Spencer's P.O.V

I have been sitting in my room for hours now. I know mom and dad are getting worried, honestly I don't think they've stopped worrying about me since the..accident.

I try to stop thinking about Carmen, really I do but sometimes I can't help but letting her back into my thoughts. She was the first and still only person I have ever fallen for.

I never meant to hurt Aiden or anyone else, they keep telling me it's not my fault but I know it is. It's all because of me she died.

Carmen was one of Aiden's best friends, soon after Aiden and I started dating Carmen and I became really close. She was my best friend before becoming my 'girlfriend'. I guess that's not the right word, we never made it official I never had the chance to break it off with Aiden before that awful day.

I felt that horrible feeling in my chest again and the tears are about to flow out again. I bite my lip and I squeeze my eyes shut to help keep them in.

"Spencer?" My mom asks knocking on the door. I don't answer her afraid that if I do I won't be able to hold my tears in any longer. "Are you okay honey?" She continues and that's when I can't hold it in anymore.

"No." I answer before crying uncontrollably. Mom immediately opens the door and rushes over to my side. She puts my head on her lap and tells me over and over that it's going to be okay.

I try to stop weeping but I can't, thinking about Carmen hurts to much. I go back to the first time we met, to the first time we went out together to..our first kiss.

It was an afternoon an hour or two after school. Carmen was looking at my CD's while I was making my English homework. I looked up from my bed to the other side of the room where Carmen was still going through my CD's. "Shouldn't you work on our English assignment?" I asked throwing a pen at her (successfully hitting her on the back of her head.)

She rubbed her head where I had hit her and picked up the pen. She smiled and came over to sit next to me on the bed. She put the pen with the others in my pen case before answering.

"No, I'm going to copy it from you when you're done." She said smiling smugly.

I gave her an annoyed look. "No you're not." Then I turned back to the assignment.

"Yes I will and you're going to let me because you love me." She said before getting back up.

I felt my cheeks turning red. 'Crap Spence not now.' I looked down so she wouldn't see my flushed cheeks.

I had been crushing on Carmen for about two months now. At first I tried to ignore those feelings for the apparent reason that we're both girls. It's needless to say homosexuality is frowned upon where we live.

I've spent countless of nights crying because I didn't want this and if I have to be honest I still don't want this. There are those moments when I still wish I could just fall in love with boys, with Aiden my boyfriend but then there's Carmen telling me that it's okay and that I'll be fine.

Yes she knows except the part where I have feelings for her. She's been cool and accepting from the start. I look over at her sitting in my desk chair.

"God Spencer your taste in music sucks." She tells me looking at my Jennifer Lopez CD.

I give her an offended look. "No it doesn't! Why don't you tell me then what good music is huh?"

She smiled and lays down next to me on the bed. "Well you have Skillet..." I don't even let her finish. "Oh shut up come on seriously? I ask her incredulously.

She laughs and I stare into her beautiful gray eyes. I didn't even notice she was saying something.

"Spencer?" I hear her ask me.

"Yeah?" I answer embarrassed at being caught. She doesn't answer ans just looks at me before leaning towards me.

Is she going to kiss me? Is this real?I'm dreaming right? Then suddenly I feel Carmen's lips on my own.

She's actually kissing me! After the initial shock I kiss her back and I can feel her smiling. Then she quickly pulls away. "Did I do something wrong?" I ask going into full panic mode.

She smiled and shakes her head. "Air." She tells me still smiling. Then she looks at me and takes my hands into her own. "I'm in love with you Spencer, I've been for a while now." She tells me nervously biting her lip.

I take her head into my hands and kiss her another time.

The painful sobs had stopped now and mom was looking at me with that sympathetic look. I hate it when she does that. I turn my head to the other side.

"I know you're still in pain Spencer and it's going to take a long time before you'll feel better but just know I'm here for you just like your dad and brother and you know the Dennison's don't blame you." She said looking into my eyes.

Except Aiden mom.

I nod my head and she gets up. "Dinner's ready, are you coming?" She asks me hopefully.

I shake my head. "I'll eat later." I tell her knowing I won't. She sighs and nods before closing the door behind her.

I practically jump in my bed and close my eyes. It's early but I'm exhausted, before I can actually fall asleep Glen almost kicks my door in. "Spence, Aiden and I are taking Kyla and Ashley out wanna come?" He asks.

Is he asking this? Me and Aiden together. He notices my look. "You don't even have to talk to him, you can just you know hang with Ashley."

Ashley...We haven't spent much time together but everytime I'm with her she..makes me feel better, she makes me smile and laugh and takes my mind off of thing. Subconsciously I start smiling. Glen takes notice of this. "Is that a yes?" He asks hopefully.

Glen is a great brother he's been trying to cheer me up for the longest time now, It almost saddens me to turn him down. "It doesn't seem like a good idea Glen." He nods once before leaving. He tried to mask the disappointed look but I still see it.

I close my eyes and sleep.

It isn't until hours later that I wake up see I have a text message. It's from Ashley. My face breaks out in a grin. What is it about her that makes me feel better?

She's asking why I didn't come. I type a quick reply and before I know it we planned something for tomorrow.

The next morning I wake up around noon. "Shit!" I'm supposed to see Ashley in 20 minutes. I get dresses as quickly as possible and run out the door after saying goodbye to my parents.

Thankfully I get there on time, right when she's coming out of the door. She smiles as soon as she sees me and comes over to me. "Hi." I greet her, she looks so pretty today. Even if she's dressed casual she look so beautiful. She comes up to me and gives me a hug which I gladly return. "So where do you want to go?" She ask smiling.

Her smile is so beautiful. I blink twice after thinking that. Fuck Spencer don't you dare crushing on her.

"It's lunch time we can go grab a bite and then we'll see." I tell her. I bring her to a Java Joe's and we order food and drinks.

We start talking about music and tv-shows. I'm grateful she's not asking anything about what went down the other day at the Dennison's. I'm not ready to share that story.

"Are you dating anyone in LA?" I ask her interested. She looks uncomfortable and I immediately regret asking her.

"No, I'm not. Just enjoying life." She answers smiling at the waiter who brings our food. "I remember you saying you didn't really like it here, are you planning to move later?" She ask changing the subject.

I genuinely think about it. I'd love to move and just leave all this mess behind but...there's my family.

"I'm not sure I want to live in a bigger city you know but I don't know if I'd be able to leave my family behind." I answer her honest.

She nods. "Yeah, I understand I don't know if I'd be able to just leave my mom and Kyla." She says taking a bite of her sandwich.

I notice a necklace she's wearing in the shape of a heart it seems. I reach for it and when my hand reaches her neck she holds her breath in. Crap I shouldn't have done that.

I look at the necklace in my hand (which is still hanging around her neck by the way.) and now I see it's a half heart I immediately wonder who owns the other half, she said she wasn't dating anyone.

As if she could sense what was on my mind she quickly responds. "Kyla has the other half, we bought last year when we went to Las Vegas for a weekend.

I feel relieved even though I don't know why. I smile at the bond she has with her sister. "You really love her." I say taking a drink from my glass of water. She smiled and nods.

"Kyla can be a pain in the ass sometimes but she's my sister and I love her." She says giving me a proud smile.

"You're so beautiful." I tell her without thinking. Shit Spencer! What's up with you today, you're screwing everything up. I see her cheeks faintly blushing and I just want to hit myself with a brick until I hear her voice. "You're beautiful too, very beautiful."

I'm about to reply when the song that's on the radio suddenly reaches my ears.

And that last kiss I'll cherish until we meet again and time makes it harder

The smile I had on face vanishes immediately and those thoughts about my last moments with Carmen, that last kiss before our final goodbye come back. 3Are you okay?" Ashley asks worried.

I don't even take the time to answer and get up and make my way to the exit feeling my tears and that painful contraction in my chest again.

Once I'm outside I lean against the wall trying to stop the tears. " Spencer what's going on?" She asks from behind me. I just keep on crying.

"Spencer please talk to me." She begs me turning me around. Through my tears all I can see is brown hear and without thinking I just lean in and kiss her.

I stop as soon as my lips touched hers. I wipe my tears away and I see her staring with a surprised expression at me, not disgusted just surprised.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." I tell her before turning around and running towards home. "Spencer, wait!" I can hear her say trying to catch up.

I run faster and I hear her stopping to catch her breath. "Please wait,Spencer!" I keep on running until I can't hear her anymore.

A.N.: There it is and I hope you enjoyed it, please let me know what you think and review. A big thank you to the anonymous reviewers who I can't thank via pm.

What happened to Carmen will be revealed in the next chapter or the one after that. Next chapters will be in Ashley's POV again, if you guys ask for it I will consider doing another Spencer POV in the future.