So I have some apologizing to do. I'm sorry that this took me a month and it's really sucky :/ I have no ideas where it came from and I promise there won't be any more chapters as depressing as this one. Or confusing. I hope someone out there likes it.

Enjoy :)

Miley POV

'Miley, I've left you like fifteen messages already, please call me back when you get this', Another message from Nick. It's been three days. Three days and I'm still avoiding him. Don't ask me why because I have no idea. That conversation with his mom really freaked me out a little. Not at the time, at the time I was fine and I just didn't let it bother me and then when I really thought about it, maybe I am holding him back.

I try and encourage him with school and stuff, I mean, we study together so we're helping each other but I understand where his mom is coming from too. Nick's the captain of the football team, yet since he's been with me he hasn't been playing as much. It's a little silly I know but if he's depending on a college scholarship then he should be playing outside of school too but he's not, he's with me, burning out cars or breaking into our principals pool.

Maybe I'm paranoid, who knows?

I've never been a girl that lives for others approval, you know that right? I'm a maverick, kinda. I don't follow the crowd, I'm a born leader and normally or at least before I became friends with Nick, I would have never backed down from an argument or cowered away from confrontation. It always got me in trouble but somehow I got a thrill out of it. Yet my little 'breakdown' last week was because I'd let someone's words bother me and now here I am, hiding in my own bedroom cowering away from all contact with the world outside my bedroom door just because Nick's mom has doubts about me. My life is fucked up! My mind is fucked up!

I'm thinking of just being a hermit, no boyfriend, no complications, no school, no family problems. No friends. Yeah I've changed my mind again. Being a hermit is a bad idea. Who wants to spend their life alone and maybe turning psychotic and maybe talking to a wall for the rest of their lives? I'm changing the subject I know but I sometimes think of these crazy things.

That's the difference between Nick and I, he lives in reality. Most of the time. I live in some little fairy world where I think of things like what a hermit does all their life. It's a little different. But Nick and I did jel together, our personalities bounce off each other really well and every new thing I find out about him, I like him even more. So you're probably shouting at the screen and saying 'WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU DOUBTING YOURSELF? STOP FEELING SORRY FOR YOURSELF AND SORT YOUR HEAD OUT!', In which case you would actually be right but do you ever get those days or in my case weeks that your mind is telling you to grow up and stop acting like an idiot but you are in this little groove that makes you feel worthless or just generally upset? I get those, a lot. As you've probably noticed. It's lack of motivation or sleep, that's my theory anyway. Or it could be hormones. I'd take any of those answers over someone telling me I'm crazy.

I'm probably just babbling on and on but I like talking to myself about pointless stuff that will never benefit my life at all but in some weird ironic way, it actually keeps me sane. I know that's a little gibberish and you're probably thinking 'Okay Miley, you're just talking shit right now', and again, you would be right. I do this a lot, most of the time it's out loud and Demi just looks at me like I'm an alien, Nick thought I was crazy too. I guess talking crap means you don't have to talk about 'real important stuff' and 'real important stuff' is a bitch. You probably already know this too. The last person I spoke 'real important stuff' to was Demi. I felt at the time, kinda inadequate telling Demi what problems I had when she was going through twenty problems at a time. Demi was super-supportive though.

You know how I told you I only had three ex-boyfriends, that was a tiny white lie. Well not really, those were three of my ex-boyfriends and the fourth I just blocked out for a long time. Demi knows not to bring up his name or what he did to me unless I do first which is why he's never mentioned when Demi and I are together. Joe or Nick doesn't know about him, my mom and dad hate him and I pretend he never even existed. His name was Kyle, he was the first relationship I had that lasted longer than nine months. He was charming, at the start. The perfect gentleman to be exact. He would take me out on dates, treat me right and always cared about my feelings.

Until around six months ago, we'd been dating for ten months and I thought everything was fine, with the relationship but Kyle was going through a hard time. His dad was in prison and his mom was unwell. I tried to help Kyle through all that stuff, I genuinely thought he was getting better and then he had a meltdown. He went crazy. He started fucking around with my head and making me feel paranoid, thinking I was the crazy one. Thinking that it was me that made him feel worthless and that it was my fault that he was in pain. I became very reserved around all my friends and family after that, I barely made an effort to see them, I spent all my time with him because he told me that he was the only person that loved me. Telling me that my family hated me because I was with him and as a teenage girl in a relationship, I thought I loved him and I believed every word he said. Naive, I know.

Then one night in March he was out and I hadn't heard from him all that day and I was in my room, hibernating and studying. I didn't go out much unless I was with him, even in school, I was attached to him. Thinking everyone would stare at me if I wasn't with him and although I used to be and I am still a confident person, I'm also really insecure and when something's bothering me, I'm a paranoid wreck. But that night in March was the scariest and most confidence-destructing experience of my life. I was just studying and he called me, he told me to come outside he wanted to talk to me. He was at the side of my house and he was out of breath.

As soon as I went over to him he grabbed me by the throat, something he had done before, I was terrified. He had hit me before, I had covered for him, I thought he loved me and I'd done something wrong and I was paying for it. He held me up against the side of my house by my throat and told me if I screamed that he would kill me. Just then I heard sirens in my street and they stopped at my house. I was terrified. The police called him and he got a knife from his pocket and told me to do what he said. He put the knife to my throat and I almost fainted with nerves. He led me out to the front of my house with the knife at my throat. I was his hostage. He was willing to kill me just to save his own skin!

The police tried to tell him to let me go but he grabbed me tighter. I didn't know what to do, I didn't want to die! I just wanted to go back to the safe place in my room and not be involved in any of this. Neighbors started coming out of their houses and my parents ran outside to see what was happening. My mom started crying and my dad was really to kill Kyle but with the police there he couldn't do anything. He started shouting at Kyle to let me go, to hand himself in and do the right thing. Kyle was not liking that idea. Demi was staying at her dad's and was standing just twenty feet from me, crying. I hadn't seen or spoke to her in almost a month because of Kyle, he had been controlling my life for the three previous months just because I was vulnerable. I was only standing there, being held up by Kyle or I would have fainted, for only a few minutes but it felt like hours. My dad had came up behind him and pulled his arm with the knife in it away from me and when I felt the release of his body on mine I ran towards Demi and she hugged me. My dad fought a little with Kyle to try and get the knife out of his hand but he stabbed my dad in the arm and then ran off behind my house and scaled a wall.

He was caught afterward, sent to a mental hospital because he was mentally incapable of handling situations. I have no idea what that means. It just sounds like he's crazy and needs to be sent to jail and not some hospital but they kept him in there where he couldn't 'harm anyone', my dad had to get his arm stitched up, it might have been a small injury but Kyle had cut deep into my dad's arm.

So that's why I get a little paranoid, a lot. It's not an excuse for everything but Nick has been the first person that I've liked at all since that psycho ex and I guess it just hurt a little to hear his mom think that I'm holding him back or maybe she really thinks I'm just trouble or not good enough for him.

'Miley, just leaving you another message to say call me, please. I'm worried about you. Your parent's said you didn't want to speak to me, what have I done? I just want to talk to you, to see if you're alright. Please call me or text me to let me know that you're okay', his voice quiet, almost cracking. Has he been crying? What the fuck am I doing? Hiding in my room, avoiding the world, reliving the ordeal with Kyle, ignoring the best thing that's happened to me since like, birth. Why am I here feeling sorry for myself? You're probably saying 'Well Duh! I said that from the start', I know that but hearing Nick being upset is an eye-opener okay?

Then my phone starts to ring again. Nick.

'Miley, you answered. What's wrong? Are you okay?', he asks, he sounds really worried. Damn you Miley for making him worried.

'I'm fine Nick, I just... I had another breakdown',

'I really wish you'd stop doing that', he said, he's trying to make a joke from my misery. I guess it's about time someone did. I can't be miserable forever, I can't hibernate forever and expect people to wait for me. I should live right?

Yeah I'm gonna do that. I'm gonna live.

Opinions?