Harry sat at the airport staring at his had the text written and ready to go, but he couldn't will himself to press send. He continued to stare as his heart pounded. This was the right decision, right? He couldn't stay any longer. It was causing him too much pain. All of it. Louis, Zayn, the fame. He couldn't handle it. He just needed to get away from it all. He needed something to distract himself. Across from him sat a vender selling cigarettes for a ridicously high price, but Harry needed it. Harry had only smoked once before and that had been with Zayn.

He tried to shake the memory away as he strode towards the vendor. He handed him the money buying a pack of fags and a lighter. Harry honestly did not care if his picture was taken and was put into some cheap tabloid. He did not give one fuck. Striding towards the entrance to the airport careful to keep his face hidden from the passing people he carefully lit it. He kept checking to see if his plane had been called until he realized that he did not want to go home. Harry Styles did not cry and tattle to his mum.

Inhaling he let the feeling take over, the memory take over. He could suffocate in it if he let himself.

Zayn laid in his bed, hair mussed from their previous activites. His cigarette hanging in the corner of his bruised lips lazily. Harry was stretched out beside him watching in fasination as Zayn inhaled then slowly exhaled. He had never had liked cigarettes before. Harry had always wanted Zayn to stop, but watching him now gave him the urge to try. Zayn's eyes caught the younger boy's and smirked around his fag as he inhaled.

"Come here Harry," he whispered blowing smoke towards the younger boy.

So Harry obeyed and leaned up towards Zayn to where they were face to face. Zayn slowly inhaled watching Harry's eyes all the while. Something about the way he was looking at him made his cock twitch. It turned Harry on.

Zayn pushed his lips against Harry's and slowly prodded the youger boy's lips open. As soon as Harry felt the smoke enter his mouth he let out a low growl in his throat. The smoke mingled between them for a minute before fading away. Zayn kissed him hard on the mouth before taking another puff.

"This time inhale it," he advised as he leaned forward again. Harry opened his mouth eagerly and inhaled the smoke as told. He held it for a few seconds before letting it go. Everything about the interaction had turned Harry on completely.

"Fuck you," he muttered looking down at his erection. He was supposed to be going home soon.

"You liked it and you know it, Styles." Zayn laughed putting the cigarette out laughing at Harry's expression.

Harry just leaned forward and kissed him roughly. "You take care of this now," he gestured to his tented boxers. With a half-growl, half-laugh Zayn rolled ontop of him kissing his neck.

Harry felt his throat tighten and threw the fag onto the ground. He ground it under his heel maybe a little more forceful than needed. The cold air February air chilled him until he felt numb. He headed inside and grabbed his bag. He wasn't going home. No Harry was not going to allow his mother to see what mess he had gotten into. Tugging his hood up he weaved through the thick crowd until he reached a pub.

It had begun to snow and his eyelashes glittered with melted snow. He knew he looked like shit, but he was getting some looks from certain people. Men and woman knew who he was. Their eyes raked down his body undressing him. He might as well had been naked. Harry made his way to the back trying to ignore the stares he was getting. Some guy, probably his early twenties, stumbled over to his booth.

"Hey cutie what are you doing back 'er all by yourself?" And it wasn't that he wasn't attractive enough or anything, but he also wasn't Zayn or Louis. Harry straightened up and checked him out openly. "Want to do something fun?"

"Like?" Harry asked cooly gesturing for him to sit across from him. The guy had black hair that fell into his eyes a bit. He was tall but kind of lanky. Not Harry's type at all.

The guy flashed a little plastic bag full of white powder. Man was this guy bold.

"We can go outside in the back. No one will see us there." The guy raised a eyebrow.

Harry's thoughts clawed at each other as he tried to make a decision. "Okay." He said before he even realized that he was already nodding.

The guy smiled as he slid out of his booth and walked to the back door. "C'mon then Mr. Styles."

Harry's heart pounded. The worst thing he had done was smoke weed with Louis at a party and smoke with Zayn. He had never done something this extreme. He could hear the blood pumping through his ear. He just wanted to get rid of these feelings. This could get rid of them for a while, couldn't it? He gulped and walked back out into the frigid air. His hands were freezing but he couldn't feel them before anyways.

The guy, he still hadn't told him his name, sat at a small table that had been set up. He dumped the contents onto the table before setting them into lines. He handed Harry the rolled up tube. "Go ahead."

Harry unsure of what to do put his head down and snuffed the line into his nose. His nose felt on fire. He wanted to just scratch it till it bled, but what's-his-face pulled Harry's hand away from his nose. "Don't scratch."

The good feeling started to kick in as Harry looked up at the falling snow. It was better than what he had taken earlier that night. He loved the feeling. Harry let out a long whoop feeling all the things he had felt earlier drain away. That guy was just looking at him with a feral smile. "I just got Harry Styles fucked up."

"And fucked up I am." Harry sang back. He felt on top of the world. Like he could do anything and no one could stop him. "Listen thanks for everything, but I've gotta go babe."

Harry handed the guy some money and kissed him hard. He just sat there frozen as Harry walked through the doorway and out back onto the street. Maybe he wanted to get fucked up more often. It made him feel like king. He raced down the street laughing as people yelled rude comments at him. He felt so free. Harry stopped at the corner when he saw Zayn and Louis arguing. Harry covered his ears and screamed. Severaly people looked over at him worriedly. The only ones who mattered were Zayn and Louis though. It was what he was screaming that got their attention the most.

"I HATE YOU BOTH. I HATE YOU BOTH. WHY DID I EVER GET INVOLED WITH YOU? GET OUT OF MY HEAD. GET OUT."

He was shaking so hard and he was choking back the tears. He looked up at them again and saw them running towards him. Harry panicked and ran into the traffic on the other side dodging cars as they raced by honking their horns. When he made it to the other side he didn't stop. He kept running. Harry didn't even know where he was anymore but he felt on fire from the coke. He needed to do something. Harry looked around and fumbled in his pockets. Nothing of interest to him. He looked up again and saw a metal ladder leading to the roof of a abandoned building. He ran to the ladder and gripped it tightly. It was icy in his hands. He started climbing. The top was coming rapidly into his line of vision. His pulse was jumping by the time he stumbled onto the rooftop. He smiled like a maniac as he stood on the very edge.

"Harry Styles get away from that ledge!" He heard from below. He could tell from his accent. It was Zayn.

"Has Mr. Malik come to save me?" Harry teased closing his eyes. "It would be so easy to just fall Zayn. Just fall forever."

"You wouldn't fall forever Harry. You would die." Zayn's voice was so desperate.

"Don't you know? I can fly now Zayn. I'm king of the world and nothing can stop me." Harry spread his arms out to his side feeling weightless. "I could jump and all the rumors and pain and fame could end like that."

"This isn't the way Harry! I'm sorry I hurt you and drove you to something like this." A new voice called. A voice that gave Harry a pain in his chest.

"You wouldn't care Boo Bear." Harry half-smiled but it was bitter. "I would have been okay if you hadn't found out about me and Z. You see Zayn showed me affection of sorts. Maybe it wasn't the best kind, but it made me not numb. Whereas you made me hurt. A lot. That's why I went to Zayn in the first place."

"I said I'm sorry Harry!" Louis shouted desperation filling his voice as well.

"But you will never change. You only wanted me when Zayn had me. Did you know you could love two people at one time? I've just found that out. Everything is a rush when you're on coke. Its easier to tell people things." Harry inhaled and laughed loudly. "Maybe I'm being a bitch squealer, but you fuckers deserve every second of this. I'm quite enjoying this to be honest."

"You're sick Harry," Louis yelled above the roar of the wind. "How could you be enjoying this?"

"Oh Lou I think my cheek is bruised if you were wondering." Harry called down in a sing song voice. "Thank you for that."

"What did you do?" Harry heard very faintly Zayn ask Louis lowly. He never heard Louis's reply because the wind was howling and whipping Harry's hair everywhere.

"See the sick thing is you see I can't live without Zayn. I need him. He makes me feel better. But I can't stop loving you even though I know you'll never return my feelings." Harry sighed and lowered his arms. "Jump or don't jump? Zayn or Louis? Does he love me or does he only want my body? Does it even really fucking matter that much?"

"Harry please stop it! I love you ok! I love you too much to see you like this!" Zayn shouted throwing his hands into the air. Harry opened his eyes and looked down at Zayn. His voice had sounded so geniune. Harry's face was slick with tears he didn't even know had been falling. Zayn's face was so pale and creased with worry. He couldn't look away.

Harry could feel his lips tremble as he said loudly, "Save me then."

(A/N: This chapter feels really intense. I would really love the feedback on this chapter especially. aha much love xx)