(A/N) This is a really awkwardly written chapter. I had trouble with it, idk why.
"im so glad we're havin a bebe, Itachi-chan." Yoru sighed happily, while braiding her lover's hair. That's what you do when you love someone and are consequentially having their child. You braid their hair.
She had managed to find him and drag him out of the dark room he'd confined himself in earlier, after deciding they needed to spend some "quality time" together. For the first time ever, this didn't involve any sexual deeds. Something about "not wanting 2 get teh bebe preggerz." Yoru was already learning to be a responsible parent by looking out for the unborn child's safety. She also changed her diet to include only fruits and vegetables. It was a hard transition, but such sacrifices must be made when you are caring for a baby. And anyway, it was only for two days. Yoru knew she was tough enough to handle the challenge.
"As am I. Despite my initial reservations, I have now concluded that a child is exactly what I need in my life right now." Itachi agreed, admiring his newly-styled hair with approval.
"kya. And do you lyke ur hair?" She blushed nervously.
"I love it. Isn't it fantastic that I often permit others to touch my hair, especially to style it?"
Yoru was too busy making her eyes do this weird glittery thing to answer.
Itachi smiled and glittered back.
Glitter and hearts everywhere. We'll look away now.
"Fucking PUSH!"
"OW! GET THIS THING OUT OF MEEEE!"
"We're almost done; don't give up now!"
A door swung open.
"Would you all keep it down?" Pein yawned. "It's three in the morning." He looked down on his subordinates in irritation.
It was a rather startling sight to behold, although Pein was a lot more conditioned to this sort of thing than he'd prefer to be. Really, as the feared leader of a criminal organization you'd expect to be surrounded by those who were above childish antics. But you'd be wrong…he was basically running a day care center.
Deidara was lying on the floor, pinned underneath Sasori and Hidan. There was some sort of indefinable object stuck up his nose, held in place by Sasori.
"Sorry, Pein." Sasori spoke up humbly. "We were just playing; we didn't mean to wake you."
"Yeah, we're really motherfucking sorry Asshole-sama."
Pein just shook his head, and headed back to his room. Those idiots. They got me all excited talking like that. I thought the baby was being born…Deidara and Yoru sound very similar, apparently. Hm. Someone didn't think this through very well.
Meanwhile, Yoru was about to experience the wonder of childbirth. After three exhausting days of pregnancy, it was finally time.
She was curled up on the floor of her bedroom, lying in a sunbeam that really had no place being out at three a.m. She had recently taken to cat-like behaviors such as this, much to the complete apathy of the rest of the world. It makes sense, seeing as she became part neko during her pregnancy. While most people get morning sickness, Yoru got a feline tail and ears. Who knows why this strange thing happened? It's just one of the beautiful mysteries of life.
Speaking of which, she was about to pop out a kid. Nothing is more stunning or miraculous than childbirth, and I'm not even being sarcastic right now. Although it's decidedly more interesting as far as Yoru is concerned.
She sat straight up as she felt something stirring inside of her. She swore she could feel the baby fumbling around within her womb, as if it was searching for something. Perhaps an emergency exit.
"wut is dat feeling…?" She cocked her head to the side, as if having her neck at a slightly different angle would somehow conjure up the answers she was seeking.
Then, without warning, it began flailing spastically; kicking and hitting every inch of her uterine lining.
She smiled lovingly, even though she was in a lot of pain from the internal beating. "just use da door hunny bun."
The movement ceased, and there was the almost inaudible squeak of a door handle turning.
There was a great squelching sound, and suddenly a baby flopped down onto the floor underneath her.
"mah bebe" She squealed with excitement, prompting Itachi to rise from his spot on the bed, where he'd been sleeping.
"What's going on—oh." He stopped when he noticed the child in Yoru's arms. "Wait, you already gave birth?" He frowned. "I slept through that?"
"Shush. Im about to give a descrpiption of da bebe so that da audience knows wut it looks lyke cuz there dying to kno and I really should not say dis out loud but I will."
She cleared her throat in order to assemble the rest of the Akatsuki so they could hear her lecture too. "Attention every1! Dis is Fuyu mah bebe. She is a gurl and you will not try to have sex wit her bcuz shes underage you pervs. She has long white hair like pure dove feathers sitting in da snow. Her eyes are awe-inspiring black to represent the depths of her dark soul even tho its only seconds old and cant have been twisted yet but yea. I havent seen them yet but Pein-chama was right shes got da Sharingan and Rinnegan and Byakugan. She can use all three but she only has two eyes. She also has the 69-tailed horn dog in her bcuz I don't want it in me anymore and she needs to be stronger than me becuz OOPS SPOILER ALERT." She giggled nervously, wondering if anyone had noticed her slip.
Itachi stared at her blankly, Pein fiddled with a piercing, and Deidara continued to read an instructional booklet on tampon use.
Nothing at all out of the ordinary. So she went on.
"Anyway shes a stunning beauty even at the young age of newborn so yea don't try to be her bf or ill murder you. And shes a smarter genius than Itachi even so don't even mess." She paused, thinking. "Oh i almost forgot she's the reincarnation of Madara so she has the Eternal Mangekyou Sharingan. Plus also she's got the reincarnated soul of Tsunade so shes really strong and can punch stuff. And that old guy with the frogs is in love with her."
"Wait, wait." Itachi seemed to be drawn back into the reality of the situation by her words. "I seem to be missing something here. Are you trying to tell me that my daughter is the reincarnation of two completely separate people, one of whom isn't even dead?"
"Yes." She bobbed her head. "Why not?"
"That logic though." Someone whispered from behind the window curtains.
"No reason. He's just overcome with emotion is all." Pein came to Itachi's rescue as the other continued to stare dumbfounded at Yoru. He elbowed Itachi. "Isn't that right?"
Itachi blinked, and shook his head. "Yes. That is correct. I am overcome with emotion. Hooray. I am a daddy. I can't wait to bond with the child. Yee-haw."
"That's ok I forgive u. ur my baby daddy after all haha." Yoru cuddled the odd child to her chest, rocking back and forth.
"I suppose we'll give you some time alone to soak up the implications of parenthood." Pein decided.
The rest of the Akatsuki grimaced collectively, and filed out the door hastily.
It was quiet as Yoru stared deeply at the child's face.
"I wish it would open its eyes so i could-"
Just then, there was a deafening whooshing sound as gallons of water rushed out from between her legs. It continued to pour out for a good three minutes, until it finally settled down to a trickle, then tiny drops, then nothing.
"I want to make an obscene comment right now. I really do." Itachi stated calmly, staring around at the ankle-deep water from his safe position on the bed.
"I think mah water broke!#" Yoru cheered.
Itachi bit his tongue to refrain from giving her every single reason why this was wrong and should not be happening.
"Kool I was waiting 4 dat to happen." Yoru smiled. "I didn't know there was supposed to be dat much water tho."
"I don't think anyone could have predicted that." Itachi told her honestly.
"Nope."
It was quiet again, awkwardly so.
"So…can I maybe…hold—"
"NO." She snapped, clutching the unusually silent child to her person. "MINE."
"…"
More time passed with no dialogue whatsoever. Nothing interesting was going on, save for the new parents staring directly at the child without moving.
Neither of them bothered to wonder why the baby wasn't moving or crying or acting like a normal child. Nope. They didn't even check its pulse. The poor thing could've been dead this whole time, and they'd still be gawking at it. That's just the way things are done when Yoru gets involved.
It (or I guess we should call her Fuyu now…) isn't dead, for the record.
Although that would have saved the world a lot of unnecessary emotional strife.
(A/N) Somehow, I wanted this to be a little more...interesting :P
I hope you like it anyway :)
Oh Zoids Fanatic, thank you so much for reviewing :D