8:59 pm

Kate Beckett scowled. She had come to the conclusion that Facebook was part of an evil plot to make women all over the world feel worse about themselves. The STATUS box loomed before her, seemingly growing bigger with each passing moment, threatening to consume her like some great white whale.

Apparently, everyone else in the world was more interesting than her.

'Jenny just surprised me with pot roast! Love my wife'- Kevin Ryan, 7:20pm

'Cold beer, phone unplugged and Jeremy Lin leading my Knicks to victory!'-Javier Esposito, 8:15 pm

'Hello? Booth, how do I work this? Is it like a chat room?'- Dr. Temperance Brennan, 8:25 pm

'To all my fans: Am I the only one that thinks Twilight Sparkle sounds like a stripper name?'- Kevin Allen, 8:33 pm

'Getting ready for Penguins game. BTW, Bones, who the hell told you about Facebook?'- Seeley Booth, 8:37 pm

'Just found 'Mark of Zorro' playing on Turner Classic! Time to get my Tyrone Powers on!'- Richard Castle, 8:45 pm

'Mojitos here I come!'- Sam Axe, 8:51 pm

What did Beckett have as a status? 'Just had my heart crushed, decided to eat ice cream till I weigh 400 lbs'. Or maybe 'Man I love wants to 'be my friend'. Ready to give up, buy a cat and write 'Ugly Betty' fan fiction'.

Beckett stuck her tongue out at the evil Status Bar before reaching over and grabbing her carton of 'Carmel Sutra'. "Ben and Jerry...the only men I can rely upon." She swirled her spoon around the container, licking it clean before going in for another bite. Who cared if it was cliché and set the woman's lib movement back 50 years...she was nursing a broken heart, damn it!

Her therapy session had been a disaster with a capital D. After laying out the events of the afternoon and having a good cry, she's waited for her shrink to drop some wisdom on her that would give her some hope. But NOOOOOOO, he had taken Richard flippin' Castle's side, stating that Castle's decision to be friends was a great idea and that Beckett only cared because she now viewed him as some prize she had lost.

She'd scowled and stalked off, deciding that the only therapy she needed involved whip cream and sprinkles.

But as the night wore on, Beckett found that her hurt was only growing. She kept viewing the conversation like it was a crime, trying to piece together what she had done wrong, what she could have done different to ensure that her and Castle had spent the afternoon rolling around under the covers instead of staring dumbly at each other over a plate of fries. For now she was resisting the urge to create a murder board for her love life... just barely.

When her spoon hit the cardboard bottom of her carton, Beckett sighed and plodded towards the kitchen, her ratty slippers slapping against the floor. She opened her freezer only to find that she had somehow eating all 4 tubs she'd purchased after escaping the diner, leaving her no choice but to crack into the wine that had been chilling in her fridge. Her heart sunk a little as she remembered that said wine was suppose to be drunk during dinner with Castle, celebrating their new relationship.

Cursing out stupid writers, Beckett grabbing the bottle and dismissed the idea of getting a glass, choosing to go the very unlady-like route of ripping the cork out with her teeth, spitting it into the sink, and downing half the bottle before she reached the couch, which she probably fell upon with a thud.

A buzz filling her veins, Beckett looked about her apartment, disgusted by how it was filled with some much junk that really held no meaning. Almost everything was just pretty things that were nice to look at but held no real place in her heart. She shuddered, realizing that the same description could be used about herself.

Taking another swig from the bottle and thanking God it was her day off tomorrow, Beckett reached into her magazine rack, looking for something to take her mind off of all the naughty things she had wanted to do to Castle. Thankfully, her fingers didn't grasp one of the many Derrick Storm novels that lay within the rack. Instead, she brought up a workbook her stupid shrink had given her, back when she had first gone to therapy.

The entire thing was so immature. There were little mental exercises that she was suppose to do, like writing down the events of her day like she were writing a novel (she already had someone doing that, thank you very much!), or writing a letter to her favorite fictional character (which was Nikki Heat, who was based on her, which would make the whole exercise rather narcissistic).

She was about to toss the book away and try and find a trashy Harlequin novel when her eyes fell upon an exercise she hadn't noticed before:

Sit down in a quiet room, facing a chair. Pretend that someone you trust is sitting in front of you and tell them about your problems. Think about what they would say and how you would respond.

It wasn't as strange as it sounded. Castle had told her once that he had done similar things when it came to writing his novels, putting himself in the mindset of one character and having a conversation with the other. It was like a play with two roles played by the same actors. Cops did it too, to a lesser degree, when trying to figure out how a suspect might behave.

Blinking booze-blurred eyes, Beckett turned towards a chair, deciding to give the exercise a try. It was no worse than stalking Castle on Facebook or watching whatever celebrity singing/dancing/fly fishing reality show was on.

Besides, she knew who she wanted to talk to, and knew that she'd only have the guts to try this out while she was drunk as a skunk in a funk.

"Hey mom," Beckett said, staring at the chair. She felt silly as hell but went with it, telling the little voice in her head that always wanted her to behave in a dignified manner to go suck a goat.

"Hello sweetheart," Beckett said, trying her best to mimic her mother's voice. She'd done that a lot, wanting to never forget the tender tones her mother spoke with whenever they had chatted. "What's wrong?"

"Everything..." Beckett blew a few stray hairs out of her eyes. "You know that guy that is following me around, Richard Castle?"

"Of course," 'Joanna' answered, "did he do something stupid again. He tends to do that."

Beckett laughed. "You could say that. You know how he said he loved me, when he thought I was dying."

"Yes. It shook you up. You have worked so hard to build distance between the two of you, fearing what would happen if you acted on your feelings."

"Yeah," Beckett admitted, leaning forward.

"But it didn't work," 'her mother' said, voice taking on a slight scolding tone.

"No...it didn't."

"He fell for you and you fell for him."

"Hard, mom...I fell hard."

Joanna tisked. "So what is the matter?"

"I was ready to tell him, mom. I was finally ready to tell him and he decides that he wasn't really in love with me. he took it back!"

"Well, he didn't really, did he? I mean, you never accepted his statement, never let him know you heard..."

Beckett frowned. "I was going to tell him-"

"Stop lying to yourself, Kate," Joanna stood up, pacing. "You had no problem stringing that boy along, and are only upset because he isn't working on your timetable."

"It's not like that!" Beckett complained, finding herself standing in her dining room.

"Isn't it?" Her mother challenged.

Beckett lowered her head and sighed. "Ok, it is."

"And you would have been upset whenever he said it, because the truth is you've loved him for a long time and were just to chicken to admit it." Joanna stared at the ground before looking around the apartment. "Kate, you have no one to blame but yourself."

"I know. I waited-"

"No, this has nothing to do with waiting!" Joanna challenged. "You keep asking yourself how Castle could fall out of love with you so fast..."

"How do you know what I'm thinking?" Beckett asked.

"Because I'm you, Kate...this is an imaginary conversation, remember."

"Oh, right," Beckett said, laughing at the insanity of all of this.

The laughter died as Joanna began to speak again. "If you were honest with yourself...and I guess you are, all things considered...you'd realize that it was quite easy for Castle to doubt his love for you because you didn't do a thing to prove to him you were worthy of it."

"Hold on," Beckett complained, only for her mother to steamroll ahead.

"Nope, let's keep going. For the longest time you've taken Richard Castle for granted. You've expected him to do whatever you want, when you want it, on your schedule. If he tried anything that didn't fit with your view of things you beat him down till he gave up. You never once did a thing to truly earn the wonderful gift that is his love."

"I...I..." Beckett stammered, stunned by the admission. "I've done stuff for him..."

"Too little, too late. If we were to make a running tally, you'd be found dead last." Joanna began to tick off the facts. "He has come to all your major events when you asked him too. He has invited you to his poker game. He brings you coffee every morning, just the way you like it. He buys you little gifts and tells jokes when he is blue just to see you smile. He holds open doors and, when you let him, will help you put on your coat or will pull out your chair. He's become friends with your friends, worked his schedule around yours...and let's not forget how many times that man nearly died trying to save your life!

"Now, what about you? You've been too one book signing...but that was revenge; you wanted to fluster him, to get back at him. You let him win a game of poker, but only after he did the same for you. And I think you've bought coffee for him twice...no, three times."

"I get it, ok!" Beckett shouted, her cry echoing through the empty apartment. "And then there is all the bad I've done! I insult his books, I question his choices as a parent, I lie to him, and try to push him away when he is only working to help me out...I'm a grade A bitch and don't deserve him!"

Beckett slowly lowered herself to the ground, tears stinging her eyes as she ground her fists against her eyelids. She hiccupped several times, trying to catch her breath and not fall into a drunken cryfest.

"Ok...maybe I am being hard on myself...obviously I'm not that big of a bitch...but still, I could have treated him better. Why am I surprised he fell out of love with me...I didn't do enough to give him hope for more." Beckett licked her lips, her tongue feeling two sizes too big. "But what do I do now?"

"What indeed?" her mother's voice echoed through her head.

Beckett stared at the hardwood, watching the grain as it swirled about thanks to her alcohol-induced stupor. "I...I fight. I'm Detective Kate -HIC!- Beckett! I don't give up when the chips are down, I fight!"

"And how will you do that?" her mother questioned.

"Uh..."

"Richard Castle chased after you for 4 years...maybe it is time you did the same?"

Beckett grinned like a fool, heaving herself to her feet. "Yeah...yeah! He said he wanted to be my friend...so I'll be his friend! Do nice things, be there for him...and if a little flirting is thrown in, so be it! Friends fall in love all the time, so why not us? I'll make him fall in love with me all over again, and this time I'll be ready when he says he loves me!" Beckett slammed her fist into her open palm in determination...only to find such an action caused her to nearly topple over. "Oof! Mom, can you help me get to bed."

"No...Kate, I'm just a figment of your drunken imagination, remember?"

Beckett giggled, crawling towards her bed. "Oh...right...heehee...I sure hope I remember all this when I wake up tomorrow!"

~MC~MC~

Author's Note: if you have things you want to see Beckett do to try and win Castle, let me know via PM or review.