Diclaimer: They're still not mine.

Okay Here's Hotch's POV

Chapter 8

Hotch's POV:

He didn't know what to do now. He knew his heart wanted nothing more than to go to Emily, and ease her worries, her fears. To show her what he felt, to take the chance, he could make her see how much he loved her. But He was scared, and he feared her rejectioning him again. She wouldn't speak to him. Hasn't answered one call. How the hell was he supposed to tell her that he loved her, when he couldn't even get her to pick up her phone. Damnit!, He hoped she wouldn't decide to leave again, he wouldn't be able to take it if she left again. He needed her like air. He wanted her to stay, to stay with him and Jack permanently.

His brain told him no way. His brain wanted him to stay a safe distance from her. His brain wanted to maintain the barriers, and keep the safety of a bubble between them. Damn that woman for this, he thought to himrself, and damn me for letting this happen. He couldn't end the struggle between mind and heart; neither side was winning. It was a seesaw battle, back and it was driving him crazy.

It wasn't like he didn't know she returned his feelings. He just didn't know how to convince her, he felt the same. He didn't know how to tell her, his feelings ran as deep as possible and he didn't think it would ever go away. God, he hurt.

He pulled open his desk drawer, pulling out a photo had been taken at Jack's birthday party. His team had come to the little boy's party, at Jack's insitance. Garcia had been snapping pictures the entire time and after the party had given Hotch both an electronic and hard copies of the pictures. Most had been of him and Jack, but she had included some of the team, mostly group shots. But not this one.

He remembered when it had been taken.

Flashback:

The party had been at a park, Emily had been sitting alone, under a tree on a blanket. Hotch, exhausted from running around, dropped down next to her. She had looked at him in amusement.

"Tired, Hotch?" she teased.

He gave her his best mock glare. "You try running after a five year-old, hopped up on sugar." He said, enjoying being so close to her. He closed his eyes and sighed contently.

Emily chuckled. They sat quietly watching as Jack, chased Garcia and Morgan, in a game of tag. The boy screamed in delight when Morgan let him catch him. Jack had cried out, "I got you, Uncle Derek! I win!"

Hotch's smile had grown as he watch his son dance around Morgan teasingly.

Emily had looked over at him, and said softly, "You're doing great," When he had looked at her questioningly, she had reached out to place a hand on his arm. "Jack. You're doing an amazing job with him. You're a great father, Hotch don't ever doubt that."

He turned to look at her. Feeling his eyes on her, Emily turned her head and gave him a small smile. A breeze had blown a few strands of her hair, across her face. She had worn a light blue dress, something soft and sweet, surprising Hotch since he was used to seeing her in her in her work clothes, but it suited her. Hotch remembered thinking how truly beautiful she was, inside and out.

Jack had run over to them then, throwing himself at the two adults. Both had laughed, delighted to see the little boy so happy.

"Did you see me? I got Uncle Derek!" Jack had squealed in delight as he wriggled around on the blanket.

Hotch laughed and tried to corral his sweet little boy, who was hopped up on excitement and sugar. "I did, buddy," Hotch replied "You got him."

"Did you see, Emmy? Did you?" Jack asked excitedly as he jumped from his father's grasp to launch himself into Emily's lap. The little boy adored Emily, and hadn't been shy about showing it.

She laughed and put her arms around him to draw him close to her. "I did. And boy, did you run fast! Just like your Daddy."

Jack nodded cuddling closer to Emily. A lump formed in Hotch's throat as he watched his son burrow closer into Emily's arms. Emily had raised her eyes and saw the emotion in Hotch's face. Emily smiled reassuringly. "He's fine, aren't you buddy?" Emily said softly.

Jack nodded. "I stay here with, Emmy." Emily laughed softly, stroking Jack's hair. "Okay Captain Jack."

"Awww... you guys are so cute!" Garcia let out as she came up to them. "Okay, guys, get in closer so I can get a picture!"

Hotch had hesitated, but then scooted over closer to Emily and Jack. He wrapped his arm around Emily's shoulders and drawn her closer to him. They leaned in towards each other and Jack turned around to look into the camera. Hotch had felt such tenderness for her in that moment it had scared him. It had been soon after that that he had started dating Beth. He had been flattered, by her attention, and desperate to bury his feelings for Emily, sure there was no way Emily would ever return his them.

End of Flashback

Coming back to the present, he slid the photo back in the drawer, shaking his head. He stared up at the ceiling and began counting the tiles, once again. He couldn't seem to forget her for even five minutes. Hmmm, well at least I know there's more than seventy-three tiles up there he thought to himself.

Well I hope that was okay, It was the hardest chapter yet to write. The team's next, I thought Hotch deserved a chapter to himself. Let me know what you think.