When she had breathed her song, she begged me -
begged me – to put her ring on my finger;
to be her husband and sink with her down -
down to her drowned palace
and be king of all the lakes.

Ondine, Aloysius Bertrand

Alexis gets home to find Dad in his study, not out on the town with this week's version of Not Kate. She's relieved. It's been a long time since Dad's been so hard to deal with. And she used to think he was enjoying himself, enjoying the high life, being surrounded by beautiful people, but now she's old enough to really see it. To see the hollow look in his eyes. The tiredness he tries so desperately to keep from his face. He's miserable.

She darts up to her room and sits for a minute. She needs to tell him – well, what? To tell him Beckett knows what happened? – that she looked like a ghost and reacted like someone had told her he'd just been shot? – that maybe he was wrong, maybe there's hope?

What do I tell him?

Her phone rings, ending her brief moment of confusion. It's Beckett, in fact. She lets out a breath. "Hello?"

"Hi, Alexis. Are you at home?"

"Yeah."

"Is your dad there?"

"Yeah." Alexis drags her fingers slowly over her comforter, at a loss for what else to do. "Do you want me to get him?"

"No. No, don't tell him anything. I need to do it myself. And he's not going to –" the older woman takes a shaky breath – "he's been avoiding me. I don't want to give him a chance to leave, okay? I'll be there soon."

Kate arrives at the loft to find Alexis waiting for her. "I'm glad you came," the girl says softly.

Kate takes a deep breath. She's a mess right now, eyes red, hair untidy. But Alexis let her in. She's here. It's a start. "He's still here?"

Alexis nods at his office door. It's closed. But he's in there. Kate cranes her neck – sure enough, through the open bookshelves, she can see the back of his head. He's in his chair, facing away from her. It doesn't look like he's moving.

Did he hear us? Does he know I'm here?

"Alexis, I don't know what to tell him." Her throat closes up in panic. She hasn't thought this through. She doesn't have a real plan. She doesn't know how to do this. She doesn't know what's going to happen –

The girl hesitates for a second, but reaches her arms around Kate's waist to hug her.

"Tell him everything."

Kate stands in front of the door to his study and has no idea how to start.

She touches the doorknob, but then falters. She can't. She's hurt him too much already. She has no right to break this wall. This is his door. He has to open it.

"Castle?" Nothing. "Castle. I know you can hear me."

All she hears is silence.

(Exactly what she gave him.)

She shuts her eyes, rests her hands on the door like she's feeling for a pulse, a hidden compartment, some invisible latch that will spring open and give her entry to his room. To his world.

"I know what you heard me tell Bobby. I know what you think it means." She curls her fingers into fists and chokes a little on the next words. "You know I lied to you. I remember what happened in the cemetery. I remember what you said."

It takes her a few seconds to collect herself. She slumps back against the doorframe and folds her arms.

"Castle, I'm sorry for a lot of things." Such an understatement. "I'm sorry I lied to you. It was horribly selfish of me. I was scared and I made the wrong choice. And you paid the price for it."

It's like a lead weight has vanished from her chest. At least he knows the truth now. "I'm so sorry for abandoning you last summer. I should have called you. I should have at least called. You loved me and I walked away and it was wrong."

She remembers that moment, that last breath before everything went black. It's hazy, but she remembers. She never forgot. "That was the last thing I remembered before I blacked out, Castle. Everything was getting blurry. You were all I could see. You were the last thing I knew."

She can't deal with this right now. The pain in her chest is creeping back.

"I'm sorry I made you feel like you had to wait till then to say it in the first place. You were right about me. I was hiding in meaningless relationships. And I was angry at you because I couldn't admit it to myself. You were right. You were always right."

She shuts her eyes, rests her forehead on the door. Not much else to say. She has nothing to lose at this point. "I love you. I love you and I'm sorry for everything I've done to you. And – I've treated you so badly. I don't deserve you. Your heart is so big. And – and I know I'm broken, Castle. You have every right to push me away. Everyone close to me gets hurt." She swallows hard around the lump in her throat. "But I love you. I love you with everything I have to give. And I should have been honest with you."

She hasn't heard anything from behind the door. Not a movement, breath, cough, anything. But she knows he's there. He heard everything.

Now it's up to him.

She takes a last long breath, runs her hands through her messy hair. She has no more.

(I forgave him once for hurting me.)

It seems like such a pale thing in comparison now.

"I'm not walking away, Castle. I made that mistake once. You deserve better than that." Her eyes start to sting and she forces out the next words. "You're worth waiting for."