Title: Rememories – Pt. 3
Disclaimer: I do not own these characters. Emergency! is owned by Universal and Mark VII Productions. I make no profit from my imagination—only a personal joy and peace.
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The sun had long stopped casting shadows on the walls of his room and he had finally given up on sleep. After another unrewarding call to Rampart, he was still lying on the bed when he heard a soft knock at the door. "Come in." He called. He heard the knob turn and saw a small set of fingers wrap around the door as it slowly opened. Roy's seven-year-old daughter, Jennifer, peeked her head in the door.
"Uncle Johnny," She whispered loudly. "You awake?" She quietly snuck into the room and walked toward the bed. The light shone from the hallway as he slowly sat up on the bed.
"Yeah, 'm awake, Pumpkin." He said to the little girl with long blond curls running down her back. She smiled as she continued moving toward him.
"Momma said to come get you. Dinner's ready. You feel like eatin' something?" She asked with a worried tone; passed down from her Father, no doubt.
"I guess I could eat." Johnny lied. "What have you been doing all evening, Princess?" Jenny loved all the pet names her Uncle had for her. She never tired of the special bond they formed as soon as they met. She walked right up to where he was sitting on the bed and put her arms around him. She found a spot just her size and rested her head right under his chin. He put his arms around the girl's tiny frame and relished the smell of Johnson's & Johnson's Baby Shampoo on her still-damp locks.
Noticing his damp clothes she remarked, "Did you just take a bath, too, Uncle Johnny? Your clothes are all wet."
Johnny pulled Jenny away from him and looked down into her blue eyes…the eyes of her Father. They were innocent, non-judgmental, and loving. "No, Princess. I just fell asleep with my clothes on and I guess I just got a little warm is all." He explained. "Why don't you go tell Mom I will be out in just few minutes and I'll get my shirt changed, 'k?" He smiled and tweaked her nose a bit. That elicited a giggle from Jenny.
"'K." She replied as she turned and retreated from the room. Johnny took in a deep sigh and brushed a hand through his own damp hair. He wished it was because he had just showered, but he had been waking up in a cold sweat for the past week, unable to sleep without remembering the events of 10 days ago and the man still fighting for life at Rampart. He changed his shirt and walked out to the kitchen to join Jo and kids for supper.
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Brackett and Early met in the younger doctor's office at Rampart. They were there to discuss the Review Board findings from Johnny's hearing. "Joe, Hank told me the Review Board cleared Johnny of any negligence or dereliction. It wasn't exactly orthodox for Johnny to go into that building, but it wasn't totally against protocol either. And, we know he did everything he could to save the lives of his men, too. With what Johnny wrote in his report and the autopsy findings of Baker and Jameson, he's pretty-much in the clear."
Joe Early pondered the statements and his mind wandered back to the scene in the ER when Johnny and Greg were brought in. "It's a wonder Greg made it to us alive with the injuries he sustained, Kel. That alone is a testament to Johnny's capability and care. I wonder if anyone has told Johnny the findings of the Board. And, will it make any difference?" He had seen his Friend at the funerals and how the stress of losing two men and having another critically injured and in a coma was taking its toll.
Kel lowered his head and brushed a hand through his thick black hair. "Yeah, Joe, I know what you mean. But, with the injuries Daniels had, it was more than a wonder he made it here alive…it was a damn miracle." And, somehow, he was going to convince Captain John Gage that he had helped make that miracle happen. "Hank's given me the task of telling Johnny what the Board determined at our appointment tomorrow morning. You know, now that Johnny's not a practicing Paramedic anymore, I don't really have a say in any of this. But, Hank knows that Johnny and I are still close and I am his doctor, after all." Brackett wasn't sure if he wanted the dubious honor of giving Johnny the Board outcomes, for he was certain that John Gage would fight tooth and nail that he was responsible for the deaths of those men...just for the simple fact that, as their Captain, he sent them into building.
"You gonna release him to return to duty, Kel?" Early inquired of his Friend, pulling him from his musing. Both doctors had become close with former Paramedic and considered the young man a good Friend. It was difficult to provide medical treatment to your Friends.
"I don't know, Joe. You saw 'im at that last service…he's lost some weight and he's obviously not sleeping well. I knew that he would feel terrible about his mens' deaths…especially since he tried so hard to keep 'em alive…but, I am afraid it may be even more than that." Brackett proposed.
"Survivor's guilt?" Early asked. Brackett nodded his endorsement of the diagnosis.
"Yeah. I know he isn't gonna like it, but I want him to talk to someone before I release him to return to duty. Hank has agreed to back me up on this. He needs to work through this, or it could just continue to eat him alive until there is nothing left…literally." Brackett admitted.
Both men stared at their coffee cups as they considered the fate of John Gage. The ball would definitely be in his court come tomorrow morning.
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Johnny picked at his supper and took a few bites. The food was delicious. JoAnne's cooking was some of the best Johnny had ever sampled. But, tonight…just as the past six nights…he just did not have much of an appetite. He was startled from his reverie when Chris spoke up.
"Uncle Johnny, what if you, me and Dad go fishin' this weekend?" Chris enthusiastically posed the question.
"'Fraid I'll have to pass, Sport. Not much in the mood for fishing right now. Sorry." Johnny sighed. JoAnne looked at Chris and saw the disappointment and worries there.
"Uh, Chris and Jenny…why don't you clear the table and put the dishes in the sink. Go to your rooms and finish your homework. Your Dad should be calling in about an hour to say 'goodnight' and then it's bedtime." JoAnne expertly diverted the children from staring at their Uncle. She walked over behind him and put a hand on his shoulder.
"Johnny, why don't you go sit on the deck for a while…the fresh air will do you good." She suggested. Johnny, lost in thought, put his fork down and tried to register what she had said.
"Huh…um…oh, yeah. I guess I will sit on the deck for a while. But, I should make a call first." He started to get up and move toward the phone. She put her hand on his shoulder pushing him back into the chair.
"No, Johnny. You know Dr. Brackett or Dixie will call you if there is any change…'sides, how many times have you already called today?" JoAnne knowingly asked.
He looked up at her with is "puppy dog" eyes and she melted. "I dunno…five or six, I guess."
"Well, just go on outside for now. After Roy calls, you can call and check one more time, if you want." He obeyed and got up and walked robotically to the slider doors and went out onto the deck.
"Mommy," Jenny cried from the kitchen, "will Uncle Johnny ever feel happy again?" JoAnne allowed tears to pool in the corners of her eyes for her Friend as she hugged her daughter close. She sat in one of the kitchen chairs and pulled her daughter into her lap to explain.
"Uncle Johnny will feel happy again, Honey. It's just that something bad happened to him and all those memories have him feeling kinda sad. When he tries to think of other things…he remembers what happened and gets sad all over again. So, it will take a little while, but he will get better." JoAnne answered Jenny.
"Well, we will just make some new rememories so he won't be sad anymore." Jenny reasoned. JoAnne laughed a little and corrected her daughter.
"You mean new memories, Jenny. And, I'm afraid it's just not that easy. I wish it was, Honey…I wish it was." JoAnne trailed off.
Chris, getting angry, put the plates in the sink with a bit more force than actually necessary and stormed off to his room. As he went, he muttered, "I want the 'ol Uncle Johnny back! He used to want to go fishing and camping all the time. This sucks!" JoAnne cringed as she heard his door slam. She knew he was hurt, worried, and angry. But, she didn't know how to make any of it better. The only one who could do that was Johnny…and, right now, Johnny couldn't make himself feel better, let alone, her Son.
She kissed Jenny on the top of her head and scooted her off to her room and started the dinner dishes. She looked outside the window and saw that Johnny had lain down on one of the chaise lounge chairs in the yard. She hoped he would find some rest in the cool of the evening.
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Johnny called in the Code F's on the HT and turned all his attention toward Greg. When Greg's SCBA ran out of air, he carefully cut it away from the Paramedic's body and used the straps and turnout coats from the deceased Firemen to splint Greg's leg and create a makeshift C-collar. He continued to monitor Greg's vital signs and thought that there might be some improvement.
"Greg!" Johnny called. "Greg. Hey, man, can you hear me?" He tried to rouse his Patient.
Greg opened his eyes and looked up at Johnny. "I can hear you, Cap. How are the others? How are Baker and Jameson?" He pleaded. When he saw the look on his superior's face, his facial features fell, too. "No…no…" Greg moaned.
"'M sorry, Greg. I couldn't save 'em. 'M sorry." Johnny cried over and over.
"Guess I'm pretty bad off, too, huh, Cap?" Greg asked as he tried to make a joke to lighten the mood. "Uh…I mean since you are playin' Paramedic and all." He tried to smile as he looked into his Captain's face.
Johnny remembered his promise to the man and reiterated it now. "Greg…I'm not gonna let you die man. We're gonna get outta here, I promise. They are on their way to find us now." Johnny reassured his man.
Greg rambled on while they waited for help. "You know, I just had one more semester in school before I had my degree, Cap. I was gonna be a high school counselor and coach. I was volunteering as a Fireman the summer before my Senior year and I just fell in love with it. So, I quit school and joined the Department." Johnny could hear the man's breathing changing and did his best to make him comfortable.
"You are a great Firefighter and an excellent Paramedic, Greg. You have a long career ahead of you…just hang in there." Johnny pleaded.
Greg continued. "Not as good as you, Cap. I followed your career after I joined up. You were the reason I joined the Paramedics. When I found out you were going to be my Captain, I was scared shitless." He confided.
"Scared? Why scared?" Johnny asked, looking around to see if there were signs that help was coming.
"How often do you get to work with a legend, Sir? You were one of the first and the best ever trained. How can I live up to that? Especially now…?" Greg asked.
"Just live, Greg…Just live. The rest will work itself out." Just a moment later, Johnny's attention was diverted by a noise that he dreaded. The sound was that of boards weakening and beginning to give way. He glanced up and realized the ceiling was caving down around them. That last thing he remembered doing was throwing his own body over the top of Greg's and then…darkness.
Tears filled Johnny's eyes again as he remembered the look on Greg's face just before the world, literally, came crashing down. He had promised to get Greg out alive…and, now, he lay in a coma. What kind of life had he saved if the man would never talk, walk or do anything he loved again? How would Johnny ever be able to live with knowing he lost the lives of, not two, but three men from his own Station that day?
TBC