When the evening shadows and the stars appear, and there is no one there to dry your tears, I could hold you for a million years to make you feel my love. I know you haven't made your mind up yet, but I would never do you wrong. I've known it from the moment that we met, no doubt in my mind where you belong. - Adele, Make You Feel My Love.
Rose knew it was a dream. Usually she didn't; she tended to wake up smiling or choking on a sob, the aura clinging to her, dipping on the outskirts of her mind until she'd had a cup of tea and managed to shake it off, or at least push it down. This time, however, she recognized the greens too green, her step too light and she laughed aloud. There was a smell of apples in the air and she thought she must be on New Earth, but then there were those trees with purple leaves that tasted like bananas that the Doctor loved so much and if she looked across the bay she could see her mother's flat, so it must have been a combination of her subconscious. She walked about aimlessly. No one was around and she was not sure why her mind plopped her here, but there was a nice wind blowing and so she smiled at the feel of the sun on her face and walked over to one of the trees.
"The burblesnaf trees? Oh brilliant! I'm so glad you put these here!" She turned around mid-reach to find the Doctor grinning broadly at her. "Lovely idea, Rose!"
"Thanks," she smiled back. "Mind getting me one then? They're a bit too high."
"Or you're just a bit too short." She pushed his shoulder playfully as he walked by and he laughed and grabbed four of the leaves down. He handed her one and immediately bit into another. Rose's eyebrows arched.
"Three for yourself?"
"I haven't had these in ages," his mouth was overflowing. "I wish I had thought to put them here. Good thing you're an excellent dreamer."
"Thanks," she raised the leaf to her lips. "Hold on. You know this is a dream?"
"Course." He was well into his second leaf by now.
"That's weird."
"Why?"
She blinked. "Well, I've never really known a dream is a dream while I'm in that dream. And then had a conversation about that dream with the dream Doctor."
"Well I'm not the dream Doctor," he was licking his fingers slowly. "Am I in your dreams often then? Apple grass too? Well done." He sprawled out at her feet, running his hands over the blades of green.
"Thanks. And yeah, course you are, you're a big part of my life. Aren't I in yours?"
"I don't sleep very often, but yeah, I guess you are."
"Hold on," she was speaking slowly, suddenly catching up to their conversation. "Did you say you're not the dream Doctor?"
He propped up on his elbows. "Right, no, I'm not. I'm the real thing. Well, when I say the real thing I don't mean the real, real thing of course. Well, what I mean is my mind is real. You gonna eat that leaf?"
"The real Doctor?" she snorted. "Don't be daft. You're not real. You're a figment of my subconscious…or something."
"No, no," he was still gazing at the leaf in her hand. "I'm not. I am actually me."
She stared at him hard. "A dream Doctor would say that too."
"Would he? Lying pratt."
"You're taking the mickey out of me."
He cocked his head and wrinkled his nose in distaste. "I'd rather not think of that." She was still watching him wearily. "Right, Rose," he grabbed her hand and pulled her down to sit next to him. "What do I do to make you believe me? Should I tell you the first thing I said to you was 'run' again? Oh, the dream version of me would probably know that too. Look, you're just going to have to trust me; it's me. Here," He took her hand and laid it on his chest so she could feel the dance of his heartbeats beneath her palm. Radiating through his shirt was the warmth of his skin and the solidity of his flesh and he felt too real to be a dream, this was all too real. She pulled back, alarmed.
"Doctor?"
"Hello!"
"Am I dead?"
"What? No! No, no course not! You're asleep, safe on the TARDIS. I am too. We're co-dreaming."
"Co-dreaming?"
"Yeah, we were both having a dream and they merged so now here we are together, our real minds, but in a dream."
"We've never done this before."
"No well," he broke off a piece of the leaf, still untouched in her hand, and popped it in his mouth. "I don't sleep much do I? And it's the TARDIS that does it. She builds this connection between our minds, you know how she's in there translating?" Rose nodded. "Yeah well so she's in our minds a bit and she can build this kind of bridge between us so we dream together. Takes her a while to do it and she doesn't do it with everyone. She really likes you!" He bumped her shoulder and reached to take another bit of her leaf. Rose drew back and gave him a look.
"Watch it! You've already had three. You'll give yourself a sore stomach! So this is a dream, but it's really you?" He nodded. "And really me. Cause I feel more in control of this than I usually do in dreams, like in most dreams I'm usually just along for the ride, you know?"
"Yes, well in these dreams the TARDIS makes our brains more active so we can make decisions and interact."
Rose took a bite of her leaf and reeled back. "Blimey! This tastes real, like, really real!" She took another bite and the Doctor smirked.
"Mm, everything's a bit more vivid in these dreams, we can really taste, really feel. It's like we're awake and walking around but our bodies are resting. It's great fun, but our minds won't be as rested when we wake up."
"So did I really just consume that leaf? Like, am I going to have those calories? If I hurt myself am I going to wake up with a sore whatever?" She offered him the last bite and he took it gratefully.
"No, no, it just feels real to the mind. You experience all your senses, including pain, more keenly in these types of dreams because your brain thinks it's real, but then you'll awaken. The body doesn't experience it."
"Well that's fantastic! Well, not the pain part, but getting to control our dreams? I wish the TARDIS had done this to us sooner!"
"Well building the bridge and all that…"
"Plus you don't sleep enough!" He pouted and she laughed and ruffled his hair.
"So let's do something! Explore. What can we do in a dream?"
"What can we do in a dream?" He looked at her incredulously. "Must I remind you that you, my dear, are co-dreaming with me, the ultimate adventurer, a professional dreamer, some might say. What can't we do?"
They both hopped up and Rose looked at him expectantly. He gazed around and breathed deeply of the fresh air, rubbing his full stomach. He glanced back at her and started, realizing she was waiting.
"Oh! Right," he mused his hair thoughtfully. "Something dreamy…dreamy, dreamy, dreamy. I know!" He took her hand. "How about this!"
He jumped, his long legs making exaggerated kicks, and she had a moment to snort before he was pulling her along with his movement, pulling her, she realized, up and into the air. Rose screeched, a sound somewhere between a scream and a laugh, and clutched at the Doctor's hand, his long fingers twisting with hers. They went up and up, and the Doctor was smirking at her, but all Rose could do was gasp and stare at their feet, dangling high above the ground. The landed softly on a cloud, the puffy cotton snuggling against her trainers and ankles and she gaped at the Doctor.
"We can't fly! And we can't, we can't land on a cloud! They're just vapor! We should be falling right through."
He rolled his eyes and stooped to pick up a tuft of fog, rolling it between his palms and tossing the resulting globe toward her head, giggling as she sputtered at the explosion of dew around her cheek.
"Stop being so scientific," he scolded.
Rose crossed her eyes to get a better look at a droplet hanging on the end of her nose and then froze.
"Hold on, did you just tell me to stop being so scientific?"
He was rocking on his heels, bouncing a little, experimenting with the buoyancy of the cloud. "Yes," he pulled a bit of cloud from her hair, the white strand wisping through his fingers. "It's a dream. The best part is that we can do anything. No rules."
"No rules?" She stuck her tongue between her teeth and grinned. "Alright then, follow me." She took a running start, her momentum jouncing the Doctor, spread her arms and leapt. She kept her eyes open as she flew, the wind teasing tears and enlarging the smile on her face. She landed with a grunt on the next cloud over, an impossible distance, and looked back at the Doctor, laughing aloud at his look of incredulity.
"Oi!" She shouted, cupping her hands around her lips. "Come on then slowcoach! No rules!"
"But there's a much closer cloud that way," he whined. Another laugh tumbled from her, loud and guttural, coming from somewhere deep within, and she realized that she was completely, incandescently happy. His own face was glowing as he watched her, betraying the fraudulence of his lament.
"What's the worst that could happen," the wind carried her voice back to him, distorting it, making it quiver. "You fall out of bed?"
Hands on his hips, he peered over the edge of his platform and regarded the grass far below. "You know, sometimes I get the distinct impression that you want me to regenerate."
"I want a ginger! They're so much more adventurous!"
His eyebrows rose to his hairline and she caught a flash of his dimple before he was hurtling toward her, kicking up bits of cloud as he skidded to a landing, somehow wrapping his lanky arm around her waist and hauling her with him as he jumped to the next cloud. The bounced from one to the next for some time, whooping and yelling, their bodies colliding and tangling, bounding apart, tossing poorly aimed globs at each other, until they collapsed in giggles next to each other. He lay on his back, body shaking with glee, and she watched him from her side, their legs a snaggled mess.
"This is fantastic," she breathed. He nestled deeper into the cushion and smiled. Rose dipped her hand into the fleece, the cool cotton running down her wrist. "I wish….God I wish…" she trailed off wistfully, taking in the majesty of the sky around them, unable to form a coherent thought.
"It's not real," the Doctor's voice was suddenly stern. "It can never be real." She blinked at him, taken aback by the shadows in his eyes, and then he sat up, brushing bits of cloud like lint from his arms and hands, and the moment was gone. He crawled onto his knees and hunched over. "Here," he said and handed her a lump that looked suspiciously like an all-white ice cream cone. He watched her expectantly. "Try it," he urged.
Narrowing her eyes at him playfully, she stuck the tip of her tongue into the fluff. "Oh," she covered her mouth in surprise. "It's mint chocolate chip! How did you do that?" Her eyes were wide with wonder and he smiled delightedly.
"I didn't, you did. Your subconscious knows what you want it to taste like so your brain made it happen. Brilliant isn't it?"
"Unbelievable!" She swirled her tongue around the cone again, closing her eyes in bliss.
At a sudden clap of thunder, she looked around. At first she couldn't decipher where the sound had come from and then she saw, far in the distance, a giant black cloud. Lightening erupted from it, but no rain seemed to fall, and beneath the haze, the ground glowed an ominous red, smoke flickering up: a fire.
"Oh," Rose murmured. "What is that? I don't think that's me."
"Nope that's me," he said casually, his eyes never straying from her evaporating cone. "Here," he took a puff of cloud and rolled it in his palms as he had before, this time leaning in to breathe lightly into it until it took on a dull grey hue. Without looking, he tossed it over his shoulder, shooting it across the sky. It slowed, as if by some unseen force, and hovered over the fire, releasing soft rain until the flames were quieted and the angry storm cloud dissipated.
"Oh," Rose said again, and the Doctor didn't meet her gaze. Instead he pressed his hand into the cloud, watching with apparent fascination as it took his shape. "So most of this is my dream," she ventured.
"Yeah."
"And that was yours."
"Yep."
"Yours was a nightmare."
He shrugged and Rose's stomach twisted uncomfortably, a lump forming in her throat. He had been having a nightmare. A nightmare or a memory. She opened her mouth to say something, to comfort him or ask about Gallifrey, show him that he wasn't alone, but then she took in the rigid swell of his shoulders, the mock nonchalance of his picking fingers, and she closed her eyes for a long moment.
"Well good thing I know how to decorate my dreams so well. Like I invited you to a party."
"Yeah, thanks for that," he tossed her a half smile.
"No prob."
They sat in silence for a while.
"Is that why you don't sleep often?"
"I don't need much sleep." His answer was not unkind, but left no room for further discussion. She nodded silently and dangled her feet over the edge of the cloud, watching a flock of birds fly by them.
"Sometimes," he said quietly, glancing at her and then looking away. "Sometimes that's why."
She studied his silhouette, the strong line of his nose and the delicate slope of his chin, and she smiled gently. "Well I'm always here to share mine with you."
She reached her fingers out, finding his hand lying open, palm up, as if he had been waiting for her the whole time.
