Warning: Possessiveness kink, jealousy kink, graphic sex, graphic violence, threesome, OC
Disclaimer: I do not own Glee. I am NOT making any profit out of this story. I do NOT know any of the people mentioned on this fanfiction. This story NEVER happened, it is a work of fiction. It is the result of a crazed fan daydreaming.
BIG FAT AUTHOR'S NOTE: So, this fic till now has been pretty much angst, jealousy, fluff and friendship. However, I feel like I should give this warning: as the fic progresses it will get more angsty, it will get smuttier (is that a word?), and more graphic.
BIG FAT AUTHOR'S NOTE2: Also, I know I'm a whiny author, I'm sorry. I feel such a failure because I can't get readers to comment out of sheer interest on my story. However, I must ask you guys, constructive criticism is very welcomed so, if you can and care about this story, please comment. I am an insecure writer, too much actually, and I'm starting to feel this story is just not good enough to keep people interested. (I do appreciate the people who took the time to comment and PM me here and on LJ. You're guys are keeping this fic alive ^_^)
Chapter 6 – The second one
Sunday had passed in slow motion in Mark's opinion. He had spend almost the whole day staring at his cell, wondering if he should call Chris, call Amber or call Jason. Whenever he thought of calling the later he would remember him kissing Chris and an overwhelming urge to set the man on fire would take a hold of Mark. He thought maybe it was better not to talk to the man for now. He wanted to call Chris…so he could hear his voice, and that just made it sink in all the more how deeply screwed Mark was. Thus, he wanted to talk to Amber…she had noticed his feelings even before the Mark himself had, she would have some useful advice, wouldn't she?
That thought drove him to the girl's trailer first thing in the morning on Monday. "Hey Amber" Mark said as he walk up to the girl while she opened her trailer.
"Good morning Mark" she gave him a bright smile. Normally she wasn't this cheery so early on the day but the guy standing in front of her was just the person she been meaning to talk to.
"Hum…could we talk on your trailer for a moment?" the man asked surprising her a little.
"Sure" She was understandably curious: the mohawked gleek calling her on a private conversation? That was new, since it was always the other way around.
As they sat inside the trailer, there was an awkward silence Mark seemed to be striving for something…probably where to start, Amber realized.
"Mark, you know we still have to work today, right?" the girl asked, mainly to prompt him into getting it over with.
"Yeah…ok, right." He nodded and tried again "The thing is…you were right…about me…having a crush…on Chris" he admitted with his head low as he stole a glance of her expression.
"Oh…eh, I must admit I was not expecting that" she said, the man had completely threw her off of her game "I thought you would go down fighting on that one." She admitted.
He just gave her a sad smirk.
"What happened?" the sudden change of heart really intrigued her.
Mark proceeded to explain how he had gotten to the inevitable conclusion, how he couldn't find another explanation to the things he has done over the past months, and the things he was feeling, after that he paused and looked at her. "After I realized that I was attracted to Chris I decided that I didn't want to lose his friendship. I had decided, that I would just ignore these…feelings. It's been only a short time after that, and it may seem that I'm weak on my resolutions…damn, maybe I am weak. But, the thing is….I'm not doing pretty good on this ignoring my feelings thing." He glanced up at her, a tinge of despair on his eyes.
"You're talking about Jason kissing Chris on Saturday, aren't you? You could have scared Sue Sylvester at that moment" she considered, sympathy on her voice.
"Yeah that…and a lot of other stuff before that" Mark didn't know if Amber had noticed Jonathan and him battling for the boy's attention, but he didn't want to bring it up. Maybe she would favor the out gay guy as the best suitor for Chris.
The girl looked at him considering, then spoke "You know it was his first kiss with a man?", she dropped watching him for his reaction…actually, she was kind of still mad about the whole thing herself.
That caught his attention making him look at her with a mix of surprise and anger, suddenly he snapped standing up as if ready to beat something…or someone. "I could fucking kill Jason" Mark, inexplicably, felt robbed of something that wasn't his to begin with, but somehow…he felt it was: Chris's first real kiss*. "It's just….any guy that gets near Chris drives me crazy…like 'I wanna punch someone' kind of crazy" he wasn't lying. "I thought I could deal with him getting…a boyfriend or something like that…but I can't, the thought alone makes me want to go to him fling him over my shoulder and lock him on my apartment so nobody can….take him away from me" he admitted defeated…and embarrassed.
"Oh, You are screwed" Amber was not expecting that, not with that intensity at least.
"Tell me about it" Mark just sat down and gave her a lopsided sad smile.
The girl really thought that there was more to it than the man was letting himself believe. "You see Mark, I think you're not crushing on Chris…You fell in love with him" It was a surprise even for her, a pleasant one. She spoke with sympathy on her eyes once again. She knew that could be a scary thing to realize.
The older gleek initial reaction was a wide eyed comical look. "Amber please…I'm still trying to deal with having feelings for baby Chris….Don't try to mess my head even more than already is" he proceeded to scratch his had tiredly. He could not deal with this deep stuff right now.
"What do you want me to say?" if Mark didn't want her real opinion, she didn't know what to give him.
Mark looked expectantly to her, "Saturday night after that whole…mess, I thought I could maybe…You see, the only way I see to not go crazy over who is …touching him…and who is with him and…kissing him, is if this person is me" he said and tentatively looked at her again.
She blinked dumbfounded…and started to laugh.
This time was Mark that was completely thrown off his game. "I appreciate that…really" Mark said sarcastically "Thanks, that's really helpful"
"Sorry honey…is just, you kind of beat me to the punch here" He looked confused at her and the girl proceeded. "I had already decided over the weekend that today I'd convince you to cut the crap and realize that you like Chris. I also wanted to talk you into to do something about that…had a whole speech prepared actually…you know I'm good at those." She said with a shrug.
"Sure do, mama" He gave her a little smile.
"Now you come and you admit on your own to these feelings, not only that but you think that you should be the one touching…" seeing as the man fidget uncomfortably at the words she phrased again "You should be the one dating Chris".
"It's crazy, I know. It may screw our friendship to hell" he said, almost like he was speaking to himself.
"Maybe…but maybe it can give you both something even better. You see Mark one thing I always respected on you was the fact that you were not scared of doing something risky, if you found something was really worth it. You didn't back away when it came to leaving Texas behind and coming to LA. You were not afraid of shaving your freaking head into a Mohawk and going into an audition. That's because you know that what you can gain taking those risks is so much more". She reasoned with him.
"Yeah but this time if I lose…I may lose a lot. I may lose one of my best friends". He was scared of that, all gleeks were his family now...and apparently Chris had become even more than that.
"I'm assuming you don't want my boy for a one night stand, huh?"She gave him a thoughtful look.
"Are you nuts? He is my friend first and foremost, I'd never do that to him" Mark said with outrage. 'How can she even consider that?' he thought to himself.
"So what do you want?" she asked plainly.
"I want to be with him" Mark said automatically, on the blink of an eye, once again his head and mouth had a mind of their own. It left him surprised with himself. The answer had come so easily, he hadn't even blinked before he answered…it was scary, but it was also true. He could feel in his heart that this had always been the point: he wanted to be with Chris at all times, see his face, hear his voice, touch his skin, taste his lips. He could not make himself take back what he had said so he added "and for him to want to be with me, and only me".
She walked to him, sitting to his side and putting an arm around him "Mark you have all the answers…you don't need me, you are just scared. Listen, if this doesn't work out, you can always go back to being friends, and it will only be up to you guys to do that. BUT if it does work out…you may find something even better than a TV contract or a record deal. You may find somebody to love"
He chuckled a little at that "Fuck, that was so lame".
"Hey, don't curse, boy**." She smacked his head, earning an "Ow" from the man. Then, she continued "It can sound lame, but it's also true. Well, ok, how is that? You may find a feeling more powerful than friendship, something that will make the way you look at your world and your future completely different. You may find a person that can be a best friend, a partner, a lover, a lifeline if you ever need one, someone that can make you laugh and be there if you ever need to cry, all that in a pale freckled skinned and blue eyed cute package. Better?"
'Blue-green eyes' he almost corrected, but that would just make me him look even more pathetic. Listening to her and thinking about it…well, Mark wasn't going to lie, it was scary as hell, but it was the truth that he needed to face. "Still cheesy, but thank you Amber" the man said honestly as he walked to the trailer's door.
She spoke as the man reached for the door "Mark…I asked Chris if, in a fantasy world, you asked him out what would he say….he told me he would say yes"
Mark's smile was so big and honest it just may actually cure a cancer.
X~X~X~X~X
Mark was nervous but he wouldn't back down now. Not after all that talk with Amber (and especially not after a whole morning of watching Jonathan breathing down Chris's neck). He had made a decision. It didn't take long for Mark to find Chris, the boy was back at the tin shed. Still, getting the courage to actually go there and…talk to the young gleek about his feelings, that was hard as hell. Mark smirked to himself as he contemplated the situation, one week ago he was telling himself he was never gonna do that, now he didn't see how not to, seeing as he couldn't even consider losing the countertenor to someone else. 'C'mon you chicken go in there and get the guy' he told himself and (finally) walked in the shed. However, the scene that met him made him stop on his tracks: Chris was crying. 'FUCK'. Mark went instantly into protective mode.
"Chris? What happened?" he walked to the boy. 'If this is still about Jason, I'll nail his fucking mouth to a fucking wall'.
The young countertenor at first was startled to see Mark. Then, the embarrassment set in, 'Oh God, as if I hadn't proven myself pathetic over the weekend'. The whole point of coming to the shed out of rehearsing hours was to get some time to himself, some time to let the emotions calm down. Granted it would be better to go to his trailer but it was on the other side of the lot and he would be needed back on set pretty soon.
"Great…as if you didn't think of me as wimp already?" the boy said rolling his eyes.
"You didn't answer me. What happened?" Mark asked again 'Maybe it was Groff. If it was Groff I'm gonna plain kill him'.
"It was nothing" Chris said sniffing and staring awkwardly at his feet as he leaned against the wall.
"Chris, you can tell me" Mark tried to make his voice sound calmer. His anger wasn't aimed at the boy.
The boy scratched is head and looked embarrassed as he spoke, looking directly at Mark this time "No, really. I'm serious ,It was nothing. I was doing an emotional scene with Mike, but after you wore your heart on your sleeve the whole morning to do a scene…it's hard to just…turn it off, you know?"
Mark looked at him suspicious "Are you telling me the truth?"
Chris gave him a watery smile "Cross my heart".
Mark chuckled a little at that. The boy always left him amazed at how genuine his performances were. 'I guess it comes with a price'. It did, the boy was always in contact with his own emotions, the positives and the negatives. "But. You're not, you know?" He said as he looked directly on the young gleek's eyes.
"What?" Chris asked distracted as he dried his eyes with his sleeves. 'Danmit' he thought as he remembered that he wasn't supposed to do that because of the makeup.
"A wimp. You're not one. Hell, you are a lot braver than me, that's for sure." He said matter of factly.
Chris looked oddly to Mark and laughed "I find that hard to believe. Pep talk again Mark? Though you pretty good on those I've told you, I'm fine. Oh…and thanks for saving my butt Saturday, by the way." He spoke the last part without really looking at Mark, he was still pretty uncomfortable about that. "Another pathetical display of my lack of ability on physical fights"
"No, I'm sorry for the way Jason acted. I know him for a long time and he never behaved this way before. I don't know what happened" Mark spoke apologetically. Introducing Jason to the boy had been a bad call, one that still made the older gleek bitter.
"Well, it beats me too. But don't worry about it. I won't hold your weird friends against you. How could I? I'm your weirdest friend." He gave his usual self-deprecating chuckle.
Mark kind of decided to blurt it out before regretting it "You're kind of the most important one too".
It surprised the boy, who turned warm eyes to him. "Aw. That's really sweet of you"
'Fuck Mark just say it…and Danmit Chris, stop being so clueless. You're not making this easy' the mohawked gleek rubbed his face tiredly with one hand and collected his thoughts before starting talking again. "Listen Chris, there is something I wanted to talk to you about."
"Sure" the boy sobered up and started paying more attention.
'Fuck', Mark was beginning to consider if this was harder than auditioning. "I don't really know where to begin. I suppose I could always use one of my pick up lines…but it's you…I mean, you are different." The man now seemed to be talking more to himself than to Chris.
The countertenor blinked in confusion. "Mark…you're losing me here. I don't understand."
The mohawked gleek looked around nervously. "It's so quiet in here, don't you think is too quiet?"
"What…" a perfect eyebrow went up to meet with his hairline as the boy looked at his friend. 'Weird'
Soon the older gleek was searching his pockets. "Where is my IPod?…Danm, I forgot it on the trailer…Is that yours? Can I see it?" he asked pointing to the device on the boy's pants' pocket.
"O…k…" as he handed it to the man Chris thought, positively sure, he had no idea what was going on there.
Mark plugged the IPod on the sound system and shuffled through the music, not because he was all that interested but to calm his nerves. Chris's musical tastes were a lot different form his, but among showtunes, soundtracks and Lady Gaga he found a Brandi Carlile selection and thought that was the closest he was going to get to a neutral ground. Well, that, and the fact that he felt like he couldn't stall any longer. Selecting The story*** and hitting play he slowly turned to walk back to Chris. 'Just say it Salling'
"Ok…Chris…for some time now…the way I…feel…about you has been changing…at first I felt like I was a big brother figure of some sorts to you…now I…" he stopped and looked at the boy, who was staring back at him, incomprehension of where this talk was going clear on his face. Mark was pretty close to Chris by now, he contemplated those soulful blue-green eyes, he wasn't crying anymore but his eyelashes were still watery, and a tear began to form under them. Mark instinctively reached his right hand and wiped it off. However, his hand had a mind of its own and didn't let go, his thumb caressing the boy's cheekbone. The countertenor was caught off guard, his eyes becoming wider by the man's actions, his mouth dropping slightly opened.
Chris mind was trying to decipher the man's words and actions, he tried to assume his traditional don't read too much into it. But he was finding thinking kind of hard with the man caressing his face.
Looking at those beautiful eyes, that sweet pink lips, parted and inviting…Mark was only human "I'm sorry Chris…I can't help it".
Chris's heart started to race and he could feel Mark's hot breath on his face. Mark's velvety tongue licked his lips seeking entrance and the boy's mouth of its own accord opened more to allow the man in. The young countertenor felt his heart going into a stop and he lost all strength to keep his eyes opened.
Mark thought he never tasted something so sweet in his life, it tasted of diet coke, sweet sour candy and something that was utterly…Chris, his lips were so soft the man thought he could go all night just licking them. As soon as Chris let him in the mohawked gleek let go of himself, his heart thumping like never before, he wanted more and more. His right hand slowly went to the back of the boy's neck caressing the soft hair there and holding him in place. His left hand snaked to Chris's small back pulling him close so their chest were pressed together, generating even more heat and a tingling sensation that both of them were pretty sure they never felt before.
The boy's arms were completely limp…his heart, after terrifying seconds of completely stillness, restarted with a vengeance, it beat so fast Chris was getting dizzy. His mind was still blank and it wasn't until their lips parted for breath that the knowledge of what was happening settle on his mind.
Mark watched as the kid's beautiful face went slowly from a dreamy, away from reality, semi opened eye-lids look, to shock and confusion. He would stop and relinquish how endearing those deer caught on headlights eyes were if he didn't see how utterly mortified Chris was.
"I…I…don't understand" the boy was looking around him searching for something, someone, from a hidden camera and some lame TV presenter saying this was a prank, to his gleek friends paying up bets or something…that must be it "Did you lose a bet or something?" he asked a little out of breath from the kissing and the shock.
Leave it to Chris to turn someone kissing him into a negative thing about himself. "No, Chris. There is no bet" Mark tried to sound assuring.
The boy's arms were brought to life again, raising his hands to put an invisible barrier between him and Mark (never mind the man's arm was still on his small back). "Ok…I'm gonna need you to explain…this" he gesticulated both of them. "And if you say it was just a joke I must warn you that my scooter is right outside and I can go to my trailer and retrieve my Sai swords in no time. I'm pretty fast on that thing…because, honestly, after Saturday, NOT a good joke to make Mark".
"It's not a joke Chris" he spoke patiently and sweetly.
"Then..what…why…"The boy turned hurt eyes to the man.
That got Mark, how could he make the boy understand? He tried starting from the beginning again. "Chris I kind of been having this…feelings…towards you"
But the young gleek wouldn't have it, he was already pushing against the man trying to make him let go. "Did Amber set you up for this? Did she? Because she kept going on and on about how my second kiss should be good, but that doesn't mean I'm ok with someone kissing me out of pity. I know I kind of said I'd kiss the first decent guy who asked but…"
"WHAT? Why the hell would you kiss any guy who asked?" Mark all but growled, the now familiar jealousy resurfacing, but seeing as it kind of startled the kid he breathed deeply, fought to get his control back and proceeded "Anyway, It's not pity…I did talk to Amber but…"
"I knew it. I can't believe you guys. Do you think this is being nice? Do you think making me feel pitiful is a way of helping me?" Now he was pushing harder against the man's chest, he was beginning to feel more than a bit humiliated and he just wanted to get out of there.
"Chris shut the hell up…is not that….I went to her…because…" he grabbed the flailing boy's face gently with both hands and made him look directly into his eyes "Look at me…I went to her because I wanted her advice about my feelings towards you, They're kind of strong and I was getting pretty desperate" the honesty of his words were plain for Chris to see. That disconcerted the boy.
Finally the countertenor was beginning to consider something other than mockery or pity as reasons for the older gleek's actions. "Are you experimenting? Are you? Because I must say you should do it with someone else, don't get me wrong. I don't have all that self-esteem, but I'm not a lab rat either."
"Chris…you're babbling again." The man gave him a lopsided smile. "Listen…I know I play a teenager, but I'm not one. I'm not experimenting, I'm not confused, I'm not joking, I'm not bored…I just like you, as more than a friend, I've been feeling like this for some time now, and I'm trying my hardest here to make you understand that. You know, confessing is hard…you're not making any easier." Mark could only hope that the boy would see his sincerity. Getting through to Chris wasn't being easy.
"Confessing…to me? So,…you like guys?" the countertenor asked, this time seeming authentically curious rather than suspicious.
The man nodded "More specifically, I like you…I really like you." The boy was looking adorably surprised at that, Mark tried to take this chance "Why don't you let me show you? I know you enjoyed the second kiss, and you have no idea how good I can make the third, and the forth…I assure you the firth will blow your mind. The sixth…"
Chris was now chuckling "Ok, ok I got the joke…but…You have to understand that this is kind of…surreal. But…by the way that you're saying this…Does that mean that…this is not…just for today?"
Mark could still see the ghost of apprehension behind Chris's wide eyes. "Are you asking me if we are gonna have a make out session then be just friends again?"
"Well…yeah…I mean, I'm ok with it…I guess…You are a guy, I'm a guy…hey, I understand this things" the countertenor spoke matter of factly, his jadedness once again showing itself.
"But I'm not ok with it and I still don't think you understand. Chris I have spent some time trying to be ok with myself having this kind of feelings towards you. You know you are a lot younger, and I saw you like a little brother. There is nothing you can throw at me that I didn't consider. Believe me as soon as I realized that I was attracted to you my first decision was to do nothing about it. I didn't want to ruin what we had…what we still have." This was kind of hard to say but Mark was forcing himself to do it while meeting the young gleek's eyes. He wouldn't allow Chris to run away from this.
"But…" the boy said tentatively.
The man wouldn't have it. "But then I began to notice that even if I ignored them, this feelings are not going away. Every guy that talks to you or touches you…almost drives me mad." He nuzzled the side of the boy's cheek smelling his hair and neck.
Chris's felt his strength start to melt away, he couldn't believe in what he was hearing. "but Jason…"
"When I saw Jason's hands on you" Mark nuzzled his neck "pressing your body up against him" The bigger man pulled Chris flush against his chest and started to give open mouth kisses on the boy's jaws. Mark then spoke looking directly on the kid's eyes, hot breath on his face "Him kissing you the way I wanted to, the way I should…I was so mad, I really wanted to kill him for touching you". The mohawked man's eyes were so intense, Chris knew he was telling the truth. His body was responding to the Mark's passionate words, gaze, hands, and heat.
Mark's lips grazed Chris's and the boys mouth opened again craving the man's tongue on his mouth again. "Seeing him kiss you…was almost physically painful". The older gleek's voice was so deep, so heavy with want.
Chris was a very rational and analytical person, somewhere in the back of his mind his conscience's voice kept saying 'Don't do this. Don't do it….He is your friend, it'll make things weird. This whole thing is illogical'. But that voice wasn't strong enough to win against the haze of desire that took over Chris's brain. The feel of Mark's arms encircling him, his body against him made him completely numb to the outside world.
"I don't want to feel that ever again" the man said, such intensity and possessiveness in his eyes.
It should have scared Chris, one hour ago they were friends and now, and now it was like Mark had total control of his mind and body. He wanted to give in so bad it did scare him, but he didn't have time to act on it. Mark made the decision for him finally capturing his lips on a searing kiss, tongue invading his mouth with the despair of a drowning man. Chris was no different and he hold to Mark's shoulders as if for dear life, happy about the strong arms holding him in place or he might have fallen to the floor. This kiss was different from the sweet yet intense one the man gave him before. The passion on this kiss made the boy's mind spin, Mark's muscular body seemed to enclose around him, making him feel protected and somewhat immobile as the man devoured his mouth, his tongue demanding inside Chris's mouth. He tried to give as good as he got, but he was a lot less experienced (experimentation kisses with a girl wasn't helping now) so his teeth would connect with Mark's and graze the man's lips.
The boy wouldn't know but that was actually stimulating to the man who felt Chris inexperience and fervor on the kiss. The boy's fingers now intertwined with the short hair of his mohawk. Mark felt heat begin to gather on his groin, but he didn't want to scare Chris away so he parted with the boy before he could embarrass himself by dry humping him.
The countertenor was left breathless eyes in a daze, he shook himself a bit looking down to Mark's t-shirt so he didn't have to look at the man's eyes or mouth (the young gleek was sure he wouldn't be able to stop kissing him if he did). "Wow…that was a really good third guy kiss…a real improvement from the first". He wasn't lying. It had been everything Chris normally wouldn't allow himself to dream about.
Mark stiffened a bit at the mention of the incident, the feeling that something that was rightfully his was taken away from him eating at his heart. But he said nothing, he wanted to burry that memory.
"This may sound stupid…or maybe too forward, but does this means you'll want to do this again?" Chris cringed inwardly at how eager he sounded. This was so not like him, all rational bone in his body was telling him to stop this. Sure the way he so easily lost control was a bad sign. But his instinct and heart just kept telling his rational conscience to shove it. Because…it felt so danm good. Mark's lips, Mark's tongue, Mark's body and most importantly Mark's words…they made him feel…wanted. He kept going "Like…tomorrow, and Wednesday, and Thursday, and…"
The older gleek had to smirk at that "Colfer, are you recycling my joke? Aren't you supposed to be the witty one?"
Chris gave him his best outraged expression. "Me? recycle a joke?…never! ok, maybe." He than continued tentatively. "But what you are saying to me is that you'll want to…kind of keep seeing each other? As in seeing each other, I mean…"
Mark chuckled a little "I know what you mean…and yeah, that was kind of my plan".
The young countertenor got nervous. Make out sessions were one thing…becoming an item (for the first time in his life) was another…and he was scared shitless. His discomfort showed on his face. "Are you going to...you know, tell people?"
A lot of thoughts rushed through Mark's mind, the thought of officially coming out as bisexual to, at least, all the cast and crew scared him. He wasn't too proud of himself but he was actually glad that Chris seemed uncomfortable with the idea of this becoming public right now. However, if people knew they're together other guys (Jonathan) would think twice before trying anything with Chris. "Tell you what…Friday is my day off, and I think it's yours too if I'm not mistaken, how about a date? After that we see where we go from there. One step at a time"
Well, it seemed reasonable enough to the countertenor "A date? Like going to the movies holding hands kind of date?" he certainly didn't see Mark doing that, though.
"We'll do whatever you want to do. You choose". The man said, a genuine grin on his face at mere thought of it.
"Disneyland" Chris said almost without thinking and then shut his eyes embarrassed for behaving like a ten year old.
Mark just rolled his eyes kindly, not his kind of thing but… "Disneyland it is" he was rewarded with the lovely sound of Chris's laugh and a beautiful impossibly large grin.
"Thank you for indulging my childish behavior"
"It's not free you know…I have a fee...till Friday I want a thousand sweet kisses" Mark said matter of factly, while wearing his lopsided smile.
Chris looked at him appreciatively. "I'll ignore how lame this is in favor of you quoting Rent".
The man just shrugged. "Hey, one does not hang around you theater fanatics and doesn't pick up on some stuff".
His rational inner voice securely locked away in a closet on the back of his mind Chris looked at him with a shy but mischievous smile "Well, I guess we have a deal then. Do you want me to start paying now?"
X~X~X~X~X
Chris smiled to himself while he was walking to the parking lot in the end of the day, his mind was on the week he had. Monday had been the most surreal day of his life. Mark Salling, Glee's resident bad boyish heart throb, actually confessed to him. After that they've had seen each other every single day, every break between takes, of course, always making sure that no one knew that these breaks were turned into make out sessions (besides Amber, who kind of shocked him when she told him she had already noticed Mark's feelings towards him before the older gleek said anything and that was why she was pushing the subject).
Amber had been a real challenge, he had tried to keep everything on the down low, but his bf wasn't having it. After much reluctance he told her everything while she all but jumped up and down with excitement. A first he tried to apologize to her for Mark and him, since she had shown interest on the man before. She slapped him quiet and demanded juicy details proceeding to embarrass the hell out of him. But it was actually nice talking about it with her, it helped getting his nervousness and anxiousness on check: today was Thursday, his first real date with Mark would be on Friday, the next day. He tried to keep the nervous smile off his face all day, his stomach fluttering every time he looked at the man, but Chris knew from the beginning that he was fighting a lost battle. Thus, he was somewhat grateful that he didn't get to see Mark all afternoon. He was so distracted thinking about these things that he didn't notice Jonathan walking up to him.
Actually the Broadway actor had been waiting for him. He knew Chris was going home and he had been wanting to catch the boy alone for days now. Jonathan didn't have a lot of scenes this week, it was a nice change from the intensity of the first week (He really didn't know how the other guys managed this rhythm every week). However, that also meant that he didn't get to come to set everyday and even when he came to "visit" he didn't get to talk to Chris alone.
Last Saturday's events had taken its toll on Jonathan. When he saw that Jason guy that Mark pulled out of nowhere all over Chris, he felt something he hadn't felt for years: jealousy. That day he had wanted so bad just to take Chris home and assure the boy and himself no one would ever harm him again, no one would ever touch him against his will again. The urge had been so intense that, when he got home after dropping the girls, he regretted his decision of just letting Chris go with Amber, he regretted from the bottom of his heart. He wanted the assurance that the boy was fine…and that scared him. Two weeks ago he was what some people called a free spirit, the thought of settling down didn't cross his mind. 'Hell, that is the reason I broke up with Gavin on the first place' he thought to himself. He wasn't ready yet, he was young, and he liked having fun, and his career was going great, but…just watching Chris smile felt better than any one night stands. 'I can't believe that…man up Jonathan, you're not a teenage girl. I want to fuck him, that's it. That's why I can't get him out of my mind. I'm just mad someone else made a move first' he though as he waited near the parking lot. But he knew on the back of his mind that that was bullshit. That didn't explain why all the while he was away this week he found himself missing the cute little things: the way the boy kept a diet coke at hand and would run off to take a sip between takes, how he liked sweets and Jonathan would frequently find him sitting randomly eating his jelly beans, the way he would wordlessly mouth help me to Jonathan when some cast members were being extra silly, his witty remarks that made everyone around him crack up, the pleased shine on his eyes every time Ryan liked one of his ad-libs, the way his freckles bloomed on the sun. There was no logical reason for Jonathan to miss these things, but every single one of them made his heart skip a beat and suddenly he found himself (pathetically) watching Chris's scenes on the DVD again.
It was just Jonathan's luck that that morning during all his scenes with Chris there was not a single moment the kid was alone so they could…talk. He just really needed to listen to Chris, be the center of his attention even if for just a moment. When he heard the younger gleek had finished for the day, his legs just moved and suddenly he was on the parking lot waiting for when Chris would come this way. He felt like such a creep, but it was like his body wouldn't listen to his head anymore. As he waited he watched as the boy smiled to himself while walking, he seemed so happy, maybe he was remembering a joke or something, Jonathan was happy with whatever it was causing him to smile. Once again the Broadway actor's body moved before his mind could catch up and he took a picture from the scene with his cell.
"Hey" he spoke loudly trying to catch the boy's attention.
Chris slowed down and looked around spotting Jonathan "Hi" the boy grinned again.
"Going home?" the man asked as if he didn't already knew, trying to make small talk.
"Yeah. Finished kind of early today"
Jonathan shook his head. "Jealous, I still have to go to the studio tonight and tomorrow won't be any better."
"Hey, you did get some time off this week. It's better than nothing" Chris offered with a sympathetic little smile.
"Which reminds me, I've be meaning to talk to you but didn't have a chance this week." He tried to sound nonchalant about it, and not to demonstrate how much that drove him nuts.
"Oh, what did you wanted to talk about?" Chris asked a little curious.
"Just…wanted to know how you were after you got molested on Saturday?" Jonathan tried to make it sound like a joke, so he could hide his anger at that freaking jerk.
"Very funny Groff" Chris said with an unamused expression.
Jonathan sobered up a little "I'm serious. We never got to talk about that"
The boy gave his friend a small smile, after his week with Mark, Saturday night was a distant memory. Actually thinking about it now, it left him flushed, with a kind of warm feeling on his stomach, because he now understood Mark's reaction…he was jealous and that made Chris want to grin even brighter and bigger "Thanks for worrying you're a great friend, but I'm really ok."
"Great then. Well, at least you didn't get paparazzi shit about it" Jonathan spoke resisting the urge to kick pebbles, that would make him look even more like the crushing teenager he felt he was right now.
"You know there were a couple of videos from cell phones. I looked up over the week" He said sticking his tongue out "But thank God the quality was bad, the music was loud and the video really dark, most people thought the fight was a rumor and the videos were just BS." He was really relieved for that.
"None of us were worried about that" Jonathan said matter-of-factly. They were helping their friend and he didn't believe any of the guys would have acted different even if the paparazzi did start rumors.
"But I was. I didn't want anyone getting in trouble because of me. Luck was on our side, thankfully. Maybe I should be worried I'm actually having a really great week." he added with a bit of a chuckle.
"Are you?" the Broadway actor asked, apprehension building on him inexplicably. "Why is that?"
Chris looked at him pondering, he hadn't been too keen on spreading the news of his date, he didn't know yet what Mark and him were exactly (besides his friends would tease him mercilessly). However as the day approached he felt he would explode with so many things going through his head and heart. Besides, no matter how much he tried to deny it, call him lame or cheesy but it felt too good to say that he had a date…an actual date with someone he actually felt attracted to this time. "Do you promise not to tell?"
"My lips are sealed" Jonathan added, that danm apprehension was kind of escalating.
He bite his upper lip**** and spoke "Tomorrow is my day off…and I kind of have a date".
"A…date?" the man's heart sank at the words. The apprehension suddenly turned into a stomach ache.
"Yeah, I'm kind of nervous. First date with a guy…ever…how lame, am I?" he said self-deprecating mode kicking in together with his nervous chuckle.
Jonathan bawled his hands into tight fists. "Do I know this lucky guy?"
"Yeah, right. Why would I spill on who he is? So you can send him an ambulance on suspicion of temporary madness?" the boy asked rolling his eyes. "Tell you what, if the date goes well, I'll tell you all about it, if it doesn't, then this never happened, we never had this conversation, ok?" He said one eyebrow shooting up warningly.
The Broadway actor spoke more to himself than to Chris "So…you're going out with some guy tomorrow"
"Yeah…any tips?" Chris nodded seeming insecure all of the sudden, sincerity in his voice.
Pain gripped Jonathan's heart at the question. "Not really…I'm going to go with the RomCom cliché answer and say: just be yourself".
"Yeah, because that got me so far" Chris snorted.
Jonathan locked his eyes with Chris and spoke honestly "You know it did". Everything about the boy made him special, his unique voice, looks and talent got him Glee. His somewhat bitter high school experience made him the responsible, smart and well-rounded person he was. It was unacceptable that Chris didn't see that, but the man only said "For starts it got you a date" then the Broadway actor gave him a sad smile.
"Well, wish me luck." the young gleek spoke as he made to walk away from his friend.
Jonathan couldn't tell where the impulse came from but he instinctively reached about and grabbed Chris's arm keeping him from walking away. The boy was caught off guard, and before the man could think this over he spoke "Please, don't go" on his mind he added 'Please don't go out with this guy'.
The other gleek sad eyes caught surprised the boy "What's the matter Jonathan? Are you ok? Do you need to talk?"
The man didn't know what to answer, the truth caught on his throat. He couldn't bring himself to admit to the boy that he dating other guy was actually making Jonathan's stomach twist rather painfully, and he felt like there wasn't enough oxygen on fucking LA right now. "No, I'm ok."
"You don't seem ok" Chris looked worried.
The older gleek was making a lousy job hiding his despair. "I…It's about a guy"
"Oh…do you want to talk about it?" Chris intention to help was so genuine, his eyes open and honest.
Jonathan couldn't bring himself to lie, but he didn't have the guts to admit the truth either...he didn't even know what the truth was anyway. 'Don't go with him, stay here with me' sure it sounded good on his head, but what did he have to offer to Chris? Two weeks ago he was on nightclubs looking for one night stands. The idea in the back of his mind that he was really willing to let himself go to whatever it was he was feeling for Chris scared him so fucking much. He did not recognize himself. "No" he said simply, he had chickened out. "It can wait, just wanted to let you know that we'll talk later. Then you will tell me who this guys is, no matter what you say." he said with the brightest smile, he had to use all his acting skills to manage that one.
"Are you sure?" Chris insisted, finding his friend's behavior odd.
He assured the boy. "Yeah, I'm sure…Just take care, ok?"
Chris decided to let it go, even if Jonathan had something to tell him it would be no good to pressure him. "Ok, promise. See you John".
The Broadway actor watched as he walked away towards his car. "A penny for your thoughts" Lea's sweet voice brought him out of his reverie.
"Lea, were you creeping out on me?" he asked with a sad smile.
"I was creeping out on you while you were creeping out on Chris" She said reciprocating the smile. "Sweetie what's the matter?" she asked and watched as the confusion and angst surfaced on her best friend's face.
"He has a date Lea" he said and laughed bitterly "I waited…and did nothing…and now he has a fucking date with some fucking guy I don't even know".
In another situation she would be all over her phone demanding to know from Chris what this date thing was all about, but her friend needed her "Sweetie that was bound to happen, Chris is good-looking and a great guy. I don't want to make you upset, but after Saturday he kind of needed a good experience. I mean, that being his first gay kiss kind of sucked…"
Jonathan looked at her like she just used a taser on him."What the hell…First kiss?"
"Yeah, some time ago Chris was sleeping over my house, I was feeling kind of down, we started talking and he kind of confessed to me that although he had knew for a while that he was gay he never did anything with a guy, not even kissing. So…" she was interrupted by Jonathan storming out on her. She tried to follow him, fast grabbing his arm to stop him "What are you doing?"
"I'm going to find Salling." Jonathan growled, anger radiating from him. "That's all his fault, if he didn't let that fucking jerk friend of his near Chris…He deserved more, he deserved better" the man clenched his hands into fists. "I Know I sound crazy, ok? You don't have to tell me that. But I can't shake off the feeling that I should have stopped that, when the man asked him to dance I should have stopped…"
"Jonathan…"Lea tried, taken aback by the strength of her friends reaction, she had never seen him like this before.
"I know it was just a kiss, and I'm being a drama queen and it shouldn't matter so much, but it does. Because I should have been the first guy to kiss him, I should be taking him on his first date…I should be the guy to show him how much his worth and the one to treat him like he truly deserves" the Broadway actor was shaking with barely contained anger.
"Baby, as I told you before, I can not give you answers…I wish I could. Listen, Mark is not even here, he is in the studio, besides he is not to blame either, he has no control over his friend's actions…just…calm down, sweetie." she touched his face gently as she spoke.
Jonathan let the touch of his best friend bring him a little calmness, he really had to get himself together. He is not, nor has ever been a violent, uncontrolled guy. "I know you're right…but all of the sudden I have all this feelings, and they make me act like I'm not myself anymore…I just…I don't know what to do"
Her friend looked so lost Lea just had to hug him, she was a bit tense because of what she was about to say, but she felt like it needed to be said "Honey…I think you're in love".
The man closed his eyes and hugged her back, feeling his stomach sink. "I know". He did know, at least somewhere on the back of his mind he did. That's exactly what scared him into fooling himself that that wasn't it. The fear of this feeling was exactly what left him powerless to take Chris for himself stopping this date thing to ever happen. Because Jonathan Groff never falls in love, never, except he just did.
X~X~X~X~X
*A.N.: Ok, he kissed girls before, but I think for most gay guys that wouldn't be as meaningful because there would be no attraction, thus my reference to a "Real kiss".
**A.N.: Again the taboo thing on youtube, Amber doesn't like cursing.
***A.N.: I know Chris likes Brandi Carlile and I thought the lyrics kind of worked there (.com/watch?v=1RPBZaB03xA&feature=related). I didn't write the lyrics into the scene because I thought it would mess up the dialogue flow. What do you guys think?
****A.N.: I noticed in one interview that Chris bites his upper lip instead of his bottom lip as a lot of people describe.