Chapter 4 – Realization & Confrontation

BYR:

I'm glad some of you are liking this story! It makes me happy to see that~ Keep on supporting me guys! Thx~

Walking in the empty school halls was extremely creepy at night. Dark corners lurked strange shadows that would freak the normal person to death. But Izaya wasn't completely normal. He was used to being alone in dark places, namely his heart. Walking downstairs and to the front doors of the school, the informant took one look around the place before he stepped back into the cold, winter night. Snow was beginning to sprinkle around the city. It glittered and danced in the wind as by passers took little notice of this glorious sight. Just like the snowflakes, the brunet was just another human in the mass collection of them. He strolled in the snow as everyone around him hurried home. Home, a place where there was usually someone there waiting for your return. Home is a place where you feel secure and surrounded by one's you love. Home is a place Izaya doesn't have. Sure he lives in one of the most expensive condos in Ikebukuro, but it was just a place for him to work and sleep. He didn't feel like it was a place where he felt comfortable at. It was so big for one person that sometimes it got lonely. Making his way up the front steps of the building, he stepped out of the cold and into the warm hotel-like lobby. The clock on the wall read 11:43 as he passed the front desk. Stepping into the massive elevator, he pressed the top floor button and leaned against the wall. Today was just another boring day. His client he'd met earlier that morning had given him trouble and he had to "take care of them." After having his fun, Izaya left the broke man in the streets and walked happily away, his pocket filled with his payment. No one cheated the informant, no one. He was usually very lenient about how his clients paid him, but since he was already having a crappy day, he didn't feel like listening to excuses. The large sliding doors opened to reveal a hallway. With only one door in the hall, it wasn't hard to figure out where the info-broker lived. Unlocking his door, Izaya took off his shoes, threw them in a random direction, and crashed on the couch, exhausted. Not even a minute had passed before he was out like a light, his mind drifting into a sleep.

-Then I'll see you tomorrow.-

Reading the last test sent by the informant, Shizuo sighed as he closed his phone.

"Man... I chickened out again... I was sure I was ready to do it... Guess not."

The blonde took a deep drag of his cigarette before he threw it in the ground and crush it with his foot. Walking down the busy street, the ex-bartender made his way towards home. For days he'd been having an internal conflict with himself. About a couple of weeks ago, he had a certain dream that shocked him. Well, it was more of a recollection than a dream, but it might as well have been one. Cause he couldn't even believe what he'd done. Arriving at his dingy little apartment, Shizuo kicked off his shoes and went into his bedroom. Not even bothering to change, the blonde laid on his bed, arms behind his head as he stared at the white ceiling. Snow was being to fall outside which made his room cold. But this didn't bother him, his body was always adapting to the weather. As he laid there on his bed, his mind started linking information and memories together. The monster still couldn't believe what he'd done; it just wasn't possible, was it? Had he actually saved the flea nearly 15 years ago? He was only about 7 back then, so it was pretty far back to remember exactly, but the dream he had was so vivid, it had to have happened. Now he understood what the brunet meant when they first met. When he said that he was "disappointed" for the blonde not remembering who he was.

"Geezus... What the hell? Damn flea... If I had just let him drown that day, I would have never met the asshole..."

So why did he have the feeling that he needed to tell the person he hated that he remembered that day. The day they actually met for the first time. It wasn't in high school, but 10 years before that, and he just now realized it. Feeling stupid, he cussed at the ceiling and rolled to his side. He needed to confront the informant about this, it was driving him crazy. But if he did, would that change anything? Would it change how they saw each other, or would everything stay the same? Though there questions bothered him, there was something else, something that has been keeping him up late at night thinking.

"Why do I hate you?"

He'd asked himself that question many times. If he didn't hate Izaya back then, why the sudden hate the second time around? Why did he have the urge to rip the man in half every time he saw him? Then it hit him. Like he'd just ran into a brick wall, but it didn't collapse. Maybe...it wasn't hate. Maybe it was-

"No! No no no no no! What the fuck?"

He mentally cussed himself for thinking THAT! Out of all the things that could happen, he just had to have "that" thought cross his mind. Tossing in his bed, Shizuo was grabbing his hair to keep from going insane. He couldn't believe it... It just wasn't right. For so long he hated the flea. To now realize the true feelings he'd been feeling towards Izaya, it was out of the question.

"Dammit dammit dammit! Shit! I can't believe that... I'm actually in love with you..."

{The Next Day…}

"*yawn* I'm so bored!"

The informant at the beach, the same beach from his childhood. After a day of work, the brunet felt like relaxing for once. Standing on the wooden walkway from the past, the info-broker couldn't help but remember what happened to him back then. The thought made him scowl; it only brought back the fact that the abomination hadn't recognized him from high school. Gazing out at the glistening ocean, Izaya closed his eyes and felt the warm breeze brush his face. (This is nice. I haven't felt this way in such a long time...) As he stood at the end of the pier, someone came walking up behind him. Hearing faint footsteps make their way closer to him, the informant turned around and leaned against the fence, his elbows on the ledge.

"Shizu-chan~ what brings you here? Are you planning to kill me? You could've done that while I was completely vulnerable. I didn't even notice you til you go closer."

The blonde didn't answer the prideful male. He just stood there, staring at the brunet with emotionless eyes. (How curious... He's not yelling and he doesn't have that disgusted look on his face... What's going on?) An obvious bewilder look crossed the informant's face as he straightened his posture and stared at the larger male.

"Shizu-chan?"

"Izaya..."

"Yeah? What's is it? Wait! Don't tell me! I'm a dead man! Right? Hahaha! I know what's going to happen! Let me stretch and we can get this over with! Now would you like to be run over by a truck or should I mix it up today? Your pick!"

"That's not why I'm here..."

"Huh? So why are you here?"

The ex-bartender clenched his fists tightly as he prepared himself for what was about to come next. (Dammit! Just say it! Get this over with already! Why is it so hard to talk? Dammit!) Shizuo struggled in his mind as he tried to confess to the brunet. Today was the day. He couldn't hide from this forever.

"Izaya... I... I remember..."

"Huh? Remember? Remember what?"

"That day... The day that I save you..."

"The day you... Wait! You...you re...remember..?"

"Yeah... Sorry it took me so long..."

"Haha... Hahaha... Hahahahahahahahaha!"

"Izaya?"

"Hahahahahahaha! Oh my god! Hahahaha! Are you serious? Hahahahaha! I can't believe after all this time! And now you remember! After I've moved on! The irony! What is this? Some twisted game you're playing with me? Is this revenge from all the things I've done to you? Well you're not going to get to me that easily!"

"That's not what I'm doing!"

"Sure it isn't. But I am curious. Why? Why did you tell me that you remembered?"

"You seemed sad that day when we met again. When I didn't remember you, you got all depressed."

"That was five years ago. I'm more mature now. Besides, I've moved on! It's not like I care! Because you hate me either way! I bet even if you did remember me back then, we would still be where we are today. At this exact same spot, but you would be trying to kill me instead of telling me this."

"That's not true."

"Ohh it's not? Enlighten me! How is that not true?"

"Because I don't hate you."

"Because you don't hate me. I knew it!... WAIT! WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?"

The informant was in completely, utterly, mind blowing-ly, shocked. His whole expression was in definite outrage at what the blonde just said. He had suspected Shizuo to say that he HATED him, not the total opposite. It was outrageous, startling, out of the ordinary! (Did he...really just say...those words...to...me...? There's just no way...) The informant's body was shaking. The unexpected news had startled him so much that his mind couldn't process it fast enough. Falling to his knees, Izaya focused his eyes on the ground. He needed to make sense of all this. Surprised by the sudden move, Shizuo went to the info-broker's side.

"Izaya! Hey! What's wrong?"

"No... This is all a dream. There's no way Shizu-chan would ever say that he doesn't hate me! There's just no way! How could I let this happen? What's going on? Why the change in behavior?"

"Hey! Izaya calm down!"

"Calm down! Calm down? Don't tell me what to do! YOU HATE ME! Why aren't you trying to kill me? What's wrong with you? Are you drunk? High maybe? What is it?"

"Nothing's wrong with me!"

"So why are you acting this way? You changed since the last time I saw you! You're not the monster I know! Who are you?"

"Dammit flea! You're the one's that's messed up! Why are you freaking out about this?"

"Because!... Because...I don't know..."

(Why am I acting this way? I'm losing it. I never lose my cool like this. I'm letting him get to me.)

"Izaya. There's something else I need to tell you...but I don't think this is the best time..."

"Just tell me. It can't possibly be worse..."

Knowing that he would later want to jump off a building, Shizuo swallowed his pride, took a deep breath, and threw a dart in the dark, hoping to hit a bull's-eye.

"I love you."

"See, like I said, not that ba-..."

He'd stopped mid-sentence when his cluster brain finally decoded the short sentence. Three words. Three words were all it took to send the brunet into total lock down. His mind had closed all other information out. The only thing in his head now, was those three simple words. ("I love you.")

A/N:

AWWW! We're gonna have some boy drama happening! lol how interesting things are slowing turning out for them...hmm wonder what will happen NEXT? Stay tune and we shall see~