Title: Rememories – Pt. 6

Disclaimer: I do not own these characters. Emergency! is owned by Universal and Mark VII Productions. I make no profit from my imagination—only a personal joy and peace.

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Johnny determined that he would be cooperative and conciliatory. Not that he much wanted to, but it would result in him being able to see Greg and he desperately wanted to do that. Brackett was half way through a thought when Johnny finally steered his attention toward the Doctor. "Uh…'m sorry, Doc. What did you say?" He muttered.

Brackett looked at Johnny, and with a smirk said, "Bet your mind is on seeing Greg. But, first things first…tell me how this week has been for you Johnny."

Johnny did not hold back. He was honest. He told Brackett about his poor sleeping patterns, the nightmares, flashbacks and memories, and that he had not been eating well. None of this was news to his Doctor.

Brackett continued his exam of the ribs and the cut on Johnny's leg. Both injuries had healed to his satisfaction. But, he was worried about Johnny's state of mind. "Johnny, I'd like you to talk to someone." He met Johnny's exasperated gaze and continued. "You're barely fit for duty…a strong wind could blow you away, and that is not much of an exaggeration!" Brackett railed. "You need to get over your guilt and get on with your life, Johnny. I know you feel bad for those men you lost, but you have to get on with things…just like when Chet died. Maybe you should talk to Hank about this." He did feel sad for Johnny, but wanted his Friend and Patient to work through his guilt somehow.

Johnny had a look as if he'd been slapped. He had been thinking of Chet some, but it was not the same. Hank Stanley had not been with Chet when he died…he had not tried to save him only to fail as Johnny had…and, he had not walked out the fire that killed his lineman. He took a deep breath and measured his emotions before speaking. "Doc," He began. "You don't understand. When Chet died…it was different. I was responsible for those men. It was up to me to get them out alive, and I failed." He shared his grief.

Brackett shook his head back and forth while considering what Johnny said. "Well, I think you should talk with him. He knows what you're going through, maybe he can offer some advice on how to get past this." Brackett reasoned.

Johnny nodded his head in agreement. "Yeah, I can do that…but, Doc…knowing that another person is drowning doesn't make the saltwater taste any sweeter." Johnny said.

"What the hell does that mean?" Brackett asked.

"Never mind…I will talk to the Chief. Is that all? Am I released for duty?"

"Yeah, I guess so…but, not this next shift. I want you to take the weekend to have your talk with Hank and sort things out some more. Then, next week, you can return if you feel up to it." Brackett acquiesced.

"Can I go see Greg now?" Johnny got to his main objective. Brackett smiled knowingly, but with some sadness.

"Sure, Johnny. But, there's been no change in his condition. Joe is checking his brain activity again this afternoon…it doesn't look good. His family is considering taking him off life support."

Johnny had somehow known those things already, but he was determined to do whatever was in his power to prevent that from happening. "I understand, Doc." He stammered as he got up and buttoned his shirt. He walked to the door and, as an afterthought, turned to ask. "Is there ANY hope at all?"

"Johnny, you got 'im out of that hell hole alive…I think that might be the only miracle we are going to see this week. 'M sorry."

Johnny nodded his understanding and went to find Roy and Dixie to join him in the ICU.

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The ICU was not as quiet as you would think it should be. With the hum of ventilators, beeping of machines, various alarms and the crying and grieving of family members, it was not quiet at all. Dixie and Roy waited at the nurse's station while Johnny continued toward Greg's bed. He was hooked up to just about every machine possible and had IV's and tubes running in and out of his body. Johnny sighed with relief that Greg was alone. He didn't know if he could face any family members with all the guilt he was carrying.

As he moved to the side of the bed, his medical knowledge betrayed him and stole some of the hope he had in Greg's recovery. The heart monitor showed a sinus tachycardia and the miniscule flow from the Foley catheter was evidence that his kidneys were not functioning at normal levels either. Greg's body, though warm and seemingly alive, was dying. Johnny hung his head as he took Greg's hand in his.

Choking back the emotions, Johnny spoke softly to his Crewmember, His Paramedic. "Hey, Greg. Sorry it took me so long to get by to see you. Brackett…well, he wouldn't let me come till now." Johnny sighed deeply as he continued.

"This week's been rough. We had funerals for Jameson and Baker…I know you would've wanted to be there. Jameson's mom said you two went through the Academy together. I don't think I knew that." He paused as he heard an alarm sound in another room. He briefly considered responding and joked. "I guess you can take the man out of the Paramedics, but not the Paramedic out of the man." He was interrupted by a noise behind him.

"Hey, Cap." He heard someone whisper.

Johnny turned to see his other Paramedic, Marcus Riley, standing next to him. He grinned slightly. "Hey, Marc." Was all he could offer. The younger man moved to the other side of the bed and pulled the sheet up on his Partner's chest.

"Sorry I wasn't there, Cap." Marc confessed. Johnny was shocked at the words he heard.

"This is NOT your fault, Marc! Do you hear me? This is not your fault. You were taking care of the other victims and you did your job…nothing more needs to be said about that." Captain Gage consoled his young charge. But the tables quickly turned.

"Maybe you should practice what you preach, Cap. No disrespect intended, Sir. Just seems like you're takin' on more blame than you deserve, too." Marc said and then regretted moments later. His Captain saved him.

"You're probly right." Johnny sighed. "But, it doesn't make me feel any less guilty that Greg is laying there and I'm standin' here."

Marc cleared his throat. "Uh…Cap…when will you be back on duty?" He asked, changing the subject. Johnny smiled knowingly. He had the same habit and was a master of it.

"After the weekend. I still have a few things to sort out, but it will be good to be back." He lied. He was scared to return to his station, knowing that he would have three new men under his command. But, he had not shared those fears with anyone.

"We'll all be glad to have you back, Cap." Marc said. "I have to get going. I just stopped in to see how he was doing today." He glanced at his Partner who lay comatose in the bed between the two men. "I will see you later." And he was gone.

"You have a good Partner there, Greg. I always thought you two made a good team." Johnny cleared his throat as he thought of what to say. "I…I…Oh, hell, Greg. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I didn't save Jameson and Baker and I'm sorry as hell you're in here." His emotions threatened as he let one tear run down his cheek. "It's my fault, Greg. It's all my fault." He hung his head down and listed to the hum of the respirator and the quiet beep of the heart monitor.

"I don't think he would agree." Johnny turned on his heel to see a man standing at the foot of Greg's bed. "And, Captain Gage, I don't agree with your statement either."

TBC