A/N: Disney and Universal were great, just the break I needed from the cold. This chapter is a little longer than the last to make up for a few days without updates. This chapter has a few really funny moments that I truly enjoyed writing.
Thanks for all the reviews, it's great to get some feedback!
A few quick notes: I've changed a few things, like how Blaine, Kurt and Finn are all seniors. Also, I made Blaine a little shorter than he really is, just because there are a few funny things later on that are a little funnier with him being a little shorter. Enjoy!
School had started, and all the boys were back at school. I was expecting the first week back to be a little rough since it was Blaine's first time as a McKinley student. That first day, Blaine and Kurt came home with stained faces. Kurt's was purple and Blaine's was blue. I guess the slushies were back for another year. I had sort of hoped that was just a fad. Blaine didn't seem all the mad about it, at least not as upset as Kurt.
"Hi boys. Need I ask how the first day was?"
Blaine responded since Kurt was still a little upset.
"Please don't. Let's just say it could have been worse. I'd stay and chat, but I really need a shower." Blaine started up the stairs, with Kurt immediately following him. I let them go without asking what exactly had happened. Finn walked in a few minutes later.
"Care to tell me what happened to those two today?"
Finn sat down and ran his fingers through his short hair.
"Nothing too bad. They were standing by Kurt's locker, just holding hands, and were both slushied. It really could have been worse. I saw from down the hall. By the time I got there they were already covered, but at least I stopped the guys from shoving them into the lockers. By the way, where are they?"
"They're upstairs. Blaine said he needed a shower. He looked like the snow miser from that old Christmas cartoon. You know the one that's bright blue and has wild hair sticking up everywhere?"
"You mean they are upstairs? Alone? Showering?"
I can't believe it took Finn pointing it out for me to realize what just happened in front of my very eyes. I ran up the stairs and burst into Kurt's room with out knocking. The bathroom door was closed and neither boy was in sight. I banged on the bathroom door. I could hear Kurt's voice muffled through the door.
"Took you long enough! That was some really irresponsible parenting there Dad!"
"Stop what you're doing and come out here right now!"
"Can I put some clothes on first? Or are you looking for a show?" I could hear him giggling. He's never this ballsy when there isn't a locked door between us.
"Quickly put on some clothes and come out here."
About three minutes and a lot of laughing later, both boys stepped out of the bathroom, free from slushy dyes.
"Before you start, we didn't do anything inappropriate. It's just really difficult to get artificially dyed corn starch out of your hair on your own."
I can't believe he was justifying the two of them showering together. To me! I said the first thing that popped into my head.
"Go to your room!"
"Um... Dad... I'm in my room. Are you having a stroke? Your face is purple and that vein is popping out of your forehead."
I stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind me. Then I realized they were both in there. I threw the door open wide and yelled.
"Keep that door open!"
"But you're the one that closed it!"
Carol's right. My heart really isn't going to last long with having to deal with those two boys.
As that first week went on, the more problems the boys had at school, the more problems they caused me at home. I got home from the shop Wednesday to find Kurt rummaging through the garage.
"Hey Kiddo, what're you looking for?"
"Bolt cutters." he replied without even thinking. He seemed to realize he said that out loud and quickly added something about a school project.
"Where are Finn and Blaine?"
"Both doing homework upstairs."
"Ok. Check the tool box under the work table in the corner. There should be bolt cutters in there."
I can't imagine why Kurt, of all people, would need bolt cutters for school. Something was definitely up. Rather than grill him about it, I figured I'd check with the other boys and see if they knew anything about it. I stopped in Finn's room first. He was playing video games, his unfinished homework abandoned on the floor. He didn't know anything about what was going on with Kurt, so I told him to get some work done. I stopped in Blaine's room next, but it was empty. They always study together anyway, so I decided to check Kurt's room. I almost had another heart attack when I saw the scene in Kurt's room.
"Kurt, I'm so glad you're back. My arms are starting to fall aslee..." Blaine stopped talking when he saw it was me who found him in the compromising position.
Blaine was laying on the bed without a shirt (or anything else) and a blanket covering up to his hips. His arms were up above his head. His wrists were handcuffed to the headboard. I'm guessing they lost the key, which would explain Kurt's search for bolt cutters.
"Wow, this is incredibly painfully awkward..." Blaine said to try and break the silence. "We sort of lost the key..."
I just rolled my eyes and walked out of the room. I went down to the garage and found Kurt still searching. I pulled them out of the tool box (exactly where I said they'd be) and handed them to Kurt.
"Once you free Blaine, make sure you get all your homework done. And leave your door open."
Later that night, in bed, Carol found that story hilarious and couldn't stop laughing.
After Friday night dinner, we were having a family movie night. It took a while to choose a movie, with each boy (alright, I'll admit it, myself included) shouting a different movie. It was narrowed down to four, and Carol was the deciding vote.
"We are going to watch Toy Story."
"But that wasn't even one of the ones to choose from." I almost whined, but caught myself.
"I know, but since none of you can agree, we are going to watch my choice. If we have time, we can watch one of yours later."
So we settled in to watch Toy Story. Carol and I had the love seat, Finn was stretched across the entire couch, and Kurt and Blaine were snuggled together in the reclining armchair. It only fit one person, but every single movie night, the two of them squeezed in either side by side or one on the others lap.
Halfway through the movie, Carol and I went to make popcorn. Movie nights in our house require a tremendous amount of popcorn, so we paused the movie since it would take a while. Since Carol was starting it, I took the opportunity to eavesdrop on the boys, who were all talking in the living room.
They were talking about mailmen. I'm not really sure what that was, but by the end of the conversation, I had figured it out. A mailman is what you use to cool down during alone time. I get it, I have my own, which involves walking in on my son and Blaine one of the many times it has happened.
Apparently Finn coined the term since his is a literal mailman, one he almost killed when he ran him over with his car. Finn was talking now, addressing his question to both Kurt and Blaine.
"You two always sit together in that chair, practically on each others lap. How do you make it through the whole night? I'd have a problem if I had my girlfriend on my lap. And do you guys have different mailmen?"
"No, we actually have the same mailman." Kurt replied, followed by Blaine.
"And it just so happens to do with why we share this one small chair."
Uh-oh, I think I knew were this was going, but Kurt explained to Finn, which would only make the rest of the movie more awkward.
"After prom, when Blaine and I came back to the house early because of the whole incident, we walked in on dad and Carol doing it."
"On that couch..." Blaine added before Kurt could continue.
"Which is both our shared mailman as well as the reason neither of us has sat on that couch in the last few months."
Finn looked stunned. Then he leapt off the couch like it burned him.
"Eww! Why didn't you tell me! I've been lying on that couch every movie night. That's so gross. They're parents; they aren't supposed to have sex."
Finn was really freaking out now. Blaine tried to comfort him, but I think he only made it worse.
"That's sort of what made them parents in the first place..."
I walked back over to Carol to tell her about the boys' conversation as she was finishing up the three bowls of popcorn. I wanted her to be prepared for the ambush. We walked in to the living room in hopes of just starting the movie, but life is never that simple.
"Is it true that you guys had sex on the couch?" Finn immediately started.
"Well, sweetie, we are married adults." Carol was speaking in her calmest voice, and it sounded as if she was speaking to a wounded animal. Kurt and Blaine didn't say anything; they just took their bowl of popcorn and watched the drama unfold.
"But... You're my mom... And that's my couch... I've slept on that... And I watch movies on that..." Finn looked like someone just kicked his puppy.
"Let's just get back to the movie." Carol tried to start it, but Finn interrupted her.
"Kurt, Blaine, trade seats with me. There are two of you; you'll have more room on the couch."
"No way. We're the ones that had to see what happened on that couch, you just heard about it months after it happened." Kurt practically shouted back, followed by Blaine adding another comment.
"Besides, if you don't want the couch because they had sex on it, then you won't want this chair for a similar reaso..."
Blaine was silenced by Kurt's hand slamming over his mouth.
"I can't believe you just said that out loud. In front of everyone."
I didn't really know the best way of yelling at the boys for having sex on the living room chair, since I was guilty of doing the same thing on the couch. The rest of the movie was spent in really awkward silence with Finn on the love seat, Carol and I on the "dirty sex couch" and Kurt and Blaine in their "dirty sex chair". (The new names for our furniture are courtesy of Finn.)
Apparently my talks weren't working. Carol caught Kurt and Blaine two more times that weekend. They were like rabbits. Didn't they ever get tired?
Then I remembered what it was like to be a teenage boy, and I can't imagine what would happen without the girl to say "no" once in a while. Carol talked me into letting some things slide. She gave them the talk this time, and instead of the usual rules, she gave them easier to follow ones. They had to keep all activities to their rooms, no more walking in on them in the living room, kitchen, garage, etc. And they had to be a little more subtle about it. This meant a little less vocal, and all around more quiet. They had to continue getting good grades and being active members of glee club. Most of all, they couldn't neglect their friends. They agreed and were grateful it was Carol and not me who was talking to them.
Halfway through the next week I got a call at the shop. It was Coach Sylvester from the school.
"Is this Mr. Hummel?
"Yes it is. Is there a problem?"
"Isn't there always? You need to come and pick up your son."
"Which one and what did they do?"
"Actually, I guess all three are yours. Frankenteen and Frodo are in trouble for fighting and Porcelain and Frodo are both in the nurse's office."
"Ok, I'll be right there. Wait. Who's Frodo?"
"The midget from Lord of the Rings with the curly hair."
"I'll be there in a minute."
Luckily I wasn't the only one working today, so I was able to leave without closing the shop.
Coach Sylvester met me at the main entrance and walked with me to the nurse's office. I always thought she had a sweet spot for Kurt after his problems from last year, but then again, it was hard not to.
The sight that met me in the nurse's office wasn't as bad as I was expecting. Kurt had an ice pack on his side and a cut on his arm (about locker door height) and Blaine had an ice pack on his face. He pulled it away when he saw me, to show a black eye and bloody nose.
"Hey boys. Care to explain?"
All of a sudden, I heard three stories from three boys.
"One at a time. Kurt, you first."
"Blaine and I were standing at my locker and three jocks came up, called us some names and shoved us into the lockers. Since mine was open, the door cut my arm. When Blaine saw I was bleeding, it was like he snapped and just attacked the guys. He wasn't really doing to well, three on one, until Finn and Puck got there."
"I couldn't help it. They hurt you." Blaine said quietly from where he was sitting.
At that moment I was extremely proud of all of my sons. I signed them out of school for the rest of the day (Blaine and Finn were suspended for the rest of the day and tomorrow for fighting anyway), and we walked out to my truck. On the way out, Coach Sylvester shouted after us.
"Think about my offer ladies!"
I waited till we were pulling out of the parking lot to start talking.
"So... Frodo?"
"Um... Yeah... I guess it's her current name for me. She is trying out a few new ones. The first week I was 'Mrs. Porcelain' and earlier this week I was 'Curls'. I think I liked 'Curls' the best. At least it was the least offensive."
Kurt piped in saying he liked 'Mrs. Porcelain' the best.
"And what was that she said about an offer?"
Kurt fielded that question.
"She won nationals two years ago because if me, so now she's convinced she needs me singing to win again. She wants Blaine and I to do a duet."
"And what do you think about this Blaine?" I asked him when I saw he didn't look too happy.
"I'm not so sure. I get into enough fights without being a cheerleader. I can only imagine it getting worse."
"Well, think it over."
I had to get back to work soon, and had no intention of leaving my rabbit-like sons alone in the house, so we all went to the shop. After some complaining, I put everyone to work. Kurt's the only one I trusted to actually work on the cars, so the other two were put to work cleaning.
I did have to break Kurt and Blaine up once, apparently Kurt wearing coveralls with grease on his face was 'too cute to resist'.
Finn had a few comments about that.
"Wow Blaine, I guess you really are gay."
"Um... yeah... I kinda thought you knew that..."
"But you like Kurt when he dressed like a girl. I figured you weren't as gay. But now you like him when he's dressed like a guy and dirty. You're gayer than I thought."
"I don't think there are varying degrees of gay. I think you are or you aren't. And besides, Kurt's really sexy like that!"
I had to intervene at that point.
"I don't want to hear that! Go back to cleaning!"
Finn decided now was a good time to protest, since I was distracted by the other two.
"I thought you were proud of us for standing up for each other? Why are we being treated like slaves?"
"You and Blaine still got suspended. That calls for punishment." Seeing Blaine wince when I said punishment made me remember what his punishments used to be, so I quickly clarified.
"Getting suspended doesn't mean sit at home and play video games. Your punishment is going to be cleaning this shop from top to bottom today and tomorrow."
Blaine visibly relaxed and went back to cleaning, this time smiling.
"Kurt didn't get suspended, but you took him out of school and are making him work."
"I decided Kurt can skip a day or two of school if you two aren't going to be there. And besides, I'm a little behind on some cars and Kurt's a better mechanic than any of the other guys working here. Maybe if you're lucky you'll learn something about cars."
The rest of the day was spent joking around, while still getting some work done. That night, we decided we did have to tell Carol about the fight, just in case the school called. That was a wise decision on our part. After the boys told her, she said the school already called her, but she was waiting for someone to confess.
The following day all the men of the house had to get up bright and early for work at the shop. Kurt already had coffee made and in travel cups when I got downstairs. I noticed we were still two short, so I went upstairs to find them. Trying to wake Finn up early is a difficult task. I eventually yelled that the house was on fire and he fell out of the bed when he sat up too quickly. I went into Blaine's room, and for a minute I thought he wasn't there. Then I found him. The only thing sticking out from a pile of blankets was a mop of curly brown hair. I'd have to remember later to tell Carol to suggest a hair cut. He'd take it better coming from her. He didn't wake up from my first few attempts of calling his name. I eventually walked into the room to shake him awake. He did not react well to this at all. He woke up screaming and cowering in the corner. I apologized for scaring him and he asked that we not mention what happened again.
Twenty minutes later we were at the shop. While Blaine and Kurt do have a lot in common, one aspect in which they differ greatly is prep time. Kurt takes and hour and a half in the morning. Blaine rolls out of bed and can be out the door in less than three minutes. (School days take closer to ten minutes because of all the hair gel- even if Kurt has been limiting his use of it.)
That day went similar to the last, Finn cleaned the floors, shelves and office, and Blaine was responsible for updating the inventory and finishing some filing. I did catch sight of a nasty bruise on his side matching Kurt's, so I gave him the lighter work. I also couldn't trust Finn with counting or paperwork. Kurt spent the day doing what he does best (he says it's fashion, but I know the truth), fixing cars. He could work twice as fast as any mechanic I've hired, and I trusted him enough to never need to double check his work. I think he was so good at it because his hands were small and ladylike, so he could get things other people couldn't.
Blaine spent most of his time ogling Kurt and looking amazed that his boyfriend knew so much about cars. I went over to talk to him while he was filing.
"You know you've been staring for the past ten minutes."
He shook he head slightly and his eyes focused on me.
"Sorry. I just never thought he was so good with cars."
"He practically grew up here. It was just the two of us, so whenever he wasn't in school, he was here. I didn't want him spending so much time alone."
"Oh, that explains a lot. And why you two have such a great relationship. My dad never spent anytime with me."
I didn't really know how to respond, so I just patted him on the shoulder.
"When you finish up here, we can head home. And you're welcome back anytime. To hang out or to work. Kurt may be great with cars, but you're better at the office work. Don't get me wrong, he's probably the most organized person I've ever met, but he makes things 'too' organized. He doesn't follow my system, so I always have to redo it when he leaves... Don't tell him I said that though."
"Ok, I won't mention it."
I went out to let the other boys know when we'd leave, but stopped to do some more eavesdropping, which was quickly becoming my newest hobby.
"I always thought in gay sex one dude was... Well... Always the girl."
"That's not necessarily true. I'm not going to talk to you about it any more Finn."
"But I'm curious now. I've walked in on you guys several times now, enough to thoroughly scar me for life, and you've both been on top. So who's the top and who's the bottom?"
"I can't believe we are having this conversation. We just sort of alternate. You know, take turns. Now please stop asking about my sex life."
"I'll stop for now... But I may have another question later."
"Absolutely not!" Kurt shouted as he ran into the back to change out of his coveralls.
The next morning had all the boys at the breakfast table ready for school. Based on how Blaine sat down gingerly and winced a little, not everyone was in their own beds last night. This did not go unnoticed by Finn, who took the opportunity to continue yesterday's conversation. He didn't realize I was right down the hallway.
"I get it now! Kurt acted and dressed like a dude yesterday, which made him the top."
"What are you talking about? And why are you discussing this during breakfast?" I guess Kurt didn't clue Blaine in on his little chat yesterday. He looked embarrassed before speaking
"Please Finn, just drop it..."
"Oh come on. I know you and Blaine go at it like rabbits. My room is between your two rooms, so I get traumatized no matter whose room you're in."
I decided to put them out of their misery for now.
"Ok boys, time to leave for school. Unless you'd rather go back to hard labor in the shop. I am getting a shipment of tires in that could all be moved by hand if you want!"
That got them moving. Before I knew it, the house was empty and I had some time to myself to enjoy my coffee and the morning paper.