Disclaimer: I do not own CSI New York or any of its characters.

Chapter Twenty Three

Stella dropped her keys, coat and bag on the floor in the hallway. The door clicked shut behind her. She stuck her head in her bedroom door, but it was empty. The next room along was Madeline's. Stella walked in to see Isla lying in her crib, kicking her legs and crying.

"Hey baby, where's mommy?" Stella said gently as she scooped Isla out of her bed.

She rested Isla's head on her shoulder and rubbed her back. Isla stopped crying almost instantly. She started cooing quietly, lifting her little hand up to Stella's mouth. Stella kissed her fingers and rocked her gently.

"That's better, isn't it? C'mon lets go find mommy." Stella picked up Isla's blanket out of the crib and carefully draped it over the baby.

Stella walked out of the bedroom and into the living room. Her heart sunk at the sight she saw. Madeline was sitting on the sofa with her knees tucked up to her chin. Her hair hung limply around her face and she was incredibly pale. She didn't say a word, she barely even blinked. The TV was turned off; she was just staring into the empty space. Her eyes were focused but on nothing.

"Madeline." Stella uttered.

Stella put Isla down in the bouncer that was next to the couch. She sat down next to Madeline and pulled her in close. For a while, Madeline's body was rigid. Stella could feel the rise and fall of her breathing but her limbs stayed still. Isla started fidgeting and crying again. Stella waited for Madeline to move to get her, but she didn't. Stella pulled her phone out of her pocket, pulled up Mac's number and started typing out a message.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Mac was in a grocery just down the street from Stella's apartment when his phone started beeping. He took it out of his pocket and started reading.

'Need your help. Let yourself in.' was all it said.

Mac dropped his basket on the floor and ran out of the store. He ran straight to Stella's building and didn't stop running until he was outside Stella's door. He threw open the door and walked quickly into the living room.

"Stella?" He called out.

Stella smiled when she saw him. Mac stood in the doorway

"What's wrong?" He mouthed silently.

She gestured her head in the direction of Isla who was still crying in the bouncer. Mac nodded knowingly. He crouched down in front of the bouncer.

"Hey princess" He smiled, scooping Isla up out of the chair. "Let's go put you to bed, okay?" He walked out of the room, giving Madeline and Stella the time they needed.

"I couldn't get her to stop crying." Madeline stated plainly. "It was too much."

Stella kissed the side of Madeline's head and rocked her slowly. It made her feel sick to see her daughter like this. She felt so guilty for having such a nice evening; all the while Madeline was sat here alone and struggling to cope.

"I'm sorry." Stella whispered.

"Why?" Madeline's voice was almost completely unwavering.

"I shouldn't have left you, when I knew something was wrong." Stella said apologetically.

"I just want to be a good mum for her and I'm not."

"Oh but Madeline you are! You're a great mom. Listen, tomorrow I'm going to talk to one of the counsellors at work and..." Stella trailed off.

Madeline started shaking her head quickly in protest. She began to move away from Stella but Stella kept her grip tight, holding her still.

"No, no mum I'm not crazy. I just got stressed. I don't need a counsellor. No way."

"If you won't let someone else help you, you need to help yourself."

Tears started falling down Madeline's face, but her face stayed stony and unmoving. She started shivering. Stella pulled a blanket from the back of the sofa and wrapped it around herself and Madeline.

"I love her." Madeline said, her voice shaking.

"I know you do. And I know you want do everything perfect for her. So don't you think you owe it to her to make sure you're okay too?" Stella soothed.

Madeline wrapped her arm around Stella's neck and started bawling. Her body was shaking and her voice came out as strangled sobs. Stella held on to Madeline and kissed the top of her head repeatedly.

"It's okay sweetie." Stella whispered.

"It's not okay. I'm so scared."

"What are you scared of Madeline? Tell me so I can help you. Please." Stella begged. All she wanted to do was help.

Madeline took a few minutes to steady her breathing and gather her thoughts.

"I'm responsible for another person. I have to look after her and protect her. And I really want to but I don't think I can."

"You have to protect her, and I have to protect the both of you. I know that you can protect her; you just need to believe in yourself. I'm here to help you Madeline. And more importantly, I want to help you. But I can't do that unless you let me."

Madeline nodded slowly. Stella wiped the tears off of her daughter's cheeks. They sat there together for a while, until they heard Mac moving around in the kitchen.

"C'mon, you should get some sleep." Stella stood up and helped Madeline off of the couch.

Stella watched Madeline go into the bathroom and start getting ready.

"Is she alright?" Mac said behind her. It made her jump.

"She will be. If she doesn't want help, she just needs time. Did Isla go down okay?"

"Yeah, no problem. Look, are you going to be okay Stell?" Mac asked, concerned.

"If they're okay then so am I." Stella smiled warmly.

"Good." Mac kissed her forehead. "Now, if I'm done babysitting, I'm going to take off." He winked and laughed, picking up his jacket.

"Thank you, Mac. I really appreciate it."

Stella let Mac out of the apartment and locked the door behind him. She leant back against the door, absolutely exhausted. Her eyes shut voluntarily. Was she to blame for all of this? If she'd been there more at the start, would any of this have happened? Stella shook her head. She couldn't blame herself for this. That wasn't going to help anyone. If anything it would just make things worse.

"Mum?" Madeline asked, looking confused. "What are you doing? You looked like you were sleeping standing up."

"What?" Stella looked up, startled. "Oh no, I wasn't sleeping. I'll see you in the morning. I love you." Stella hugged Madeline and kissed her goodnight.

Stella walked into the kitchen and switched the kettle on and settled down on one of the kitchen chairs. She decided that, regardless of what Madeline said, she was still going to talk to one of the counsellors at work. Madeline wouldn't actually have to go but Stella needed advice. She poured herself a mug of green tea and walked quietly into her bedroom. She carefully placed the mug down and dropped herself down on to the mattress. She didn't even feel like getting changed. Stella had barely drunk any of her tea before she slipped into a really deep sleep.