(A/N) I love mary sues. I honestly do.
Almost as much as I love Rahuratna and PureWaterLily for reviewing so kindly :D Thank you!
The lovebirds arrived back at the base 3 days later, much to the relief of the rest of the organization, who for some reason had been unable to locate their missing member and new sex symbol.
Upon their arrival, it became apparent that some members were more excited about Yoru than others. This was to be expected. Deidara, for instance, immediately showered her with thoughtful gifts (though they had the nasty habit of exploding at the most inopportune times), while Kakazu opted to stare at her from behind the scenes (and the occasional shower curtain), biding his time until the moment when she and Itachi unhinged themselves from each other and she became vulnerable. Then, and only then, would he make his move. Yoru-that mystical beauty-would be his. Although he was rather confused as to why this hadn't been the case from the very start. Disregarding sex appeal, what did Itachi have that he didn't? It must be the hair, he decided. He mentally resolved to start growing out his own locks.
Of course, as long as there are sweet admirers and creepy admirers, there must also be straight up obnoxious stalkers. I'm talking about Hidan, obviously. Because—as illustrated so clearly in both the anime and manga—he serves no purpose other than to curse everything into the dirt, and attempt to bang anyone that moves. He had done everything he possibly could to try and seduce our heroine (flattering her with endearing names like "slut", "whore-face", and "cum-monkey", as well as offering her a cage of her very own once she became his honorary bitch.) She declined, but was secretly flattered. Why wouldn't she be? Guys back home were nowhere near as forward as he was, or as vulgar. She quite liked it. Too bad she'd already assigned herself to Itachi, who was apparently unaware of how to act in a way that would be considered improper and offensive. Aside from that one time when he killed his clan, but that was during his "troubled teen" years so it didn't really count. The bottom line is, she was beginning to think he was just too well-behaved for a crAzy badd gurl lyke hur.
But, being the selfless girl she was, Yoru put her feelings aside and continued to spend her time frolicking in the meadows with Itachi. And by frolicking I mean having sex with and by meadows I mean…well, let's just say the woodland creatures will never be the same.
All was well with her and her band of sex-crazed losers.
But then…one day…all of a sudden…out of nowhere…
"I hav a motherfuckin headache!" Yoru bit her lip attractively. "it hurtz realli fuqqin badd and shyt…"
"I cannot stand to see you suffer. I will take the pain away." Her pet Uchiha stated blandly, while preparing to slice the offending body part off with a sharp sword.
"lulz silly, I just need 2 take a nappy. Then ill feel better. I get hedaches all da time becuz I hav multiple sclerosis and all the voices in mah head fight so loud and it hurtz." She said cheerfully, deciding that now was as good a time as ever to bring out her dark, tormented side.
The sword Itachi was holding above her vanished in an instant, back to whatever ungodly place he'd pulled it from.
"You're suffering. I don't like it." He started to tear up. "Despite having the emotional capacity of a block of ice, I'm going to burst into tears because that's the only reasonable thing to do when the person you love is anguishing."
Somewhere far, far away, a certain little brother got that sensation you get when you think you're about to sneeze, but nothing ever came of it. He scowled, hating the unfulfilled feeling.
Itachi began sobbing, which was every bit as pitiful as you would imagine. Yoru thought it was incredibly sexy, of course, because she secretly loved men who were emotional wrecks. Then the word 'wreck' reminded her of her dead parents who died in a freak Zamboni accident when she was but a fetus, and she began to cry as well.
"I miss mah familyyyy!" She wailed, burying her face in Itachi's shoulder.
He assumed she meant the family he had so rudely disposed of, which only served to upset him further.
"If only sorrow could build a staircase, and tears could show the way…" She muttered in a hollow tone, feeling no shame in ripping off the lyrics to her favorite song.
They spent the next 20 minutes bawling into each other's shirts loudly, and making a big scene which wasn't as disturbing to the other members as it should have been.
Pein swept through towards the middle of it, and joined Deidara and Sasori, who had been staring adoringly at the pair for all that time.
"What are they-" Pein began, but Deidara did the unthinkable and cut him off.
"Shh, shh! I'm trying to hear the character development!" He hushed his leader, not even looking away from the blubbering couple, "It's very faint, but if you listen carefully you can make it out."
"Ah. I had a feeling this would happen sooner or later." Pein murmured, mostly to himself.
He stood there in polite silence, waiting patiently for the angst-fest to end so he could deliver the important news he'd came here to give in the first place.
Eventually, the floodgates swung shut. Itachi pried Yoru's face off of him, and she wiped the last of her tears away.
They looked around, seeming to notice their audience for the first time.
"hai." Yoru greeted nervously. "i-uh-didn't uhm sea u there." She giggled cutely, and Deidara ran away so nobody could take advantage of his raging boner.
Sasori followed him shortly after, with every intention of taking advantage of his raging boner.
"That's perfectly acceptable, seeing as you're not a ninja. Even though you're an Uchiha, and are apparently skilled enough to evade death or capture at the hands of Itachi, you're also the brainchild of her-" he pointed vaguely at the ceiling, "—so you can basically get away with anything." Yoru grinned in a way that made every male want to do unspeakable things to her, aided only by kitchen accessories. Pein cleared his throat, and turned to Itachi. "You, on the other hand, are arguably one of the most powerful ninjas in this entire organization. Now, I realize that you were trying to show your emotional side and that takes a most supreme concentration, but even so…you ought to be ashamed. What a ghastly show. Ten points from Hufflepuff." Pein glowered.
Itachi just kind of stood there, most likely because there was no sexy way to react, because doing so would acknowledge that he was, in fact, a Hufflepuff.
"Anyway. I came here because I need to talk to Yoru-chan. It has come to my attention, via hallucinogenic dream, that you are the container of the 69-tailed horn-dog."
Yoru gasped. "?#"
(A/N) I'm having wayyy too much fun with this.
Have a lovely day, and thanks for reading :D