up and gently pressed his lips against her knuckles, figuring it would be okay when coupled with words. "No darlin'. It isn't. Feels a bit awkward though, yeah?"

"A little." She acknowledged softly.

It wasn't just a dream then. Her expression and body language said it all. Of course he'd already known that. Turning her hand, he touched his lips to her palm. "In the dream I told you that I loved you and always have." Cal's eyes moved up to hers again, worry evident.

"And I responded in the like." Her body was trembling and there were so many emotions clashing with one another. Love, happiness, nervousness, fear, confusion. The list went on but the dominant one currently seemed to be relief.

"Not just a dream."

"No."

They watched one another closely. "Where do we go from here?" Gillian asked timidly.

"Guess that depends."

"On what?" Even as the words left her lips, she suspected she knew.

"On you." His worry was still plain. "I've loved you for a very long time Gill but I…" Pausing, his mouth twisted to the side. "I…never really thought that you could feel the same way. I mean, I'm not a particularly good guy, not the most stable. I don't really think that…that I…merit…that kind of devotion."

Keeping one hand firmly in his, she raised the other one to gently stroke the side of his face. "You sell yourself too short."

He unconsciously pushed his cheek into her hand and closed his eyes.

"You can be abrasive and difficult but your passion is unmatched. Your loyalty puts others to shame. You forget how well I know you Cal."

Opening his eyes, they landed on her face once again. "Didn't know that I killed someone."

"No, but I read as much in the hospital. Just couldn't read any details." Her fingers continued to caress his face, noting the variation of soft skin, prickly stubble and creases inherited from a life lived harshly at times. Weirdly enough, it kind of summed him up. "I'm fairly certain I know what the Cal Lightman package consists of." She cringed. Oh, that came out so wrong.

Smiling at her sudden blush, his eyes still remained tentative. "Worn, battered and too much travelin' luv. You really think you know what you're gettin' into?"

"I love you Cal. It's been there a very long time, even when you're acting like…a plonker." Her hand had moved near his ear as she sifted it into the hair at his temple.

Okay. Plonker. That was damned cute. His smile broadened.

Pulling the corner of her upper lip into her mouth, she nibbled on it nervously, blue eyes continuing to search his face. Her hand dropped from his face but landed on his knee. She didn't move it.

Amazing. She actually thinks that I'm going to reject her. Theoretically he knew that he actually should, but he wasn't a strong enough man for that. Not anymore, not when everything had come out of hiding. His heart was swelling and pumping rapidly, emotions taking him over physically as well as mentally. She was all he wanted. Everything he wanted.

He disentangled his hand from hers and before her frown completely appeared, he had both hands on either side of her face. His gaze was now intense. "Is this what you want Gillian?"

Was it? Of course. But it was still difficult to shake the fear. She was so damned confused. She'd wanted him to remember, was angry that he initially hadn't and now that he did, all she could do was worry. What if it didn't work out? What if he hurt her? What if she hurt him? But then wasn't that any relationship? Of course any relationship didn't usually involve a shared business. Was that all of it though? Fear of happiness over a business? Seriously? It was, in fact, a consideration but it wasn't the end all and be all. They loved one another. Were in fact, in love. Wasn't that worth taking the chance? Wasn't that better than living a life of should of, could of, would of?

Cal watched the myriad of emotions flicker across her face but there was one constant that remained. The one constant that made his heart beat even faster and threatened a profound sense of contentment. That was new. Contentment. Her love offered him contentment. The realization was almost overwhelming.

Not answering, she could only nod. Her emotions were threatening to close her throat as tears welled.

Smirking, his eyes were tender. "Sure?"

"Mmhm." Just the simple verbal acknowledgement broke her resolve and the tears were now running down her cheeks.

Catching a couple of them with his thumbs, he wiped them away before his hands moved to her upper arms and pulled her into a firm embrace. One palm cradled the back of her head, while the other rubbed her back. "Is this a good thing luv? We just agreed to attempt a relationship, I…think, and I already have you bawlin'."

Laughing through her tears, she wrapped both arms around his neck, her body firm against his. "Don't make a habit of it."

"Do my best darlin'." He rocked her, enjoying the feel of her, despite the fact that she was getting his shirt all wet. She'd always been very emotional. Some guys might be intimidated but he'd always found it endearing. She felt so much, so deeply. Her heart was huge.

The timbre of her sobbing made a shift as she clung to him. He held her close, recognizing the change, recognizing the sudden need to mourn. She wasn't mourning Finn naturally, just what he'd done, the decision he'd forced her to make. She wept for what happened and what almost happened to herself, to Cal. She wept for that little piece of herself that was forever gone.

All he could do was be there and hope it would be enough. If it wasn't, he'd do everything in his power to make it okay. Or at least as okay as it would ever get.

He pressed a kiss to the side of her head and held on even tighter.