Title: Rememories – Pt. 5

Disclaimer: I do not own these characters. Emergency! is owned by Universal and Mark VII Productions. I make no profit from my imagination—only a personal joy and peace.

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After ordering, Roy pulled his coffee cup to his lips and took a long sip as he regarded Johnny. He frowned at what he saw.

"Johnny, you look like hell." Roy honestly stated. "You think Brackett's gonna release you to return to duty lookin' like you are?" He asked.

Johnny looked down at his hands and mulled over Roy's question. "Maybe I shouldn't go back." He admitted freely. Roy was shocked at the statement and let silence settle. Johnny broke the looming chasm. "You know, when I was a Rescue Man, there was this guy that got electrocuted. Tony Freeman and I got 'im down from this pole and I rode in with him. We got him to Rampart and, I was sure he was alive." He shook his head at the memory. "But, he was dead, Roy. After all that we had done, all that Brackett had done to try to save 'im…he was dead." Johnny shut his eyes as if he was seeing the scene in his mind and he continued. "He had the feel, you know?" Johnny barely whispered the last phrase.

"What did you say, Johnny?" Roy coaxed.

"He had the feel." Johnny attempted to explain. "You know, Roy…there are those that just feel like they're gonna make it. Greg had the feel." Johnny paused and sipped his coffee. "That guy on that pole had the feel, too. And, I was wrong both times. I lost 'em both."

"Johnny, Greg may be in a coma, but you got him outta there alive. There is no tellin' what might happen, you know?" Roy tried his best to comfort Johnny. "Hell, when we were in Rescue, we didn't even have the skills we have now, let alone the equipment. That guy didn't have a chance back then. And, with Greg…well…maybe, if help could have gotten to you guys sooner, maybe he'd be better off right now…but, Brackett said that the only reason he was alive when you guys were dug outta there was because YOU were wedged on top of him." Roy shared.

Johnny's face contorted and he asked, "What does that mean?"

"Brackett believes that your body weight on top of him kept pressure on his abdomen and that prevented him from bleeding out. If the cave-in hadn't happened, he would have been dead before he reached the hospital. Johnny, Brackett knows what you did for Greg and what you tried to do for Jameson and Baker." Roy stated bluntly. Johnny didn't know yet the results of the Review Board or the autopsy findings. This was news to him and his shock was evident.

"What the hell are you saying, Roy?" Johnny asked, confused.

"Johnny, what I am saying is that, for whatever reason…Greg made it to Rampart alive. And, the autopsy findings show that you tried to save Jameson and Baker, too." Roy was not sure he was supposed to be sharing this information, but he felt it was certainly necessary to help his Friend to begin to heal.

Johnny shook his head in disbelief. "Why didn't anyone tell me?"

"Johnny, Brackett will probably tell you today. They just got the findings from the Review Board yesterday and the autopsy results were in the same report." Roy let too much slip.

"And, how is it YOU know all of this and I'm left in the dark!" Johnny's voice was raised and a few other customers looked their way. The waitress who was approaching their table to see if they wanted refills on their coffee, imperceptibly turned on her heel and walked in another direction.

"Johnny, calm down. I don't know as much as you think I do. Dix just told me some of what she's been hearing around the hospital is all. She's worried about you…we all are." Roy lowered his voice more as he spoke to try to get Johnny to do the same. "And, no matter what those reports say…we all know you did everything in your power to save all three of those men…even at the risk of your own life." Roy allowed a flash of pride to cover his face. He was proud of Johnny, but he was also happy that Johnny had survived. The two were like Brothers and it would be a terrible day for either of them if the other ceased to be.

"I felt like everyone was looking at me." Johnny shared, as Roy fought to find context.

"When? What are you talking about, Johnny?"

"At the funerals. I felt like everyone was looking at me. Wondering why I didn't die, too. That maybe I…maybe I…" Johnny could barely finish his thoughts. "I was their Captain, Roy…maybe, I should have died instead of them."

"No one thought that, Johnny!" Roy rebuked. "Honestly, where do you come up with this stuff?" Roy said as he shook his head back and forth in exasperation, getting the slightest grin from Johnny.

"Don't know…just my imagination, I guess." Johnny supposed. Roy nodded his agreement as he downed the last of his coffee and glanced at his watch.

"Well, Junior, let's just give that imagination of yours a rest and get you to your appointment with Brackett, huh?"

Johnny wiped his mouth and threw the discarded napkin on his half-eaten breakfast plate. "Okay, Pally, let's go."

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Johnny walked into the Emergency Room at Rampart, but his mind was several floors up in ICU. He wanted desperately to push the elevator button and go to see how Greg was doing. Roy sensed his Friend's angst and put a guiding hand on Johnny's shoulder, slightly nudging him toward Brackett's office door. When they arrived at the door, it was Roy who knocked.

Before the door was opened, a familiar voice interrupted Johnny's thoughts. "Hey, there, Handsome." He turned to see Dixie McCall walking toward him with a smile in her eyes and on her face. "It's good to see you, Johnny." She said as she walked up and placed a kiss on his, now blushing cheek. Just then the door to Brackett's office opened and the color moved from just his cheeks to his ears and neck.

Brackett and Roy smiled while Johnny basked in the attention Dixie lavished. "Uh, Dix…you think I can see my Patient now?" Brackett teasingly queried.

"Not before I'm through with my check, Doctor." She quipped as she looked at her Friend. The smile left her eyes as she saw his sunken eyes and slim frame. But, the smile never left her lips. "Okay, looks like he needs a good night's sleep and some more good home-cookin'. He'll be good in no time." She teased. She was rewarded with only a slight smile from Johnny and a chuckle from Roy. "Let me know when you're done here, Johnny. I will go up to ICU with you and Roy." That brought the reaction she wanted as Johnny smiled and asked his Doctor.

"I can go see Greg?" Johnny almost begged.

"Johnny, let's go to Treatment Room 2. After I get you checked out and we talk, I will consider letting you go up there with Roy and Dix. How's that sound?" Brackett answered.

"Sound's good to me, Doc. Let's go." Johnny said as he followed Brackett to the treatment room. Roy and Dixie lagged behind and continued talking.

"He's not doing as well as I'd hoped, Roy." Dixie confessed.

"I know, Dix. And, home-cooking is, unfortunately, not the answer." Roy stated as they watched the two men disappear behind the door of the treatment room.

TBC