Very very very very sorry about the wait. This was meant to be online two weeks ago and my laptop broke. Also, I have no idea what is even in this chapter because I haven't read it in so long but it might make some of you happy and then it might just confuse others or something, review or pm me and let me know. I've lost a connectiont o this story because I've added all kinds of crap to it and it didn't turn out the way I wanted. BTW if it had've turned out how I wanted, it would be AWESOME!

I'll finish this story though and if one day I want to rewrite it or change it I will. Thanks to the people that have read fromt the start and all the reviewers. I'll mor ethan likely just add one more chapter to this and then it will be over. Which is kinda depressing because I had high hopes for this story. I'm glad some people enjoyed it though.

Thank you and Enjoy :)

Miley POV

'Miley? I'm so glad you could come', smiles Debby.

I don't know why I came here. Some house party in the middle of a fucking farm. I just wanted out of my house. I didn't want to be excluded from these people anymore, my peers and even some of my friends but I guess that I am. I see Demi right away. Why am I even here? I have no friends, I pushed any friends I had away when I decided to become some fucking teenage wildchild.

The only person I have is Brandi. And Parker. I haven't mentioned Parker yet. Parker is my... boyfriend? I met him a few days after I slept with Landon. Gay Jay had brought me to this concert in Anaheim and Parker's band was playing, he's the drummer. I've been dating him for about a month. He's from Boston. He's cute and he's really funny and he gets me into all these awesome parties but I don't like, love him or anything. He's cool to be around and he's always really sweet and stuff but I don't think I can ever really like someone again until I'm completely over Nick and with the way I've been feeling lately, I don't think that's going to be anytime soon. As much as I'd love to get over Nick, I just can't.

'Hey Debby, great party',

'Thanks, there's beer in the kitchen',

'Oh no, I'm probably better staying sober',

'Okay, who's your friend?', she smiles as Gay Jay pushes ahead of me and introduces himself. I laugh as Debby looks really scared but he's harmless, he's just a little forward and he isn't shy and some people are uncomfortable with that. Debby included.

We walk around the party but I feel really out of place. Especially turning up with a twenty four year old eccentric and flamboyant gay guy.

'Miles?', I hear as I walk through the dining room. Nick. I think my heart's gonna come out my ass. Why now? Why when I'm feeling pathetic and I'm dressed like a hobo does he see me?

'Yeah?',

'Hey', he smiles as I sit beside him on the bench.

'Hi. How's life?',

'Oh y'know, homework, chores, football, soccer, basketball and baseball are keeping me pretty busy',

'Yeah, try being a teenage drunk',

'Yeah I heard about that, your reputation has gone to shit', he says and we both chuckle.

That's one thing Nick and I will share and I think it's why we get each other so much. We have a similar sense of humor. We know our boundaries with each other and we just 'get' each other.

'Yeah, that's the least of my worries',

'You depressed yet?', he asks and I take a second to think before nodding slowly.

'I think so, sometimes at least. Everything seems a lot darker when I'm alone',

'That's what happens when you don't express yourself',

'This is not about expressing myself. I just. I hate who I am or at least, who I've become and I can't stop it',

'Miles, you're still in there somewhere. You've just gone a little crazy', he smiles and I slap him on the arm.

'You're treating this like some kind of joke. I'm trying to have a conversation Nick',

'You're right. I'm sorry', he smiles as I shake my head. Fucking prick. Why the fuck is he treating me like I'm a fucking joke?

'So, how's Demi?', I ask quietly and he bites his lip. Damn him!

'She's pissed, like... all the time. Joe's running around like a headless chicken because her moods are crazy',

'Has she been taking her meds?',

'I have no idea. She has a lot of anger and hate issues though',

'Yeah, Demi finds it hard to cope in some situations',

'Miles, she misses you',

'I know, I miss her too. But she's fine without me, she's just adjusting',

'So you're never going to be her friend again?',

'I'll always be her friend. More than that, she's like my sister. But right now I just can't. This year has been a roller coaster for me already and it's not even Spring yet. I don't want to bring her into my problems when she already has a lot on her plate',

'Or maybe she could help you',

'Maybe. I just don't wanna burden her with everything that's going on',

'What about me?',

'What about you?',

'Burden me',

'No Nick. You're at a party to enjoy yourself',

'I get it. It's girl stuff, isn't it?',

'What? No? Well kinda',

'Bras and periods?',

'Ewww gross Nick. No. It's like... talking about boys and shoes and italian architecture',

'Italian architecture?',

'I will have you know, girl talk about more than just how bitchy some other girl is. Demi and used to have very mature and deep conversations',

'So I heard', he smirks. Fucking smirk! GRRRRR!

'Oh shit, Delta's here?', I ask him as I stare her down.

'Must be, what the hell is she doing at a high school party?',

'Beats me', I shrug and stand up to walk over to her. Nick follows close behind and I turn to him.

'Please don't judge me for what you're about to hear', I mumble to him and he smiles in agreement.

'Hi Delta',

'Hi, it's Milly right?',

'Not even close', I mumble to myself. I hate this slut.

'How are you? I haven't seen you around in a while',

'How's James?', I smile and her face screws up

'How do you know James?',

'He's a really good friend',

'He's fine', she says slowly

'Yeah that's cool. Will you be able to ask him if I could have my underwear back, I've been meaning to ask him and he's always with you',

'Why does he have your underwear?',

'From that time he cheated on you with me. Didn't he tell you?', I smirk and everyone turns to look at us.

'YOU, YOU LITTLE FUCKING SLUT!', I watch her face red with anger and she's staring right at me. I knew this moment would come. I've been waiting for it. Biding my time. 'm so glad I announced it in front of a crowd, embarrassing her like this is as exhilarating as I thought it would be.

'Yeah well, Karma's a bitch!', I laugh as Nick pulls me out of the room and I jump into his car, Demi and Joe are close behind as we speed off down the street.

'Miles, do you wanna come out with us or will we drop you off?', Nick asks and I shake my head.

'You can just drop me off. I don't wanna ruin any more of your night',

'Are you kidding me? That's the best thing I've ever seen', laughs Demi from the back seat and I smile to myself. She doesn't hate me.

'No seriously, just drop me off. I have a lot to do and it's getting late',

'Are you sure Miles?',

'Yeah it's fine',

They drop me off at Brandi's place and I avoid James as much as I can. I've never really been a great example of thinking of consequences before doing something stupid. This isn't the end I'll see of Delta. I know that myself. I bolted out of there to make her even more angry but if I see her, I'm dead. I could possibly mean that literally. She was so angry, I thought she would explode with anger. Her face was bright red. It was highly amusing.

And then it happens. I lie in bed and I my mind completely changes from thinking about how funny Delta looked to being depressed about how my life has ended up this year. This always happens. You know that, you've been here. Except it happens wayyyyyy more times that you know. I just keep it in the back of my mind but it's still there. Regret. But seriously. I know I sound like a broken record but this thing has taken over my life so much that it's all I can ever think about.

And then I start thinking of Nick, which is normal. I do it all the time. Everytime I do the thoughts in my head sound something like;

What the hell have I been doing? Can someone please tell me because I have no fucking idea. I'm so fucking bipolar right now. Like one minute I'm fine and I'm out enjoying life and then I think of Nick and then everything turns to crap. And it's not even Nick's fault. Why can't I just get over him? Why can't it just be a clean break and we'd go and so our own thing and not be together and I wouldn't have to think about him all the damn time and he wouldn't be near me all the damn time. I'm seeing his face everywhere I turn. In school, he's in most of my classes, when I go to get coffee, he's there, getting coffee.

I'm feeling pretty emo right now.

When I'm not out getting drunk or in school learning about crap that I won't need for the rest of my life I'm just sitting in my room, venting. A room that isn't even mine, I might live there but that isn't my room, that isn't the place I grew up. It isn't home. But I fucked that up too. I had so much going for me and yet I can't just get out of this rut, I can't just get up and go.

I remember when I was around seven, I brought home this tiny kitten. I'd found it near my house and it couldn't move, it was in pain. I remember bringing it to my mom and she helped me nurse it and took it to the vet. It was too unwell to live and I remember crying for about three days straight. I'd only known that kitten for a day and a half and I felt such a deep connection with this little tiny animal. It was helpless and it was in pain. It needed someone to help it and when someone finally came along, it was too late.

Now I know what that feels like. I'm scared that will happen to me.

I'm scared that when someone does finally wake me out of this trance and bring me back to my senses that I'll be too far gone and I'll not even remember who I was before. I liked who I was before. I was a little naïve and elusive sometimes but I always knew what I was doing and what I was talking about and I was able to explain why I was doing something or why I thought something was right or wrong, right now I don't.

I know what I was doing is wrong, I was being promiscuous and eccentric. I know this. I know it's not 'me'. I know that in the end someone will get hurt and I just don't want it to be me. I'm sick and tired of being hurt and being the victim. That's why I became independent and didn't want to rely on a guy but maybe that's what I need. Maybe I can't do this by myself. Can anyone?

That's the normal little rant I have... with myself. Because everyone has heard what I've had to say numerous times and has given up trying to help me. I would too if I were them. The part about the kitten is new though, because it's normally about something else I'm insecure or paranoid about.

I need out of this place. I need to leave. School ends in three weeks. I'm out of here.

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