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Chapter Twelve
Stella and Mac sat down at a table at the back of a small Italian restaurant. They sat in silence for a few minutes while they looked over the menu.
"Go ahead." Stella said eventually. "Say whatever's on your mind."
Mac sat back. He surveyed Stella's face, trying to work out her expression, her body language. He had so much he wanted to say to her, he just wasn't sure where to begin.
"How's Madeline?" he asked.
"Honestly? I have no idea. Right now, I know she's sick. But generally, I don't know what's going on. I have 18 years to catch up on in the space of a week. If I had stayed with her, I would be able to understand her. What if I had stayed with her Mac?"
"Stella, it's too late for 'what ifs' all we have is right now. You are the strongest person I know Stell, and if she needs you then you'll be there. You're all she needs right now." Mac put his hand on top of Stella's and squeezed it.
His hand lingered on hers for several seconds, before he picked it up and dropped it to his side. Stella looked at Mac and smiled. She was really grateful for all the support that he was giving her right now.
"Have you found out about the bruises yet?" Mac asked cautiously.
"No. I couldn't bring myself to say anything, and then when I thought about mentioning it, she was ill and i just didn't want to put more pressure on her. I will though, when the time is right. I'll ask her."
"Stella, she leaves on Friday. After that, who knows what's going to happen. It could be 18 years before you see her again."
Stella could feel her body tense up and a hard lump formed in her throat. She hadn't thought about that. Madeline may never want to see her again after this week. When she says goodbye on Friday; that could be it.
"I don't want her to go Mac." Stella whispered. A tear rolled down her cheek. "I didn't want her to go then, and I don't want her to go now."
Stella took a deep breath. She thought back to when Madeline was born. It was the best and worst day of her life. Stella was allowed to stay in the country until the baby was born, after that she had a month to fly back to the States. It was all very quick.
She went into labour early in the morning. She called Madeline's parent's who drove her, and Madeline's father, to the hospital. Stella had only been in the hospital for an hour before she was ready to push. 45 minutes later, Stella heard Madeline for the first time. A tiny Madeline was placed on Stella's chest and she got to hold her daughter. When the nurses had cleaned up, Stella was left alone with Madeline. She held on to Madeline for half an hour. Madeline slept the whole time, Stella just sat, quiet and alone, with her daughter in her arms. Over the years Stella had let herself forget the moment that Madeline was taken away from her. It was too painful to think about. The only thing she could remember was sitting alone in her hospital bed, crying hard for a long period of time. When she was eventually released from the hospital she checked into a hotel and stayed in bed for the next 48 hours. Madeline's new parents called a few times but each time Stella ignored the calls, she soon switched her phone off completely.
5 days after Madeline was born, Stella had spoken to the parents, who had agreed to pack up all of Stella's things and drop them off at the hotel. She couldn't face seeing them. Not yet anyway. A week after the birth, Stella had got her things together, booked a plane ticket and was on her way back to New York.
"I don't want to go through it again. I can't do this alone. Not again." Stella sobbed.
"You don't have to do this alone Stella. You have me." Mac passed a napkin to Stella and held her hand. Stella smiled at her friend and wiped the tears off of her face.
After eating lunch, they both parted ways. Mac headed back to the office and Stella went home to check on Madeline. She planned on going back to the office later on. On her way home, she stopped at a coffee shop and used their bathroom to freshen up. She looked in the mirror and wiped away the make-up that had run down her face. She couldn't believe how much she had cried this week. Despite all the upset and the heartache, she really didn't want Madeline to leave.
Stella let herself into her apartment. It was quiet, she guessed Madeline was sleeping, but as she passed the bathroom, she could hear a low sobbing sound. She knocked on the door.
"Madeline, sweetie, are you okay?" Stella pushed on the door but it was locked.
"I'll be out in a minute, let me brush my teeth." Madeline called out from inside. "I'm fine though. My head still hurts."
Stella leant against the door frame, waiting for Madeline to come out. She heard Madeline flush the toilet, and then she heard the buzz of Madeline's electric toothbrush, the taps running and the squeak of the towel rack moving. Then the door lock clicked open and Madeline came out of the bathroom.
Stella wrapped her arms round Madeline and kissed her forehead.
"Still not better, huh?" Stella asked, concerned.
"No not really. My whole body is aching. I just want to sleep but my head hurts so I can't." Madeline shrugged her shoulders.
"Okay, well get back into bed, I'll bring you some fresh water. Still sure you don't want a doctor?"
"Maybe, but not today, all I need is to sleep properly, and for a long time. Once this headache is gone, I'll be fine."
"I'll call the doctor tonight and make the appointment for tomorrow afternoon. If you're better, I can just cancel it." Stella smiled. She pulled the bed covers over Madeline. "Now, close your eyes. Try and get some sleep."
Stella left the bedroom and closed the door behind her. She walked into the kitchen and poured herself a glass of water. She thought about how difficult Friday was going to be and about how difficult the rest of this week had been. Just before she left for work again, she stuck her head in the bedroom door to check on Madeline. She smiled at what she saw. Madeline was fast asleep, her hair curly hair was spread out all across the pillow and it looked like she was smiling. Stella tiptoed into the room and kissed Madeline goodbye. She looked so beautiful. Stella left the room and grabbed her bag from the kitchen. Then she left the apartment and headed back to work.
As Stella walked down the stairs of her apartment building, she was greeted by a smiling Lindsay, who was leaning up against the railings.
"Hey, heading back to the office?" Lindsay asked, walking over to Stella.
"Uh, yes, actually, how did you know I was here?" Stella replied, confused.
"Mac told me. He said he was worried about you. I thought I'd come down and see how you are."
"I'm actually okay." Stella replied. She ran her hands through her hair. "I just have a lot to think about. I think I want Madeline to come and live with me."
"Woah, that's a big step Stella. You sure about that?" Lindsay sounded shocked.
They both started walking back towards the office.
"It is big. I know it could be completely stupid too. She may not want to even see me again, let alone live with me. I'm just going to miss her so much. It will be like giving her away all over again." Stella sighed.
Lindsay put her arm round Stella.
"You know we're all here for you, right?"
"Yeah, I do. Thank you, Lindsay." Stella smiled
Their walking pace had slowed and they came to a stop. Stella really appreciated having a friend like Lindsay. They hugged in the middle of the street.
Back at the office, Stella was feeling good about the rest of the day. She continued to check her phone at regular intervals throughout the day but there was nothing from Madeline. Aside from calling the Doctors, Stella was able to give work her full attention.
It was 5 o'clock when Stella was finally able to leave. Just as she was about to leave her office, her cell phone started to ring. It was Madeline's parents.
"Bonasera." She said as she answered the phone.
"Hi Stella, how are you?" asked Madeline's mom.
"Hey, yeah I'm good. Is everything okay?" Stella replied.
"Everything is fine. We're just a little bit concerned about Madeline."
"Concerned? Why are you concerned?" Stella questions. She suddenly felt quite defensive.
"Well, her boyfriend, her ex-boyfriend, has been coming here at least twice a day ever since she left. He's really angry. He's been standing outside the house shouting and banging on the door. They were arguing a lot before she left. Has she said anything?"
"Uh no - not to me anyway, I did overhear her on the phone the other day. She was talking about someone called Jack?"
"Yes that's him. Jack Penniford. They were together for nearly 2 years but this past month they've been arguing nonstop. They'd go out in the evening and she'd come pack in tears, but she would never say what had happened."
"You haven't told him where she is, have you?" Stella asked.
She had to find out as much as possible about Jack and Madeline.
"No, we haven't. Should we?"
"Uh, no, don't. Madeline said she didn't want anyone to know where she was, especially Jack. Tell me, have their arguments ever turned physical?"
"Not that I know. Has she said something about it?" Madeline's mom sounded worried.
"Oh no, I was just wondering. Listen, I have to go. I'll talk to Madeline tonight, if she says anything, I'll let you know, okay?"
"Thank you Stella. Have a good evening."
"No problem. Talk to you soon. Bye." Stella hung up the phone and left her office. At least now things were starting to make sense.