Author's Note: I think I might have a penchant for making Gabrielle miserable. Maybe just a little bit.

I apologize for the VERY long hiatus. I definitely did not mean to leave this for so long but, well, life has a habit of getting in the way. Nothing too serious, thank god. Anyway, I won't be able to post every day, but I'm kicking up my writing schedule, so this will be getting more attention.

Also, the next few chapters won't be this depressing. This moment is during some of the earlier quests when Gabrielle is still trying to process Faendal's disappearance. Honestly, I think I just needed to get this out of my system. Next up will be some of Gabrielle's and Faendal's (more light-hearted and humorous) early adventures, including their encounters with the Companions. After all, great warriors can't travel through Skyrim without running into the Companions, now can they?

Thanks to everyone, apologies for the wait, and I hope you enjoy this episode of misery.

Prompt: I was dead at the time

Gabrielle regretted ever looking for Aventus Aretino. She'd heard the rumors plenty of times in the inns and bars, but she'd never realized…

When she finally found Aventus in his home, he was muttering that damn chant and crying. He was so small and looked so fragile, she feared what would happen if she touched him. But then he turned and saw her and Gabrielle could feel her heart breaking. He was confused at first, and then he became ecstatic, saying something about the Dark Brotherhood. It took her a moment to realize that he was mistaking her for an assassin.

Before, she would've been offended at the very idea. A proud Redguard warrior like her skulking around and killing someone without giving them a chance to defend themselves? She would've beat whoever had suggested such a thing. Preferably with a dwarven hammer. But now…it was hard to feel proud of anything nowadays.

She was in Riften the next evening, walking through the streets and searching for Honorhall Orphanage. When she finally found it, there was barely anyone out and the moon was high in the sky. Gabrielle stepped inside quietly and listened to the voices in the next room.

"Those who shirk their duties will get an extra beating. Do I make myself clear?"

"Yes Grelod."

"And one more thing! I will hear no more talk of adoptions! None of you riff-raff is getting adopted. Ever! Nobody needs you, nobody wants you. That, my darlings, is why you're here. Why you will always be here, until the day you come of age and get thrown into that wide, horrible world. Now, what do you all say?"

"We love you, Grelod. Thank you for your kindness."

It took a great force of will not to kill the old woman in front of the children. But Grelod walked into a back room before Gabrielle could think of the different ways she could cause pain and torture those old bones. The Redguard followed Grelod's path into the back of the orphanage, ignoring the little eyes that watched her pass by, and quietly closed the doors.

"And what do you want? None of the children are up for adoption."

Gabrielle stared at the cruel face of the old woman, committing every wrinkle to memory. Grelod was still talking and made the mistake of turning her back. The knife went through the weathered skin of her neck easily. The only sound made was a short gurgle and the thump of the body hitting the floor. The doors were opened and there were little faces and little voices filled with joy. The night air was rushing through her lungs as Gabrielle ran far away from Honorhall. She only stopped when she was at the carriage outside Riften's city gates. Through the noise of her blood rushing and her heart beating too fast in her ears, she somehow was able to tell the man her destination of Windhelm.

For her first kill in ice cold blood, Aventus gave her a plate worth 100 gold. He'd called it a family heirloom. As an orphan, it was all he had left. Gabrielle couldn't help but think that he was wealthier than she would ever be again.

The country outside Windhelm was cold and covered in ice and snow. Gabrielle didn't know where she was walking anymore and she didn't have any destination in mind. She could only think of the feelings inside her gut. It was like she was being burned from the inside by her hate and disgust. She wasn't a true warrior. She wasn't a proud Redguard. How could she ever stand before her ancestors now? She couldn't. They'd throw her soul back to Skyrim, to haunt the land in misery.

And why shouldn't they? What kind of honourable and strong warrior would kill an old woman without giving her a chance to fight back? The kind that is not a true warrior. The kind that is weak and a complete disgrace. The kind that took dinner plates as payment for killing an old, defenseless woman. Gabrielle's fingers clenched the plate tightly, her knuckles going pale and her hands shaking. She was strong enough to break the damned plate. She could do it, if she wanted. So why was it still in her hands? Why wasn't she destroying this small, worthless plate? Why didn't she just walk away from Aventus while she had the chance?

"It's not so bad. Learning to become an honorable, better man isn't everything I expected, but it's not so terrible."

The memory came rushing into her mind and Gabrielle almost choked on the words. They had made her happy then, warm in the knowledge that her friend was becoming stronger and was recognizing a greater potential. But now the feelings tore at her. Her friend was gone and she was alone again.

"I will follow you until you have no more need of my services."

She fell to her knees and watched as the plate landed on the snow. Tears were dripping onto her legs, chilling her deeper than the snow that surrounded her.

"Do you still need me?"

"Yes," Gabrielle whispered into the darkness, "I still need you. I still want you here with me. Why aren't you here?"

Everything was quiet. The only thing the Redguard could hear was her own heartbeat. It was beating loudly, echoing in her head and making it impossible to think. The tears wouldn't stop. She kept trying to brush them away, but they wouldn't stop. Gabrielle forced herself to stand and screamed at the sky.

"WHERE ARE YOU?"

No one answered.