Looking into the room, Kerry hesitantly walks in seeing Lawson awake, walking over to the bed she sits down smiling at him "About time you woke up" seeing him wince as he looks at her. Her eyes wide open with concern, trying not to let her feelings for him show, as she sits down "There are better ways to get time off work you know, then trying to get yourself killed"

Looking up at his boss he tries to smile, his body aching all over still, his memory vague "what happened" Leaning down towards him her "do you remember anything?" His eyes on her, trying to remember he tries to shake his head "only bits and pieces but not much"

Looking at Lawson, relief in her eyes "don't think about it, it will come when your ready"

Hearing footsteps towards his bed, Kerry looks up to see Tash walking towards them "the swelling on your head and brain have gone down, there will still be some memory loss, which might come back in time. They're moving you out of ICU shortly up to the ward."

Getting off the chair, Kerry follows Tash out there is one thing she needs to know,, "Will he be able to work in TR again" Walking away from his bed, Tash touches her arm "I don't know Kerry, Only time will tell" Glancing at Lawson before turning back to Tash trying to control her voice "Just tell me the truth, stop bullshitting me"

Moving Kerry away so Lawson can't hear "The only thing I can say he probably will have a long road ahead of him, he will probably need some rehab, it all depends, only time will tell Kerry, his injuries are pretty bad and there wasn't only a few of them, he had a lot" Nodding at what Tash said, the though of Lawson not in TR. Sitting on the bed watching Lawson, the words of David going through her mind, was he so badly beaten because of her, would all of this stop if she went to a safe house, looking at Lawson lying there, his face showing the pain, the guilt on her face. Seeing him sleeping there, she reaches out for his hand stroking it, as she gets up, she leans over the bed, kissing him on the cheek "I love you Lawson" before walking out of the room.

…

Walking into Lawson's room the first time since the shooting, Shannon pulls a chair over sitting down, watching Lawson sleep, relief that he is ok, she had a glimpse whilst he was in ICU but wasn't allowed to stay. Reaching for his hand, she doesn't know what to say, the one thing, she has realised though "Life is too short Lawson, you need to grab it with both hands. Seeing you here I still love you, I still want you Lawson, even after everything that has happened, I haven't stopped loving you."

Hearing a voice speaking to him, Lawson knows that voice, a voice that has spoken to him throughout it all. Then listening again, no it was a different voice, opening his eyes he looks at the person there "Shan" seeing her smile at him "Hey"

Looking at her closely he sees her in hospital gowns too with bandages on her arms and in a wheelchair "What happened?" Frowning slightly at him "You don't remember what happened" Trying to smile "bits, I know slightly what happened to me, what about you?"

Shaking her head "I'm fine, just a gun shot wound to my arm and leg, I got off lightly, compared to you" then softly trying to hold back the tears "and Michael" Hearing her voice "what happened to Michael"

Looking into his eyes her voice soft and with emotion "he died Lawson, he got shot in the neck, arms and leg he died the day it all happened."

Looking at Shannon his eyes wide "Kerry never said anything" Looking down "I shouldn't have either, it….was just…it should never had happened"

….

ONE WEEK LATER

Sitting in the bar drinking shots and one drink after the other, Stella looks around, seeing guys playing pool she walks up to them, putting her money on the table, after loosing her money on two games, she sees the guys walk away, slamming her fist on the table "another game" seeing them laugh at her, she pulls out her gun putting it on the table glaring at them "I said another game" seeing them back away as Cleo comes over to her "I think your had enough" then looking at the guys "She's a cop" seeing them put the money back on the table walking away quickly.

Ushering Stella over to a table she sits down with her "what time does the funeral start". Seeing the sadness in Stella's eyes as she slams her fists down "I'm not going, Michael is dead, and nothing will bring him back. I don't see what going to his funeral will do, it won't make Michael appear, or any of this not happening. It won't stop that Kerry's son James is still alive and being protected, whilst Michael died because of him"

Putting her hand on Stella's arm "want me to go with you, you need to go Stella, you need to say goodbye to him, you'll regret it if you don't go."

Arriving at the church, Kerry sees Michael's parents near by, walking up to them, she wonders if they will blame her, giving them a quick half smile "I'm sorry". Nodding at Michael's boss, seeing the sorrow in her eyes "Michael loved his job, he knew the risks, but he loved working for TR"

Walking away, she looks around, she shouldn't be here, none of them should, looking up she sees Josh and Tash walking over to her. Looking around she sees Shannon arriving but no sign of Stella, seeing Shannon walking over to them "Where's Stel?" seeing the others shake their head, getting out her phone, hearing it go to message bank.

Seeing the hurst arrive with the police procession, before entering the church, closing her eyes, Kerry blinks back the tears, its all so real, watching the coffin come out of the car her face neutral, looking around there is still no sign of Stella.

Arriving at the cemetery a while later, looking up just as it is about to start Shannon sees Stella walking up, her eyes bloodshot, giving her a wave.

Walking up to the TR team, Stella takes a deep breath, they shouldn't be here saying goodbye to her best friend, he shouldn't be in the coffin, she didn't want to come, but sitting in the bar drinking, she realised that Cleo was right, she needed to be here. Michael was dead but she needed to be here to say goodbye to her best friend.

Watching the coffin, being lowered into the ground, Kerry's tries to keep in control to stop the tears from forming in her eyes, its all so final. Looking at Kerry, Leon sees her trying to stay in control, looking at her face, the guilt is over it, her mouth open, picking up a handful of dirt as she throws it on the coffin.

Stella watches the coffin, being lowered into the ground trying to stay strong, but the though of him in there, her legs collapse as she starts to fall to the ground. Kneeling on the ground, she feels Shannon's arms around her, as the tears fall freely from her eyes.

Walking away to her car Kerry hears Leon's voice "coming to the pub?" Shaking her head "You all go, I'll see you in the morning" Feeling Leon's hand on her arm "Kerry don't go back to the hotel by yourself, you need to be with people we all do, its been a hard day and week, just come and join us."

Smiling up at the intel officer "When did you come so wise?" Giving Kerry a soft laugh "I've always been wise, your only just realising it"

Arriving at the pub a short time later, the memories and talk of Michael Leon looks at both Kerry and Stella, both dealing with the grief all of it by one drink after the other. Raising there glasses Josh speaks up "To Senior Constable Michael Sandrelli, he will be sadly missed in TR, to muppet".

Seeing Stella, leave her glass on the table, before slamming her fist down "he shouldn't have died, this is my best friend" then looking at Kerry her face closer to her "he shouldn't have died, it should …..not Michael, he…" seeing Kerry lean forward "Just say it Stella, you wished it was James that died, that its his fault, its my fault, its anyone faults. We are police officers Stella, we all know the risks that come with the job, when you sign up. Do you think that I wanted this to happen, that I knew this would happen, I wish it didn't happen Stella" her voice rising more and more "I wish more than anything James never came back, what I did wrong, that none of this happened, all this is happening because of me, that's what you want to say isn't it." picking up her drink and sculling it before walking away from t he table.

Watching Kerry get up, Josh turns to Stella "Happy now Stel, you think you're the only one suffering, that none of us will miss Michael, this is affecting all of us, not just you. Your hurting I get that, but so are we all, especially Kerry, she is feeling the guilt probably more than most of us"

Glaring at Josh, not wanting to admit that there is any truth in that "She doesn't act like it, no matter what it is her fault"

Leon looks at Stella, "You have no idea what she is going through Stella, shes been through more than anyone should the past few months, don't forget she lost her boyfriend because of this."

Biting her lip as Stella sculls her drink, she had forgotten about Chris "Who wants more drinks"

THREE WEEKS LATER

Walking into Lawson's room, Kerry sees Lawson sitting in the chair as he looks up at her "About time" Rolling her eyes at him "Should of let you catch a taxi home. See your feeling better and even looking better, not that it wouldn't be hard." Laughing at Kerry's comment, seeing her blue eyes sparkle again he gets up off the chair

Seeing Lawson get up "so your ready?" Watching him walk over and pick up a bag "Been waiting here for ages, so get me out of here"

Picking up his bag, she watches as he gets his crutches, before leaving the room "Glad to be out of here" Smiling at him, relief flooding through her, so is she, seeing him lying there so helpless, she never wants to go through that again.

Walking out to her car out the front, Kerry helps her into her car. Arriving back at Lawson's place, Kerry helps him inside "I'll be on crutches for a while though" then his voice serious "I will be back in TR and out on the road. Smiling at Lawson "I want you back, I need you in TR"

Looking into Kerry's eyes, he sees something there, not sure what, there has been concern in her face and eyes, but there is more to her words. "Your not getting rid of me that easily"

Sitting on the lounge a while later, Kerry glances at Lawson before looking around, before looking at Lawson "I might get going" Feeling his hand on her arm "Stay", feeling his touch on her arm, she can't look at him whispering "that mightn't be the best idea". "Just stay with me Kerry, I'll order something in, you don't want me to eat alone on my first night alone" Turning to look at him a smile on her face "can't have that"

Hearing Lawson's phone ring a short time later, Kerry looks around, seeing his phone and Lawson not around she picks it up "Lawson's phone" hearing the dial tone.

Getting up a short time later, Kerry turns to Lawson "I better be going, don't over do it." Turning to face him feeling his eyes upon hers, staring into each others eyes, looking away from him "I can't do this Lawson" before walking out of the apartment.

Watching Kerry walk out of the apartment, Lawson slams his crutch on the floor, he was sure, that Kerry's feelings had changed. Picking up his phone, he looks at the calls, seeing Shannon's name there he calls her back.

….

Driving away from Lawson's, thoughts go through Kerry's mind, his eyes upon her, lying in hospital, the thoughts of loosing him unbearable.

Opening the door a short time later, Lawson sees Kerry standing there, a half smile on her face. Hope filling his eyes as he opens the door "what are you doing here?" Seeing her eyes look at him her voice soft "I don't know, but the thought I had lost you and would never see you again, I don't know if it would work out or anything, the only thing I know is I love you Lawson" her eyes upon his as his lips reach down to find hers, wrapping his arms around her as they move inside.

Waking up the following morning, Kerry feels Lawson's arms wrapped around her with her arm draped across his body, lying there in his arms, with the outside world and TR another world away. Feeling his lips upon her, all thought leave her mind, as she responds to her kisses "I love you too Kerry"

Walking into Lawson's house after her shift at TR, it feels so natural, as much as her head is telling her it is wrong and won't work out, Kerry is following her heart.

Feeling Lawson's arms around her after dinner, as he pushes the hair away from her face "We will make it work this time, no one needs to know or find out. I want to be with you Kerry, I love you" Looking up into his eyes "I want you too Lawson" as she feels his lips upon her.

Hearing a knock on his door, Lawson pulls away from Kerry "hold that thought"

….

Taking a deep breath, Shannon knocks on Lawson's door, wondering what was taking him so long she was about to knock again, hearing footsteps, the door opens. Trying to hide his surprise at seeing Shannon there, he suddenly remembers his phone call with Shannon last night after Kerry left "shit, sorry Shannon, I fell asleep not feeling that great, do you mind if we do it another night, I'll cook you a dinner or go out somewhere"

Looking at Lawson, she wonders if he is telling the truth, he didn't look too bad "Sure your ok, want me to stay to make sure" Shaking his head "Just need some sleep" Nodding "Mind if I use your bathroom though"

Opening the door, his voice slightly louder "Yeah you know where it is" walking up the stairs.

Walking out of the bathroom, Shannon quickly glances at Lawson "Take care, I'll see you tomorrow"

Looking around after Shannon leaves, Lawson heads to his bedroom, opening the door, he calls out "Kerry" seeing her lying on the bed her eyes upon him "sorry" seeing her look at him he leans down finding her lips "Shannon called last night, I forgot I invited her around tonight" seeing her blue eyes upon him "Is it over between you and Shannon?". Looking into her eyes "its you I want Kerry not Shannon, you're the one I want to be with no one else" before covering her with kisses

….

Driving away from Lawson's Shannon deep in thought, her mind going back to her conversation with Lawson, her eyes wide open, walking out of the bathroom, on his table were two glasses of wine and cushions on the floor. She is sure it was Kerry answering his phone yesterday, when she hung up, she knows her voice anywhere, as much as she wish she didn't. What an idiot she is, thinking Lawson and her had a chance again. Taking a deep breathe, turning the car around, driving quickly back to Lawson's place. Fiddling in her bag she finds what she needs, the key he gave her, opening the door softly, she walks up the stairs, opening the bedroom door, her eyes wide in horror and shock, even though she was half expecting it and not wanting to believe that Lawson had done it again, feeling foolish and stupid that she wanted Lawson back, she stands there.

Seeing Kerry in bed with Lawson again with Lawson kissing her passionately his hands moving around her body, glued to the spot, she wants to move, but her feet won't her eyes upon the scene in front of her. Slamming the door shut, she sees them look up at her, the shock on their faces "I just had to see for myself"