Disclaimer: Characters contained within do not belong to me.

Author's Notes: Thank you so much for the amazing support and kindness! A reviewer asked how long this story would be; I'm estimating one more chapter after this, but I never really know for sure;) I hope you enjoy it!

Remembering Budapest

by Kristen Elizabeth

New York

May 2012

His mouth was warm; his lips surprisingly soft. He was kissing her...Clint was kissing her.

And it was far better than she ever imagined.

She wanted to give in to it, to let him keep on kissing her until it became impossible to tell where she ended and he began, but it was too much. Her body had reached its limit and her senses were already overloaded.

Natasha's hands shot out, pushing at his chest with enough force to send him stumbling back. As soon as the kiss was broken, she regretted her actions, but it was too late.

"What are you doing?" she demanded.

The look in his eyes was almost unbearable. Fortunately, it was gone a second later as his face relaxed into a blank mask of indifference.

"Clearly nothing you want." His voice was just as cool as his expression. "Forgive me."

Her cheeks felt hot. "I didn't say..."

"No, but I got the message. Again."

"Again?" Natasha shook her head. "What does that mean?"

He took his time answering. "It means that there's only so many times you can take a risk, Nat, before it becomes masochism." He rubbed his chest where her hands had made contact. "Budapest might have been the first time I told you I loved you, but it damn sure wasn't the only time I showed it."

Her heart was pounding all of a sudden. "Clint..."

Clint held up his hand for her to stop. "Let me just say this so I can walk away knowing I put all my cards on the table, okay?" He didn't wait for her to agree; he just pushed on. "When you were my target, I studied you for weeks. That's how it works, you know that. I watched you...memorized everything I could about you. Where you went, what you ate, how you dressed. Every day I told myself that I would do it the next day. But then I'd see you...and something would change my mind. You'd be reading a book and I told myself I should let you finish it. Or you'd toss a coin to a beggar and I'd give you another day in return."

Natasha stared at him as he went on, "Eventually, it got to the point where I couldn't even load up my bow. That's when I contacted Fury. I strong-armed him into letting me take you into custody instead; I told him I'd take full responsibility for you, but that I believed you could be an asset." He looked her straight in the eye. "And I was right."

"You saved my life," she murmured.

In more than one way.

"Don't give me any credit. It wasn't an attack of conscience. I did it because I had feelings for you. And they weren't exactly innocent." Clint's brow furred. "Yeah...I was that much of an asshole."

"You're not..."

Again, he cut her off. "I wasn't ever going to tell you, but then Budapest happened and you were lying there...dying..." He plunged his hand into his hair as if he could wipe the memory away. "And you asked me why I'd spared you." He lifted his muscular shoulders. "I couldn't lie anymore. I couldn't let our last words be a lie."

Natasha couldn't think of anything to say, but her silence was the worst possible response she could have had.

"So. Here's what'll happen next." His voice echoed around the ruined street. "No one wants me back at S.H.I.E.L.D. I killed too many people." Clint rushed on before she could protest, "I can't just pick up where I left off and act like it never happened, but I refuse to spend the rest of my career trying to atone for something that wasn't my fault."

She should have tried harder to kill Loki. There was still time before Thor took him back to Asgard. But how did one kill a demi-god?

"If you want to join the Initiative, I'll tell Stark to count me out. But if you don't want in, then I'll stick with them. Either way is fine with me." Clint gave her a second to think. "Natasha?"

"Nat." He frowned. "Nat," she repeated. "Did you know that you're the only person I let call me that?" She took a step towards him. "Do I look like the kind of girl who appreciates nicknames?"

"You won't have to tolerate it anymore," he promised.

"Is this the part where I'm supposed to beg you to reconsider?" Natasha put her hands on her hips. "You do realize that I lost a pint and a half of blood in Budapest, right? Even if I remembered anything past getting shot, do you really think I was in the right state of mind to process it?"

Clint rubbed at the stubble on his jaw. "I just tried to kiss you and you nearly knocked me on my ass. Did I misinterpret that?"

She shook her head back and forth. "All that time you were studying me, you didn't learn the first thing about me." Her tone grew dark. Dangerous. "I've never believed in love. At best, it's a fairy tale for children; at worst, it's a tool you use to get what you want. I grew up without it and it never bothered me. I was fine. Do you get that, Clint? I didn't want it!"

"I get it." He chuckled bitterly. "Say no more."

Natasha's stomach dropped when Clint turned around and started walking away. As the distance between them grew greater, the battle inside her head turned into a full-out war. She could still feel the heat of his kiss, smell the scent of his skin...and she wanted more. Much more. She wanted everything.

But she had no idea how to ask for it.

Every step he took away from her should have made him feel better, but it was as if there was a weight pressing on his heart and it grew heavier with the more space Clint put between them.

At least he was walking away without regrets. Well, maybe only one...that he would never know what it felt like to be loved by Natasha Romanoff. But in that respect, at least, he would be no different than any other man who had ever known her.

Cutting himself out of her life might end up being the best thing for both of them. Maybe he would find someone who didn't know a hundred ways to kill a man with the heel of her stiletto. Someone who would love him back, have his babies, grow old with him.

He just feared that faceless woman would never live up to the one who'd come before her.

Out of nowhere, something hit him from behind. When he felt himself pitching forward, he tucked his body into a ball and tumbled into a somersault, popping back up a second later to face his attacker. Clint reached behind his back only to realize that he'd left his bow and quiver in Stark's limousine.

As it turned out, that was a good thing. Natasha stood in front of him, her magnificent chest rising and falling with heavy breaths.

"You're walking away?" she hissed. "After you dumped all of that on me, you're just going to disappear?"

"You'd rather I stuck around and forced us to deal with each other every day? 'Cause that sounds like so much fun, Natasha."

Her eyes narrowed. "Nat."

"Are you joking?" He stared at her in utter confusion. "What the hell do you want from me?"

She covered the distance between them before he could blink. "I don't know." Natasha's breath was hot against his mouth as she grasped his head in her hands. "I don't know!" He closed his eyes when she brushed her lips across his. "This..." The second kiss was deeper; her tongue darted out to tease his. "You..." One hand slipped down his chest as their mouths melded. "Us," she whispered.

Hearing that was all he needed. Without breaking their kiss, he seized her by the hips and hauled her up against his body. Her arms wound around his neck and her legs wrapped around his waist as he lifted her up, needing to feel every inch of her.

Their lips parted a minute later and she looked down at him. "I didn't want it." Clint buried his face in the fragrant nape of her neck, causing her throw her head back. "I didn't want it...but I need it," Natasha panted. She dropped her chin and kissed him again, madly, frantically. "I need you, Clint."

He'd always imagined making love to her for the first time on some secluded tropical beach or in a five-star hotel room in Paris, but an abandoned apartment building with only minor damage turned out to be just as good.

Maybe even better.

TBC